Category Archives: Inner Struggles

Fragile Trust

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

December 26, 2021, Holbrook- The words came, swiftly, and with the harshness of those who have seemingly felt misunderstood and unappreciated, for a good many years. In each case, they were heard by people of good heart, and we at least know how to respond in a fairly positive manner.

The days after Christmas are frequently a time for harshness between intimates, or even between long-time friends. It is best to not put too much stock in them, if it is just a natural reaction to having felt forced to be on one’s best behaviour for the previous few days. Such lashing out is also a result of having been under the stress of staging holiday gatherings, trying to please everyone and perhaps not getting enough rest. Then, there is the Omicron factor and all the back and forth between those who favour public restrictions and those who want to tough it out on their own-or for it just to go away (which will happen, but in Mother Nature’s time.)

It’s generally been a good day, though, with another well-prepared and well-attended breakfast at the Prescott American Legion Post, a pleasant and re-assuring phone chat with Mom and my brother, Dave, seeing pictures of the remodeled house of my youth and enjoying a smooth drive from Prescott to this high desert town, in northeastern Arizona. 66 Motel is a clean and comfortable place for the night and Mesa Italian Restaurant compares well with ristorantes in Phoenix and Prescott.

Tomorrow, I will make a brief visit to Petrified Forest National Park, then head east to Albuquerque-and Old Town, before spending a couple of days in Santa Fe and vicinity. A ticket to the Georgia O’Keeffe Museum is the impetus for this trip. There are, of course, other places that will emerge on the itinerary- weather-permitting.

To those who are keeping track, today is the first day of Kwanzaa, and celebrates umoja, or unity. It is also Boxing Day, a British holiday that traditionally entailed giving Christmas boxes to servants, postmen and errand runners.

The Cave and The Silo

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Posted by on in collaborating, Historical, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

December 24, 2021-

In the season of accountability, circa 4 B.C., a Child infused with extraordinary spiritual power began moving down His mother’s birth canal, whilst His parents were seeking lodging, in a town where all comfortable rooms were long claimed by more well-healed travelers, most of whom were in town on taxpayer business.

By dint of necessity, the Child’s father secured a spot in a manger, with the land owner’s livestock as the family’s companions for the evening. The Child was born in the early morning hours, with the family huddled among the animals for warmth, the landowner having also given them a few hide blankets out of concern for mother and baby.

The veritable cave where Jesus, son of Joseph, was born has a superstructure built over it: The Church of the Nativity. Within that house of worship are three distinct chapels: One, Roman Catholic; one, Greek Orthodox and one, Armenian Apostolic. The territory of each is clearly demarked, and very closely guarded by the adherents of each denomination. It is now, however, a UNESCO World Heritage Site , requiring co-operation between the three, as well as between the State of Israel and the Palestinian Authority.

Prior to this status being conferred, in 2012, the three shrines were like silos, unto themselves, despite a 250-year-old agreement between three denominations’ leaders, for the preservation of the edifice. The point of agreement that made any co-operation possible was the recognition that the grotto, over which the church was built, was the site of the birthplace of Jesus the Christ. Like any agreement made in perpetuity between leaders of a given time, its meaning’s understanding has ebbed and flowed, fluctuating with successive generations, and newcomers to the area, adding their own interpretations.

Thus, the silos rise and contain the adherents to these philosophies, who eschew any fellowship with those of different viewpoints. Thus has even the most sacred of places become a focal point of human narcissism, whether individual or collective.

May the 2021st Celebration of Christ’s Birth be a day when such fellowship be given honour. We have seen the futility of its opposite number.

20/20 Hindsight

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Striving

December 23, 2021- There is much hand-waving and fake cringing going on tonight, about the remarks being made about COVID home tests and the sudden emergence of Omicron. The comments coming out of the White House are, truth be known, no different from any number of hindsight-based remarks that any one of us have made, at various points in our lives.

Not every awkward remark, made in response to an unforeseen event, is evidence of dementia, or even of fatigue. We all wish things had happened differently, at various times in our lives, and say so after the fact. I can look back on whole chapters of my life and see how I might have made different choices, and experienced different outcomes, than what I actually did.

What I do know, as well, is that it is far better and more reassuring over time, for a person to be upfront about their thinking and their concerns, especially about public health, than to pretend there is no issue or that the concerns raised by others are much ado about nothing.

We will always have one public challenge or another. How we deal with them as a society, and as a species, will have lots to do with our trust of one another-or even of ourselves. Feigning shock, or pretending to be unnerved, by another person’s forthrightness, does no public good.

Beatitude-Inspired

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Posted by on in animal and plant life, children, collaborating, Community, Family, Inner Struggles, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Poetry, Social, Spiritual, Striving

December 22, 2021-

Blessed is the father who willingly changes diapers, uncomplainingly paints his daughter’s nails and enjoys her “tea party”.

Blessed is the mother who takes a few minutes and tosses baseballs into her son’s waiting glove, teaches him to wash his own clothes and make his own lunch.

Blessed is the son who practices humility, learns to sew on buttons, willingly washes the dishes and his own clothes and keeps an orderly room.

Blessed is the daughter who stands up for herself, never regarding her position in the family as subservient, who pursues her own dreams and who can maintain her own vehicle.

Blessed is the neighbour who looks out for others in his apartment block, on her street, in their village.

Blessed is the citizen who considers all points of view, who is not tied to only the immediate needs of own community, own nation or own generation, but who has the well-being of the planet in mind as well.

Blessed is the generation which loves those who came before and those who come after, as well as its own members.

Blessed are the people who look out for all sentient beings and who are open to communicating with those heretofore not known to them.

I Have Agency

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Posted by on in American Legion, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Striving

December 19, 2021- This morning, whilst at breakfast with a large number of fellow veterans at the American Legion Post here, I heard a comment made, that derided a large, and somewhat unwieldy bill before Congress. The commenter essentially said it would be a good thing if the bill doesn’t pass, because we jut don’t need government largesse.

Here’s the thing, though: While each of us is entitled to our own opinions on what programs should offer which benefits to how many people, those are our opinions-and nothing more. What concerns me most is that too many individuals, and families, in the U.S. are being asked to give up their agency, so that others may continue to amass more wealth-and have government support in protecting that wealth-even if none of it is used to help those in the direst of needs. We heard, just prior to that same breakfast, that a wealthy politician is opposed to what he sees as government largesse going to the poor. His comments fooled no one-he is guarding his own nest egg-and the public can go fish for minnows.

I am a person of modest, but stable, means. By the logic expressed yesterday on a major news channel, I should object to ANY reduction in the value of my portfolio, day to day, and should press for a cut-off point in selling of stocks and bonds. I should be out there, with my fellow investors, screaming: “I!, Me!, Mine!”-as in George Harrison’s masterful 1970 song.

My agency, though, does not allow for this. My agency tells me that as I have freedom to choose and the responsibility to accept the consequences of that choice, so, too, does every other person. For a wealthy person of considerable influence to choose obstruction of the public good, for whatever reason, does not absolve that individual of the consequences of his choice.

Others have said it better, but essentially, one person’s right to choose ends three feet from another person’s face.

Authoritarianism as Madness

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Posted by on in Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

December 17,2021- Has such a notion ever occurred to those who long for the presence of an authoritarian leader-with their wish largely based in response to what they see as the madness of the world itself?

This question came to me, after watching an offbeat French science fiction program, “La Revolution”, dealing with a fictional prelude to the actual French Revolution, set in a restive provincial part of the country. In the short series, certain noblemen are afflicted with a murderous rage, which they take out on several peasants.

I have long regarded unbridled egoism as a form of mental illness. Indeed, in this week’s edition of Medscape, Ambardar, Bienenfeld, et al summarize the following about Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NSP):

“In the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), [1] NPD is defined as comprising a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by the presence of at least 5 of the following 9 criteria:

  • A grandiose sense of self-importance
  • A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
  • A belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions
  • A need for excessive admiration
  • A sense of entitlement
  • Interpersonally exploitive behavior
  • A lack of empathy
  • Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her
  • A demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes

In a proposed alternative model cited in DSM-5, NPD is characterized by moderate or greater impairment in personality functioning, manifested by characteristic difficulties in 2 or more of the following 4 areas [2] :

  • Identity
  • Self-direction
  • Empathy
  • Intimacy

In addition, NPD is characterized by the presence of both grandiosity and attention seeking.” *

We all get carried away, now and then. The difference is that most of us see fit to submit to the admonitions of family and friends, in relatively short order-and take our places in the order of society, while still remaining true to our own hopes and dreams.

Then, too, most people suffering from NSP, or related disorders, do NOT engage in murderous behaviour. The aforementioned program’s antagonists had a secondary affliction, loosely named “blue blood” (having no association with aristocracy in general, or with the popular television series of a similar name). The culprit is a virus.

Nonetheless, it is worth considering that people who suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder are enduring an affliction. Is it in anyone’s best interests to place such people in positions of high leadership? This is not an invitation to dump on anyone who has shown signs of such a disease, but to bring this information to bear on any decisions one makes as a citizen, in elections going forward, at ANY level.

  1. Sheenie Ambardar, MD; Chief Editor: David Bienenfeld, MD, “What are the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)?”, from DSM-V update of May 18, 2018, Medscape, December 18, 2021.

Unlimited

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

December 15,2021- When I was much younger, I walked just about everywhere. Balance issues and impatience with myself kept me off bicycles, until I was about 32. Peddling uphill is still problematic. When I was much younger, impatience and fear kept me from swimming with my head above water. To this day, I content myself with navigating a pool, by swimming underwater, end to end. When I was much younger, self-consciousness and a self-imposed stiffness made my dancing look foolish. Practice helped me get over that, and now, even though I am over a few hills, it’s a pleasure to join in group dances at music festivals, now and then.

I learned, somewhat from Penny and somewhat by watching others who are more unfettered than I, that the human spirit is unlimited-and that by both playing to my strengths and not being concerned with anything that transpired in the past, especially the distant past, I create both a wholesome future for myself-in the decades that remain here in the flesh and in the spirit realms to follow, and I create a bank of energy that will hopefully be transferred to those I love most-and those I will love when they arrive.

These things occurred to me, after having to own up to a couple of errors I made recently, which affected a few other people. Thankfully, this was discussed with a loving group of people.

Gratuities

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

December 14, 2021- The male hairstylist looked puzzled, as I told him I had an appointment with one of his colleagues. He had cut my hair once before, and done a fine job. The shop, however, lets whoever takes the phone call claim a customer for themselves. So, I found myself in K’s chair, and she did a wonderful job, as well, taking extra care. In the end, I again thanked Navy retiree, H, for his service, which at least made his day a bit better.

Many times, it is worth both time and energy to offer gratuities. Usually, they involve small amounts of money, but words and acts of kindness are often just as valued by the receiver. Common courtesies, which ought to be part of everyone’s repertoire, are a prime example. God knows, the few times that I have been self-absorbed and not looked behind me, when going through a door, and just let it close, have had me eating crow.

Where gratuitousness becomes a problem is when it is at variance with one’s own deepest ethical convictions. The late Senator J. William Fulbright, of Arkansas, voted against the Civil Rights Act of 1964, despite his belief that it was necessary to the good of the nation. His vote was in a dubious solidarity with his archconservative colleague, John McClellan. Fulbright almost immediately thereafter told the press: “I’m glad we lost”. It is academic, as to what Fulbright’s true beliefs on racial equality were, and his gratuitousness towards both his White Supremacist colleagues and the Black community of Arkansas only muddied the waters, in the latter years of his tenure.

I have seen all sorts of similar behaviour, from both public figures and people in relationships. It is said that this is needed to “maintain peace in the house”. There is a growing ability, especially among younger people, to see right through such statements and actions. Youth has always been a time for wanting things to be seen as they are-and to make changes based on that reality.

Maybe that is why the presence of authentic people is still so important to me.

A Small Laboratory

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Education, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Striving

December 13, 2021- The young lady doubted herself, as soon as one of her actions as “producer” of a school newscast was challenged by a teammate. It is a minor issue and I’m sure that the regular teacher will help set things right, tomorrow-in plenty of time for the broadcast. This is a little laboratory, scheduled at the end of the school day, representing an ambitious effort at tapping into the technological precocity of many eleven-year-olds.

Life itself is a laboratory, and many of its experimenters fall back on the opinions of those around them, when engaged in uncharted territory. This is all well and good, when someone is mature enough to have trust in both own abilities and in the process of peer review. The peers also need to exercise good judgment, and maturity, in their own work.

Had I ten extra minutes, it would have been time well-spent to sit the group in a semicircle and make sure everyone understood the process. As there was only enough time to actually put together a preliminary product, for the regular teacher’s review and critiquing, tomorrow, we made do with what there was-which except for the small error, was quite good. The fledgling producer will learn to listen more carefully and the earnest critic will learn patience-and hopefully to shed any sense of rivalry.

In the laboratory of life, both the feelings of people during the process AND the final result are equally important.

Valley of the Shadow

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

December 11, 2021- The workers were making and packaging candles and their accessories, following protocol for producing one of the season’s most popular gift items. It was the nightshift. 196 miles to the northwest, workers at a night shift in an Amazon distribution center were preparing various parcels for transport on the logistical giant’s fleet of trucks and planes.

It is a given, in most lines of work, that the employee will likely make it home, at the end of a shift. The workers at these two facilities most likely bid their loved ones good night, perhaps tucking their children into bed and kissing their significant others, before heading out.

Perhaps unknown to both crews, two lines of deadly storms, one tracking north east and the other, due east, had the buildings in their sights. In the early morning hours, in the middle of the shifts, tornadoes pummeled the communities of Edwardsville, IL, Bowling Green and Mayfied, KY. At both facilities, it became graveyard shift for one too many.

As is now known, the roof and at least one long wall of the Amazon facility, in Edwardsville, were shorn by one of the deadliest tornadoes ever to strike Illinois. It had already wreaked havoc on communities in southern Missouri. In the more southerly band of storms, another horrific twister slammed into a nursing home, in Monett, AR and leveled the hamlet of Samburg, TN. The tornado was far from spent. Veering north from Samburg, it pummeled Mayfield, the site of the candle factory, dealt glancing blows to Hopkinsville and Cadiz, Ky and bore down on Bowling Green. The death toll from the aggregate of the storms may well exceed 100.

This is not the time of year when people in our nation’s heartland normally live in dread of twisters. Normalcy with respect to climatic events has, however, gone on extended hiatus. There is no time of year when one may let down guard, no time of year when families can bid farewell to their loved ones, expecting a humdrum work shift followed by their safe return.

This will be a strange Christmas, as survivors inch their way forward, through the Valley of the Shadow. Let us fear no evil, and let us stand together. (I may very well make my way to one of the affected areas, as a Red Cross Disaster Relief Team volunteer, after the end of this week of local obligations. It will be a time of muted colours, of quiet thanks to our Creator, whilst appealing to His good graces towards the suffering.)