Category Archives: impediments

Warrior

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Posted by on in collaborating, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Striving

March 11, 2026- “Nobody’s Girl”, by Virginia Roberts Giuffre is a brutal read; arguably the Auschwitz-Birkenau of books. I am little more than halfway through the late author’s account of her life before, during and after her association with Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell. Her life up until meeting her husband, Robbie, was a classic case of “assumed deserving of deprivation” combined with identification with aggressors. Epstein heard her tale of abuse by a family member and family friend, and incorporated his own misogynist credo into several years of what amounted to sexual slavery.

“Jenna”, as she called herself, was the sort of girl that, even in my own awkward episodes of standing up for abused children and teens, would have been safe in my care. I might have coddled her and called her “beautiful”, to excess., but I would not have cared who came after her. There would have been no harm, and every power figure who tried to deliver her back to her abuser(s) would have been loudly and publicly called out. That happened once or twice in my career, and otherwise good friends had to be put on notice that the child came first.

Jenna ended up being her own warrior. Her husband helped some, but only she knew the depths of what had been done to her, since the age of seven. She had to withstand a torrent of gaslighting, on which those in positions of power and those who are themselves in denial tend to fall back, especially when a long and fairly successful gig is up. Virginia Roberts Giuffre ended up committing suicide, or so we are told. I am not finished reading the book yet, so I will defer judgement as to whether the case is actually as it has been constructed by those in authority.

It just is a bit too much of a cookie cutter ending, to the case of a person who had finally found a fulfilling life in a loving family of her own choosing.


No Fakery

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual

March 10, 2026- The grainy images float across the computer screen, showing clearly spliced images of Donald Trump with Jeffrey Epstein and some of the other principals-victims and perpetrators alike. It is a faked video.

I am no fan of any of the people named in the released documents-be they Republican, Democratic or members of the Galactic Goo Party. In my book, if you hurt another human being, especially for your own satisfaction, the full force of the law should be yours to face. That goes double for those who hurt minor children.

That said, I question whether the released video is even from Iran. The images remind me of the hokey porno films that some of my friends showed, on thankfully rare occasions, back in the late 1960s. I was not impressed then, and I am sickened now. Who, exactly, put this thing out is quite debatable.It is plausible that it was put together in a western Asian locale (I refuse to call the region “The Middle East”. That is an old school, colonialist term.) It could also very well be just another double reverse attempt by the guilty to obfuscate and distract.

Regardless, I hope those who have come this far, in pushing towards justice for the victims of Epstein & Company, are neither distracted or fooled by today’s “video release”. Stick to perusing the documented evidence!

Small Havoc

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

March 7, 2026- A heavy rain fell, and there was a fair amount of thunder and lightning, into the mid-morning hours. A branch of one of our trees is partially severed from the main trunk and is now partially covering our front sidewalk. That gives me something to work on tomorrow, when the weather is expected to be nicer. My goal is to at least clear the sidewalk. Working from the outermost edge towards the thick part of the branch, I should be able to get a fair amount of the debris cleared and hauled back to the alley. The larger part of the branch will take a bit longer to clear. Son won’t be back for another two weeks, so I will carefully get what I can done rather than leaving it all for him.

There was a warning of possible tornadoes last night, but none materialized this far south. Our safe zone is a windowless bathroom on the first floor. Strangely, there is no community shelter, but there are plenty of “tornado shelter companies” willing to sell shelters to individual families. I guess the idea that this is an individual endeavour strikes me as odd. The only times that I have been near a tornado, in Missouri and in Ohio, there was an active effort at getting people together in community shelters. Fortunately, we were spared, this time. My condolences to those people in eastern Oklahoma and southeast Michigan who were not so fortunate.

Every part of the world has its drawbacks, either in terms of natural phenomena or of being in the crosshairs of some conflict. There are always innocent victims, in any event. My job now is making sure that my granddaughter isn’t one of them. Not everyone thinks I have her best interests at heart. I guess they will just have to find out. Suffice it to say that no one will hurt her, as long as I am of sound mind and body.

Proactive

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

March 3, 2026- There was a time when I procrastinated, and sloppily put things together at the last minute. I was in eighth grade. and found myself getting further behind, even failing in the “New Math”, which was en vogue at the time. I got myself together, just a bit, and managed to raise my grades to acceptable levels. Grade 9 saw a repeat of the process, with me telling self that four of my six teachers were incompetent. They were, but I didn’t help matters any. Things got better for the last three years of high school. I did well, even in the one class that had an incompetent instructor. The first year of college, or should I say first semester, was a wash. I had not integrated the work habits that a successful run demands.

In the military, I found that the only way to survive in anything is to carefully plan things out. That snapped the losing streak and taught me proactivity. As time has gone on, being proactive has made all the difference between sink and swim. Everything from arranging travel to carefully meeting the needs of my grandchild has to be planned out and have my full attention. This all sounds quite run-of-the-mill, but the fact is that many people talk about and idealize achieving success. Unless the concept of proactivity is integrated, however, old bad habits die hard, and will resurface.

There are three things on my calendar for this week. The first was to take Aram to the airport, for a business trip. That had to be carefully planned out, so that all aspects of the drive, and who does what around the house, in his absence, were understood and integrated into daily schedules. Next is getting my tax return done. Although that is set for tomorrow evening, all the documents were photocopied in advance and the list gone over again, to make sure nothing is left out. The third thing is voting. I went over and cast my vote in one of the primaries, this afternoon. Being a recent registrant, I found that my name had not made it to the rolls, and that therefore, I have to have my provisional ballot “cured”, at the County Elections Office. That, too, could be done tomorrow-or Thursday.

I used to not be present for a lot of what went on in my life. I like it much better, being proactive and attentive.

Head Held High

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Education, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Striving

March 1, 2026- Hana has developed enough upper body strength to hold her head up, while prone, for several minutes. It will not be long before she can also scoot herself forward, without help. Crawling will come after that. She is able to track the movement of her caregiver and will respond to her name, often by raising her little hand. On top of that, she has started singing little cooed tunes that are in her head.

The biggest contribution I want to make to her life is to ensure that she holds her head high, regardless of circumstances. I am already telling her this, knowing that it will take some time for much of what I say, to register. Still, a lot of what is said to pre-lingual children can register and be used by them later in life. She certainly seems to be storing a lot of information already.

It is my belief that much of the trauma that children experience can be mitigated by a solid first six months following birth. During the newborn phase, many physical and communication skills are initiated. How confident a child becomes, depends on the balance between being comforted in actual times of distress and over-protection, when the child can calm self if given a few minutes to think and reflect, knowing that a loving presence is near, should it all be too much to process.

Hana is getting there, because one or more of us are paying close enough attention to know when she has hit a major bump in the road or just needs a bit of breathing room.

Tommy

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Personal Values, Social

February 27,2026- When I was about eight, a group of neighbourhood kids let it be known that there would be a “show” in one of the back yards. The host, who was a cut-up, did a show and tell of wilted flowers, which he stuck under each of our noses, and asked who could smell anything. Then there was Swami the Fortuneteller, a skinny guy about a year older than me, who sported a bed sheet wound around his head like a turban. He made silly predictions, none of which I recall, but the afternoon passed with many of us laughing and having a good time.

Years went by, and I came to know the “Fortuneteller”, his family and their twin German shepherds, Lad and Lady. His mother made the best spaghetti, meatballs and Italian sausage this side of East Boston, from which the family moved to Saugus in 1955. It took a lot to surpass my own mother’s cooking, but Tommy’s mother took Italian cuisine to a whole other level.

Tom went into the Army, not too long after graduating high school, and ended up in an artillery unit, in Viet Nam. I recall making a tape of his extended family, with about eight people contributing their 2 cents. It meant a lot to him to get that tape. When he came back, he had bonded with people of colour and inveighed against what he saw as prejudice. There was no colour in the jungle, except blood red. I was glad to hear that from him.

He went on to get an Associate’s Degree from North Shore Community College, as did several of us in the neighbourhood, myself included. Tom then chose the path of work for the United States Postal Service, following the path set by his maternal uncle. He thrived there and was able to retire after about twenty years or so. He and his then-wife raised three daughters, and he was able to take care of his mother, in her declining years. Tom never let go of his family bonds, and became a beloved grandfather to his three “babies”.

As our lives progressed, we saw one another less and less. I attended his wedding in 1974, before I moved away. When I went back to Saugus, usually once a year, I stopped by his house and we would occasionally go up to Polcari’s or some other pizza place for lunch. He and Beverly were at the reception my parents had for Penny and me, as were several of the guys and their wives. Tom and the gang were also at my father’s wake. After that, a stop at the house on Forest Avenue was a necessary part of any Saugus visit.

Tom passed away last Sunday. He was 77.

Thomas Frank Belmonte never shied away from a challenge and was always ready for a good time. The ability to know the difference between the two was a gift he shared with us. He was also one of the most loyal friends I’ve ever had. Tommy, even from all this distance, I’m gonna miss ya.

Cautions

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

February 25, 2026- As I brought Hana downstairs, after her bath this evening, I stopped on the last step before the living room floor. She looked at me and babbled a loud caution-perhaps wondering if I was about to stumble. Little ones have more intuition than we might imagine. No worries, though; I just stepped carefully and all was well.

Earlier today, I brought my Sportage up to the dealer for several items of maintenance. A recall that had been put off for several months was also addressed. It turns out that the ignition switch was plastic-as in “gone in 30 seconds” plastic. It was replaced by a metal switch-which is much harder to pop out.

I spent my wait time during the service call enjoyably, by walking to and from downtown McKinney-a 2.2 mile walk, each way. Reasonable caution is needed, as not all of the route features paved sidewalks. There are, however, nice grassy paths in the unpaved areas, and one just needs to find ways around a couple of construction sites. Once past that, Texas is very good about making sure there are metered crosswalks, at every major intersection. There is a three or four block commercial district, on the other side of US 75, then one gets to walk through a mile-long residential district, a peaceful place of stately homes.

We then come to McKinney’s historic downtown (There are few downtowns that are not regarded as historic, but I digress.) This area is a pedestrian’s delight, with a goodly number of shops and restaurants. For lunch, I chose a breakfast and lunch place called Spoons. A hot, if mild, cup of chicken tortilla soup went well with a meatloaf sandwich. Christina and her team take good care of everyone. I went on to Neighbor Books, ordering a couple of child development volumes by Michael Gurian and Sean Kullman and finally picking up a copy of “Nobody’s Girl”, by Virginia Giuffre. Caution, for a grandparent, especially for the grandfather of a girl, means being completely informed.

No child, no human being, should be viewed as the means to an end.

A Better Fit

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving

February 23, 2026– While I was going through my twelve exercises, on the machines at Planet Fitness, this evening, a young woman nearby was benching 225 pounds. I passed by, on my way to the massage lounge, while she was resting, and offered a glance of encouragement. She certainly was performing a feat that I am unlikely to even remotely approach. She is doing something right for herself, and those in her circle who are encouraging such achievements deserve kudos as well.

This is the sort of elevative wraparound I want to build for Hana. The “Mighty Girl”ethos, not taking away from a similar network for boys, but making personal empowerment a universal child rearing model. This is not a zero-sum game, and those who insist it is are themselves only coming from a position of weakness-regardless of their personal trappings of wealth and power.

I have read a fair amount, recently, about the debilitative effects of patriarchy. It is not only the rich and powerful who operate under this system, as any young woman in a tradition-laden society, who has to marry the man who her father has arranged for her, finds, often to her sorrow. There are more subtle ways the patriarchy knocks the props out from under a woman or girl-linguistically, vocationally, or in terms of expectations. Perhaps the most insidious is the use of women who are either defeated or are somehow in league with those men who are maintaining the patriarchal system. There are several prominent examples of this phenomenon in our present society.

Hana will face many more choices, as she gets older. My main focus will be on helping her sift out the limiting agents of the patriarchy (including those who come on as glamourous or empowering, but are really old vinegar in new bottles). Her parents and I will be her sounding boards, and biggest cheer squad-and God help the person or persons who try to derail her.

No Infantilization

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual

February 21, 2026- Hana was squalling about a break in the feeding action, until I came downstairs and reminded her, in a calm voice, that being burped was part of the feeding process. She stopped squalling, let herself be burped and went back to feeding.

I know all the warnings given to grandparents about not spoiling their little darlings. As loving as I am to her, though, I will never jive the little girl. Those cautions and that guidance which her parents have in place have my backing as well. I want her to succeed and to enjoy the best that life has to offer. Those things don’t come to someone who throws a fit, and that realization comes with the first sets of delays and procedures that an infant experiences.

I will not infantilize my granddaughter. Her feelings, and her language, when it comes, will be honoured with respect. I will hold her and comfort her as often as she needs; I will not, however, enable her intemperance. Calmly, but firmly, we are checking all reasons for any distress she is exhibiting, and she is most appreciative once the hunger, the gas pains or soiled diaper have been addressed. She already knows, after only two months, that she is being taken seriously by all three of her adults.

I learned a lot from the parents at Dharma Farm, in Paulden, AZ, about not babying infants. That does not mean skimping on nurturing. It means teaching patience, consideration and gentleness, from the time a child can recognize faces and voices. It will also mean being considerate of others, from the time Hana can walk and speak.

I look at the larger situation around our country today and see that there are far too many, even in positions of power, who have been infantilized and pampered, and who have learned to fulminate at critics; manipulating people and situations to their advantage, Whether this has come from a lack of spirituality or from overemphasis on the material side of life, it has laid low any society where people have become numbed to the machinations of the overindulged few.

While I shudder at some of the behaviour of people both in positions of authority and in positions of civic responsibility, I see where it started, and will do my small part to make sure a little girl coming up in the world doesn’t follow poor examples.

Hana Goes to A Park

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, Community, Family, Hiking and Nature, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

February 15, 2026- The fresh air agreed with my granddaughter, and the stroller is a very smooth ride on Plano’s sidewalks and crosswalks. So, Hana let the pacifier drop from her mouth, after about three minutes, and enjoyed the Springlike afternoon-variously looking at the trees and at her parents, as they took turns pushing the stroller.

We went to Hoblitzelle Park, as it is just down the street from the cul de sac. It was her first time outside, other than the medical appointments that don’t really count, as she goes from house to car to office in a car seat. She was very happy, even though she never left the stroller. One step at a time; there will be opportunities to explore the neighbourhood that is her wider world, as she keeps growing over the next year. It was enough that she passed by other little ones in their strollers, getting a slight awareness of her peers. It was also good that the family of three had their photos taken at a bench, in the south playground of “the Hob”. It won’t be all that long before our growing girl is in a basket swing, followed in a few years by the whole range of swings, slides and bars.

She’s nine weeks old now, and sleeps longer through the night, not so much interested in feeding as frequently between Midnight and 5 a.m. That gives her hard-working parents a bit of a break, and I don’t feel as bad about getting my sleep, in preparation for the next day’s activities, which start at 5.She also loves “Stand Up and Sit Down”, as I’ve mentioned, being very proud of standing up straight, with Grandpa’s hands under her arms for support. She certainly coos her appreciation, while looking at me adoringly. All these things add up to a happy, well-adjusted little girl.

Support your adult children. The gratitude will filter down to the grandbabies.