Category Archives: Inner Struggles

Embrace

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Posted by on in Community, Inner Struggles, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Spiritual

October 22, 2016, Prescott-

A number of things happened today, far and wide.  Here, I was part of a large group who celebrated faith in God, and the healing that often results from commitment, both spiritual and emotional.

There were testimonies galore, at the fifth annual Hope Fest, a fine blend of vendor booths, children’s play sites and sound stages.  There were a number of self-help groups present, a puppet theatre,  well-trained young singers who belted out show and movie tunes and inspiring musicians and performers.

There was Todd, an accomplished country and Christian singer, a living testimony to Celebrate Recovery.  There were Mia and Bill, who have weathered one emotional storm after another, to stand before a thoroughly-supportive crowd and bask in our admiration.  There was Vanessa, an immensely-gifted young lady, who painted two portraits of Jesus the Christ, to the accompaniment of the two fine acts mentioned above.  She painted Him from images in her mind.  One was Christ in the Passion and the second was the Shroud of Turin.

As with last year, my larger role was to provide moral support and physical assistance to the sound crew at the Main Stage.  This work started when Todd thanked everyone for attending and the audience began to head home, at 8:20 PM.   We finished with everything at 12:30 A.M.  That is almost two hours less than we took last year.  We certainly had  more people helping, than last year.

So, I helped good friends accomplish a  major public event- and continue to honour both Spirit and Body, in becoming far more unified.

 

Prominence, Entitlement, Insecurity

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Posted by on in collaborating, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Striving

October 18, 2016, Prescott-

In the past week, every prominent male political figure, it seems, has had to endure a fine-toothed comb scrutiny of his record, vis-a-vis behaviour towards women.  It’s only fair, I suppose, for the spotlight to shine across the spectrum.

I can’t say my thinking, over the years, has met the gold standard set by former President Jimmy Carter- but I have indeed long since gotten past lusting in my heart.  It would not have ended well, with all that Penny meant, and means, to me. I could never operate as certain men in the public eye are said to move. The difference is, I am not a man of prominence or entitlement.  I am also secure in my own skin.

Truth be known, having women as friends is, as I have said several times, far more satisfying, in and of itself, than a trail of “conquests” could ever be.  Placing shackles on another being requires endless vigilance.  Helping to liberate and elevate another, frees oneself, in ways that no Lothario could even begin to imagine.

I see a far brighter future for both men and women, as the dust settles on the crash of SS Misogyny.

Unless and Until-Education

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Posted by on in children, Education, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Spiritual

October 4, 2016, Prescott- 

As our little classroom was not the right fit for a troubled child, I have to voice a few thoughts.

Unless and until:

Adult educators consistently place the well-being of children first;

People on a team eschew oneupmanship;

Children are empowered, according to their developmental levels;

Communication across hierarchical levels, and between colleagues, becomes and remains clear and consistent;

Downtime is minimized to almost nothing;

Spiritual (not sectarian) principles are infused into education, so as to strengthen character;

Cooperative learning becomes the norm;

Children are seen as a valid constituency, by elected officials;

Society places education at the highest priority;

We will continue to face repeated and familiar issues, in our collective mirror.

 

Gnosis and Gnus

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Posted by on in animal and plant life, Inner Struggles, Poetry, Striving

September 28, 2016, Prescott-

I work with whimsical people,

including a child who thinks

playing tag in a church would be a trip.

Another, believes the Universe

is seeking his destruction.

I am trying to impart self-knowledge

as a goal, to my students,

so that, when they reach their teen years,

they will be less likely to self-medicate-

or otherwise engage in self-harm.

Animals in the wild

engage in self-preservation.

Why should we humans

be any less  vigilant?

Isn’t it odd,

that someone capable of gnosis,

should be less self-preserving,

than a praying mantis, electric eel

or gnu?

Someday, When You Understand Me Better

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Posted by on in children, Education, Inner Struggles, Spiritual

September 23, 2016, Prescott- 

My Christian friends,

who are convinced that my belief that all Faiths emanate from One God,

makes me an idolator, a Luciferian:

Someday, when you understand me better,

you will know the love I have for you,

for Jesus the Christ,

and for all who bring God’s Holy Word.

My fellow educators,

content in your small circles:

Someday, when you understand me better,

you will know the regard with which I look upon your work.

School administrators:

Someday, when you understand me better,

you will know that I AM dedicated to the well-being of children,

and recognize that I am not the enemy.

Word Press readers:

Someday, when you understand me better,

you will no longer disdain my spiritual writings,

and will realize that I am not out to “convert” anyone,

to my point of view.

The precious children,

who understand me better than do most adults,

already know these things.

They just know.

 

Different Strokes

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Posted by on in Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Striving

September 13, 2016, Prescott- 

Today,I heard that someone who takes issue with my facilitating style will absent herself from the Wednesday group.  At work, I find it best to treat a couple of colleagues with kid gloves- and to keep my distance from one, in particular, unless it’s absolutely necessary to consult.

Not everyone is going to respond positively, to any one of us, at any given time.  The best course of action, for me, has always been to keep an open mind and heart, while giving  hateful people a wide berth.  By “hateful”, I do NOT mean critical.  God knows, I have learned much from those with differing perspectives.  Those who don’t have my well-being at heart, though, are best avoided.

Sooner or later, though, the human race will learn that every person has some value.  I will have more to say, on other subjects, tomorrow.  Now, though, I’m tired of the struggle and will say “Goodnight, all.”

Ongoing

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Posted by on in Education, Family, Inner Struggles, Poetry, Social, Striving

September 12, 2016, Prescott-

Meetings tire me,

more than the antics of children.

So, as I sat through the proceedings

in a stuffy second-floor room,

I took in all I needed,

through careful listening.

Then came afternoon.

Cool outside,

stale and debilitating, within.

My thoughts wandered

to the school district clerks,

who will occupy these rooms,

after a renovation next year.

The process is ongoing.

I had a nice time,

at a birthday party last night.

It was a good transition,

from the dark memories of

that day, fifteen years ago.

New friends, and old,

drummed, sang and ate

delectable barbecued meats

and all manner of side dishes.

Friendship and camaraderie are ongoing.

Today is my brother’s birthday.

Far off, in Atlanta, or

somewhere else on business,

he keeps setting the bar high

and setting his employees straight.

Communication is ongoing.

Labour Day Saturday

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Posted by on in Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Uncategorized

September 3, 2016, Prescott-  How does one go about a fine day, with a cash shortage until Wednesday?  Well, I made sure there was plenty of food in the house, with a brief visit to the wonderful Prescott Farmers’ Market. A long-standing pile of recycling was divvied-up, among its various recipients.  A large pile of laundry  found cleanliness. I also paid off overdue bills from summer, the last period I will ever be without a steady flow of cash.  Of course, there will be a short few days of adjustment, as different ones present their charges, between now and the 7th.  That means one more windfall for the bank, but no matter- it’ll be the last such one.  I will tell  them not to spend it all in one place.  After the 7th of September, all’s well again.

My word is the most important thing.  I will go to the greatest of lengths to keep a promise.  That has meant other forms of deprivation, (social and with regard to time).  It all pays off in the end, when others keep their word to me.  I have, in any case, resolved to never again repeat the reneging on a promise, such as we had to execute in March, 2010.  Six months from this coming Saturday, my atonement from that broken promise will be complete.

Tonight found me at Planet Fitness, with a nearly empty exercise area.  It’s helping greatly; the belly that was getting ample over the summer is again shrinking steadily.  Of course, my return to regular hiking will also keep things in check, as will a renewed sense of portion control and no longer giving in to others pushing desserts on me, so that they themselves don’t feel guilty about indulging.  We could all do better, in that regard.

Tomorrow, I will enjoy two gatherings with friends, but then will come a climb up Juniper Mesa, and my first night hike in a couple of years.

 

The Balm that Simmers

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Posted by on in children, Inner Struggles, Personal goals, Personal Values, Spiritual, Striving

August 19, 2016, Prescott- For two weekends in a row, going to a “free” concert by a local band, named The Cheektones, has been a fine way to unwind from a work position that requires every ounce of my energy and commitment.  More about them, later.

Simply put, most people have little or no understanding of the troubled.  I have listened to, and worked with and around,  two conflicting agendas, both of whose proponents purport to want what’s best for the kids in our care.  I have operated, for forty years of work with children and youth, on a gradually-established, and continually fine-tuned, intuition and sensibility.  I made all manner of errors, my first three years of teaching, and learned from every one of them, while being remorseful over those who fell behind, or fell through the cracks.  Those of my early students who are still living are in their mid-fifties now.  Chances are, most of them have gone on and lived fairly complete lives.

Nothing remains in stasis, for very long.  My current small group of children are, more than even the average child, all about the moment- and it could be the polar opposite of the moment before- or that which lies straight ahead.  Some adult observers “recognize” chemical imbalance; others see “parental spoiling”; still others just know the pain- and want to heal.

I tend to be in the last category.  Most of you know, by now, of my own having grown up autistic, somewhere on the Asperger’s spectrum.  “Emotionally-handicapped” people are, therefore, special to me.  I want nothing more than to win their trust and help them grow into, at least, a position of functionality.

I have thus tended to find myself in classrooms where such children are placed, in a group.  This grouping is not ideal, either for the students, or for the (usually small) team of adults who work with said grouping.  Adults of a certain age also tend to bicker, openly, then are astounded at the insolence of the children.  This happens between spouses, ex-spouses, co-workers and supervisors/subordinates.  I, admittedly, have done my share of bickering, in various settings, over the years.

I got out of the circular chase by stopping myself, and just listening.  Being now in a workplace where I am allowed to say very little, in the presence of my immediate supervisor, albeit enjoying freer speech at school-wide meetings, I have grown ever more comfortable with just being still.  With the children, though, as I get to know them better, I can, and will, impart to them  a code of decency and respect, which many of them have not known, other than intuitively, in their all-too-brief lives.

It is this year’s primary task to bring balm to the sore,  to heal the simmering wound.

 

Interruption

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Posted by on in Assistance, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Spiritual, Striving

July 10, 2016, Newtown, CT-  In my subsequent posts, I will be doing a bit of time-reversal, focusing on stories of my journey, from last week.  Today, though, I found myself in the predicament of having to put my Nissan in the shop, here in this town that is associated with tragedy.  The engine was smoking, the radiator might have sprung a leak or two, and the coolant overflow tank definitely needs replacing.  I will deal with these things.  It may take two or three days, but I will handle it.

In the meantime, I will be in a hotel room, in nearby Bethel.  This will give me plenty of time to read and write.  I will reflect on the fact that, just three days ago, a mechanic at a Nissan dealership, in a town about 50 miles from here,  replaced the front exhaust pipe, which he said was clogged, with no mention of a radiator problem, or an oil leak. I will converse with one of my closest friends, about whatever cash flow system can be set up, to streamline the payment part of this whole process.  I will write about the things I’ve seen and people whose company I have enjoyed, up to this point.  I will catch up on my reading.

All the while, I will reflect on the lives of the 26 people who paid the ultimate sacrifice, four years ago, this December.  I might lose a car, and have to get another one, but it is a machine.  Most of those who died at Sandy Hook Elementary were just starting out in life.  Being actually killed was the furthest thing from their minds.  That is no longer the case, for many children and their loving adults- both familial and pedagogical.  They look over their shoulders, literally and figuratively, every day.

Ironically, I was going to stop at Sandy Hook, and pay my respects, after gassing up at the  Mobil station, in Newtown.  The consensus, while I was waiting for the tow truck, was that Nissan wasn’t going anywhere.  I, on the other hand, will go where this turn of events takes us;  Me, the car or its replacement, and any who appear in the meantime.