Category Archives: Personal goals

The Future of Power

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

September 4, 2022, Colorado Springs- I had breakfast with a group of children, this morning. The topic of conversation (to which I was largely relegated to the role of listener) was the quality of schools and of those schools’ schedules. There was a fairly lively debate about the advantages of sacrificing an hour of sleeping-in, four days a week, for the joys of a Friday off. Siblings from a rural community, in southeast Colorado, have that reality. The rest, living in various communities along the Front Range, are attending schools with standard, M-F 8-3 regimens. Quietly, I empathize with the four-day week, though I would have to LIVE near the school that starts at 7 a.m., in order to work there-especially in winter. The children, ages 6-10, have definite expectations about what they want from their teachers-and recess is not their “favourite subject”.

Another aspect of child life these days is, as it has ever been, the angst of adults, especially of grandparents and their contemporaries, over “What will become of humanity?”, as they observe little boys fighting, throwing things from rocks to tantrums and being generally aggressive. “Where do they get that from?”, asked one grandmother, while fretting that the generation will become inherently violent in their own adulthood. The answer to the question is: We are, physically, animals, and thus have one part of ourselves that is territorial and defensive. The answer to the second fear is: It falls to us to nurture the rising generations, intervene, nonviolently, in the fracas and offer alternatives to trail by combat. It is going to take a long time to get past the genetic memory of spanking, a practice which I admit I used, albeit sparingly, in bygone days. Yes, adults who hit, with the best of intentions, sanction present and future hitting by their offspring. Thankfully, I saw only nonviolent firmness and loving care by parents, even when they thought no one was watching, these past three days. The toughest of men were as steel and velvet, and the women were, as ever, firm and gentle. The little boys will grow up, by and large, to emulate their fathers.

I am coming away from this gathering of Baha’is, and some of our friends from the wider community, with deep-seated hope. The emphasis here has been on cooperation and creativity, as well as the deepening of faith. The power invested in children, and the channeling of energy in a constructive direction, is being replicated in any number of communities, nationally and worldwide. It is this phenomenon which is actively competing with the acquiescence to the above-mentioned violence, and the use of electronic media as passive diversions, for the hearts and minds of young people. The children, based on what I heard this morning at breakfast, prefer the former.

Power thrives on encouragement and nurturing.

Staying Patient

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Striving

August 26, 2022- I have a residual patience issue, with people who are abrupt, discounting and themselves impatient. What a vicious circle this could be!

This noon, as I was in the midst of lunch at a local diner, a man sat down and asked my opinion about an Asian restaurant he was considering visiting. In the ensuing exchange, every comment I made was challenged or discounted, until finally he caught himself and acknowledged that everyone is different. My simmering impatience was thus dissipated and the rest of the conversation went more smoothly.

Penny used to tell me that my greatest challenge was indeed staying patient, in the face of impatience. I spent many hours contemplating just how to understand such people. What was the source of their badgering and importunity? I observed a few such folks from a distance, and listened to their exchanges with others. It seems, like so many other annoying behaviours, and a few dangerous ones, to stem from insecurity.

“A child becomes what is lived.” “Hurt people hurt people”; “The hurried child can never relax.” Thus it is that a person who never knows what it feels like to be treated with kindness and patience passes their opposites on to those who are encountered.

I chose to break the cycle today, and it saved both of us a ton of grief.

Soaking Wet

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Posted by on in Community, impediments, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Striving

August 24, 2022-

When walking with a fine new book in hand,

and the clouds decided to stop expanding,

I found myself the target of drops,

and there was place to conveniently stop.

Thankfully, it took but five minutes,

to get to the safety of Home Base,

and be free from lightning’s capricious gaze.

For the first time since 2008, I found myself caught in a downpour, though it didn’t get to full intensity until after I had managed to get inside. Then, to add to the drama, there was the spectacle of a recycling bin being carried along by a torrent of water, followed by a determined neighbour walking after it, despite the fact that the rain was pummeling him. Man and bin returned to their residence, just as the rain was tapering off- so I think he decided to stop under the overhang of the sports bar next door.

Friends across town later told me they had lost power, for about thirty minutes. We lost ours for a few seconds, just enough to require a couple of resets. This monsoon remains the most prolific so far this century-at least in our area, and that’s saying a lot, as I recall 2004, 05, 08 and 2010 as having served up some ferocious microbursts.

In other news, I finished my Spring & Summer reading: Gandhi, An Autobiography; The Four Agreements; Leonora in the Morning Light; The Maxwells of Montreal, Volume 1. Now come the Summer & Fall selections: John Adams; PrairyErth; Otherlands and Learn Well This Tablet. I have previously mentioned the first three listed above. “Maxwells” is an account of the initiators of the Baha’i community of Canada. I will read the second volume over the winter. “John Adams” is, of course, a biography of the second President of the United States, by the late David McCullough. “PrairyErth” is a detailed study of the topography, flora, fauna and communities of Chase County, Kansas, by William LeastHeat Moon. “Otherlands” is a scholarly exploration of Earth’s pre-human eras, from the inception of life through the Pleistocene, by Thomas Halliday. “Tablet” is a study of the Baha’i prayer, Tablet of Ahmad, by the late H. Richard Gurinsky, who I knew personally.

This weekend will hopefully take me back up to Dharma Farm, for some grounding time, before heading to Colorado in the middle of next week, for a few days. It would also be nice to get in a hike or two, visit Synergy and carry on with regular weekend morning activities. It’s been a fairly quiet and lovely month thus far, overall. September also promises to be lovely, but far from quiet.

No Limits

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Posted by on in Alternative Careers, Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, impediments, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

August 19, 2022- Four of us spent a couple of hours, this afternoon, going over the process of evaluating buildings as potential Red Cross shelters. Most of our area’s needs, in that regard, stem from wildfire; but there are times when floods and snowstorms create sheltering needs. Flagstaff, some ninety miles northeast of us, is experiencing flood emergencies, often several times a week, due to this year’s bountiful rains-which were preceded by harrowing fires. Prescott has had its share of both, in years past, as well.

I have been asked, by concerned friends and family, WHEN I will devote myself to full retirement. The answer probably lies in my health and clear-mindedness. When those fade, so will my activity. Until then, I enjoy the presence of children, helping out in the community and learning new skills-such as the above-mentioned logistics. So I will continue helping out in classrooms and working in the community, on a regular basis. Besides, now I have an auto loan to pay down.

The late Carmine Moschella, a fixture in the hometown of my youth for well over seventy years, was a prime example of working at something of benefit to self and others, nearly to the time of his death. So was A.C. Fellman, Penny’s paternal grandfather, inventor of the Fellman Boot, a staple of the U. S. Navy’s World War II maritime uniform. Countless others, many still living, have remained productive and in a learning mode, well into their 90s, if not into their second century.

Now I want to flip this post a bit, and give a shout out to all girls and young women who are taking up the study and practice of trades like aviation, carpentry, electricity, plumbing, welding and automotive mechanics. There is nothing that says a person with good eye-hand coordination, a keen attention span, and pride in work has to be limited in field of endeavour. If there are male nurses, flight attendants, fashion models and office workers, so there can, and should, be female tradespeople.

I once had the opportunity to foster a young woman’s interest in the building trades. It came down to spending money on renovating a house, in which she would be a key worker, or using the funds to help someone get surgery. I chose the latter, and as much good as that did for my friend, I have regrets at not having been able to help the lady get practical experience in several trades. Somehow, I sense that she has gone on, and done quite well in that regard.

Age and sex are not intended to be limits a human’s progress.

The Reset Button

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Striving

August 16, 2022- I took my time, getting out of bed, this morning-relatively speaking. It took eight minutes or so, instead of the usual three. I breathed very deeply, many times, due to the rush of thoughts going through my head. In this land of millions of motor vehicles, I thought about the process of getting a new one. I determined that:

  1. I would put in a full day on my work assignment, skimping on nothing. It’s a tradition for me, that personal cares and challenges stop at the workplace door. In dealing with kids, especially, the outside world has to take a backseat. It was a good day, guiding and reassuring the little ones.
  2. In the evening, I took care of some paper work transfers, then sat down and looked at a couple of websites, of local auto dealers. I determined, early on, that online purchase of a vehicle was unwise. There is a lot of transparency out there, but there is also a fair amount of deceit. One profile features a desirable vehicle, but there was uncertainty about its odometer reading. The author claimed it was “probably a clerical error, not a willful discrepancy.” Good luck with that one, pal!
  3. I made a list of vehicles that appealed to me, from the two dealers’ websites. There are seven vehicles on this short list. I will spend time tomorrow evening, talking with the dealers, on site. Kicking the tires and checking the bells and whistles are musts.

The reset button has been pushed, one more time.

Unintended Requiem

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Striving, Travel

August 15, 2022- It is probable that the woman wanted to get home so badly, that nothing or no one else mattered, including the red light, at which two other motorists had stopped their vehicles. Regardless of the promptings, what ensued was that her vehicle ended up wedged to the car in front of it, which then slammed into mine.

Her insurance carrier’s senior agent was incredulous that I had driven from the accident site to my home, over 2000 miles away. The fact is that the vital parts of the Saturn Vue were in safe, operable condition- the fuel tank and exhaust, rear wheels, brakes and struts. I made it safely, and got to a few subsequent commitments, before submitting the vehicle to the auto body shop of my choice.

Insurance companies, by nature, are risk averse, as are State Insurance Authorities, and many mechanical shops. There are good reasons for all the above, mostly based on the history of litigation. So, upon finding that there was damage to the undercarriage of Saturn, Insurance Carrier A assessed the vehicle as a total loss. I was advised to have the matter transferred to my own carrier, and so Insurance Carrier B assumed control of Saturn, and will continue dealings with Carrier A. The auto body shop will be reimbursed by Carrier A, as well: Three days of labour and five days of storage are no trifle.

The vehicle that took me to the northern tip of Newfoundland, and many points between here and there, will soon be auctioned for parts. There will be those who say “I told you so!”, while not recognizing that ANY vehicle, in the wrong place at the wrong time, may be subject to death and dismemberment.

What will now transpire is that, for the first time since 1982, I will be totally responsible for the purchase of a vehicle. Saturn was a sentimental choice, as well as being chosen for its sturdiness. The next vehicle will be of more recent vintage, and have fewer miles under its belt. This is not because of the chance I will be taunted and ridiculed, but because the vehicle will need to last me several years-potentially being the last car I will own.

Do not “rust in peace”, Saturn. Your viable parts will do many others some good.

A Day of No Nap

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

August 14, 2022- The sun peaked through the considerable cloud cover, as I woke in Lake Havasu City, earlier today. There was a full slate of activities planned for the morning-first, an interesting take on a breakfast panini- with egg and potatoes baked inside the toasty bread, Monster donuts were also provided. I ate a portion of one, and took 1 1/2 others back with me, to freeze and eat in small portions, over a few days.

Next was a life coaching-type activity, called B100- “B” stands for balance. The basic premise to evaluate one’s scores in the areas of Health,Wealth, Spirit and Fun. We each did a self-evaluation, and I came up with a total of 82, fairly evenly scored, but with higher scores in Spirit and Fun, good score in Health and a slightly lower score in wealth. None was far removed from the others-the range of scores being 4. It was basically a fun exercise for me and showed that I am on the right track in every area.

Lastly, we had a study of Baha’i writings on “Life after Death”, with the focus being on the life of the soul in the hereafter. This study brought on a lively discourse on the ethics of euthanasia. My own take is that the dying person should have the right to make his/her own decisions on living or dying, hopefully letting nature run its course, as long as one is of sound mind. Penny made her own decisions, until nearly the end. So did several others who have since gone on, after long illnesses.

On the way back to Home Base, I stopped to check in with friends at Westside Lilo’s, in the wayside community of Seligman. The place has some of the best bratwurst in northern Arizona, so along with a helping of the mild, but warm sauerkraut and a side of potato salad, brats were an unusual 3 p.m. meal-essentially, “linner”. The ladies are always full of gab and taking careful stock of each other’s well-being.

The day came to an end around 10 p.m., without a nap. I was determined that I would focus on just finishing the day, in robust fashion-so I did. Sleep came easy. The shadows were sure to gather, come Monday morning.

Triple Decker

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

August 13, 2022, Lake Havasu City- One by one, friends of a young man whom I have known for about three years came filing through the door of the home he shares with his father, in this desert community overlooking the Colorado River. It is his thirtieth birthday. He allowed as how this was the biggest birthday bash he has ever had-and I would not have missed it for the world. He sees today as a confirmation of his change in mindset. This was bolstered by going around and asking each of us what one piece of advice we would offer him.

I admit, I don’t know what it feels like to have a birthday where no one attended the party. Even when it was just initially the three of us, others have always showed up and made the day festive. Not everyone is so fortunate-and God knows, there are those who get arrested, or even killed, on their “special day”. Thankfully, this has not happened to anyone I have known, save one person, back in the mid-90s. There are many who do, however, end up noting their birthdays nearly alone. Today’s celebrant was one of those, on several occasions, over the years.

Another aspect of this day is the marking of three decades. Often, the “Big Three-Oh” is a mark of maturity, or at least the glimmerings of such, in a person’s life. For me, back in 1980, it was the day when a woman in San Diego told me I didn’t need to try so hard, in starting a relationship. She was in a bond of her own, so was not dropping any hints-but she said I was more physically attractive and personable than I was allowing self to acknowledge. That was borne out, a week later, when I met Penny in Zuni, NM and my life changed-for the next thirty years, if not forever. My thirties, which my last landlady in Maine had told me, two years earlier, would be enjoyable, were also the period in which I shed a long-standing bugbear: Alcohol dependence; and changed the scope of my faith, from Catholic to Baha’i- more in keeping with my own belief in the essential unity of all people-and the wholeness of Creation.

I became a father, towards the end of the decade, and now our son is in his own thirties, a loving husband, a diligent student, and a man on the cusp of a senior rank in the U.S. Navy Reserves. He has a solid life plan, a tad more organized than I had at that age, and which is also flexible enough that no change in humanity’s fortunes can derail it.

So, I see my young friend also finding a viable path, one that he and his best friend here can navigate together, if they wish. I sense that his days of viewing the world though the half-empty glass, a worldview rooted simply in fear, are over and that his considerable gifts are going to bear fruit.

Life in one’s thirties is indeed a triple-decker, of knowledge, wisdom and meaningful action.

Best Efforts

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Education, impediments, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Striving

August 10, 2022- In the midst of the confluence between the first COVID outbreak and the hurricane season, two years ago, I found myself on the floor of a large congregate hurricane shelter, in Alexandria, LA. I had been getting messages about that city, for about two months, so it came as no surprise that the Red Cross sent me there. What was surprising was that I managed to be on the floor, in constant motion, helping a variety of people with sometimes complicated concerns, for up to nine hours-and being able to wind down, getting enough sleep for the next day’s activities. There were no full days of rest allowed, though we did get up to three hours off, on one day of our choice during this two-week period. This was mainly because of the Shelter Manager’s assessment of the situation, which was not all that far off the mark. It was probably the most physically intense event that any of us had worked.

I was given a high rating on performance of duties, for that assignment. Even if that had not been the case, it would not have mattered much. I did my level best and felt that I had. No one else’s opinion really mattered, though the clients, who were mostly lower middle class people, of white, black and Hispanic descent, gave me a hearty thanks. That felt good.

Don Miguel Ruiz, in the fifth chapter of “The Four Agreements”, casts the agreement to do one’s best, across situations and physical states, as the prerequisite to overcoming the failure to keep one’s word, the tendency to take things personally and the making of assumptions. Since the latter three are themselves derived from self-doubt, and are only fed by the negative energy of others, the mindset that one has done one’s best diverts from such self-defeating practices. It sets the stage for a new set of agreements, which are proactive in building a world based on true personal inner peace and positive relationships.

The Universe, almost in keeping with the spirit that welled up in me, after I read that chapter, provided work for tomorrow, three substitute assignments for next week and a social gathering, across the state, on Saturday evening. The respite of about ten days has been sufficient and it will be reaffirming to be back in service.

Now, I need to put the trash out.

Assumptions

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

August 9, 2022- There is a family with whom my relationship has been touch and go, over the past eleven years. We work towards similar goals, yet there is always a feeling-mostly on my part, that things could be a whole lot better between us.

This, it turns out, is an indicator of my tendency to fill in the blanks with assumptions, which may have scant connection with reality. Most of the people in my life have made assumptions, so I have found this “skill” ingrained in me. Like Nature, human beings abhor a vacuum-especially one of information.

Don Miguel Ruiz comments on this, in the fourth chapter of “The Four Agreements”-noting that assumptions create twice as many problems as they purport to solve. Creating scenarios, with false or incomplete information, has been a waste of time for me, most of the time.

This leads me into the scenarios being devised, to provide false equivalency for the plights of perpetrators, when victims deserve first hearing. Then, there are trolls, whose aim is to discombobulate the masses, by throwing out false accusations about people who, while imperfect, are generally above reproach.

In reading “The Four Agreements”, I again got to thinking, hard, about all the times things have been made worse by jumping to conclusions. With my somewhat stumpy legs, missing the other side has been a considerable consequence. So, there’s another goal-quit assuming the worst, and aim for its opposite.