Category Archives: Inner Struggles

The Road to Diamond, Day 127: Peace Summit

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, Inner Struggles, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 4, 2025- The crumpled sheets of paper were strewn about the meeting room. It was obvious that this was done deliberately, though toward what end remained to be revealed. We were treated to explanations of artwork that showed the long-term responses to Hiroshima, Nagasaki and Bikini Atoll. Man’s resilience, following horrific acts of war, is worthy of celebration. What is abhorrent is that such acts of war are even deemed essential by many of those in power.

The presentations of the artwork were followed by a woman’s heart-rending account of her own traumas, and how she was able to rise above them, enter a satisfying career (teaching Biology) and raise a family. Meditation, yoga and personal discipline all came into play, in this process. Hers is a life worthy of emulation.

A veteran police officer described his work, in humanizing his profession, and the image of his comrades. Much of his efforts were in response to the slayings of George Floyd and Breanna Taylor. The example of the Detroit Police Department’s having Blue (Law enforcement) and Green (mental health response) divisions was presented, with the notation that the two divisions work hand-in-glove.

Getting back to the crumpled papers: The after-lunch presentation dealt with issues of human trafficking. Each sheet of paper, as it turned out, had the photo and basic information, about a particular missing youth. We each picked up one or more sheets of paper off the floor and tacked them to the “Missing” bulletin board. This simple act served to remind the group that trafficked children and teens are an enormous issue, across the population-but especially among First Nations and African-American communities. (I wrote, recently, about Emily Pike, the slain Apache teenager, whose case remains open.) Add to these the trafficked undocumented immigrants, and the matter assumes gargantuan proportions.

These aspects of working towards peace were then summed up by three Yavapai College Student Government Association officers, who went over all the considerations their board has to ponder, in making sure that their constituents’ needs are heard and addressed. No one issue can be ignored, in favour of one or two other “more pressing” (in the view of dominant groups) matters.

This is a first-time effort by the college, so its promotion and programming will no doubt be the focus of improvement and expansion, should the Administration and Student Body choose to make it an annual event. Coming the day before a nationwide day of protest against real and perceived grievances that many groups have with the recent actions of the Federal government, the format of dialogue and making the case for peaceful resolution would seem to be something that needs to be put forth on a continuous basis.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world” should not relegate to cliche status.

The Road to Diamond, Day 123: Listener

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

March 31, 2025- “You are a good listener”, the slow-eating, but very intense gentleman said, after telling me of his experiences with others of my generation. He values the sanctity of his person, and does not like to be touched by strangers. I understand him, being on a milder place on the same autism spectrum than that which he occupies. He thinks at a higher level than many, and has two Master’s Degrees to show for it. I understand him, because Penny was at that same intellectual level. I understand him, also because so many of my students, in later years especially, were those who did not like physical contact.

Yes, my listening skills have vastly improved since the time of my wedding, in 1982. They have gone up, as the level of self-absorption has gone down. It is hard to live in a bubble and be a good listener. It is also lonelier in a bubble, and so I upped my listening game, and became the happier for it. Working as a counselor helped in that regard. One cannot counsel and live in a bubble. One cannot counsel effectively and hold onto outmoded concepts of hierarchy and discipline. A hard taskmaster does not often listen well, having all the answers-in own mind.

Working with the homeless is just one of the tools that has honed my listening skills. Spending quality time with both liberals and conservatives impels careful listening; discernment. Doing a variety of activities, broadening thinking, cements the concepts of which I hear. Then, too, I listen to my own inner voice, and to the spirit guides who tell me things in the quiet “alone hours”.

I am delighted to be viewed as a listener. It shows that there is a need for my presence.

The Road to Diamond, Day 122: The Value of Love

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Family, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

March 30, 2025- In reflecting further on King Lear, which I experienced last night, for the first time since studying the tragedy, as a high school senior (57 years ago), it was showcased as another example of the primacy of love, and the ultimate futility of scheming and power-seeking, through external means.

This morning, a fellow diner at breakfast spoke of a young relative, who had been disaffected from her own mother and siblings. The young woman is welcomed by this person and spouse, and not subjected to judgment, but rather a loving home-which has its rules of order, but not strictures of stifling.

I have made a lot of progress in that regard, with any difficulties for which I was responsible in the past having largely come from my own self-loathing. The result is that, within my own space, life has taken on a new energy, a stronger hope that, even in the autumn of my life, and into its winter in the decades to come, I will continue to radiate what is deepest in my heart. I have recently had dreams of children who resemble both my son and my daughter-in-law. The children have each stood at the side of my bed and told me they loved me. This may be foreshadowing, or just a reflection of how I would feel towards any grandchild(ren) who enter our lives.

The most important thing, though, is that self-love radiates outward, and touches everyone who comes along. That is something that had to survive a few hard relationships, in the latter part of the 2010s and would have to transcend any setbacks in the years to come, as well. Love, as I’ve said before, is the basis for all else that is.

The Road to Diamond, Day 112: New Day

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

March 20, 2025- Naw-Ruz, in Persian, means “New Day”. In Iran, traditionally, the Naw-Ruz holiday lasts 12 days. For us Baha’is, it is one day; essentially, it is the beginning of a new spiritual year. So, today is the beginning of 182 Baha’i Era.

We marked the day with a festive gathering, at which 51 people showed up, enjoying copious amounts of food, spirited and delightful music and vibrant conversations. Had the room been a bit larger, we may have even seen some, including me, dancing about. No matter, the musicians worked well together and our various discourses ran the gamut from Rubik’s Cube (a child completed it in less than four minutes) to the proper preparation of Persian rice.

I was glad to be able to work the breakdown shift (seems that I can take things apart better than put them together, and that’s okay-the lady who brought much of the decorations, signage and two main dishes deserved any help she could get.). Muscle memory took over, when it came time to shorten curtain rods- I hadn’t done that particular task since helping my mother,as an early teenager. Other tasks were quite routine.

With Naw-Ruz in the books, I thought of the things I used to do with two left feet, that are now de rigueur. Almost anything mechanical used to end upside down, or inside out. Much of that, though, came from a combination of overthinking, an inner voice that told me I was stupid and rushing through the task. Now, I let muscle memory take hold, go ahead and do the task with attention and patience and act with self-confidence. Bob Powers’ Law has finally become part of my inner dialogue. Bob was probably the finest boss I ever had. He told me that some day I would realize that there was nothing wrong with my mental functioning, but that I would have to realize that on my own-and it might come hard. I was 16, impulsive and whimsical. He was in his late forties and had been around the horn several times. I could have listened better.

This new day saw me send greetings to my dear friend in Manila, to others on the Navajo Nation and to my friend and mentor in Phoenix. All around the world, north and south, east and west, may our souls be guided to do what is best for all humanity.

Happy Spring, to all in the north and Joyous Autumn to all in the south!

The Road to Diamond, Day 107: Shelter

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

March 15, 2025- It started off in less than stellar fashion. As I went to put my backpack in the rear of a co-worker’s Jeep, the coffee cup I had set on the median caddy toppled over. Fortunately, the liquid was easily drained off the rear splash pad. Then, his door netting got caught on a grommet of my boot, and it took a bit of teamwork to get the net loose,without damaging it.

The shelter simulation started off slowly, like most of what I do. A few people showed up late and it took a fair amount of digging through the back of the Red Cross trailer, to find two large and fairly essential items. We did well, though, just by staying the course, and as our chief supervisor said, not acting like headless chickens. We did well on all but one scenario, and that one was more a matter of fatigue-towards the end of the exercise, and is not something either of us involved would repeat, in real time.

I relaxed alone at Home Base, after the day was finished. After a nap, I reflected on the way in which Home Base is itself a shelter. I watched the rest of “Long Bright River”, noting the ways in which people provide shelter for one another: Siblings, colleagues, kindred souls living on the street, parents and children. I saw the ways in which people can make good choices and strengthen community. I saw the ways in which people can make bad choices and drive wedges between themselves and those they otherwise love.

I have chosen the concept of shelter as my love language of sorts, and will be involved in it, one way or another, for the rest of my lucid life. The simulation only reflected how strongly I feel about this being a birthright of every human being, of every sentient being. Let it ever be thus.

Here’s a version of “Gimme Shelter” that you may not have heard, from 1970.

https://www.google.com/search?q=gimme+shelter+merry+clayton&client=firefox-b-1-d&sca_esv=cd29d8d78246c2c7&channel=entpr&udm=7&biw=1280&bih=639&ei=7GDWZ9nMOvbckPIP-trpkA0&oq=gimme+shelter-Merry&gs_lp=EhZnd3Mtd2l6LW1vZGVsZXNzLXZpZGVvIhNnaW1tZSBzaGVsdGVyLU1lcnJ5KgIIADIGEAAYFhgeMgYQABgWGB4yBhAAGBYYHjIGEAAYFhgeMgYQABgWGB4yBhAAGBYYHjIGEAAYFhgeMgYQABgWGB4yBhAAGBYYHjIGEAAYFhgeSJVGUPgNWP0zcAF4AJABAJgBa6AB0wSqAQM2LjG4AQHIAQD4AQGYAgegAsMEwgIKEAAYsAMY1gQYR8ICCBAAGIAEGKIEmAMAiAYBkAYIkgcDNi4xoAeLKg&sclient=gws-wiz-modeless-video#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:46afeb7c,vid:AHvXhWJ0oHU,st:0

The Road to Diamond, Day 99: Invisible No More

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

March 7, 2025- It was in the mid-1990s, and three young girls felt that their safety was at risk, at their school and in the nearby area. They bolted and hid in a remote spot. I was school counselor back then, and while I had earned the trust of most students,including the girls, they weren’t taking any chances with possibly having to deal with their adversaries. I was left to notify their parents that they had absconded and to enlist the support of the local police and the Superintendent of Schools. Several of us were out looking around, and by nightfall, one of the girls had made it back to her mother’s house. Early the next morning, I got a call from the other two. They had found their way to a safe house for the night, but were ready to go back to their parents. I went and got them, bringing them home.

This was in a Native American community. What is important here is that Native American women and girls, in both the United States and Canada, have been disappearing at an alarming rate, from both urban and rural areas. 5,800 women and girls disappeared in 2023; 74 % were children. I would estimate that this number has, if anything, only increased over the last 1.25 years. It has been called a “silent crisis”, but it is hardly silent to the First Nations.

On January 27, a young girl named Emily Pike left the group home where she was staying, possibly aiming to get back to her parents on the San Carlos Apache Nation. She never made it. She was found dead, killed in a gruesome manner, on February 14 along the route back to San Carlos from Mesa, where she had been living. In a hideous way, Emily at least was found and her family can get a small measure of closure. Many women and children are far less “fortunate”.

There has been an invisibility problem, with regard to indigenous people on this continent. It is probably true elsewhere in the world, as well. Here, though, various bad actors have been able to choose victims from across the First Nations of the United States and Canada-whether trafficking the women and girls, or systematically raping and killing them, with the sense that “no one will notice.”

The families notice, and now, the rest of society is beginning to take stock, as well. It is high time, and it is past time. It has also affected young men-and not too long ago, I paid my respects to a mother who lost only son, a young man only a year younger than my own son. They knew one another, during our time on the Reservation. He, too, disappeared and was only found after nearly two years of search. It was too late.

We have an anonymity problem across our population. With customarily shy and wary First Nations people, it is all the more pronounced. They are, however, not deserving of invisibility. Their gifts, dreams and skills are every bit as valuable as anyone else’s. They were put on this Earth by the Divine, just like everyone else. It is an ongoing stain on this continent, that their lives are undervalued.

No one’s life should be.

The Road to Diamond, Day 92: Plotting Course

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Education, impediments, Inner Struggles, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

February 28, 2025- Just before waking, this morning, I dreamed that I was climbing up a ladder made of tree branches. At a certain point, a key rung in the ladder snapped off. Unable to safely continue up the ladder, I got off and followed a dirt path, that wound around towards my home. I was walking contentedly along the path and came upon two groups of youths who were tussling and wrestling, in front of a primitive lean-to, thatched roofed house. I felt composed and detached from what was going on, and kept walking-at which point I woke up.

I now feel somewhat composed and detached, regarding the current back and forth between liberals and conservatives in our nation. I know that I am not willing to kowtow to anyone who seeks to impose their will, in an ad hoc or ex-oficio manner. I have noticed people on both sides, “yelling” online-typing responses in capital letters and cursing at people they deem to be not meeting their expectations. That is the mark of a desperate soul, expressing fear of the “other side”. I have also seen people on both sides expressing their opinions in a calm, but firm, tone of voice, not yelling-but not giving way, either.

I covered a few small classes today, with little to do other than take roll and remind one or two people to not use their cell phones during class. While the students were working on their Chrome Book lessons, I read some initial chapters of a book on the German Army, 1933-45. It was instructive to find that Adolf Hitler did not, initially, take the full reins of control over the Armed Forces (Wehrmacht) and that he initially trusted the commanders to build up their own fighting force, even pushing aside his paramilitary force, the SS. He seized control, of course, around 1938, and the result was the horror that the world experienced, until 1945.

Technology,and the pace of events, has quickened in the past 80 years, so it is unlikely that we will see any leader bide time and leave matters to chance. The course of human events, moreover, will proceed at a rapid clip, in some ways, and whipsaw back and forth, in other areas. This is why it is best to keep an open mind on many issues, and not assume that those expressing points of view other than one’s own are somehow to be taken sharply to task and fiercely set straight. We do ourselves an injustice by plotting our own courses using a route of fear and trepidation.

The Road to Diamond, Day 81: “The Last Ten Minutes”

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

February 18, 2025, Hong Kong- I actually have time to sit and enjoy this spacious facility, after a brief and pleasant hop from Manila.

My friend, Kathy, has a descriptor for the late phase of any event, activity or process: The last ten minutes. She mentioned, in last night’s coming to terms between us, that we were, generally speaking, in that phase of our lives. My silent retort was that I intend to soak up every nanosecond. She later, independently, gave voice to the same sentiment, regarding her own life. Vindicated!!

We have had far more interesting conversations today, with the vagaries of romance having been set aside. One of the points she brought up was that one can really only do justice to one major personal event or process at a time.

For me, this would be taking the lead in Red Cross Disaster Cycle Response for Yavapai and Mohave Counties, Arizona- particularly from late May to early September, aka the Fire and Flood Season.

It makes no sense to play juggler. Rushing back to Manila would be little more than an act of giddiness, and I’m a bit long in the tooth for giddy.

She has some equally cogent plans, helping her younger son complete his education and a possible upgrade to a Baha’i- owned property in Metro Manila. We are pulling for one another. At some point in the next few years, I will visit “the Phils” again, because several people would like to see me again, and some of them will be visiting here, over the next little while.

For now, though, I’m in a good place, headed back to a place where I might “shine” as my friend put it.

The Road to Diamond, Day 71: Smoothing Rough Edges

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving

February 7, 2025, Manila- The otherwise courtly man awoke from his nap, and marched into the kitchen: “Where’s my coffee??” As the rest of us have been fixing our own caffeinated drinks, for as far back as I’ve been coming here, I was a bit nonplussed. The ladies in the kitchen were, however, furious, as was the construction project lead, who is every bit as much an advocate of women’s rights as I have been. The visitor got his cup of coffee prepared for him, with the understanding that any refills would be prepared by him, alone.

We are in an age of smoothing rough edges. This state of affairs means that each of us must bring ourselves to account each day, work on those weak spots and give some grace to those who stumble in one area or another. The visitor was, in general, polite and considerate, and was more than generous to the kitchen manager’s teenage son, after realizing that he had offended people with his earlier demand.

Back in the United States, it is particularly urgent for people to look at one another with the eye of understanding. Overlooking the viewpoints of other right-thinking people will not, inherently, change those viewpoints. Rather, it will only increase the likelihood of a return to policies that are seen as shopworn, anachronistic or otherwise counterproductive. The other thing that will guarantee revanchism is overplaying one’s own hand. For example, forcing others to adhere to one’s own orthodoxy-even if that belief system has some redeeming social value. People need to be persuaded, not coerced. That persuasion has to appeal to the hearer’s understanding of the world.

That means giving the “other side” the tools by which to smooth their own rough edges, while one smooths his/her own.

The Road to Diamond, Day 67: Stay Brave

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

February 3, 2025, Manila- Over the weekend, people without security clearances gained access to sensitive information. So is the news coming our way from North America. People here in Manila have been, understandably, not overwhelmingly feeling bad about the internecine battles in Washington. This was, to them, and to many in struggling countries around the world, the mother of all First World problems-until the USAID closure.

It will take time for the President of the United States to sift through the programs of USAID and figure out which programs, if any, are “corrupt, and worthy of dismantling”. In the meantime, thousands, if not millions, of lives in countries across the world, will be at risk. This is not a simple matter of rooting out “crazy, ultraleft, socialist, wingnut policies”,as someone back in Prescott once characterized USAID. This is rule by swarming, done by individuals with little or not knowledge of the larger effects of their actions. It evokes the scene in “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”, where Randle McMurphy leads the gang in party night, getting even a hydro-cephalic patient intoxicated. We will see where the present state of affairs leads, in short order. It will not be as easily resolved as the scene in the movie.

To anyone, anywhere, who is being affected by the turmoil in Washington, DC, and elsewhere: Be brave, stay focused and live your truth. Some may lose much, if not all, of their nest eggs, but judging from the slow recoveries that those before us have seen, in crises past, the losses will not be permanent. Be watchful, be vocal and do not let yourselves get distracted by multiple crises seeming to occur at once. Be discerning, and do not let less than savoury actors rule the day. Above all, follow the law, even if it looks like those in the driver’s seat are not.

Justice will prevail.