Category Archives: impediments

Proactive

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

March 3, 2026- There was a time when I procrastinated, and sloppily put things together at the last minute. I was in eighth grade. and found myself getting further behind, even failing in the “New Math”, which was en vogue at the time. I got myself together, just a bit, and managed to raise my grades to acceptable levels. Grade 9 saw a repeat of the process, with me telling self that four of my six teachers were incompetent. They were, but I didn’t help matters any. Things got better for the last three years of high school. I did well, even in the one class that had an incompetent instructor. The first year of college, or should I say first semester, was a wash. I had not integrated the work habits that a successful run demands.

In the military, I found that the only way to survive in anything is to carefully plan things out. That snapped the losing streak and taught me proactivity. As time has gone on, being proactive has made all the difference between sink and swim. Everything from arranging travel to carefully meeting the needs of my grandchild has to be planned out and have my full attention. This all sounds quite run-of-the-mill, but the fact is that many people talk about and idealize achieving success. Unless the concept of proactivity is integrated, however, old bad habits die hard, and will resurface.

There are three things on my calendar for this week. The first was to take Aram to the airport, for a business trip. That had to be carefully planned out, so that all aspects of the drive, and who does what around the house, in his absence, were understood and integrated into daily schedules. Next is getting my tax return done. Although that is set for tomorrow evening, all the documents were photocopied in advance and the list gone over again, to make sure nothing is left out. The third thing is voting. I went over and cast my vote in one of the primaries, this afternoon. Being a recent registrant, I found that my name had not made it to the rolls, and that therefore, I have to have my provisional ballot “cured”, at the County Elections Office. That, too, could be done tomorrow-or Thursday.

I used to not be present for a lot of what went on in my life. I like it much better, being proactive and attentive.

Head Held High

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Education, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Striving

March 1, 2026- Hana has developed enough upper body strength to hold her head up, while prone, for several minutes. It will not be long before she can also scoot herself forward, without help. Crawling will come after that. She is able to track the movement of her caregiver and will respond to her name, often by raising her little hand. On top of that, she has started singing little cooed tunes that are in her head.

The biggest contribution I want to make to her life is to ensure that she holds her head high, regardless of circumstances. I am already telling her this, knowing that it will take some time for much of what I say, to register. Still, a lot of what is said to pre-lingual children can register and be used by them later in life. She certainly seems to be storing a lot of information already.

It is my belief that much of the trauma that children experience can be mitigated by a solid first six months following birth. During the newborn phase, many physical and communication skills are initiated. How confident a child becomes, depends on the balance between being comforted in actual times of distress and over-protection, when the child can calm self if given a few minutes to think and reflect, knowing that a loving presence is near, should it all be too much to process.

Hana is getting there, because one or more of us are paying close enough attention to know when she has hit a major bump in the road or just needs a bit of breathing room.

Tommy

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Personal Values, Social

February 27,2026- When I was about eight, a group of neighbourhood kids let it be known that there would be a “show” in one of the back yards. The host, who was a cut-up, did a show and tell of wilted flowers, which he stuck under each of our noses, and asked who could smell anything. Then there was Swami the Fortuneteller, a skinny guy about a year older than me, who sported a bed sheet wound around his head like a turban. He made silly predictions, none of which I recall, but the afternoon passed with many of us laughing and having a good time.

Years went by, and I came to know the “Fortuneteller”, his family and their twin German shepherds, Lad and Lady. His mother made the best spaghetti, meatballs and Italian sausage this side of East Boston, from which the family moved to Saugus in 1955. It took a lot to surpass my own mother’s cooking, but Tommy’s mother took Italian cuisine to a whole other level.

Tom went into the Army, not too long after graduating high school, and ended up in an artillery unit, in Viet Nam. I recall making a tape of his extended family, with about eight people contributing their 2 cents. It meant a lot to him to get that tape. When he came back, he had bonded with people of colour and inveighed against what he saw as prejudice. There was no colour in the jungle, except blood red. I was glad to hear that from him.

He went on to get an Associate’s Degree from North Shore Community College, as did several of us in the neighbourhood, myself included. Tom then chose the path of work for the United States Postal Service, following the path set by his maternal uncle. He thrived there and was able to retire after about twenty years or so. He and his then-wife raised three daughters, and he was able to take care of his mother, in her declining years. Tom never let go of his family bonds, and became a beloved grandfather to his three “babies”.

As our lives progressed, we saw one another less and less. I attended his wedding in 1974, before I moved away. When I went back to Saugus, usually once a year, I stopped by his house and we would occasionally go up to Polcari’s or some other pizza place for lunch. He and Beverly were at the reception my parents had for Penny and me, as were several of the guys and their wives. Tom and the gang were also at my father’s wake. After that, a stop at the house on Forest Avenue was a necessary part of any Saugus visit.

Tom passed away last Sunday. He was 77.

Thomas Frank Belmonte never shied away from a challenge and was always ready for a good time. The ability to know the difference between the two was a gift he shared with us. He was also one of the most loyal friends I’ve ever had. Tommy, even from all this distance, I’m gonna miss ya.

Cautions

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

February 25, 2026- As I brought Hana downstairs, after her bath this evening, I stopped on the last step before the living room floor. She looked at me and babbled a loud caution-perhaps wondering if I was about to stumble. Little ones have more intuition than we might imagine. No worries, though; I just stepped carefully and all was well.

Earlier today, I brought my Sportage up to the dealer for several items of maintenance. A recall that had been put off for several months was also addressed. It turns out that the ignition switch was plastic-as in “gone in 30 seconds” plastic. It was replaced by a metal switch-which is much harder to pop out.

I spent my wait time during the service call enjoyably, by walking to and from downtown McKinney-a 2.2 mile walk, each way. Reasonable caution is needed, as not all of the route features paved sidewalks. There are, however, nice grassy paths in the unpaved areas, and one just needs to find ways around a couple of construction sites. Once past that, Texas is very good about making sure there are metered crosswalks, at every major intersection. There is a three or four block commercial district, on the other side of US 75, then one gets to walk through a mile-long residential district, a peaceful place of stately homes.

We then come to McKinney’s historic downtown (There are few downtowns that are not regarded as historic, but I digress.) This area is a pedestrian’s delight, with a goodly number of shops and restaurants. For lunch, I chose a breakfast and lunch place called Spoons. A hot, if mild, cup of chicken tortilla soup went well with a meatloaf sandwich. Christina and her team take good care of everyone. I went on to Neighbor Books, ordering a couple of child development volumes by Michael Gurian and Sean Kullman and finally picking up a copy of “Nobody’s Girl”, by Virginia Giuffre. Caution, for a grandparent, especially for the grandfather of a girl, means being completely informed.

No child, no human being, should be viewed as the means to an end.

A Better Fit

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving

February 23, 2026– While I was going through my twelve exercises, on the machines at Planet Fitness, this evening, a young woman nearby was benching 225 pounds. I passed by, on my way to the massage lounge, while she was resting, and offered a glance of encouragement. She certainly was performing a feat that I am unlikely to even remotely approach. She is doing something right for herself, and those in her circle who are encouraging such achievements deserve kudos as well.

This is the sort of elevative wraparound I want to build for Hana. The “Mighty Girl”ethos, not taking away from a similar network for boys, but making personal empowerment a universal child rearing model. This is not a zero-sum game, and those who insist it is are themselves only coming from a position of weakness-regardless of their personal trappings of wealth and power.

I have read a fair amount, recently, about the debilitative effects of patriarchy. It is not only the rich and powerful who operate under this system, as any young woman in a tradition-laden society, who has to marry the man who her father has arranged for her, finds, often to her sorrow. There are more subtle ways the patriarchy knocks the props out from under a woman or girl-linguistically, vocationally, or in terms of expectations. Perhaps the most insidious is the use of women who are either defeated or are somehow in league with those men who are maintaining the patriarchal system. There are several prominent examples of this phenomenon in our present society.

Hana will face many more choices, as she gets older. My main focus will be on helping her sift out the limiting agents of the patriarchy (including those who come on as glamourous or empowering, but are really old vinegar in new bottles). Her parents and I will be her sounding boards, and biggest cheer squad-and God help the person or persons who try to derail her.

No Infantilization

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual

February 21, 2026- Hana was squalling about a break in the feeding action, until I came downstairs and reminded her, in a calm voice, that being burped was part of the feeding process. She stopped squalling, let herself be burped and went back to feeding.

I know all the warnings given to grandparents about not spoiling their little darlings. As loving as I am to her, though, I will never jive the little girl. Those cautions and that guidance which her parents have in place have my backing as well. I want her to succeed and to enjoy the best that life has to offer. Those things don’t come to someone who throws a fit, and that realization comes with the first sets of delays and procedures that an infant experiences.

I will not infantilize my granddaughter. Her feelings, and her language, when it comes, will be honoured with respect. I will hold her and comfort her as often as she needs; I will not, however, enable her intemperance. Calmly, but firmly, we are checking all reasons for any distress she is exhibiting, and she is most appreciative once the hunger, the gas pains or soiled diaper have been addressed. She already knows, after only two months, that she is being taken seriously by all three of her adults.

I learned a lot from the parents at Dharma Farm, in Paulden, AZ, about not babying infants. That does not mean skimping on nurturing. It means teaching patience, consideration and gentleness, from the time a child can recognize faces and voices. It will also mean being considerate of others, from the time Hana can walk and speak.

I look at the larger situation around our country today and see that there are far too many, even in positions of power, who have been infantilized and pampered, and who have learned to fulminate at critics; manipulating people and situations to their advantage, Whether this has come from a lack of spirituality or from overemphasis on the material side of life, it has laid low any society where people have become numbed to the machinations of the overindulged few.

While I shudder at some of the behaviour of people both in positions of authority and in positions of civic responsibility, I see where it started, and will do my small part to make sure a little girl coming up in the world doesn’t follow poor examples.

Hana Goes to A Park

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, Community, Family, Hiking and Nature, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

February 15, 2026- The fresh air agreed with my granddaughter, and the stroller is a very smooth ride on Plano’s sidewalks and crosswalks. So, Hana let the pacifier drop from her mouth, after about three minutes, and enjoyed the Springlike afternoon-variously looking at the trees and at her parents, as they took turns pushing the stroller.

We went to Hoblitzelle Park, as it is just down the street from the cul de sac. It was her first time outside, other than the medical appointments that don’t really count, as she goes from house to car to office in a car seat. She was very happy, even though she never left the stroller. One step at a time; there will be opportunities to explore the neighbourhood that is her wider world, as she keeps growing over the next year. It was enough that she passed by other little ones in their strollers, getting a slight awareness of her peers. It was also good that the family of three had their photos taken at a bench, in the south playground of “the Hob”. It won’t be all that long before our growing girl is in a basket swing, followed in a few years by the whole range of swings, slides and bars.

She’s nine weeks old now, and sleeps longer through the night, not so much interested in feeding as frequently between Midnight and 5 a.m. That gives her hard-working parents a bit of a break, and I don’t feel as bad about getting my sleep, in preparation for the next day’s activities, which start at 5.She also loves “Stand Up and Sit Down”, as I’ve mentioned, being very proud of standing up straight, with Grandpa’s hands under her arms for support. She certainly coos her appreciation, while looking at me adoringly. All these things add up to a happy, well-adjusted little girl.

Support your adult children. The gratitude will filter down to the grandbabies.

The Stage and the Platform

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

February 14, 2026- My kids planned their Valentine’s Day together. Son bought a nice assortment of cut flowers, the only element of surprise, on a day when daughter-in-law took the initiative in scoping out restaurants where they might go. Of course, there was a wait, but the evening worked out nicely. Hana and I had an evening of “stand up, sit down” (one of her favourite developmental games), my reading a chapter of “My Father’s Dragon”, and the snuggling and bottle feeding that are essential in a newborn’s life.

Earlier today, I took part in a brief online discussion about romantic holidays as performance art, as opposed to their being reflective of a deeper, more stable and integrated relationship. My kids passed the acid test. They have made each other’s big days, and their joint big days, focuses of mutual attention and planning, since they became committed to one another. Their platform is solid and supports the stage of important engagements.

I pondered the difference between the above, and the relationships in which one or both parties lurch from one helter-skelter “special day” to another. There are many who “forget” their significant others’ birthdays, or even wedding anniversaries. They are diffident about their partners’ dreams and significant events, or about her/his independent activities altogether. It is not surprising then, when the platform made of particle board collapses under the weight of dreams and expectations made of steel and titanium.

A lot of this is a matter of individual maturity and the developmental level of intuition, of both partners. It is also true that clarity, mingled with commitment, is the best foundation for any relationship. The platform of steel will support the heaviest of stages.

Freyja and Thirteen

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Entertainment, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

February 13, 2026- Friday is named for Freyja, the Norse goddess of just about everything earthy. She is given the portfolios of love and war, among other matters, thus making her job pretty much impossible. It is said by some that she was a child born of siblings, which would seem to make just about any task impossible for her to perform, though what do I know about supernatural genetics? She had a husband who was always off doing his own thing, leaving her to raise two daughters alone. We thus honour her by naming many people’s favourite day of the week in her honour.

Friday is, for people in business, a day to wrap things up for the week and to set sights on the following Monday. For teachers and office workers, it’s an afternoon and evening of unwinding. For many in tight-knit neighbourhoods, it’s another day to gather at the corner bar. For me, it was a night to catch live music at the Raven or Rafter 11, when I lived in Prescott and for going to a coffee shop for the same, when Penny and I were in Flagstaff or Phoenix.

Nowadays, Friday is another day of being with my granddaughter and all the snuggling, playing a little game of “Stand-Up, Sit Down” (for which she loves being praised for standing up, straightening her legs, with my support and then sitting back down) and helping with her personal care and feeding. There are no special things that distinguish one day from another, save that her father is off work on Saturday and Sunday. This is new for me, and likely is only a temporary state of affairs. (The world will inject itself into our lives again, soon enough.)

Friday the 13th, depending on one’s point of view, is either a day to revel in the joys provided by feminine energy or a day to stay home and hide under the covers. I can’t stand to stay in bed after 6 or 7, and my time with Hana begins at 5, so the second option has about as much appeal as a root canal. I’ve always loved women and girls, so the first choice has been easy to go with. To date, I have not had any bad experiences on Friday the Thirteenth. If anything, it’s been a fairly good day, over the years.

Freyja, wherever she is, must be smiling on our little Hana.

Our Better Nature

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Historical, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual

February 12, 2026- Abraham Lincoln closed his first Inaugural Address with:
“I am loath to close. We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.”

He struck a conciliatory tone to the slaveholders of the Southern and Border states, in a last ditch effort to avoid the outbreak of hostilities. Some became emboldened, and it didn’t work. We are warned, in Scripture, not to encourage those who lie, steal or engage in selfish behaviour. Lincoln thought he could convince those he regarded as “friends and neighbours” to retreat from their threats of secession. He would have done best to have heeded Christ:

“Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.” – Matthew 7:6

“Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them.” – Titus 3:10

When I was a teenager, I was warned by elders who have since passed, but who I respect to this day, to not give in to bullies. I stood my ground a few times, enough so that the kids backed off and some eventually became friends. Had I not stood up for myself, it was clear that they would have become emboldened.

It is also clear that, in the days when confrontation, and going after “the low-hanging fruit” are practices being substituted for reasoned policy-making and public discourse, the angels of our better nature require standing ground by sticking to facts, orienting self and avoiding the temptation to fall back on self-propelled fantasy. They require listening, certainly, and they require discernment, in evaluating what one has heard.