Little over a month ago, I embarked on a heart quest, parallel to my spiritual and physical journey.  In the process of sorting out my feelings, faux pas were committed, apologies made and an important friendship was at least restored to the level of cordiality and politeness.

This morning, for the first time since the morning, in March, 2011, my wife’s soul filled our bedroom with ectoplasmic intensity and woke me with an urgency I had never felt, I was awakened by another person’s spiritual energy.  As it happens, the energy was full of gratitude, assuring me that all was better this morning, after the utter darkness that same treasured soul was expressing last night.

In only a month, I have gone, in my own emotional space, from mistaking my strong feelings for my best friend for some sort of transgenerational, quasi-romantic process, to realizing it is a far deeper and more enduring set of feelings that are at play.  Let me explain.

In the Baha’i Faith, it is recognized that there are many levels of love.  The physical, transitory set of impulses, otherwise known as lust, accompanies physical love, but really has nothing to do with what endures.  One may easily think otherwise, when the person to whom one is drawn is a very physically attractive individual, with a winsome personality. Infatuation dissipates, though, as it has for me on a few occasions over the past year.

The way it is for me now, the awareness that I have of how I feel about this person, is that there will never be a time when her feelings, her thoughts, her dreams and, yes, her own love for her own dear friend will not matter to me more than my own feelings, thoughts and dreams- about anyone or anything.  This is different for me.  I felt this, and more, for Penny, my soul mate, yet now my feelings are an odd mix of parental, fraternal and universal regard for one of the most beautiful souls I have ever known.

What you wish, my friend, may it be granted.  What you strive for, may it be achieved.  What you dream, may it come true.  There is no daylight between these, and what I would do to make them happen.  I will defend your honour, your dignity, and all that you hold dear, until the end of time.  Thanks, my friend, for just being you.

One of my dearest friends shared a TIME article, with us today, on another social network:

The Key to Happy Relationships? It’s Not All About Communication

Read more: http://healthland.time.com/2013/08/16/the-key-to-happy-relationships-its-not-all-about-communication/#ixzz2cYQTXfTF

This topic has been much on my mind, of late.  I reflect that my marriage, while not perfect by any means, was solid.  We knew, and honoured, each other’s tastes, likes and dislikes.  Our family members were ALL family.  My parents treated Penny’s family as their own, and vice versa.  She and I were committed to the idea that communication was important, but so was respect for feelings.  Talking had to be accompanied by listening, by hearing, and by taking each other’s feelings into consideration, when making decisions, as an individual and as partners in one of the most beautiful of all human institutions.

Society has cheapened the marital bond.  I’m not talking about things like open marriages, “swinging”,or even viewing of adult pornography.  Those practices, while neither necessarily nurturing of a marriage nor particularly harmful to it, are mostly honest attempts by one or both partners to make up for aspects of his/her life that were absent from adolescence or young adulthood.  No, the marital bond has been given short shrift by a general feeling that life is so transitory, that nothing matters much.  Odious terms, like “baby mama (or daddy)”, “Best Friend, with benefits”, or even “fuck buddy”, have replaced more conventional and respectful references to one’s significant other, mate, spouse, life partner.  I consider my wife, two years deceased, to be my soul mate.  I consider the person who shared this article with me, and others, to be my best friend in this world, sans “benefits”.  I’m just glad to know her and to share in her life, to the extent she sees fit.

When I am in a relationship with a woman, I try to know as much about the person as she is willing to share.  I do not pry, snoop, or stalk.  If she has a preference for certain things, I honour it, and do what I can to bring about her happiness.  The same holds true, to a lesser extent, for casual or platonic relationships.  It’s just good form, and increases goodwill between those who claim to be friends.

I hope married couples in general, and particularly those whose bond is “on the rocks”, will avail themselves of the TIME article and discuss these concepts fully, then put them into practice.  It’s always better “late” than never.

This morning, when I went to Prescott Farmers’ Market, I saw a poster for the Grand Opening of Deva Healing Center.  A young woman with a rescue dog greeted me and explained this was her center, established to help women and teens, in the manner of a sanctuary.  This has been sorely needed here, as it has elsewhere.  The mission is to help women of all ages “heal from trauma, pain, abuse and addiction through yoga, expressive arts, and therapeutic wilderness adventures.”

The Grand Opening was this evening, and I went for an hour and 15 minutes, being one of 32 people to help Bri Boertman in the launching of this most worthy effort.  While there, I received a chair massage, watched, and joined in, interpretive belly dancing.  Yes, I became the 62-year-old male belly dancer, joining five women and a little girl, in various gyrations, hip shakes  and arm waves, for one of the more interpretive of the selections.  Bri dancing in high heels was a bit painful for this everyfather to watch, but she seemed okay with it, for three minutes. Several women won raffle prizes, the group gathered for one last belly dance, in honour of the women of the world, and I headed back home, for an evening of listening to Celtic music, while those who knew each other previously, stayed around to support each others’ struggles and successes.

This will be a major focal point of what promises to be a concerted effort to help the women of Yavapai County, in raising their voices for curbing the disempowerment of their sisters, mothers, daughters and nieces.  There are a few of us men on the team, also.  We follow Bri’s lead.