The Daily Bruin: Volume 1, Issues 1-2, February 1-2, 2014

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This is an incentive for me to get my thoughts down, on a more regular basis.  I did this, for a brief period, on Xanga, when I wrote using the name “Cyberbear”.  

This series of posts will be broken down by categorical subtitles.  Most will be shared on Xanga 2.0 and on Facebook.

Social/Interpersonal- I have arrived, at the point in my life, where I count people of all ages, both genders, all sexual orientations and any other category, except perverts and megalomaniacs, among my friends.  There are, among my closest friends, five women- none of whom regards me, in the least, as a romantic interest.  I would take a bullet for any of them.  There is also a person, far away, who does not like me in the least.  I regard her as the salt of the Earth, and would take a bullet for her as well.  There are well over five thousand people whom I have met, and befriended, at one time or another.  I would stand for them, too.  None of this makes me a saint; it just makes me human- as do the mistakes I have made.

My son is in the U. S. Navy.  He has spent the past week performing an essential task for his unit.  My son works very hard.

My mother recently went through a tough experience. She came out of it okay, because she is exactly what she taught us to be- self-reliant, reflective and resilient.

Community- This afternoon, I joined a small group of American Legionnaires, at our post in Prescott.  We observed Four Chaplains Day- which actually falls on February 3.  The story of the Four Chaplains may be found here:

http://www.immortalchaplains.org/Story/story.htm

Health and Wellness-  Saturday, I hiked the northernmost section of Black Canyon National Recreation Trail.  It took me from Hwy. 69, near Mayer, AZ to a point 3.6 miles further northeast, near Copper Mountain.  A separate post, with photographs, is featured on this website.

This afternoon, one of my aforementioned friends hosted a wellness party.  She offers a wide variety of products, based on Certified Pure Therapeutic Grade essential oils. I’m using a set of their products, as daily vitamin supplements , and feel a difference in my energy level after only two days.  In my case, I am not feeling the urge to nap after lunch-as I had been doing for nearly three years.  I also didn’t feel the need to rest as often, during my hike.  I will be glad to share information on these products with anyone who asks.

I am an omnivore, who is gradually phasing out meat.  I have the personal need, when eating meat, to thank the spirit of the animal who sacrificed itself.  This will probably drive committed vegetarians bonkers, but my Native American ancestors did so, for thousands of years.  My problem, though, is that I don’t like to patronize those who use torture, brute force or hideously filthy animal husbandry methods, in providing meat for the market.  One of the finest men for whom I ever worked, Mr. Fred Cole, said meat must be clean, free of disease, at all stages of the food preparation process- from husbandry to the table.  Dairy is an academic matter.  Healthy calves and goat kids ought to be able to co-exist with those who enjoy yogurt, butter, cheese, ice cream and, to the extent necessary, milk.  We don’t need that much, per person, so there is no need for the maltreatment or starvation of animal babies.

Spirit-   I am a Baha’i.  Here’s a quote from Baha’u’llah, Who founded our Faith in 1863.

O BRETHREN! Be forbearing one with another and set not your affections on things below. Pride not yourselves in your glory, and be not ashamed of abasement. By My beauty! I have created all things from dust, and to dust will I return them again.

—Bahá’u’lláh, The Persian Hidden Words, no. 48

These are just some thoughts that have been building in my head, of late.  I will be back with more, tomorrow.

Liebster Award

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I have just been nominated for this award by Duffel Bag and A Dream.  I am now expected to answer ten questions, devised by Khai, and nominate ten other bloggers.  I will somehow come up with ten questions for them.

If nominated, please:

1. Thank the person who nominated you and link to their blog.
2. You must answer the 10 questions given to you by the nominee before you.  (That list is below the nominations.)
3. You must nominate 10 of your favorite blogs with fewer than 200 followers and notify them of their nomination.
4. You must come up with 10 questions for your nominees to answer.

Now, here go my answers.

10. What is your biggest blogging challenge?
  It’s finding a balance between what I urgently want to put out there and what seems to appeal to my readers.
9. If you could be gifted at any one form of writing to the exclusion of all others, what would it be and why?
Travel writing, because I am always off somewhere.
8. How do you feel about media used in blogs? Are blog entries for words only, or for pictures, videos, etc too?
Blogs are for mixed media, at least if we want to maintain the interest of our readers.
7. By what axiom do you live your life?
Live and let live.  It is for social institutions to judge, and for individuals to show mercy.
6. What is your favorite idiom, and why?
Fear the fork.  I always have to guard against overeating.
5. How is a raven like a writing desk?
It sees all.
4. What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?
Cat stretch, and say “Live this day, love this day.”
3. What is the last thing you do before you go to sleep?
Thank the Universe, and my wife in the spirit realm, for another fine day.
2. Do you nap?
Yes, most days after lunch, or after work.
1. Why are you the coolest blogger out there?
I am open-minded, like to share my life and I don’t hold grudges.
My nominees are:
cocosangel
CherokeeWriter
365 till….
It’s A Mad World
whyzat
ordinarybutloud
QuietDesperation
Ampbreia’s space
InkFell
sbhasty
Questions:
10. What do you really want to write about, but haven’t yet?
9. Do you prefer a desert to a swamp?
8.  Have you ever blurted out a spoiler?
7.  What are your watchwords?
6.  Are Heaven and Hell actual places?
5.  What would you do with a $ 1,000.00 bill, found on the street?
4. What’s  your favourite seasonal dish?  Why?
3.  Does your birthstone inform your wardrobe?
2.  Which genre of music colours your day?
1.  Is there such a thing as craziness?  Be specific.

Light and Shadow

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In the world of January, 2014, the Polar Vortex has been dislodged, has stunned eastern North America with extreme cold, in turn sending “Nor’easter” storm patterns to western Europe.  Diagonally, across the globe, much of Australia has had triple-digit Fahrenheit heat, where there would normally be heavy rain.

Personal behaviour, and its underlying sense of well-being, have taken a nose dive, over the past twenty years or so.  This is nothing new, but the pace of various types of offensive and callous activity has picked up, of late.  Social networks are getting manifestly less social.  Interpersonal clashes have become more intense, and occur more readily.

Political and economic affairs are conducted with less caution, and with more attention to expediency, as neurotic means to power.  Those entrusted with such matters look mainly towards discrediting their perceived opponents, and each “side” is aided and abetted by those in the media who are of like mind.

The above is the world of shadow.

Let us take a look at an emerging, parallel realm.  Here, there is a sense of calm.  Even in a time of climatic unrest, those faced with the extreme cold or heat know that it is temporary.  Their minds sense a bounty from the intense cold- that persistent insect pests, impervious to the deadly poisons that are supposed to curb them, are dying off in the polar frigidity.  Likewise, the aridity in the southern hemisphere is doing away with deadly mosquitoes and other pathogen hosts.

In the world of light,  people are facing conflict in a civil, constructive manner.  This is possible when one looks upon those around oneself as fellow human beings, as creatures endowed with virtues, as fellow travelers.  Matters politic and economic are faced collectively.  Matters familial are resolved through consultation between equal partners.

The world of light is not a dream world, contrary to the contentious retorts of those who have invested their emotional energy in keeping the status quo of division and oneupmanship.  It is a world that is slowly and steadily being built, as the world of shadow gradually collapses of its own weight.  Those who think they thrive on hate and distrust are finding that the satisfaction derived from their activities is diminishing, day by day.  Some of them are looking towards the rising tide and overcoming their inner barriers.  Others, needing more convincing that the “tried and true” is imperative of preservation, up their game and cause more destruction, actin more depraved.  This only hastens the collapse of the very system they claim to be defending.

“Soon,” Bahá’u’lláh’s own words proclaim it, “will the present day Order be rolled up, and a new one spread out in its stead. Verily, thy Lord speaketh the truth and is the Knower of things unseen.” “By Myself,” He solemnly asserts, “the day is approaching 162 when We will have rolled up the world and all that is therein, and spread out a new Order in its stead. He, verily, is powerful over all things.” “The world’s equilibrium,” He explains, “hath been upset through the vibrating influence of this Most Great, this new World Order. Mankind’s ordered life hath been revolutionized through the agency of this unique, this wondrous System, the like of which mortal eyes have never witnessed.” “The signs of impending convulsions and chaos,” He warns the peoples of the world, “can now be discerned, inasmuch as the prevailing Order appeareth to be lamentably defective.”

This is not the “New World Order” proclaimed by the political leaders of the West, some twenty-five years ago.  No one nation, no one leader, will call all the shots.  No tyrant, whether political or sectarian, will rule the peoples of the world.  Baha’u’llah further says “This is the Day that shall not be followed by night, nor shall it be bounded by any praise, would that ye might understand!”  We see many dystopian visions of the future, in books and on film.  These reflect our worst fears, thus accounting for their relative popularity.  What will actually transpire, with or without our help, will be precisely what Jesus the Christ promised, that for which He gave His earthly life, and for which every Spiritual Teacher has suffered, in some unique way:  “Thy Kingdom come, on Earth, as it is in Heaven”.

So, the choice falls to each individual on the planet- Preserve the shadow, or spread the Light.

 

Friendship, Redux

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I have logged off of Facebook, until February 1.  (This post will be published on that site, though I won’t be there to respond to any comments that are posted.  Other posts I put on WordPress, for the rest of January, will not be shared on Facebook.)

Now, as to why.  Well, there are two reasons, both stemming from the same, seemingly innocuous incident.  A longtime friend asked for my input on something.  As I was pre-occupied with something that seemed to me to be terribly earthshaking at the time, I made an offhand reply.  To make a long story short, my response was not what this friend wanted, and thus ended a previously good friendship.   Baha’u’llah teaches, “The foundation of all relationships is trust.”  As this person no longer felt that I was trustworthy, the relationship was done.  This, in turn, led to my feeling that, for the time being, there really was no point to my staying on that social media site, and I am on hiatus.  The only reason I have not deactivated my account on Facebook is that there are 524 other friends and relatives, whom I also care about deeply- and with whom I want eventually to reconnect.  Thus, I will go back on February 1.

Now, for the second reason I am on hiatus.  Baha’u’llah also teaches us, “O EMIGRANTS!  The tongue I have designed for the mention of Me, defile it not with detraction.  If the fire of self overcome you, remember your own faults and not the faults of My creatures, inasmuch as every one of you knoweth his own self better than he knoweth others.” – Baha’u’llah, The Hidden Words, from the Persian.   I know my own heart.  I know that, at no time did  I ever wish ill towards this person.  At no time did I ever regard my friend’s problems or issues in a lighthearted or offhand manner.  It’s not whom I am.

Each one of us approaches life differently.  So, it stands to reason that a better way to understand someone is to ask what is his/her perspective, rather than to tell him/her what their thoughts, feelings, motives are.   I’ve had people tell me, “You’re abasing yourself online.  Stop it!”  From others, “You’re a horrible person, and no friend at all!”   Everyone’s idea, or concept, of a friend is different.  I can only say how I see it.  Others are entitled to their views.  To me, though:

  1.  A friend listens.
  2. A friend defers attention, when there is something pressing that intervenes.
  3. A friend does not let assumptions get in the way of friendship.
  4. A friend does not let pain, whether his or the other’s, destroy a friendship.
  5. A friend forgives, while expecting the injuring one to overcome that which led him/her to do the hurt.
  6. A friend picks up where the friendship left off.
  7. A friend says “No”, where “Yes” would be easier, but not beneficial.
  8. A friend calls those he loves to a higher level of discourse.
  9. A friend is forever.                                                                                                                                                                    Those who read this, you remain in my heart, and yes, if I hear that you are in distress, I will do all I can to help.  This is not because I am better, or “more noble”, but because we are both human.

Relationships, 2.0

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I’ve talked about relationships, around these parts, ad nauseam- most recently, last summer.  The reader may expect no confessional drivel this time.  I want to look at two things, in this post:  Expectations and delivery.

This piece focuses on adult relationships.  Teens are pretty good at working out their own bugs, and besides, none of them have asked my opinion lately, anyway.  Come to think of it, NO ONE has asked my opinion lately.  A friend asked me for some Viagra, not long ago, but I’ve never used the stuff- and the only part of me that even used lubrication recently was my car.

Well, back to the stuff of life.  When I was a tumbleweed seeking rootedness, about 40 years ago, I would fuss and fume at any girl who didn’t immediately recognize my awesomeness, from ten miles away.  That just made the ladies and their friends laugh that much louder.

Relationships now, are more balanced.  One has to start with one’s relationship with self.  I have come to the conclusion that I would be a positive addition to many people’s circles of friends.  I am comfortable being in this house, alone, for days on end- when need be.  That really has to happen first; otherwise, the Nuisance Meter starts catterwhaulin’ and wailing, about the time one gets done with the morning shave.

Next is what does one expect, when leaving the house in the morning.  There  is no one in my neighbourhood with whom I  have any sort of romantic attachment.  Yet, greeting each of my neighbours with a smile and politely, sincerely, answering their queries, is the foundation to a good, worthwhile day.

Among the inhabitants of this town, there are many attractive women.  I’ve managed to become something of a friend to one of them, and am glad of her company and good graces.  This leads me to the crux of the matter.  Adult relationships, at any level, from social friendship to commitment, start with RESPECT: Respect for space, respect for time, respect for beliefs, respect for person.  Aretha started that whole thing up, when I was in high school, but we haven’t, from the looks of things, come very far.  The friend I mentioned above has a full plate.  I have learned that being in her corner means NOT taking up the whole spot.  I have my little square, and when she needs my help- HEEERE’s Gary ( without the insane Jack Nicholson leer, mind you).  The rest of the time, we are operating on our own particular wavelength.

I make abundantly clear, to all of my friends,  that I am here for them.  I also have items on my Life List (Bucket List is so overused), in which I am glad to include them, but which I will otherwise do singly and alone, as needed.  I respect their same mindset.  I look forward to many years, with several of my friends along for the ride.  Just let me know which station stops are your preferred boarding and departure points.

Pain

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‘There can be no relationships without some pain, for you or for the other person’.  This is a paraphrase of what seems to be conventional wisdom.  To the extent it is true, the pain stems from the disconnect that may exist between the two parties.  A disconnect is almost always, in my opinion, the result of one or both parties failing to maintain clear communication.  This failure could be because the person who isn’t communicating is:  a) socially awkward; b) insanely busy with other concerns; c) disinterested; d) passively-aggressively hostile; or e) one or more of the preceding.

So, when in emotional pain, one may: a) yell and scream; b) stalk the other person; c) engage in character assassination; d) get over it and find something more meaningful to do, so as to break the cycle.

I’ve been on both sides of this.  Good people have been interested in me, but I haven’t been interested in them, in the same way.  Good people have been disinterested in me, and it has taken me a bit longer to pick up on their cues, but in each case, I got past it- including with the most recent such person.  She really has no other choice than to be disinterested, for reasons I’ll not go into, ever.

Each of us goes through a measure of emotional pain, but, as with the physical kind, it’s necessary, if one is to grow and to realize what life is supposed to become. Some respond to emotional pain by staging temper tantrums, or criminal acts.  Others withdraw, avoiding those who stand ready to help them recover and move along nicely.  I’ve had tantrums, as a younger person, and withdrawn at times- most recently for three months, after Penny passed.  I’ve never been into criminal acts, and am past withdrawing, unless one counts hiking solo as a withdrawal, of sorts.

What really concerns me, in this area, is not perpetuating a cycle.  The tendency has been for hurting people to hurt others.  So, I ask those who read this to think- “What has been my response, and the response of the person who hurt me, to emotional pain at any stage of life?”  “Have I, or has that person, done anything to continue the cycle- or has one of us chosen to look beyond the spiral of pain?”

Relationships

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One of the biggest personal challenges for me, in 2013, was figuring out  just what relationships mean to me.  It wasn’t as much a matter of “being in a relationship”, as determining the nature of relationships, in general.  So, I am at the point where I am thinking about the various ties I have with people.

Some think about “Who is my soul mate?”  A  person may go his/her entire earthly life without really feeling the presence of a soul mate.  Another person may deny to self that there is any such thing.  I feel there is, and I feel her presence daily, though she’s been gone from this physical plane for nearly three years.  I know others, including some of my best friends, who are still waiting to meet theirs, or perhaps to reconcile with one from whom they are estranged.

This brings me to friends.  There are several people with whom I feel a strong spiritual bond.  There are some, among this group, with whom I am almost “joined at the hip”, psychically.  A few people who have known me since childhood look at my friendships and figure that “Since _______ is a woman, you need to be careful.”  That ASSumption is missing the point, though I appreciate their concern.  To me, friends are those who can rely on me, in a pinch, and vice versa.  We have each others’ best interests at heart, and even if we have not met, physically, we know there are few barriers between us.

I am closer to my family, both nuclear and extended, now than at any time I can remember.  Extended family keeps getting bigger, and includes my birth family’s in-laws,  Penny’s family and their in-laws, all the people I have met in my travels and many in the Baha’i community whom I have yet to meet.  So, we’re talking a family of 10,000- plus.  Family is the most beautiful of institutions.  It can be the most messy of institutions, but anyone who has raised toddlers and teenagers knows that messes are part of life’s beauty.  Anyone who has seen an elder, or a disabled person, through their final years knows that messes are inevitable, and character-building.  Anyone who has anxiously watched a child morph into an adult power house knows that all the twists and turns, pushes and pulls are well worth the journey.

As 2013 moves from dusk to dark, I am in a good place.  I have no one who “desperately needs” me, and I’m not sure such desperation would be a good thing for either of us, anyway.  I feel love coming from many, and feel love towards them, as well.  Lust is not in the picture, and that’s a good thing.  Romance?  That happens when it happens, and I am just glad to have people with whom I can relax, and be myself. Besides, a little bit of me goes a very long way.

A wise man recently wrote that the best people in our lives ‘come like stray dogs, move evanescently through our lives, and disappear without a trace.’  I have had some do that, and will have more, I’m certain.  Regardless, each and all have been a pleasure, and I look forward to more such pleasure.

Celebrations

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I had as fine a Christmas as my friend-hostess could offer, in the midst of her illness and discomfort.  Five of us enjoyed a brunch of souffle, tamales, pear-cinnamon cider, petite Danish pastries and various snack items and dips.  Gifts were exchanged, and I will burn my Bayberry Candles for as many days as they will hold up- and get more when they run out.  Bayberry is a legendary prosperity talisman.  More important is my set of CD’s for “The 11 Forgotten Laws”, of Bounty.  I was glad to have been there today.

I’ve attended many celebrations, both public and private, large and small, joyous and sketchy, over these past 63 years.  People have typically done the best they can for their loved ones and other guests.  My parents always gave us a lovely Christmas, even in the lean years.  I can’t recall any substandard extended family gathering, from weddings to birthdays to holiday get-togethers, ever.  We never have made it about the gifts.  A good celebration is always about the people.

Time was, that our celebrations were  New Year’s Eve, Valentine’s Day, maybe Mardi Gras (called Fat Tuesday, in Phoenix), St. Patrick’s Day,Easter, the Fourth of July, Labor Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.  Modern life has added to the fray:  Super Bowl Sunday, Lunar New Year, the Final Four, Cinco de Mayo, and Hanukkah (on a wider scale than when I was a child).  Even our solemn national days (Martin Luther King Day, Memorial Day and Veterans’ Day) have become widely celebratory in tone.

What hurts celebrations, in the long run, is an overemphasis on purchasing.  A holiday is then more about contributing to the economy, meeting another’s superficial needs through gifting or  even obeying one’s parents ( “Janie, YOU GET ON SANTA’S LAP, NOW!!”).

Celebrations, ideally, are about love, honour, respect and healing.  Christ brought an ethos of love to the world- so His special days, Christmas and Easter, ought to be the least stressful days of the year.  I am not here to judge anyone, but reflect- How was your Christmas?  Mine was lovely- not problem-free, mind you, but the things that did arise were handled with the dignity and well-being of all concerned, from youngest to oldest, being most important.  Each of us can bring about happiness for ourselves and for those we say we love.

If your Christmas celebrations are ongoing, keep the fun happening.  In any party, please look about, spread the joy and make sure no one feels uncomfortable or left out, to the extent possible.

Madiba

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We, in the modern era, have not had very many instantly-recognizable, world-class heroes walking among us.  Some thought of John F. Kennedy that way, but he wasn’t around all that long.  Nelson Mandela, though, was such a one as Gandhi, or ‘Abdu’l-Baha, ever walking the path of love and service.  His life was suitably long, 95 years, though a few more, had he been up to it, would have suited me just fine.

In the darkest days of his imprisonment, of the worst apartheid that the neo-Nazis among the Afrikaners and British-South Africans, alike, could muster, Madiba saw the future.  He knew that tribalism would still cause problems among the Black majority, that there would be corruption, some of it within his own ANC, after apartheid was gone. Yet he knew that the first and most important thing was for all to be free:  The Whites, Asians and Coloureds had to have the same rights as the Zulus, Xhosas and other tribes of the majority populace.  This led him to work with DeKlerk, with the Zulu chiefs-even with his harshest critic, Treuernicht.  There was no community left outside his vision.

Nelson transcended so much, in 95 years.  His personal life was largely that of a well-educated, cultured African traditionalist, that of a patriarch- though a benevolent one.  His life of service, though, reflected a vision that transcends centuries.  His  South Africa remains a work in progress, and the principals of the dismantling of apartheid are now all gone.  It is up to  seemingly lesser people to carry the vision forward.  Madiba would probably say, though, that there will be future Nelson Mandelas, that the people of the next several centuries will each have their heroes, their larger-than-life figures.  I am sure that’s so, and it will be among his greatest legacies, as his life was part of Gandhi’s legacy, and Gandhi’s was part of ‘Abdu’l-Baha’s legacy, and so on, back as far as we can look.

A good friend said, earlier today, that each human being should be able to strive for the greatest heights he or she are capable of achieving.  I believe that, as well.  No matter where one lives, in this world, or in the Universe, Nelson Mandela, like all the great heroes and heroines, has shown us how we may make our marks.  May he enjoy limitless blessings in the World of the Spirit.

Time Travel, in Downtown Brea

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The last order of business, on my most recent visit to Orange County, was to have a “catch-up” dinner with an old friend.  This meant my first-ever visit to a Cheesecake Factory- an establishment that was long off-limits, for budgetary reasons.  This time, though, it was a go.

Before that, though, with an hour of free time after my hike in Carbon Canyon, I went to downtown Brea, and found several retro-1980 business establishments, mostly alive and well.

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Alas, not all have thrived.

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Downtown was in a suitable holiday mood.

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This was a fine throwback to the time when I would take my students from Villa-Oasis School to a mall in Tucson, and enjoy treats at Farrell’s, after a movie and visit to Tower Records.  Back to the present, I met my friend from OC at the appointed time, and traded stories of one another’s 2013.  Being a skilled photographer, she was kind enough to adjust my lens, with the hope of clearer photographs.

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A bright California sunset bid us go inside.

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The food and conversation were well worth the time.