Category Archives: Inner Struggles

The Road to Diamond, Day 42: I (We) Also Served

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving

January 9, 2025- The teacher was effusive, in thanking me for having served as a postal worker, while in the United States Army from 1969-72. He himself had been a medical technician, and while remaining stateside, he did have his share of trauma, by working with those who came back from the First Gulf War with horrific third degree burns. Even stateside, he needed contact with family and friends at home-and mail was a key part of that. He was also, however, thanking me on behalf of all those who barely made it back-and some who never recovered.

A rather high percentage of those who serve in the Armed Forces-Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps, Coast Guard, National Guard and the inchoate Space Force, do so in a noncombatant capacity. They (we) certainly have been trained in the essentials of the combat arms. Every postal clerk, medic, chaplain, cook, motor pool mechanic, musician, computer technician, orderly room clerk and financial specialist knows how to assemble, fire, disassemble and clean a firearm. Their (our) essential duties, though, are in support of the infantry and artillery units, the fighter pilots and crews of destroyers and attack submarines.

I was, personally, glad to have spent time in the mail room at Fort Myer, the accountable mail cages in Long Binh and Cholon, and to pitch in when it came time to unload the Sealand trailer, with its bulk mail. I pulled perimeter guard duty, about five times at Long Binh- and while I never saw any suspicious movement in the field of surveillance, just being there in case of that one possible incident was important to me. I had, and have, my reservations about the regime that our military was supporting, but that did not get in the way of how I went about any assigned task. None of my tasks involved killing anyone, so that made it easier. I’m not sure how I would be today, had it been necessary to kill or maim, in the line of duty. As it was, though, I (we) also served.

The Road to Diamond,Day 41: Unpredictable

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, impediments, Inner Struggles, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

January 8, 2025- The ongoing saga of people settling in and around Los Angeles, for either a life of leisure or for pursuit of a fine, active regimen, and finding that Mother Nature has other ideas, has reached crisis proportions even more dire than in any past year. Perhaps it is due to the increased density of population, from even the 1990s-2010s, or just a consequence of rising global temperatures, but it seems worse.

Here at Home Base I, there was a brief period of snow, in the higher elevations, southwest of town and in the Santa Marias, to our northwest, but here in the downtown area, just a few sprinkles fell, late last night. We, like, California, are facing a Big Dry-at least until March. There is, of course, plenty of water-on paper, but I digress. The ultimate test of hydration for a community is if the taps start to trickle. Who knows if and when that will happen.

Life on the ground here remains fairly predictable, but on the larger scale, we may be seeing seismic changes, in short order, and it feels at times like the news cycle is whipsawing, back and forth. I have learned, though, that as long as the markets are open and there are no manufactured crises hitting too close to home, that we can each do our civic duty, show kindness to others-especially those most vulnerable and continue to speak our peace.

These things came to mind, this afternoon, as we considered another strange and unsettling time in our recent past: September, 2001. The teacher recalled his own experiences during that time, as a security guard in Phoenix. His wife was working in the tallest building in the city, at that time. He made a beeline to get her home, as soon as he saw what had happened in New York and at the Pentagon. In my case, I had no work that day, but heard over the radio about the first tower strike and also headed straight home, being glued to the TV screen most of the day. Penny and Aram went to their respective schools, which were let out early, as many parents were beside themselves, with “what ifs” and doomsday scenarios. I was just as glad they came home.

Stay aware, friends, and stay close to those you love-in California, in the frigid eastern half of the country and anywhere else that may be suffering in this winter of heightened challenge.

The Road to Diamond, Day 32: Fluidity

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Posted by on in distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

December 30, 2024- As I listen to traditional Celtic folk tunes, a sense of the flow between permanence and impermanence comes into the ether. These songs have been around for over a thousand years, and have largely remained the same. A few clever musicians have tried to rework them into rock or jazz, but by and large, they have come across as too clever by half, and the songs endure as ever.

The same has been true of my life. The themes of quietly being in support of my parents, siblings, wife, child and friends and of walking in love for all about me have ever been present, even when in moments of false bravado, role confusion and lack of self-confidence or self-loathing, I presented different themes. My struggles, in my twenties and fifties, did not define me, instead bringing up baggage that needed to be cast off. In maturity, this song has also remained more like its original form.

Water does not let barriers prevent it from doing its prescribed tasks. It sometimes flows around, at other times over, or may even undermine the foundations of a barrier. Water takes materials along with it and is ever bound to head towards the ocean, to the whole.

It is the same with each of us. Fulfillment requires fluidity, transparency and use of other divinely-given properties. Water’s properties can be used for good, or for ill. The same is true for the properties of air, fire and mineral. We are, physically, a combination of water and mineral, so it is true of us as well. This is a contingent plane of existence, so we may choose good or ill. Just as water must sometimes change course, so must each of us, adapting to changes in circumstance, remaining fluid.

I have had these same thoughts at the end of every calendar year-and with the end of a given cycle. The year now ending has seen plenty of both; so, too, will the year that will shortly commence.

The Road to Diamond, Day 30: Whimsy and Well-Being

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Posted by on in Assistance, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

December 28, 2024- I have had pipe dreams, throughout my life. I once fantasized about walking across the globe. Then, I read of various women and men, including Paul Salopek (who is still at it), and thought of all I would be leaving behind, if I set out on such a venture. At the age of 74, doing such a thing would be little more than performance art. Other whimsies involved the Colorado Fourteeners (peaks that are 14 K feet or above); traveling from Utgiagvik (formerly Barrow), Alaska to Cabo de Hornos, Chile; the Appalachian, Continental Divide and Pacific Crest Trails and, for a few fleeting moments, Uelen, eastern Siberia to Cape Agulhas, South Africa.

As the years have passed, I found fulfillment in “lesser” pursuits. I have traveled a lot, yes, but with more of a purpose. Mainly, I found that being closer to family, taking part in a community over time and serving my Faith were more satisfying than always being alone. I learned from nearly thirty years of marriage-thirteen of which were spent caring for Penny, to one extent or another, that life never feels fulfilling, unless there is a deep connection with another soul. She’s been physically gone for nearly fourteen years, but is not gone. I sense her spiritual hand is behind my meeting another love, little more than a year ago. I got a message from K this morning, in fact. She’s as busy as I am, each in our own Home Base. It could come to pass that we have the same Home Base, but we’ll see.

My main reason for not being preoccupied with the stuff of whimsy, though, is that this is the age of working for peace, through group efforts. I’ve done more good this way. Even going through the torment that accompanied watching the declines of my first two loves (Mother and Penny) is preferable to living a dissolute existence. So will my work continue.

The Road to Diamond, Day 27: A Simple Beauty

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Entertainment, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

December 25, 2024, Winslow- I came upon the midnight clear, or close to it, into this small but vibrant community, which Jackson Browne once chose as a surrogate for nearby Flagstaff, in his song “Take It Easy”. Flag already had a lot going for it, being the Snow Capital of Arizona, and Winslow seemed to be both more “poetic” and in need of a boost, so “Standin’ on the corner in Winslow, Arizona…..”. it was. Besides, anyone who has ever driven along Route 66 in Flagstaff knows that the girl wasn’t slowing down on account of ol’ Jackson. She was merely stuck in the city’s legendary traffic.

Anyway, back to Christmas. In Home Base I, and across the Southwest, anyone looking for snow was out of luck. Christmas, and its antecedent, Yule, for that matter, does not depend on snow and cold to be truly meaningful. That hype simply has made a nicety out of the sheer terror that a hard winter can bring. In that regard, it is no different than the Ice Festivals and Winter Carnivals held in Quebec-Ville, Sapporo and the depths of the forest in the Saami lands of Scandinavia. Man carves joy out of adversity, and we survive to face a sometimes kindly, and other times frightful and tornado-riven, Spring.

What makes Christmas meaningful is the promise that the great Teacher, Whose birth is celebrated today, made in His ministry: “The Kingdom of God on Earth will come”. It’s taken a long, perhaps an excruciatingly long, time. We’ve approached peace among ourselves, only to scurry back to the shadow lands of conflict and warfare, countless times since the Day of Resurrection-and well before it. It will take a few more centuries, perhaps, but achieve peace, we will. Astrologers say the Aquarian Age will arrive sometime in the 26th Christian Century, sometime around 2534 AD/CE (591 Baha’i Era). I’ll be off weaving new planets, or whatever the Divine has in Mind for me, and my descendants will be of the sixth or seventh generation, by then. In any event, this theory squares with Baha’i Teachings, that the Golden Age, the Most Great Peace, will be in full flower around that time. How difficult a process that is will be determined by us, as a species.

I attended two gatherings today, that could be seen as harbingers for the sort of peace that humanity can build. In early afternoon, eight of us gathered at the grave site of a much-loved wife, mother, grandmother and friend. Her husband sang prayers, and sacred music that he had composed. The rest of us offered prayers for spiritual progress, healing and the well-being of humanity. Marcia was, no doubt, very pleased.

Later in the afternoon, thirteen of us gathered in the Spirit of Christ, at a friend’s home in the forest of Prescott’s west side. We shared the simple beauty of home made chili and cornbread, salad and three very rich desserts. Hot chocolate took the edge off the cold that came with nightfall. The toddler son of a young couple entertained us with his harmonica-each extended one-note generated applause from the adults, bringing his little face to radiance. His little sister was just glad to be in the loving arms of at least one of her parents, or grandmother, or aunt. We talked of everything from the operation of a dog-boarding facility to the approaching travels of two of us-a young lady to Costa Rica, for her first journey outside the U.S. and me, on my third visit to the Philippines. Both have elements of joy and promise, and elements of uncertainty. Undertaken in faith, though, the right thing will prevail.

Christmas is best observed as a day of simple beauty-and so it was today.

The Road to Diamond, Day 19: “And Here We Are”

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Entertainment, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

December 17, 2024- On the now-shuttered television police procedural, “Blue Bloods”, the lead character, Police Commissioner Frank Reagan (Tom Selleck, Magnum, P.I.), would frequently acknowledge the situation he faced-with friend and foe alike, using the simple phrase “and here we are.” He then went on to find some sort of solution to even the stickiest of issues, mostly by the end of an episode.

December brings that phrase to mind, quite often. Here we are-in the cold, the dark, the period of least light, and in many years, the worst month for those with investments-as it is the month for “house cleaning”, divesting of funds that have run their course, before figuring out the final tax bill for the calendar year. Here we are also, in days of conviviality and gift giving; in days of group celebrations: Christmas, Chanukah and Kwanzaa. (Chanukah’s first day falls on Christmas Day, this year.)

So, we are, as is often the case, faced with a choice. The challenges won’t go away, so we can face them in the days to come. Celebrations, if passed over, will go away. To me, it’s better to enjoy the merriment, and restore positive energy, then face the cold, the dark and any financial woes, in a renewed state of emotional strength.

It is always advisable to recognize a problem, while forming a game plan with a solution which will have a good chance of making the situation better.

The Road to Diamond, Day 18: The Crick

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

December 16, 2024- With two quick movements, Dr. Robert soothed a crick in my neck, that had bothered me for nearly a month. I had kept it from being too bothersome, by applying Deep Blue oil blend. Chiropractic, though, is what tended the stiffness and restored my range of motion.

This evening, I pondered one of my mental cricks. I got a query from Penny, asking if I thought that I felt stuck with her, in the next life. My response, looking at her picture, was “Absolutely not. I love you and always will.” I then got a message that this beloved spirit was happy.

My mental crick came from the notion that two souls, and only two souls, can be together for eternity. However, nowhere in the Baha’i Writings does it say that, specifically. It does say that two souls bonded together in this life will be together in all the worlds of God. This does not preclude bonding with other souls, in the event one outlives the other. A letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi explains that:

“There is no teaching in the Bahá’í Faith that ‘soul mates’ exist. What is meant is that marriage should lead to a profound friendship of spirit, which will endure in the next world, where there is no sex, and no giving and taking in marriage; just the way we should establish with our parents, our children, our brothers and sisters and friends a deep spiritual bond which will be everlasting, and not merely physical bonds of human relationship.

“There is nothing against a person remarrying, the implication of unity in marriage being meant as a spiritual bond which will be everlasting, and not a sexual thing, in the quotation you cited.” – Written to an individual believer, in December, 1954.

The bond between Penny and me is an eternal, spiritual one. The bond between me and any other person can also be an eternal, spiritual one. I feel relieved by this meditation.

So often, we look at such matters solely from the standpoint of the temporary, physical reality. Those with whom I feel the strongest bond, however, are so much closer to me in a spiritual sense. I see that is true of every other pair of people who are truly united.

Two cricks are thus relieved, this evening.

The Road to Diamond, Day 14: Home-bound

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Entertainment, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving

December 12, 2024- Last night was no fun. I got up, twice in the night and knelt by the open toilet. I felt a bit better, after the second time, but nowhere near well enough to go to my scheduled work assignment. The school administrators had no problem with my staying home. I felt a bit better, still, when it approached time for me to get a chiropractic adjustment. Still, the protocol for stomach flu is no contact with regular appointments, for twenty-four hours, so I rescheduled that as well.

I probably got more sleep today than I have in twenty-five years, thus accounting for the fairly quick rebound from this morning. I kept dreaming that I was going through a couple of folders that my friend, Kathy, gave me to read. There are no such folders here, so maybe they are at her house and I will be asked to read them later.

Other than that, my waking time allowed for catching up on reading, and on a bit of binge-watching shows like “Lioness” and season 5 of “The Expanse”. “The Chosen” is also going to be in the queue, but as the weekend approaches, there are three days of intense activity-so long as I make an overall recovery. The computer screen is no match for Acker Night, a Red Cross Christmas Party and a major Baha’i gathering.

The Road to Diamond, Day 13: Getting Past “Go”

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

December 11, 2024- Some days, it is just hard to get out of bed. Negative energy can take hold, and simple tasks can seem like they are just in the way. On days like this, though, sleeping in is not an option.

I had my every-four-months dental checkup, which meant a drive to Phoenix. So, up it was, at 6:30 and out the door by 8. Negative energy presented itself, as I went to pay for my breakfast sandwich and coffee, at an automated register that alternately wouldn’t scan my items, then scanned the coffee twice. After human intelligence solved that problem and I got cash back, for the duplicate coffee, everything else fell into place, until I got to the on-ramp for AZ 101. After a five-minute crawl (this was after rush hour, mind you), the rest was easy and I got into the dentist’s office with five minutes to spare.

The exam itself was positive and I was again congratulated for keeping on top of oral hygiene. I had once again pushed past “Go” and collected $200.

Considering all that this life has brought, both good and not-so-good, I have been lucky to have had as many “Collect $200” days as I have. The cost is developing self-discipline, and while it came late to me, the benefits have piled up nicely. Getting out of bed in the morning, and in a timely manner, has paid the bills, taken me on some fabulous adventures and brought fascinating people into this life. Staying put, under the covers, would only guarantee aloneness, a fantasy life and ennui.

I will stick with getting past “Go”.

The Road to Diamond, Day 12: Like-Minded

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

December 10, 2024- The repast was astonishing, bringing back memories of banquets in Taiwan, and of the full East Asian buffets that gave us comfort, in the hard times of the 2000s. The seven of us who gathered this afternoon are, to varying degrees, of progressive mind. There are, therefore, differing feelings among us, as to what awaits in the next four years. I see much good in the ethics of inclusion and sharing that my dining companions espouse. The rub, though, is in the shallowness of their politics.

It is my firm conviction that there is common ground among all people, and that it is worth the effort to bring that common ground to the fore. It is a mistake to give up and retreat, in the belief that there is an “other side”, with which it is impossible to reason. It is a mistake to assume that there is nothing to talk about, with that “other side”. I only see a continuum, with no barriers save the ones we choose to erect, either out of fear or exasperation. Those who are afraid, need backup and reassurance. Those who are exasperated should rest and gather their thoughts and feelings.

I thought of this again tonight, as we Baha’is gathered for a Spiritual Feast. We are all of differing backgrounds, mindsets and places on the political spectrum, yet there can be no animosity, where there is true unity of commitment to the Oneness of Mankind. It’s hard work, and it may take our species a thousand years to accomplish. The legwork, though, is going on now, and cannot be kicked down the road.

Like-minded people are always gathering, and will eventually bring in other like-minded people. No one needs to be left out.