Category Archives: impediments

The Road to Diamond, Day 175: Connecting, Havening, but No Othering

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

May 22, 2025- The road to resiliency is whatever length one makes it. Such was the first message at this afternoon’s COPE (Connection/Compassion,Optimism, Perspective, Emotional Intelligence) seminar, at Granite Mountain Unitarian/Universalist Church.

Connection and compassion are illustrated by acts of support, structural language (terms of endearment and understanding) and meaningful/joyful experiences. Public gatherings can be the forefront of the latter, but it is small, intimate encounters that make up the bulk of these. Consistency in supportive language is crucial-from affirmations of affection to words of gratitude. The facilitators, a married couple, offered their ingrained habit of thanking one another continuously-avoiding any tendency to take one another for granted. Finally, “me” is consistently replaced by “we”.

Optimism is signaled by confidence that comes from having met past challenges and a sense that we are building upon those successes. These can be small or great achievements. Self-regulation (breathing, healthy diet, regular exercise, proper rest) is a basic indicator of optimism. So are the practices of incorporating uplifting experiences,a positive forward outlook and a basic trust in a Higher Power. Havening is the process of self-soothing. Besides deep breathing, placing one’s right hand over the heart and left hand on the solar plexus is an example of havening, Another example is slowly passing one hand over the other.

Unity of internal and external perspectives is beneficial. The understanding that everything is temporary, whether positive or negative, encourages savouring the moment, an ethic of carpe diem, accepting that a painful day is no more permanent than a pleasurable one. One may choose to view a challenge as a portal, or see it as a hole. A broad perspective will let one view everything as sacred-whether it be a blessing or a hard lesson.

Emotional intelligence is marked by recognizing, naming and managing own emotions and recognizing those of others. Using emotional intelligence to address three basic human needs (Safety, satisfaction and connection) entails recognition that there is, in reality, no “others” but that we are all extensions of one another, in that regard. The “other side”, of conventional political and social mythology, has the same basic needs as those with whom one more comfortably associates. The key to social cohesion, then, starts with assisting one another, in getting those needs met.

The “rugged individualism” of the libertarian or conservative can meet the needs of some, while the “social contract” of the progressive or liberal can address the needs of a wider segment of society. The key to both lies in avoiding dogmatic adherence to one set of principles or methods of achievement.

In a time of uncertainty and challenge, resiliency is what will guarantee that our communities, and their members, survive and thrive anew.

The Road to Diamond, Day 174: Heaviness

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving

May 21, 2025- One by one, the four people with whom I met on a Zoom call, this afternoon, described the heaviness of their situations. Much had to do with the circumstances of their domiciles. Some concerned the presence of unruly or insensitive people in their lives.

I have had my share of heaviness, in the past. The 2000s and the first year or so, of the 2010s, were full of lead balloons. It prepared me to be here for other people’s heaviness, just as those who suffered in the Twentieth Century were able to help me get through the intensity and loss of my own time of travail.

The message I was able to offer, after hearing my friends describe their traumas, was one of hope. Much has gone on in this life, and still more is coming to pass, as this seminal year progresses. After I described the past two months since I last met with these friends, and mused about what the rest of 2025 might bring, the friends’ spirits were lifted, and they began to make plans of their own.

Therein lies the main value in sharing positive experiences. Those listening are given to inspiration, so long as there is no hook to their misery. The people on this call are not inclined to enjoy suffering. Neither are the Red Cross colleagues with whom I met earlier in the day, nor my fellow members of the Spiritual Assembly of the Baha’is of Prescott, who I joined for an online meeting tonight. Certainly, my beloved friend whose birthday was today is no wet blanket, either.

As it happened, today also saw a new set of window blinds installed, to take the place of those that gave me fits last night and Sportage got a wash, a thorough vacuuming and full maintenance, after seeing me safely to the East Coast and back.

Even momentary darkness is followed by light.

The Road to Diamond, Day 173: Home Lands

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

May 20, 2025- Coming down the mountain from Strawberry Junction to Camp Verde, my main concern was putting my energy into the safety of the large load of logs being hauled in front of me, and staying in the slow line, regardless of my wanting to get back to Prescott. The truck was fine, even when an antsy driver behind us pulled his pick-up and drove around the line, crossing double yellow lines, when he spotted a minute or two. There is one in every crowd.

I arrived back at Home Base I around 3 p.m., picked up my mail and sorted out the junk from magazines and legitimate bills that still come through snail mail. The VA stuff is always among the latter. I also had to deal with a broken blind mount, for which duct-taping the blinds to the side window will allow privacy for a day or so, until I can get a new set of mounts. (I rarely have opened said blinds, in eleven years, so it must have been one of the workmen who are installing my apartment’s AC unit, who messed with the blinds.)

Home Base I is only one of my Home Lands, as readers have no doubt figured out, over the years. It is where those who believe in me the most happen to be, and I would say that this confidence in my skill sets comes from my having engaged in community activities here. My little family and others would feel the same, if I were to spend more time with them. For now, though, I am grateful for what time I do have in Home Bases II (Grapevine), III (North Shore), IV (Southeast Pennsylvania) and V( Makati). I know some of you will say “What about our area?” I appreciate all the love I get from friends, wherever I go.

What makes a place home, though, is not the mutual love and support that I get, as well as give. It is a deeper feeling, that is often hard to put into words. There is likely to be a time, in the not-too-distant future, when the Home Bases will get shifted around a bit. One scenario has me living closer to my son and daughter-in-law. Another has me in Metro Manila, or a place fairly close to it. Those situations will work themselves out, with Divine Energy in play, much as so many issues and problems have gotten resolved, especially since 2014.

For now, though, I need to give my trusty steed a wash, interior cleaning and routine maintenance, before week’s end. Tomorrow is my dearest’s birthday. I am glad to have been able to get gift and proper greetings sent. The Baha’i Spiritual Assembly and Red Cross need some time tomorrow, as well. So, too, does Bellemont, on Saturday, for a fire wise clean-up. There will be time to relax and ruminate on Sunday and Monday, being Memorial Day weekend.

The Road to Diamond, Day 172: Grapevine to Gallup

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

May 19, 2025, Gallup, NM- There was no stop at Amarillo’s Fun Zone today. I rolled through The Yellow Rose during mid-afternoon, the shoulder time between lunch and dinner, so onward to New Mexico it was.

I set out from Home Base II around 7:45, with both of the kids off to work. My task for the day was simple-get as close to Arizona as possible, without running poor Sportage ragged. As it is, we will make time for maintenance on Wednesday or Thursday, and a software update is there to remind me of this, every time I start the vehicle. The Honour System worked up to now, but AI needs something to do, so here we are.

There were warnings of high winds along my route, posted before I left Grapevine. The winds were indeed high, from Wichita Falls clear to Gallup, primarily having the effect of triggering the AI “three beeps”, every time I went one mile over the Cruise Control speed I had set, as well as lowering the gas mileage. Yes, we were all driving into the headwinds. I saw only a few accidents, though, and was party to none.

In the small settlement of Milagro, NM, there is a gas station operated by a couple, who I befriended years ago, when they were first getting started. They have hired a few locals to help out, as the husband also has a towing business. One of these, whose wife is of the New Zealand diaspora-those who left that country after the former government’s policies with regard to COVID19 proved too harsh for their liking, is also a former resident of Prescott. He had much to say about both Jacinda Ardern and the current leadership of our city. As I could barely keep the gas tank latch or my door open, for the wind, I bid him all the best in Milagro, and went about my business.

I had little trouble getting through Albuquerque, only needing to join the crawl on the west side, after a two car accident near Coors Boulevard. Two hours later, I got to Colonial Motel, the wind dying down a bit, enough for two couples to gather in the parking lot for a bit of socializing before dark and for some spirited kids to play tag at the opposite end of the lot. This is the edge of Home Country-so tomorrow, Sportage and I will head on back, get our bearings and be ready for three months of tending to what is right in front of us.

It’ll be a good thing, to catch my breath.

The Road to Diamond, Day 162: The Incessant Rain

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, impediments, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

May 9, 2025, Southboro, MA- It rained all day, from Williamsport, PA to here, in a suburb of New England’s second largest city, Worcester.

The small group of teens sent two of their number to greet me, as I was fixing my coffee, in the gas station convenience store. After exchanging pleasantries, the girls went back to their group and said something on the order of, “He’s safe”. This was Newtown, where, in December of 2014, 26 people died at the hands of a lone gunman-in the school where the people gathered in the store today would have been either pre-schoolers or kindergartners. It makes sense for them to, at some level, be checking strangers for signs of either compassion or hostility. The incessant rain of fear falls even now.

A couple of workmen, still in their work uniforms, came into the laundromat where I was washing and drying my clothes, this evening. They spoke little English, but it didn’t matter to me. We were all just humans, tending to what we have been given. We were all okay with each other’s presence. It will ever be so, with me anyway. Yet, 3.5 hours away, at Delaney Hall, NJ, the sitting mayor of Newark was arrested, for having been inside a Federal detention center and protesting the random detention of people suspected of being in this country illegally. The incessant rain of distrust falls, all around us, as the rule of law is questioned.

There is no relief from the physical rain, while it does its work of cleansing and replenishing our water supply. It can bother some, while comforting others, but it will continue until it’s done with its work. There can be relief, from the rains of fear and distrust, if one takes the time to get to know those who might initially strike that fear or distrust. The caveats are that we always need to be aware of our surroundings-and take responsibility for our own safety and well-being.

The kids mentioned above might have been sizing me up to be mugged-except that they weren’t. Ditto with the two young men who had just knocked off work. Four people, in the past ten years, have had ill intentions towards me. Each one, initially, came across as friendly. The difference was that they quickly dropped their guises and variously had their hands out for money or, in one case, decided that physical assault was in order. I caught on in time, and saved life, limb and resources. Intuition and discernment are better than blanket suspicion and fear.

As I lay me down to sleep, it’s still raining outside and might still be, tomorrow. It will not be raining fear and suspicion in my heart.

The Road to Diamond, Day 157: Phalanxes

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Posted by on in animal and plant life, Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

May 4, 2025, Socorro, NM- All along my drive through the Gila Mountains of eastern Arizona and western New Mexico- and into the grassy foothills, they stood, alternately grazing and watching me, from the safety of the road’s edge. They were veritable phalanxes of elk, probably four dozen in all, from just outside Alpine, AZ to just south of Datil, NM.

The last pair, between Datil and Magdalena, were an adult cow and a juvenile bull, the latter of which tentatively decided to challenge Sportage for the road. As I turned the car to the left and gave him space, he decided that two tons of metal and fiberglass was more formidable, and moved backwards, sparing us both the grief of a collision.

There were near phalanxes of rabbits, also. Most of them scattered at the approach of the SUV. Only one ran under the car, and sadly met death. Rabbits being fodder for coyotes, I was pleasantly surprised to not see the canines out and about. Deer were also nowhere to be seen, though they tend to not compete with elk for forage.

This all took place after the second day of our Baha’i conference in Phoenix. We have discussed the matter of forming strong communities. The idea of a separate group of people setting the tone for the wider community only works to a limited extent. The community as a whole must be, and feel, included in decision-making-whether it be a matter of spiritual growth or material well-being. Further, there can be no separation, no us and them, in the process of community growth. The phalanx must be one.

It was thus a very full day, and I am most happy, relieved, at being in this comfortable room at Economy Inn. Socorro has had its struggles, but it is a nice town. I will rest well tonight.

The Road to Diamond, Day 156: Heroes, Super and Otherwise

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Entertainment, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving

May 3, 2025, Phoenix- The comforter on the bed I am borrowing for the evening is Superhero-themed. I am now safe from anything that could threaten the well-being of a six-year-old boy. Since he’s away, this seventy-four-year-old, overgrown kid can expect the same. Monsters and villains, be gone!

Heroes, in real life, come in many shapes, sizes and guises. The people who seem to stand in our way, and keep us from what what we think we might want, will sometimes turn out to be our best friends-and unlikely heroes in our lives. Remember the tale of Majnoon, searching for his beloved Layli (Layla, of the Eric Clapton song). His path was blocked by one or another watchman, until he vaulted himself over a wall-and found her looking fr a ring she had lost.

Heroes can be full of bravado, or they can be ordinary people (as in the Dave Grohl song). They can be constantly in action, in the limelight or just be around-for one day (as in the David Bowie song). Yes, we have been celebrating our deliverers and saviors from time immemorial. From the Epic of Gilgamesh, to the Iliad and Odyssey, the Tales of Hiawatha, Icelandic sagas and stories of the Samurai, all the way to the Marvel and DC characters, we derive much comfort in the idea that someone has our backs.

It is best, though, that we are our own, and one another’s champions. Acting in the interests of each person in our world-starting with ourselves, but not stopping there, can be challenging. The alternative, though, is to let someone else determine the entirety of our existence. That may seem easier, but recall the fates of those who acquiesced to tyrants, throughout history. Were they happier, in the fullness of time? Were their needs met?

Today, in conference with many of my fellow Baha’is, at the Center where Penny and I spent many happy hours, in the often troubled 2000s, I was reminded that “heroism” is hard work and that it is often not intentional, but the result of just putting oneself out there, on behalf of humanity-and of all creation. It most often involves teamwork, and always involves discernment and fortitude.

After our long day of consultation, my host and I joined several old friends, and many youth, in honouring a hard-working college graduate. It was a joy to see people I haven’t seen in fifteen years and to witness how several of them have grown from childhood and become successful adults, in various fields.

Heroes-some of them “super” come in all forms.

The Road to Diamond, Day 155: Ahead of Self

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

May 2, 2025- The proactive young lady cleaned the empty table and put the glasses on the counter, next to where I was sitting at the bar. I thought nothing of it, until another patron asked “Who took my wine?” I showed him the 1/4 full goblet and water glass, which he gratefully took back and finished imbibing. Nothing further was said, on the floor. I am sure the server/busser was gently admonished by the floor manager, but there was no embarrassment involved.

We all have probably gotten ahead of self, at one time or another. Ambition, pressure to produce-or to perform, the drive to out do the competition or just an overactive work ethic can lead to the cart racing past the horse. We have seen how this has worked, variously to the advantage, or more frequently to the detriment, of large corporations, government agencies or hybrids of the two (like DOGE).

It starts, though, with the individual. How one learns from overkill largely determines the longevity of a career or the implosion of same. One can be a quick study and avoid the pitfalls of hyper-ambition and a false sense of superiority. One can also be a stubborn, arrogant fool, succeeding for a while, but then letting self-concept be the cart that flies past its draft animal, careening in the wrong direction. In the latter instance, the fool can sometimes recover, with the passage of time and a use being found for his/her skills allowing for a second chance-or even a third.

It all depends on how open a person is to learning from mistakes.

The Road to Diamond, Day 150: Hard Lessons

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 27, 2025- It was reported this morning that a Chilean man, involved in the theft of luxury goods, had been arrested in connection with a theft from a government official, last weekend. The thief apparently got more than was bargained, with some of the items taken making it easy for him to be tracked down and captured.

This is frequently the way that such heists end-and games of cat and mouse only favour the perpetrator when his/her caper is “sponsored” by someone else who is in power or in whose favour s(he) stands. There are few thieves and grifters who are favoured by the leadership team now in power. Those who might be hiding behind the leaders are likely to find themselves facing justice, “thrown under the bus”, if you will, and sooner rather than later. The central concern of any elected official, or appointed officer for that matter, is to keep on with the stated mission. That means staying in office, and keeping the power to accomplish said mission.

There has long been a catalog of tales that tie those in power, in almost every country, to that nation’s underworld-and every country has a criminal element. It’s not just the rich and powerful, either, who have a soft spot for rogues. Folk tales celebrate thieves and ruffians. Robin Hood was among the earliest, followed over the centuries by Dick Turpin, and the Slovak, Juro Janosik. There was Claude Duval, the Gentleman Bandit of Normandy, who charmed the ladies even as he robbed their coaches. Americans are of two minds about Butch Cassidy, Jesse James, “Billy the Kid” Bonney, Bonnie and Clyde Barrow, and Al Capone. There are many who style themselves as “The Teflon Don”.

Maybe this is all a matter of us coming to terms with our own lower nature. There is something about sticking it to the rich and powerful that seems to appeal to those who see themselves as struggling. Here’s the deal, though. We invariably get back what we dish out. In the eyes of the Divine, is there really much difference between people who are wealthy and those who are destitute? It seems more a matter of who is deserving of merit and who is deserving of a hard lesson. None of us can make that judgment, as individuals or even as ad hoc groups.

Having been a victim of thieves, who were later caught and punished, my sympathy in this case goes to the government official. I can only hope that, as I have been since that loss, seven years ago, she is more careful about safeguarding that which is hers alone.

The Road to Diamond, Day 149: A Slight Mismatch

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Personal goals, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 26, 2025- Four of us gave a concerted effort, in trying to put a tent inside a bag, at the end of the school district fundraiser. Realizing that the bag was too small, we found the equipment manager, who remembered how easy it was to put a smaller tent into another bag, earlier in the day. Mismatch!! Two of us took the smaller tent out and put the larger tent in the big bag. Then came small tent reunited with small bag.

Many of us go through mismatches in life-usually, as with the tents, a combination of feeling hurried, thinking there is no alternative and thinking “I know I can make this work!” So, jobs don’t get done quite as well as they might; relationships founder and end up either broken or stale; programs are left to grow sclerotic and useless. A handy equipment manager can’t always come to the rescue.

So, it becomes a matter of proactivity. Plan, one must; plan, we must. As I consider what lies ahead, calling on those who are on my team-for Baha’i community activities, for Red Cross events and responses to emergencies; for get-togethers during my time back East, seeking rightness of fit is a big item. It has been a fairly good run, these past several years, with few mismatches. Much of that was from what I learned in marriage-“Consultation is finding out”, was Penny’s mantra. It still serves me well.