Ghosts

15

May 10, 2016, Prescott–

My thoughts go to a place called Xanga.

I’ve been informed that my subscription is over.

The ghost pieces that have built up there,

are to be the stuff of archives.

Bittersweet.

as that was a place I could reach out,

a place where I could learn to accept love from strangers,

a place where I could banter with snarky people,

and a place where I could deal with bullies and trolls.

My imagination ran free,

for the first time in a long while.

Many friendships were made,

many of them still thrive,

in real time.

Some were lost,

in the wake of culture wars,

misunderstandings,

upended relationships.

The wisps of thoughts,

long ago communicated,

as my truest love faded from life,

one hour, one day, one year at a time.

My cyberfriends joined our son,

in holding my hand,

keeping my mind intact,

helping my heart to heal.

As I write,

the cool presence of her spirit,

wafts over my hands,

reassuring.

 

 

May’s Agenda

8

May 1, 2016, Prescott-  Yes, I shall certainly backtrack and tell of my ten-mile round trip in Black Canyon, yesterday.  I will do so tomorrow, or Tuesday.  Today, though, bear me with me, as May unfolds itself.

I certainly had a good start to the month of amazement- enjoying a breakfast at Zeke’s, where I sat at the counter, surrounded by the constant motion and banter of beautiful women who were working hard, very hard, as I enjoyed my Chorizo Scramble, with sourdough toast and coffee.  Zeke’s is always packed in the morning, on Sunday, particularly.

Then, it was off to Montezuma Well, about fifty minutes from here, for a brief meeting with Baha’i friends who were gathered for sacred readings, followed by a picnic lunch.  I ate enough to be polite, of course, but the real reason for my being there was to connect with those who have taken up residence in Keams Canyon, where we once lived.  There is an in-gathering, of sorts, taking place.  I am again connected with some of my former students, now adults with their own families- gladly telling me of their ups and downs. I will go back up there on May 20-21, and join in a devotional meeting.

Back in Prescott, shortly after 2, I was able to attend most of our own community’s Twelfth Day of Ridvan observance, again with sacred readings, commemorating the departure of Baha’u’llah and His entourage from Baghdad, onward to Constantinople (Istanbul).

This month will find me largely at Prescott High School, with four days at Mingus Springs. Travel means a day in Phoenix, for a wellness check; the aforementioned jaunt up to Keams Canyon- and Holbrook; and at the end of the month, a drive up to Reno, to help an old friend move from there to Carson City.

Reading-wise, I continue with “All The Light They Cannot See”, “The Billionaire’s Vinegar”and begin “Moral Tribes”, by Joshua Greene, which explores the concept of Us and Them, as well as “Gravel Ghosts”, a recent anthology of poetry by Megan Merchant, about which, more tomorrow.  Those will be my May reads.

Well, work will be beckoning soon, so time to get to sleep.  Merry May, all.

 

Timeless

12

April 27, 2016, Prescott-

One of my students wrote a mini-movie script, this morning.

The depth of his thoughts spewed forth, without warning.

As with many of his generation, the focus was on geologic change.

Earthquakes, of late, have seemed to increase in range.

He wrote of the Big One, and how it would affect Hoover Dam,

sending cascading water, down the Colorado, and into the Bill Williams.

Our town would bear a bit of overflow, perhaps,

but his first thought was that his sanity might snap.

His rescuers appeared, though, in the personages of all the girls,

who, his adolescent mind has determined, rock his world.

Change is timeless, and so is sameness.

Contradictions, and Such

8

April 23, 2016, Prescott-   I didn’t write about Earth Day, yesterday, because I was exhausted, and besides, every day is Earth Day.   Yes, I know, focus days are important; but still…..

We did an environmental activity today, at Bellemont Baha’i School, west of Flagstaff.  I raked up about 75 pounds of pine needles, to create a safety zone around the campus’s buildings.  On the way back, I came across an anti-environmental activity:  A traffic jam, on a state highway, caused by a water truck driver who was “prepping for a construction project”- at 4 PM on Saturday.

Many people are concerned about fake “transgender” pedophiles, sneaking in women’s restrooms, behind real transgenders, so they can have at little girls.  I remember the creeper in Primm, NV, who just walked right in, behind a 9-year-old girl- and killed her, with no pretense as to what he was.  There is no substitute for a parent going into the rest room, with a child.

I have my fair share of contradictions, over these past 65 years.  Safe to say, none of them has included injuring another human being.  I am working on those contradictions, though, as most of the people in my life are working on theirs.  Those who knew me when could tell you a few stories, and that’s okay.  It is what we learn from our mistakesand what we do differently, going forward, that matter most.

I was pleased to meet the new husband of one of my woman friends, who told me, time and again, of her simple dream to be a good man’s wife.  Things clicked for them, at Christmas time, and the match is an excellent one. I wish the same for my other single friends- both male and female.  I know, firsthand, that there is nothing like having a good mate.

So, here it is, a month into Spring, and let’s just see how long it takes, before Phoenix and Palm Springs hit 100, and before Colorado goes a week without snow.

Finally, from one budding antique, here is the real deal.

 

 

Seismic

9

April 21, 2016, Prescott-  I have been thinking, a lot, about the recent flurry of earthquakes that have caused so much destruction in places like Manta, Ecuador and Kumamoto, Japan.  on our turbulent planet, quakes seem to come and go in series, but the truth is, Earth is never still.

Some react to these events by issuing stern warnings about the “Big One”.  Others, and I include myself in this category, have been rather “business as usual”, in that regard.  I don’t feel like anything humongous, other than at a relatively local level, is going to happen, any time soon.  I have an emergency bag at the ready, but that has as much to do with living at the edge of a dry forest, as it is about getting ready to flee a broken coastline.

Nonetheless, there is only so much turbulence that our resilient planet can handle, so the question begs:  How seriously do we take the prophecies of doom?

Love, By The Numbers

8

April 18, 2016, Prescott-

My youngest niece turns twenty-five today.  This, alone, makes it a good day, and I hope her nearest and dearest ones honour her in the best manner possible.  Twenty-five is not the marker of a “crisis” (as in “quarter-life crisis”), but is the affirmation of a good running start to full adulthood.

I think of all those I love, in various senses of the word. It has sometimes been a matter of bloodline; other times, it is from sheer association and observation, as with my students and counselees, many of my colleagues and most of my fellows-in-faith.  Then, there is Love 101, the seeing of “a stranger as a loving friend”, as ‘Abdu’l-Baha admonished us to see others.

By age 30, having long since let go of adolescent irritability, I had given up the concept of enmity, at least insofar as it pertained to a flesh-and-blood human being.  Some behaviours, I will always find inimical, but that is a topic for other venues.  People’s hearts can always change, and while we can, and should, be wary of those who have harmed us, or our loved ones, in the past, it is not ours to deny them the right to a change of heart.

At 65, I can hold no grudge, yet, nonetheless, expect those who have hurt others, to make serious amends.  With no apologies to Erich Segal, love DOES mean having to say you’re sorry.  Following that apology, though, love does exact some changes in behaviour, both great and small.  Yes, I hold myself to that same standard, whether forgiven by those I may have hurt, or not.

Love, one step at a time, is the secret to growth.

As It Happened

4

April 17, 2016, Prescott- I was in an intense frame of mind, and in a hectic schedule, this weekend.  The needs of my Faith led me down to Phoenix, and a semi-cloistered 1 1/2 days’ consult with my fellows.

I look back on all my experiences of this past forty-eight hours, and see:

A tall, intelligent, comely woman walking past,

Offering a slight smile,

The briefest of acknowledgements.

Come to find out,

There was an early morning spat.

A young woman,

friend since the age of nine,

walking about with upturned nose,

selectively greeting the chosen few.

Come to find out,

father’s taken off,

for parts unknown.

Sullen man glares at passers-by,

not asking for anything,

but huddled tightly with himself,

on a corner bench.

Come to find out,

he’s been drifting,

since President Bush the Younger

said “Mission accomplished”,

when sullen man’s mission had just started.

There is pain, even on a bright day like today.

There is joy, even on a hard day, like a couple of Thursdays ago.

I Learned…

2

April 3, 2016, Prescott-  This has been a good weekend.  I hiked Segment 4, of Prescott Circle Trail, in two segments, owing to two separate events, that occurred in the middle of each day.  Unfortunately, the photo loading feature on my laptop has stopped working, so I will post about my hikes, once that issue is resolved.  Maybe after work tomorrow, I can get some answers.

The middle of the afternoon, yesterday, featured a nice performance by some friends from Chino Valley.  These are long-time friends, who host a Drum Circle on the second Friday of every month, aHnd an Interfaith Devotional, on the fourth Friday.  They were gracious enough to come to Prescott and present on “Peace and Love”, for an hour or so, making the brightness outside enter a spacious apartment clubhouse.  The Brehmers always light up a room.

Conversing with friends always makes any meal better-so discourse on matters of the spirit lifted my spirit, whether over angle food cake with berry sauce, on Thursday night, Hawaiian bento, on Saturday night, a casserole breakfast this morning, or Brunch items, this afternoon, before my second hike.  One man, near our group, regaled us with his experiences in a Plains sweat lodge.  Such experiences are all the more reason for each of us to get out of our comfort zones, in whatever way works best for an individual.

Now, to get to the title topic.  For each of the years of this present decade, thus far, I learned:

2010- Six years ago,  spent each of my days with my blessed soul mate, in her hospital room, then in our bedroom, when not working to earn my own keep. I learned that most of  those in our lives were on our side.

2011- Five years ago,  said goodbye to the earthly form of my beloved, saw our son off to his adulthood, and the U.S. Navy, and learned that there was plenty of life ahead for me, on my own.

2012-Four years ago, went many places in honour of Abdu’l-Baha’s visit to North America, in 1912 and found that my heart could be at home in any number of locations.

2013-Three years ago, learned that there are subconscious attitudes and feelings that need to be brought to the surface, rooted out and swept away.  No simple statement of “spiritual quest” can exorcise these.  They must be acknowledged, and then sent away.  Lastly, one atones.

2014-Two years ago, learned that it is not so difficult to get around on my own, even in unfamiliar places, far from here.  Learned also, that amazing experiences happen daily, and that one can make gaffes, learn  good lessons on one’s feet, and go on to more amazing experiences.

2015- One year ago, learned that intense connections exist between people who live a continent away, and am able to share in those connections.

2016- My roots are sinking deeper, in terms of spiritual ties to people both here, and throughout the nation and world.  It is a joy to learn deeper meditation, and to trust myself to live closer to the land, both at home and while traveling.  Above all, I am trusting myself more, also thanks to the meditation techniques being learned.

My Life Thus Far: The Nineties

5

March 6, 2016, Chula Vista- In the scheme of things, my most productive decade, to date, has been the 1990’s.  My forties were, initially, of consternation to my wife, but ended up being a time of relative calm and mutual growth for us.

1990-High Point: Travels with my family, around Jeju.                                                                                   Low Point:  Losing several more aunts and uncles.                                                                                People in the Heart:  My little family; my students; the Korean Baha’is.                                     Places in the Heart:  Jeju; Mt. Halla; Nonsan; Yosu.

1991- High Point:  Continued growth of our community, and in my teaching.                                       Low Point:   None.  This was a very sanguine year.                                                                                 People in the Heart:  Koreans, in general.                                                                                               Places in the Heart:  Jeju; Inchon; Jonju, Busan .

1992- High Point:  Return to the Navajo Nation.                                                                                               Low Point:  Leaving Korea.                                                                                                                              People in the Heart:  My students, both in Jeju and in Jeddito; the long-suffering Mr. Chun; Marty Green, who gave me a fresh start; the proprietress of Mile-Hi Motel, Prescott.                                                                                                                                                                              Places in the Heart:  Jeju; Sorak-san; Prescott; Jeddito.

1993- High Point:  Penny’s return to teaching.                                                                                                   Low Point:  Dealing with a disinformation campaign.                                                                          People in the Heart:  My Navajo and Hopi students; A.T. Sinquah; the Begay family,              of Cienega Canyon; Harry James, who gave his life for his faith.                                                      Places in the Heart:  Jeddito, Keams Canyon; Canyon de Chelly; Flagstaff.

1994- High Point:  Learning about, and implementing, a comprehensive guidance                              program.                                                                                                                                                                Low Point:  Struggling to adapt to new school administration.                                                         People in the Heart:  The Ambrose family; the Melvins, who taught me how to act                 with grace, and patience; all the aforementioned.                                                                     Places in the Heart:  Pinon; Shungopavi; First Mesa.

1995-High Point:  Our first cross-country road trip, as a family.                                                                 Low Point:  The passing of Penny’s paternal grandfather.                                                                  People in the Heart:  Sadie Charley; the Bathkes; the Shuplas; A. C. Fellman.                           Places in the Heart:  Louhelen Baha’i School; Bedminster; Saugus.

1996- High Point:  Continued success in our school’s program.                                                                    Low Point:  The passing of our neighbour, Georgianna T.

           People in the Heart:  The Coin family; Clifford Q., who taught us all patience, in a                  different way; Mark Sacco, who never gave up on the hardest of students; the                            Smiley sisters; the Tewanema family.

          Places in the Heart:  Edgewater, NM (our vacation spot); Sandia Crest; the Navajo                  and Hopi Nations, in general.

1997- High Point:  Our road trip with Lady (our dachshund, adopted in 1995).                                        Low Point:  The suicide of a former student.                                                                                            People in the Heart: Marwin Woody and his family; the staff of Louhelen Baha’i                      School; all my relations.                                                                                                                                  Places in the Heart:  Amarillo; Effingham; Lambertville, NJ; Louhelen Baha’i                           school; Edwardsville, IL.

1998-High Point: My securing a principalship.                                                                                                   Low Point: The accidental death of a key staff member.                                                                       People in the Heart:  Mrs. Lowe and Ms. Young, my strongest classroom teachers.                  Places in the Heart: Chilchinbeto; Kayenta.

1999-High Point: Landing on my feet, at Salome High School.                                                                     Low Point: Aram’s harrowing return visit to Korea.                                                                             People in the Heart:  Tom Riggenbach, the Charley family (who spoke in my                             defense); Paul Lansing; the majority of my constituents in La Paz County.                                   Places in the Heart: Polacca; Salome; Prescott.

The Nineties began with stability and hope, though various storm clouds were always showing lightning,in the distance.  This was a time that began and ended with big moves for us.  I made a stab at being an administrator, and found it was not for me. I am much more at home with counseling, and would have done better to hone my skills in that area, still further.  Penny had a serious fall, in 1998, and we spent much time and energy seeking competent neurological care.  She seemed to have recovered, by the end of the year, when we observed her parents’ 50th Wedding Anniversary.  The decade ended with us working through the joys and sorrows of life in a small Southwestern town.

Still and all, that decade was good for us.  The ten years to come would prove far more challenging.

 

 

Threshold

5

March 4, 2016, Prescott- Today marks the eve of two anniversaries of import in my life. On March 5, 2004, a child was born, in a country far from here.  He became my sponsored child, in 2011.  On the same date, also in 2011, my long-suffering and beloved wife cast her burden, and became my spirit guide.  One is now 12 years of age, the other, a spirit gone beyond time.

As I write this, there is a stirring, outside.  A door opens and shuts- most likely my ephemeral neighbour, poking about, catching the night air.    On the morning  that Penny went to the realm of stars, son and I were detoured by a street renovation project.  We got to hospice about three minutes after she had passed over.  We did see, however, a stirring of leaves and debris, spiraling upward, on an otherwise still morning.  We went inside, and found her body, still warm to the touch, but sans pulse.  She had indeed left, three minutes earlier.

When one is at the threshold of something entirely new, there is an individualized level of trepidation.  There is also an individualized level of hope and joy.  I generally face the day with more of the latter.  March 5, 2011 was an exception, because my beloved’s spiritual energy, dense energy, filled the room, as I awoke.  Nothing before or since has made its presence known, in quite that extraordinary a manner.  I knew what was in store, and moved along through the day, in a very heavy flow.

She will be with me, always.  I fully intend to visit my sponsored child and his family, in the summer of 2017.  If all goes well, I will also pay a visit to one of our friends, in a nation that faces the challenges of climate change.  I know Penny would approve, as she sent me messages about my earlier journeys, well in advance of their having transpired.

Standing at a threshold, my soulmate wraps me in confidence and blessings.