Category Archives: Personal Values

Wait Just A Minute

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Posted by on in Community, Inspiration, Personal Values, Spiritual, Striving

October 31, 2018, Prescott-

Halloween was low key, at least tonight.

Twenty people happened by my solitary, if well-lit, table on our quiet street.

It was full-blast, over the weekend, though

I went to one party, with my co-workers,

and it was the most heartfelt event.

My appreciation goes to friends in Phoenix and Scottsdale,

whose parties I missed.

See you next October, as things stand now.

That brings me to the main point of this piece.

I no longer rank order my friends.

I no longer have most favourite restaurants,

coffee shops, places to visit.

I am finding too much of merit,

in too many places,

and with too many people.

Someone asked me,

not long ago,

who my best friend was,

and why I didn’t speak to that best friend,

on a daily basis?

In truth, I have many friends

and I may speak to them,

as needed.

My friends are,

quite frankly,

both human and spirit.

Usually, it is the spirit friends

who tell me I need to be

nicer to the humans.

I take that admonition seriously.

Back to the idea of favourites.

We rank order, in this life,

for reasons particular to the person

doing the ranking.

We want to have reliable people,

on whom we might call,

in a time of need.

We enjoy a certain barrista’s latte

or a given baker’s quiche or breads,

or a pasta chef’s lovingly made spaghetti bolognese.

We love how the vegan lady downtown

makes such delectable soups.

I might miss the teasing of a cerebral friend, uptown,

or my brother’s sometimes caustic, but always on-point, admonitions.

I might just need the affirmations of a devout Christian friend,

who understands me, better than most.

I may want to connect with friends in Alberta, Alaska,

or Alsace.

None really is superior to the others.

Maybe, I am reaching a point of true unity.

It has come hard, and I am still working

on my sticky point:

That consistency of presence thing.

It even happened this evening.

Little “S”, for whom I’d give my life,

snuck up to my Halloween table,

whilst I was bidding farewell

to a 9-year-old vampire.

“Trick or treat”,

followed by the world’s most beautiful

toothy smile, brought me back

to front and center.

She wanted to visit my table,

before putting on her witch’s hat.

“S” and her mother made my evening.

 

 

 

Radiating Outward,Absorbing Inward

11
Posted by on in Community, Inspiration, Personal Values, Spiritual, Striving

October 29, 2018, Prescott-

I am now given to saying this personal prayer, in a quiet time of day, preferably at dawn.  This is not a revealed verse. It merely reflects my humble sentiments.

” O Creator of all,

Preserve this soul and protect its human host,

from all that is vile and treacherous,

whether within or outside.

Protect this humble home,

and all who shelter within it,

from those forces which mean harm.

Guard this community,

and guide its residents

to do right by themselves,

their families and their neighbours.

Bless this city, county,

state and nation,

and lead us to do right,

by one another and by those

who appeal to us for help.

Give them the strength

to do for themselves,

as dignity and justice

shall illustrate.

Radiate your blessings

upon this continent,

this hemisphere,

this planet.

May the hurt of one

truly be seen

and heard

as the hurt of all.

“Let deeds, not words,

be your adorning”-Baha’u’llah

 

NanaBub

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Posted by on in Family, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Spiritual, Striving

October 24, 2018, Prescott-

Penny’s mother passed away, last night, at the age of 92.  She was the last of her birth family and had fought bravely against cancer, among other diseases, actually beating it, whilst in her early seventies.  Other ailments took cancer’s place, and she spent her last year in a most uncharacteristically sedentary life.

I was fortunate to have seen Ruth Faust Fellman at her most active best, and to have offered her solace, twice, when she was in one of her most despondent states.  Through all of her suffering, her youngest daughter took the reins of caregiving and worked the ups and downs of dealing with a still adolescent senior care “industry”.  As with any person who steps into such a role, she deserves the finest of accolades.

My mother-in-law was the youngest of three children, and had to be far above her older siblings, just to get the recognition and respect she deserved from them.  Ruth became a registered nurse, and devoted her professional life to serve in the public schools of northern New Jersey, as a School Nurse.  She threw herself, full tilt, into everything she did.  This example led to Penny being the achiever she was, as well.

She could be challenging, mostly from a lifetime of having to stand up to powerful men.  The number of times she set me straight could fill a small volume, but she was right, more often than not.  Her voice was often the last one that my at times willful son heard, before he decided to follow directions.  When there was a cultural debate over whether she was to be addressed as “Bubba”, in the Ashkenazi Jewish tradition or as “Nana”, in the British style of her youngest daughter’s in-laws, she selected “NanaBub”.  That stuck for many years, until both of her grandchildren decided they liked just “Nana”.

I have had to project into a future without her voice, though there were several times, even recently, when I half-believed her saying that she would reach the century mark.  That, of course, was unlikely, but I learned early on, never to count either of my mother figures out of anything.

Ruth was, above all else, one to stay close to home.  She extended herself to visit east Asia, on the occasion of Aram’s birth, but after that journey to several countries, which she described as “excruciating”,  no one, including her husband, could get her to leave the contiguous United States.

Now she has passed into a realm that knows no bounds. There, she is with her husband, Norm, daughter Penny, her siblings and their parents.  I sense there will be peace among them, and that they will help us to recognize each other’s true worth.

 

Two Times Two

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Posted by on in Community, impediments, Personal Values, Spiritual, Striving

October 19, 2018, Prescott-

Today is the birthday of a wise and difficult woman.  The wisdom of this person has been on my computer screen, much of the day, as I took a day off from work, to let my recuperating left knee catch a break.  It isn’t her formidable and searing poetry and prose that I am reading.  Instead, I am reading the verses of kindred spirits- women who could heal the planet, were they to find league with one another.

People like SheLion and Fiery, whose verses burn through all pretense, are who built the human race, who stoked the fires, domesticated wild crops and chronicled it all, first in pictures and then in song.  People like my mother, still offering a ruling hand, at Ninety years of age, are who have raised solid men, for an ever-changing and hopefully advancing civilization.  People who don’t flinch, in the face of adversity or in the face of false kindness, are who are bringing truth to the world.

I watched an episode of “Law and Order: SVU”, on a hunch that a rare daytime viewing would tell me something I needed to know.  The topic was a “female empowerment” group, which turned out to be little more than a man manipulating lonely women into giving him money and control over their lives.

As I watched that program, I could not help but think of the above-mentioned woman’s complaint, after visiting a large faith-based center, in the mountains northeast of here. There didn’t appear to be any coterie of women, attached to either of the men running the center, but the fees being charged for week-long seminars did seem to be exorbitant.

I am in agreement with her about this.  Those who need spiritual training are just as likely to be in a low income bracket as to be wealthy.   The argument that “we can’t stay open, if we lower our fees” is, to me, a hollow one.  A spiritual retreat, especially an ascetic one, is not a spa or a golf resort.  My own attendance at faith-based events is contingent upon their accessibility to everyone.  I will be looking into this fee system further.

There are other points, which it likely will fall to me to raise, having loving, but hard, conversations with friends and acquaintances in this area, with the goal of seeking justice.   Some will involve the well-being of troubled young adults and others will pertain to the ethics of certain local business owners.  Again, the goal is justice, not a blame game or random accusations.

Two times two should always equal four- and no amount of padding or sleight of hand should be allowed to change that basic fact.  Honesty in business is everything.

The Thing of It Is

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Posted by on in collaborating, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

October 17, 2018, Prescott-

Through my life, I have learned things from friends, which have been very useful.  I have learned things from detractors and haters, which have also been very useful.  The most recent hater in my life has cut off all contact, but not before leaving these tips:

  1.  Presence is something in which I need to up my game, almost to the psychic level, if I want to live out the years I am intended to live.
  2.   Messages can be scrambled.  It is the duty of the reader or the hearer to unscramble them, if one’s true intent is to work for peace.
  3. Unintentionally, this person showed how to turn well-meaning people into adversaries, just by refusing to believe that any failure to provide assistance on demand, however small, was not subconsciously planned.

I could say that, in addition to Aspberger’s, I might have a touch of ADD.   I was raised, though, to not offer excuses.  I do need to make presence an up-game focus for the next 14.5 months, so that there are no more “G’s”, or if there are, that I will be less blameworthy, when things go sideways.

My priorities have been Faith, family and work, in that order.  Those who have none of the above, often cannot understand such logic, or to the extent they do understand it, they resent it.   There are more “hurting people” who hurt others, in spite of their original intent, than society wants to acknowledge.

These people on the margins are going to be part of a convergence, an in-gathering, that is coming, and sooner than we like to think.  Their perceptions will be skewed, their tempers will be frayed and many in the communities will want them to go back out on the fringes.  This will prove a serious mistake.   I already see this happening with people living in the national forests, around commercial structures- and in city parks.

Their anger is troublesome.  Their demands are highly vexing.  Their patience with the rest of us is shot.  I have spent a fair amount of time with homeless people, over the past four years.  In two significant cases, individuals looked at me as being very well off.  The two also saw my scattered attention as a severe sign of disrespect.   In a sense, they were right.  Communication between one who relies on a phone and a laptop, is mostly diurnal and holds down a job, with those who have spotty connectivity, are nocturnal and are unemployed or post-employed, is pretty much one-hand-tied-behind-the back.

It has to happen anyway.  Thinking out of the box,  seeing the skills of those on the edges and tapping in to those skills, from the get-go, is the only way the reluctant convergence will work.

Points Taken

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Posted by on in Education, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Poetry, Social, Striving

October 15, 2018, Prescott-

Every day, there is a lesson to be drawn,

and most days, there are several,

for those who are awake,

even awake in spite of themselves.

I am far from being a saint,

and most definitely am not  a prophet.

So, the lessons I need to draw,

have sometimes been put off

or ignored.

Among the points I have taken,

from recent days,

are practical:

When meeting someone,

know the road the person is using,

and focus on it-

not on the nearby road

that I took.

When with a person,

who is speaking

with intensity,

even about seemingly

light matters,

give total attention.

Put the watch away,

and leave the cell phone

in the car.

Shut out everything

in the field of vision,

or the range of hearing,

except the person speaking.

For that matter,

DO NOT assess,

or base your response on,

the  level of gravity

of what someone is saying.

If it seems frivolous,

treat it with the same

degree of respect,

that you would

a discourse

on nuclear fusion.

We live in a very hard age.

We live in a fragmented society.

Each person I encounter,

each person

who pulls away

from me,

imparts a lesson.

Active listening

was  a huge part of my life,

from the 1980’s through the 2000’s.

I am sorry I let it go.

I am not sorry that I am

bringing it back.

Godpseed, and forever peace, to my teacher.

 

 

 

Burning the Mask of Self-Disdain

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Posted by on in impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Striving

October 14, 2018, Prescott-

I have revealed much of myself, recently, to a person who, to the best of my intuition, wishes the best for me, albeit through instilling a very high standard of discipline in our interactions.  What this soul doesn’t know is that, for much of my life, the very same words, angry reactions to some deeply ingrained behaviours (which I, admittedly, need to, and have a specific plan to, root out) and putdowns which I hear now, have been used by far less well-meaning people, earlier in my life.

What I have been doing, and what I need to accelerate doing now, is to destroy the self-loathing that also was deeply ingrained on me, by the words and actions of certain people in my youth, and throughout my career in education.

Everyone has their share of bullies, and many turn around and bully others. “Hurting people hurt people”.  It gets us nowhere.  So, part of burning my mask of self-loathing will involve keeping a distance from those who view me as either a threat to their well-being (out of common courtesy) or as beneath their contempt (out of self-preservation). I have learned, through the period of caretaking for Penny and in the years since, that I am a far better person than ANY of my detractors, including those who have recently come into my life, can remotely imagine.  While I will strive to make specific changes in my living space, according to the better of the messages I have been getting, I will not abase myself again, ever.  Life and love go on.

NEXT:  The Mask of Overactivity

 

Burning the Mask of Obligation

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Posted by on in distraction issues, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Spiritual, Striving

October 13, 2018, Prescott-

Obligations are things one takes on, in order to please other people.  They could become passions, which are those things one takes on out of sincere spirit and pure love.   Parenthood, spouseship and a sane and intelligent patriotism are examples of the latter.

In this life, however, there are obligations each of us take on, which raise the person to whom we feel obliged to the status of superior, or master.  Unless one feels passionate about the activity  in which s(he) or he is involved, the obligation becomes a false one.  Many holiday celebrations, for example, become empty rote activities- none of them memorable.  Going to the place of employment, for all too many people, is an empty obligation.  Even having a conversation, if there is no passion, involves putting on the mask of caring, almost a political and vapid exercise.  It fools no one, except, perhaps, oneself.

I have been in the process of shedding obligations, for the past seven years.  Marriage was an act of living love, and never felt like an empty obligation.  There were plenty of moments of misunderstanding, but the passion did not disappear.   Fatherhood is an act of living love, even when miscommunication and physical distance seem to create a sense of discord.  The passion does not disappear.

Working with children and youth is an act of living love, even when their behaviour seems to be enough to drive one to the edge of insanity.  The passion cannot disappear.

Growing as a spiritual being is the greatest of passions- otherwise I would likely dissipate as a person. This means two things:  Do not filter communication, no matter how seemingly drawn out it may be.  Presence is a burden, when viewed in the least obligatorily.  It can only be viewed, from a passionate viewpoint, by not filtering the subject presenting self, in any way.  This requires being totally non-judgmental, as to what is worthy of one’s attention and to what is trifling or frivolous.  How many wars have been started, and fought, because of a perceived or real slight?

So, as I look at obligations, great and small, and bring those that matter to the level of passion-I must chance the burning of the masks of obligation, that I may show the real face that comes with passion.

NEXT:  The Mask of Self-Disdain

 

So, What Does This Make Me?

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Posted by on in Community, Personal Values, Striving

October 2, 2018, Prescott-

As a teenager, and as a twenty-something, I touched a few women, without their prior consent, though not in a compromising area.  Something inside of me recoiled at my own behaviour, and each case lasted less than a minute.  I can only hope the people, none of whom I knew by name, or ever saw again, have had good lives and have been treated well, over all.

The Kavanaugh case has brought me to a place of circumspection. I know that no one is perfect, yet one of the two people with whom I have spoken, about one of the incidents, was almost apoplectic in lecturing me about what my twenty-something self should never have done.  He is an older man, who prides himself on his manners, yet regularly curses in the presence of women his age.  The other person, a woman slightly older than me, simply noted that this sort of behaviour is something I appear to have long outgrown.

None of us walks on on water, yet we each have the capacity, and therefore the duty, to grow emotionally.  I have never sexually assaulted, or coerced, anyone.  Indeed, I have only made love to two women in my life, the second of whom became my wife. I am hardly ashamed of that track record, as brief as it is.

The last thing I did, before writing this, was to remove myself from the readership of a man who laid all blame, for the issue that has dominated the national debate, on the woman who belatedly reported it.  Consensual sex is not rape, and rape is never good.  To conflate the two, even in an “intellectual” environment, is reprehensible.

Now, what do the incidents I mentioned above, make me?  If you wish to say I am a hypocrite, you may.  For any of us, especially men, our purity towards other people is one of degree.

Sponges and Rocks

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Posted by on in collaborating, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Poetry, Striving

October 2, 2018, Prescott-

Each of us has a wish list.

Each of us has a need list.

There are those who fancy themselves

as being totally ignored,

even if the people supposedly ignoring

have more than just the aggrieved party

on their plates.

I blame the ignored one’s parents,

in part, because mine considered it

their bounden duty to teach us

that there are two kinds of people

in the world:

Some are sponges,

who absorb all the hurt and pain

that comes their way,

until they can take no more.

Then, it all gets squeezed out,

flowing all over everything,

and everyone,

without any direction or purpose.

Some are rocks,

who absorb a measure of that pain and suffering,

but let the rest flow where it may,

usually downhill.

I have been a bit of both,

over the years.

The sponge will say:

“I am here for everyone else.

but no one is ever here for me”,

as the rock looks on,

and says to itself,

“Hello, I am not exactly

going anywhere.”

People tend to want

what they can’t necessarily have,

at the exact moment the want

comes into consciousness,

or on a schedule which

suits them,

but not the person or people

providing the service.

We are all islands in this big stream,

in need of bridges,

rather than the walls,

built of rock or sponge,

that the mind deludes itself

into thinking to be a solution.

Bridges require things like

deferred attention,

setting aside time,

and seeing oneself

as a builder,

not as a victim.

Walls are just fine

with victimhood

and adversary ties.

End of this series of digressions.