Category Archives: Inner Struggles

The Road to Diamond, Day 4: Voyages

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

December 2, 2024, Grapevine- My planned walk to Grapevine Mills became a ride. Aram needed to get out of the house, after a day of working on his job hunt research, and, driving around, looking for a charging port for EV, came up short. So, we drove over, and walked the mall. In a chain shop called Books-A-Million, I came upon Ta-Nehisi Coates’ “Between The World and Me”, said title taken from a line in Richard Wright’s eponymous verse.

Wright’s protagonist fairly screams from the page, would scream, if he were to borrow a stentorian voice in a poetry slam. Coates himself does not scream, but speaks tersely, sternly towards his readers, yet simultaneously with urgency towards his son-the recipient of this long, elegant and painful letter.

As my son moves forward with his life, I don’t so much worry about what society, or the police, might do to him as what he may or may not do on his own. So far, so good. Therein lies the difference between our situation and that faced by too many who are in marginalized situations.

There is a chasm in society, lesser and lesser between people of different racial and ethnic groups as between people of different economic classes. There are those, both Black and White, both Right and Left, who see this class differential as the more enduring problem-and a few who see that the wirepullers of the whole Class Divide are the ones who will set up Race Card situations, clashes between people of colour and people of pallour- usually involving police officers, at some point.

Where am I going with this? What is the voyage of the mind, on which I have embarked? I am looking at justice-the justice that Ta-Nehisi Coates fears may one day escape his son, and others his age. I am looking at justice, deferred, in the matter of the son of a sitting President, supposedly out of fear that the Attorney-General for the next President may impose a draconian sentence on that son. I am looking at justice denied, with regard to that next President, and maybe those who acted, in their minds, on his behalf, four years ago next month. I am looking at justice, whose light is now hiding under a bushel. My mind still searches for it. Justice, says Baha’u’llah, is the best-beloved of all things, in the sight of God.

We will just have to stay vigilant, and see how things turn. In the meantime, my physical voyage, tomorrow, will take me back to Home Base I. The one I love most will be on a voyage of her own, to a gathering of some import. Each of us goes forth, keeping our adult children in our hearts. Each of us will keep an eye on justice. Each of us is on a voyage, to a destiny that may well bring us to a common point.

Storage

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Posted by on in collaborating, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

November 25, 2024- One way or another, sometime next year, much of what I own and choose not to give away or sell, will be placed in storage. My game plan for 2025 will be discussed with my little family, over the next eight days. There are three options, but time in my current residence is getting short. More on what will transpire, as we go along.

Things can be placed in storage; feelings cannot. Many people stuff their emotions, either because they are internally uncomfortable or because they are unacceptable to those closest to them. I used to try and stuff my feelings. They came out anyway, in highly counterproductive ways, ranging from physical uncoordination to social awkwardness. There was, in retrospect, no real reason for this, except my misconception that being myself was an imposition on my family and would not be accepted by my peers.

This conviction was somewhat, but not completely, erased by marriage, career and parenthood. The emotions that remained “in storage” were rooted out later, when I was responsible for Penny’s care and for getting myself together, after her passing. There were those who understood and encouraged my growth, and there were those who would not cut me any slack. Fortunately, both contributed to the release and dismissal of those demons.

Storage has its place-and that is for temporary safeguarding of material possessions, like keepsakes and books that are not immediately needed. Feelings, though, should not be subject to “safekeeping”-at least not long term.

Pre-Approved

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

November 22, 2024- An earnest woman offered advice to her long-time friend, regarding how to handle a nettlesome and persistent critic. He left the conversation, quietly, and headed home. A short time later, he called her and announced he was cutting ties with her, saying she was being unfair to the other person. Her own cage rattled, the lady called another friend, who told her to not pay heed to the man. “You are not worthless; you are pre-approved”.

We all know about “pre-approved”-the ploy by certain credit bureaus and financial institutions to get us to pursue lines of credit and personal loans, at what look like generous terms. Most often, a closer will come in, hem and haw and bring the deal to a good, old-fashioned shut down.

We humans are, however, pre-approved by the Creator, in the truest sense of the term. We each come with strengths, offerings, challenges to meet. Many of these are shared with others, but always in a way unique to the bearer. Each of us can make a special mark, or collaborate with those around us to create a tower of strength.

None of this depends on the approval of those on the outside of the process. Monday Morning quarterbacks can be useful in suggesting ways to correct errors in a given process, but they are not entitled to dismantle the effort, nor are they in a position to drag those who are in the vanguard of the action through the mud.

Post-mortems are best carried out by those who have given their all. Their skills, their energy, their willpower is pre-approved.

Integrity

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

November 21, 2024- It didn’t surprise me, when United States Attorney General nominee, Matt Gaetz, withdrew his name from consideration, citing the legal maelstrom surrounding his public and private behaviour. The man at least showed enough integrity to not want the country to be saddled with focusing on the allegations against him, at a time of transition. For that, he deserves our collective thanks.

No one, male or female, deserves anything but opprobrium for proven actions against minor children or any other vulnerable people. Whatever Gaetz might face as a private citizen remains to be seen. This, however, goes beyond ideology or one’s place on the political spectrum. For that matter, it transcends “race”, “nationality”, “creed” or “sexual orientation”. I remember when various Presidential aides and at least one Congressman were caught up in investigation of ethics violations. There were a business-oriented Republican, an Old South Democrat and an African-American liberal Democrat. My father had harsh words to say about each one.

Integrity is an equal opportunity quality, as are all virtues. Everyone can summon it, when it serves their purpose. The trick is to have that purpose meld with doing right by the people, and by the nation. Matt Gaetz did so, today. Let’s see it become standard behaviour, from our public servants-across the board.

“How’s That for Love?”

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

November 19, 2024- So says Kate, the adolescent daughter of a pediatric surgeon and an intelligence operative, to her mother, after hugging her father, after he’d been attacked by the father of one of his patients. This began the second episode of “Lioness”.

Love doesn’t always come easily and even the deepest is not always requited. We humans always need to have free will, before any kind of attachment or commitment can be made. I am no different, in that regard. There are those whom I have placed in the categories of friend, or extended sibling, who once wished that I would offer a different, more intimate role in my life.

Then, there are situations where mutual love exists, but the life experiences of one or both parties serve as blocks to the free expression of that love. A fear of commitment may follow the sudden death of a spouse, after which there was no time for grieving, for processing, for closure. Compound that by the incomplete grieving of one’s children, and the wariness is multiplied.

The real deal, in this set of circumstances, places the needs of the loved one, and the loved one’s family, front and center. Nothing changes, in the lover’s self-concept. Alternative plans are prepared, just in case, but the communication does not stop. Life goes on, in every other avenue of endeavour, while every effort continues to help the beloved achieve dreams and goals. There is wide latitude given, in the hope that the grieving over the prior loss can resume, and become complete. There is a standing offer of emotional and spiritual support.

How’s that for love?

Pounded

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

November 16, 2024- No doubt, the wind and water were practically freezing people in their tracks, as the monster called Man-yi, the sixth (or seventh) of its kind to hit the Philippines, in little over a month, wrought floodwaters, mud and collapsing buildings, from Samar, in the central region known as Visayas to Aurora, in northeast Luzon. People who I helped, after the earlier Typhoon Kristine, will not be able to tell me if that aid survived Man-yi (“Pepito”), for several days. They appear to be safe, in either government shelters or with family, elsewhere. Those in Metro Manila, including K, have full plates, I’m sure, keeping track of those close to them who live in Bicol, Catanduanes and Samar. Metro itself does not appear to have suffered.

Here at Home Base, the talk is more about who will serve in what position. What will they do, to cut the national debt? Whose jobs will they cut? Will there be attention paid to what the new “masters” regard as frivolous programs? Will they have frivolous programs of their own? In any adjustment of budgets and spending that involves large numbers of people, there needs to be attention paid to the households, and communities, that will be disrupted if there are mass layoffs and job cuts. This process can not be a frivolity in its own right. It can’t be managed by AI, by people acting like AI or by someone several degrees of separation from those impacted on the ground. (That last has been a sore point with those who, ironically, identify with the populist movement which seems to have prevailed, worldwide.) It stands to reason that meaningful work needs to be generated, at local and state levels, or in the private sector, before the proverbial swamp gets drained.

Nature, in this time of global change, can be brutal and unforgiving. It has consequences, both anticipated and unknown. Government, in this time of rearrangement and a degree of revanchism, does not have to be blinkered, in its pursuit of economy and justice for the small tax payer. Planning ahead and layering of cutbacks can prevent wholesale collapse of local economies from immediate mass cuts in government spending. It is not impossible for jobs to transferred to the private sector or to lower tiers of government, if enough advance planning is exercised.

We don’t need to leave one another feeling pounded. Nature does that well enough, on its own.

Pause, and Reflect

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

November 8, 2024- The ice in her words was palpable and almost debilitating. They seemed to have come out of nowhere, but the message was unmistakable. So I told her that her wishes will always be respected.

I have fallen deeply in love with only two women who were not responsible for my birth and upbringing. One gave me the best years of her life, and I gave back, to the best of my ability. It was hard to let her go, at the end, and for two years afterward, I even saw her in people I barely knew-leaving temporary wreckage in my wake. We all survived and recovered, and I thank dear Penny’s spirit for my survival.

I did not see the second one coming, but little more than a year ago, there she was. I had not gone to that place on the far side of the Pacific to find a wife, but I was smitten from the moment she walked in the room. A year’s worth of messages followed and I at least got to take her on a couple of daytime dates, on my last visit. I was prepared to move to that place, and relinquish all that I had gathered here-Home Base, vehicle and other possessions, and to bid farewell to so many friends. I only wanted to be with her, not out of fantasy or obsession, but out of a deep love.

I did not see the end coming, until the messages came this morning-First, a disembodied asexual voice: “It’s over”; then the words, discouraging me from continuing with my move and someone else’s message: “You’d only be in her way”. Family and friends here have warned me not to get too wrapped up in my feelings. They know that there are too many things that can go wrong-in a relationship that is hobbled by time, distance and cultural differences. I know that, too, and it takes some of the sting out of what happened this morning.

In the end, I had four different obligations-each relatively minor, but needing attention, nonetheless. So, I got myself together, went to Bellemont Baha’i School and checked the winterization process-completed; went to two different VA offices and called a third, regarding the discrepancy with one of my health care provider’s records; returned a call from one of the potential movers to the intended country and will get a quote from them next week, for good measure and took care of a bill that I had spaced out, last week. This evening, friends hugged me and said it was too bad. Music, at a small house party and at the Raven Cafe, helped to further lighten my mood.

It was a nice run, though, and it restored my self-confidence, even if it turned out too good to be true. I will love K forever, and life will go on.

The Difference Made

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Family, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

November 3, 2024- On February 24, 1981, I called my mother and told her that I had become a member of the Baha’i Faith, letting her know the basics of the then-138-year-old religion. The most important of these, to her, was that use of mind-altering substances, including alcohol, was prohibited. Baha’u’llah teaches that presence of mind is essential and that anything which interferes with such mindfulness is to be avoided.

He was born Husayn Ali, to Mirza Abbas-i-Nuri (Mirza Buzurg) and Khadijih Khanum, on November 12, 1817, in Teheran. Despite being a member of a noble family, Husayn Ali eschewed a life of privilege, and became associated with a new religious movement, based on the teachings of al-Bab, which taught that “One greater than Myself” would appear and unveil teachings that would in turn unite mankind. When al-Bab was imprisoned, and subsequently executed in 1850, Husayn Ali became a leader of the inchoate Babi movement and was Himself incarcerated in a dungeon known as Siyah Chal (“Black Pit”). While there, shackled among a hundred or so others, many of whom were violent criminals, and with no personal space, Mirza Husayn Ali had a vision. A maiden-like presence appeared to Him and revealed that it was He to Whom al-Bab was referring. The title Baha’u’llah was conferred on Him, in that moment.

Over time, through three exiles, the last of which brought Baha’u’llah and His family to Akka, in what is now Israel, and through the ministries of His eldest son, ‘Abdu’l-Baha, and of His eldest great grandson, Shoghi Effendi, the Baha’i Faith grew to several million people, spread over all six inhabited continents. When Shoghi Effendi died in 1957, without leaving an heir, the Faith was briefly led by a council of stewards, known as the Hands of the Cause of God, until a nine-member Universal House of Justice was elected in 1963. This last was in accordance with the terms of Baha’u’llah’s Will and Testament, also known as Kitab-i-Ahd. The Universal House of Justice has been elected by the members of Baha’i national assemblies every five years since 1963. It remains the Head of the Faith.

Getting back to my own situation: In 1981, I was at the tail-end of a long personal struggle. Baha’i teachings have gradually guided me to shed lots of personal baggage. It has not been a walk in the park. Change involves a lot of work-physical, emotional and spiritual. As with any transformative effort, there are successes and there are setbacks. I was blessed with the love of a good Baha’i woman, until her passing in 2011. I am blessed with a son who has grown into a strong, well-balanced man. I am also blessed with many friends, across the United States and around the globe, including a woman who has captured my heart. I am, most of all, blessed with the transformative power of a Messenger’s Teachings that have given me the strength to shed baggage that has bedeviled me since childhood.

I have taken ‘the road less traveled and that has made all the difference’. (apologies to Robert Frost)

Trickery

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

October 31, 2024- The recent stunt, in which a candidate for President drove around in a garbage truck,left me a little cold. It would have been mildly amused, had he done donuts or peeled out-on an empty street, mind you. The impetus for this was the current President’s remarks, in response to an off-colour joke about Puerto Rico at said candidate’s recent rally, in Madison Square Garden, that used a possessive pronoun that sounds like the noun that is the plural of “supporter”. One cannot hear an apostrophe, so the quick and dirty conclusion is “He’s talking smack about us, just like the candidate did in 2016.” That’s a shame.

Those who have arbitrary and exclusionary solutions to social problems will very often try to divide those whom they either openly or secretly regard with disdain. Thus we have Project 2025 and USA.INC, as comprehensive and arbitrary solutions to problems which are best resolved by a careful blend of conservative love of family and individual initiative with progressive concern for the well-being of even the least among us and collective sense of hearing everyone out.

I’ve already voted, and in any case, have not been fooled by the jumping around, half-baked rhetoric and name-calling, back and forth. All the noise is best moved beyond, by reading the candidates’ position statements and deciding what most accurately fits your world view.

It’s time to call out trickery, wherever it is found.

Intensity

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

October 30, 2024-I dreamed of Manila, and of Kathy, most of the night. Maybe those are just residuals from the visit just ended, or maybe they’re a harbinger. When I got up, it was time to focus on getting back into the swing of things here at Home Base, so I walked, happily, downtown and sat for a while in Wild Iris, then came back and briefly discussed a few matters with my landlord. I have told him my time here is getting shorter, and he thinks I need to follow my heart. At dinner this evening, with another long-time friend, I got the same message.

I’ve been in Prescott for 13.5 years, continuously, and 15 years all told, more than any place other than Saugus (20 years, all told). I could easily call this Home Base for the rest of my life; the Southwest is a place of endless beauty and opportunities. There are two other factors, however-My little family, now in Texas, who will be the prime foci of my time in the U.S., should they bring forth children of their own and the second great love of my life, who, as I keep saying lately, is the prime focus of my time and energy, overall.

I’ve sometimes been told that I am far too intense for my own good-and perhaps that is true. I love deeply, which won’t change, for the simple reason is that I don’t see enough love in the world. My friends and family understand this. Kathy is coming to understand it more, just as I am coming to understand her need to show her love in subtle, sometimes opaque, ways. Intense love, however, is needed to deflect and counteract intense hate. Subtlety, on the other hand, is a soothing balm for those times when intensity rubs things raw-and a healing period of rest is needed. It also helps ward off dementia-(just an aside).

On a greater scale, we will need intensity-of thought, of energy, of commitment and of meaningful action. I will say more on what I think is needed for the country to thrive, over the next few days.