The Road to Diamond, Day 299: Navigating the Bugs

0

September 22, 2025, Helsingor, Sjaelland, Denmark- When I got to the Long-Distance trains, in Stockholm, accompanied by my friend from Nynashamn, two tings were obvious: The Rail App that I got for my iPhone, specifically to make catching trains easier, was not doing so AND I had oversimplified the booking process in my head. This led to learning curve #2 on this journey: Every leg of the process is different and every leg has to be set in motion, before showing up at the gate. I learned that it is best to go to the ticket office at the station, well before the desired time of departure-not 1/2 hour prior. The well-oiled team is what has got me this far, and given me a road map for the rest of the journey (no pun intended).

It all worked out; I got to say farewell to the kids and their father at the station in Nynasgard; I was able to purchase a ticket at the Central Station Billeting Office and friend was able to tend to an important matter of her own, after I boarded the train with time to spare, after all.

I found myself seated next to a very interesting person, who is writing historical novels, accenting the achievements of the Swedish people, rather than dwelling on the hardships and deprivations the country has faced, over the centuries. She is also a rather skilled photographer, and showed me some of her portfolio. I shared with her my philosophy of education and the basic teachings of Baha’i. After a time, we reverted to our own spaces and enjoyed the quiet ride through the heart of central and southern Sweden. When she met her partner, at Malmo, she told him of her interest in what I had shared. He seemed to be favourable to her comments.

With help from a train conductor in Malmo, I reverted to my initial plan of taking the train to Helsingborg, then the ferry to Helsingor-as opposed to following the Stockholm ticket agent’s idea of going to Copenhagen and then up to my destination. That would have likely added a good hour to the journey. I had just enough time in Helsingborg to take photos of the interesting Centrum.

Helsingborg Centrum from the Ferry terminal
Helsingborg Centrum (above and below)
South Side of Helsingborg
Old Harbour House, Helsingborg

We left Helsingborg, and Sweden, on time. My seatmate on the train from Stockholm to Malmo remarked that today was the first time she had seen that train leave on schedule, in nearly two years of back and forth. I have a different impression of Swedish punctuality, but maybe that is my luck-everything has been on the button, during my time here.

So far, I can only say I have experienced 90 % kindness, in both Iceland and Sweden. Certainly, the expectation is that the visitor will put forth effort to observe how things are done, and follow suit, but there is also a goodly measure of grace and forthright correction, when needed. I am used to taking life lessons in stride and not making the same mistake twice. This fits nicely with how people expect visitors to go about their time in both countries.

I expect it will be much the same in Denmark. Helsingor, for starters is compact. Hotel Skania, where I am tonight, is right across the tracks from the Train Station and Ferry Terminal. A short two blocks to the west and south is a row of restaurants and shops, with no cars allowed. Rib House, where I dined this evening, is a fun place, where each patron gets to check off the items chosen for the meal. There is a one-trip, or unlimited salad bar, in the style of American steak houses. How well meat is to be cooked is a choice item as are the type of potatoes one wants, and the sauces, if any, that are desired. Of course, one checks off what drink is desired.

Rib House, Helsingor Centrum

I will share more of Helsingor tomorrow. Now, it’s time for rest.

The Road to Diamond, Day 38: Cycles

0

January 5, 2025- I have listened to two very different takes on this calendar year. The one, of which I wrote yesterday, was made with a hokey presentation but came across as very hopeful, though it involved other galaxies and beings of questionable status. The second, made by a cosmic advisor who is very much grounded in reality, pointed out that this is a year of simultaneous endings of old relationships and processes, and beginnings of new ones. 2024 was certainly a dress rehearsal for that, with the passing of my mother and several longtime friends. The speaker this morning said to remain grounded in a strong soulship, and not to be depressed or downhearted by any rapid changes in relationships, even if they are with those dearly loved. Other relationships and processes will replace those that end. Most importantly, she said it was never necessary to channel energy externally. All the strength one needs is within.

I reflected on my life up to now, not in a rigid decade-by-decade manner, but in terms of actual cycles. 1950-1964 was a time of firsts, and of thinking that I didn’t deserve a whole lot. So, when I did get nice things, I used them for a short time, then set them aside, except my books and records. Bicycles, weight sets, even a junior chemistry set, all were used just a bit, then set aside in the closet or downstairs, or in the case of the bikes-given to my siblings. I didn’t think I deserved friends, and so spent much time alone. It wasn’t until that became counterproductive, in eighth grade, that I started to rethink the matter.

1964-1968, the high school years, was a time of discovering the love I had for other people. Though I still regarded myself as unworthy (a sense that would be my shadow until fairly recently), grades were kept up, school events like dances drew me out and I worked at a job or two, with minimal success.

1969-1980 was a period of self-loathing. I functioned, but just barely, serving in a position of fair responsibility in the U.S. Army; earning Associate and Bachelor Degrees, being in the middle of my class in each; and working at both teaching and a smattering of part-time jobs, while still not exactly excelling at any of them.

1981-1997 was a high water mark. I earned a Master’s Degree, met and married my first true love, sired and raised a child, and actually made a difference in my professional work. Much of this came about because I embraced the Baha’i Faith, and in turn, embraced sobriety. The self-loathing was still there, but kept under wraps.

1998-2013 found me floundering again. My beloved was suffering and in declining health, and I was facing my own demons, though maintaining sobriety, helping our son navigate adolescence and fend off those who wanted to hurt him, and acting as my wife’s caretaker. Jobs came and went, but substitute teaching was my saving grace, and kept us with food on the table and a roof over our heads. For two years after Penny died, my struggles continued, until I finally began to regard myself as worthy of true self-respect.

2014-2024 has been another period of rising. I have rediscovered our country and the world, established genuine friendships and gained the respect of those who knew me when. Public service, mostly volunteer work, has helped me feel like a worthy part of a community. Most importantly, though, my self-loathing is gone. In maturity, I have faced down five people who tried to take away my self-esteem and embraced those who truly have my best interests at heart.

This year finds me at a crossroads. Someone dear to me may, or may not, be part of my future. She has her own path to follow. Either way, I am in a good place and am ready for whatever comes-continuity or seismic change. Never again will I blame myself, or anyone else, for what comes to pass. Everyone is on a journey all their own, and each deserves support from the others.

I briefly considered including Frank Sinatra’s song, “Cycles”, with this post. It doesn’t quite sum up my mood though. Instead, here’s Bruce Springsteen’s “The Rising”.

Love, to the Moon and Back

6

October 11, 2024, Manila- “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours.If not, it was never meant to be.” I’ve paid lip service to this, especially since Penny left for a better level. I have never felt she has been far away-and I have even felt that, when I fell for someone last year, this new love had Penny’s blessing.

I have no way of knowing in what direction my current friendship is going to head. Someone dear to me said, before I left for the Philippines this time, “You could love her to the moon and back, but if the feeling is not reciprocal, it can’t be faked.” I would be willing to make the life change and move here, but if it’s not a welcome move, it’s hardly a wise one. I have safe haven at Home Base I, and no one there who sees me through apprehensive eyes.

So, I will do what is prudent, in the time I have left here. I will visit Baha’i friends in another part of the country and pay further homage to those who died in World War II Another friend said, “No one needs to get married a second time”, and she is right. I know that I love my friend here, as deeply as I loved my wife. That is a rarity, and will not change. Still, there are twists and turns that she needs to navigate-and my presence would, for the time being, only be in the way. I have left the ball strictly in her court; she knows where she stands with me.

I am well, emotionally, with the caveat: “I am learning this, too: ‘We must not only be patient with others, infinitely patient!, but also with our own poor selves, remembering that even the Prophets of God sometimes got tired and cried out in despair!’ (Shoghi Effendi) And while I am deeply sure that ‘the Prophets of God’ had far more to despair about than I do or will, this quote gives me hope that I am not wallowing in my grief, but learning the lessons it will teach me.” (Borrowed, in gratitude, from a recently departed member of my spiritual family).

NOTE: Shoghi Effendi, the eldest surviving grandson of ‘Abdu’l-Baha, served as Guardian of the Baha’i Faith from ‘Abdu’l-Baha’s death, (1921), until his own passing (1957). He provided a wealth of translation, explanation and elucidation of the Writings of al-Bab, Baha’u’llah and ‘Abdu’l-Baha, as well as offering timeless insights into the growth and development of the Faith.

Seventy Years Ago….

2

September 30, 2024, Puerto Princesa- An ecstatic woman, in Long Island City, NY, screamed with delight, at the news she had just been given. Her first granddaughter, after two sons and a grandson, was born. For the Fellmans, of Long Island City and Jamesburg, NJ, the birth of little Penny righted a top-heavy ship.

She would go on, transcending a congenital defect, for over 45 years, building an Intelligence Quotient of 161, graduating summa cum laude from the University of Virginia and earning three Master’s Degrees-all in the field of education. As a member of the Baha’i Faith, from 1977, she would serve with distinction, as an educator, on the Navajo Reservation, in Jeju, South Korea, and in El Mirage, AZ. In the latter town, she would be led out to retirement, gently and with gratitude from the Superintendent’s Office, even as she was attacked by those within the school who had no understanding of her struggles.

I met Penny in December,1980, as the snow swirled around Zuni, New Mexico, as a house blessing ceremony, called Shalako, took place in a cozy, but crowded home. We took turns sitting in a single chair and became enamoured of one another. We would date, off and on, for eighteen months, and married in June, 1982. We met some auspicious milestones-Valentine’s Day engagement, marriage on the sixth day of the sixth month-and welcoming our son on the seventh day of the seventh month. Marriage was often stormy, but never rocky, and through her final eleven years, she had her men beside her-to her last breath.

Penny missed joining the Seventies Club by thirteen years and seven months. I could tell that she would have loved this day, though she was adamant about not making a big deal of her birthday-or mine, for that matter. There was always that twinkle in her eye, when she was honoured. I feel her light, shining through the veil-telling me to continue on my path. So, on I go.

Gratitude, ’24

4

June 16, 2024-It was a fine pancake, sausage and scrambled eggs breakfast, this morning. Thank you, American legion Post 6. My gratitude list, though, is both more basic and more complex than a simple meal.

My most essential and enduring gratitude is for my parents-the father I honoured today, and have tried, with varying degrees of success, to live up to; the mother who clings to life, knowing at some level that she is still very much needed. My three siblings, each a testament to their legacy, embody the best of what Mom and Dad have tried to instill in us. Son is a reflection of the best of his late mother, and of myself.

Penny’s spirit, along with my Dad’s-and of her parents, still are my blessed guides, steering me towards the Light, even when fatigue and self-doubt have taken over. I am ever grateful that she led me to the Baha’i Faith, the Teachings of which will continue to sustain me-for all eternity.

I am grateful for all the people I have met, both in the Prescott area, across the continent of North America and across the globe. The lessons learned in the course of both work and travel have helped, at long last, to make me feel the inner strength that was probably inside me all along, and to become a person of value to community and humanity as a whole. All this has brought me to a place of sublime love, which I also suspect has been welling inside me all along. It has made me realize how important friends are; how much I need to show grace, even to those who I might think have turned away; it has made me value a new special person in my life and not want to shy away from , or bury, my feelings towards her.

So, I am grateful for Prescott, for the wider Arizona, the Southwest, the United States as a whole, for North America. I am grateful for Europe and east Asia-particularly for Brittany and Normandy, for Alsace, and Luxembourg, for the Belgian Flanders, for a swath of central Germany, for South Korea and for the Philippines. I am grateful for all I have not seen of this world, and for the friends there, who faithfully read my posts and show their love in different ways. I am grateful for opportunities to serve- and for those who serve me.

May this sense of gratitude continue to grow, in this special year of getting away from comfort zones, and in the years yet to come.

Camp Notes, Day 8

2

June 14, 2024- The little girl ruled the room, as soon as she entered, a smile from ear to ear, dancing with her mother and an aunt, as her surrogate grandfather was rambunctiously playing the keyboards and singing “God Bless The Whole World”, to the tune of “God Bless America”. This was the reason I pulled self together and walked down to the Raven Cafe, this evening, after an exhausting final day of camp. It is seldom, if ever, that I miss a Jonathan Best concert, when I am at Home Base. The man is energizing and affirms every loving soul-like his soul daughter’s child, his former neighbour and me.

Earlier, the campers got themselves together and were out of Bellemont, by 12:30. The kitchen clean-up, including the refrigerator’s sort-out, took another 2 hours. It was done, though, and I was out of the camp by 3. A few hours later, the mail had been picked up and Sportage washed. A Zoom devotional boosted me into the evening and I was okay to go to Raven and focus my attention mostly on a friend who has been suffering, of late.

By 10:30, the energy supply was fading and I bid my younger friend adieu, having drawn out from her a hopeful game plan that involves her connecting with a kindred spirit, in another part of the world, next year. I walked back to Home Base, in peace. Thoughts of my own kindred spirit, in another part of the world, also get me to the end of a day.

Tomorrow will be busy, with some fence-mending, but without the burden of manning a Red Cross shelter, as the problem fire has been put out. I will be glad to man a booth, put away equipment at Farmers Market and reconnect with people from whom I have been estranged, these past two years.

Camp Notes, Day 3

0

June 9, 2024, Bellemont- Today was Race Amity Day, across the United States, in advance of Juneteenth, a national celebration of the end of slavery in its last American bastions. Many Baha’i-sponsored Race Amity Day events took place in cities large and small. Here at the youth camp, we are living it. Several of the campers are from Democratic Republic of Congo. Others are from Brazil and there are people of Filipino, Dineh, Mexican and Iranian descent, as well as those whose ancestors came from Europe some time ago. There is amity in spades and any conflicts that might arise are more from misunderstandings than from any animus that is based on ethnic or cultural differences.

Day 3 is at an end and I am exhausted, after a bit more physical labour today. Other team members worked just as hard and will be hopefully appreciated by the campers, when Friday rolls around. I am just glad to be of use.

The one aspect of human relations that stands out on Race Amity Day is the matter of avoiding assumptions. Only a good measure of patience can keep that from happening, as well as considering a person’s behaviour or apparent attitude, from a number of angles. So I am making myself do, not so much in regard to the teenagers, as with respect to adults. So far, that forbearance has kept a few working relationships from hitting the rocks. Things are better between me and a few of the chaperones, than they were last year. May that continue throughout the camp.

Eastbound and Back, Day 26: Memories Kept

2

May 24, 2024, South Windsor, CT- Suffice it to say, it is an exercise in patience, to cross the city of Lynn. The easy way is to go north-south on the Lynnway, headed towards Boston, and all its glorious traffic. I chose the way I know best, wending my way westward, from Nahant to Boston Street, which is on the west side of town and leads directly to Saugus, where I grew up, and from where I made my way over to Wakefield and I-95 southbound. That was how I got from one group of cousins to another cousin’s house, in Arlington, a western suburb of Boston.

The day started in Gloucester, located on Cape Ann. A few things about that small, but magnificent, peninsula: It is known to the Pawtucket First Nation people as Annisquam (“top of the rock”, itself a reference to Mt. Ann, the cape’s summit), so it might be tempting to say that the name is a short form of that given name. Nope-The cape is named for Queen Mother Anne, the mother of Charles I, King of England at the time of its first settlement by the English, in 1623. The Cape settlement was the seed from which the Massachusetts Bay Colony sprang. Gloucester, as many know, is the setting for the film, “The Perfect Storm”, made in memory of the many fishers, male and female, who have met their deaths, while plying their craft. The high seas are brutal taskmasters. It, and its fellow Cape communities- Rockport, Manchester-by-the-Sea and Essex are places of both bustling fishing and lobstering and of great scenic beauty-a microcosm of northeastern North America, indeed of rocky seacoasts around the globe. Stage Fort Park, Pigeon Cove and Mt. Ann Park are highlights of any visit to the area.

I went to none of these, this time, though I’ve visited each, in years past. The day was all about family-immediate and extended. After a salubrious rest, in a well-appointed VRBO property, I headed down the road to Kane’s Donuts, and went over to visit my second brother and his wife, in Saugus. Our focus, these days, is always on what’s best for Mom, while honouring one another. A brief stop at the graves of my father and youngest brother followed, just long enough to say a prayer and wipe the grass mowings off the base of their collective headstone. Then, I drove up to Lynnfield, taking Mom outside on the patio, for a cup of clam chowder, which she still loves, though we came back inside, when it was obvious that the bees loved the chowder, too, and wanted a share. (They never got the chance. Mom made it clear that she wanted to go back in and enjoy her chowder in peace, so bye to the patio, it was.) I bid her farewell, for now, after about forty minutes. It was time for extended family.

The Tides, on the south end of Nahant Beach Parkway, is another fabulous restaurant, accenting New England seafood, but also featuring Italian specialties. Being satiated of fried clams, I chose another of my favourites: baked scallops. The food was a backdrop, though, as time with my fascinating older maternal cousins, who are siblings, and their equally entertaining spouses, is always informative, and well-spent. I hadn’t seen Dale in nearly seventeen years, and John in three. Their stories of Lynnhurst, where our grandmother, and many of the family members, once lived are treasures. Their father, my godfather, was a classic Irish story teller, who told fanciful tales of a madman in the woods. Once, Dale said, when he was worried for the safety of his little girl and her cousin, he followed them from a distance. Of a sudden, in the thicket of woods, growling and grumbling noises made them run out of the woods, screaming. There stood Dad (my uncle) ready to comfort his angels. Three guesses, as to who did the growling and grumbling!

After a fashion, it was time to leave for Arlington, and a visit with a paternal cousin. Leaving the lot at The Tides is a lesson in fly vision. Skateboarders and bicyclists can appear out of nooks and crannies, and pay no mind to the motorists who could impact their lives. As it happened, today was not their day to meet God, or the hospital bed, so on I went, across Lynn, watching carefully for the schoolchildren getting out of class, for the long weekend. Filling up Sportage, at a full-service spot, in Wakefield, I texted cousin Kevin and headed down the highway, getting to his place in time for a good hour’s visit. Kevin is a brother to Tom, who I had visited in Maine, earlier this week. He shared the success of his dear wife, now working on an advanced degree, and of his own work, in environmental science.

With all the cousins, I shared highlights of my own past few years, as only one of them is on social media. This is a good thing; conversations can never truly be replaced by the digital world, no matter how advanced, detailed or graphic it may become. Being asked of the Teachings of the Baha’i Faith was also a joy.

One more time down the Massachusetts Turnpike, I observed two young men driving at a torrid clip, onto an exit ramp, for God only knows what reason-emergency, or thrill chase. I continued, getting tired from the heat, and from the full day, to this tidy, rather serene suburb of Hartford. The Windsors are home to Bradley International Airport and the anchor town, Windsor proper, was the first English settlement in Connecticut, surprising, as it is far from the coastline that was favoured by Europeans, in the early days. The settlement, at the confluence of the Farmington and Connecticut Rivers, was given to the colony of Plymouth, by First Nations people, reportedly in gratitude for Plymouth’s having mediated a dispute between two Nations, the Podunk and Pequot. At any rate, the traders came and lived here in peace with their neighbours, including, for a time, the Dutch settlers at what is now Hartford.

I am at peace with everyone, and am just settled in for the night. Tomorrow, it’ll be off to Pennsylvania for 3-4 days. Safe travels, to all Americans on the first holiday of summer and to Canadians returning from your first holiday period. It goes without saying, safety to everyone else, holiday or not!

Decorative mirror, at VRBO site, in Gloucester, MA

Eastbound and Back, Day 24: The Harbour is Home

2

May 22, 2024, Boothbay Harbor- The voices of the thirty or so fourth graders were music to my ears. They were scattered across the grounds of Boothbay Region Land Trust’s Oak Point Farm, where my cousin and I were walking, this morning. Kevin and his extended family are neighbours to this splendid Trust property We walked the 1-mile loop trail, with the joyful noises of chatter and singing as a backdrop.

Oak Point Farm, Boothbay Harbor

The property gives focus to all that makes life in Boothbay such a treasure: The interplay of water, land and sun, with clouds as frequent visitors; the birds, large and small, with cardinals and goldfinches as the most numerous, and vocal, of the lot; the gray squirrels and chipmunks, scattering as large, lumbering humans approach; the red squirrels, sometimes “standing their ground” and chittering, “Thus far, and no farther”, whilst standing on their hind legs.

Downtown Boothbay Harbor

We went later to downtown Boothbay Harbor, taking in the harbourside scenes, with K describing what he knew of the town’s history-which turned out to be a considerable amount. The area was once both fishing haven and a tannery hub. The tanneries are gone, but fishermen still rule here, even as the high and mighty still come into the harbour, in their yachts and small cruise ships. It is the small fisherman who makes towns like Boothbay Harbor what they are-regardless of their appeal to people of means, or to artists and artisans.

After a round of photos, we went to the local YMCA, and an hour or so of soaking in the warm Therapy Pool. As I have not been to Planet Fitness for several weeks, the buoyancy of the pool was a nice treat for my muscles, and was followed by fifteen minutes in the sauna. This YMCA is directly across the road from Boothbay’s public schools, so it is a natural gathering place for teens from the middle and high schools, after classes. In addition, each second grade student enjoys mandatory swimming lessons.

We went back to the house and enjoyed a fine spaghetti dinner, then spent an hour or two talking of spiritual matters-a good segue, as this evening brings the observance of the Declaration of al-Bab, the Day in 1844, when the Herald of the Baha’i Dispensation first told another soul of His (brief) Mission to humanity.

Rest will come easy tonight, and tomorrow-down to Massachusetts, by way of Green Acre Baha’i School.

Central Wharf, Boothbay Harbor
An opportunity for a park or greenspace, downtown Boothbay Harbor
Stone mason’s gift, Oak Point Farm

Eastbound and Back, Day 20: Newfoundland Notes, Part V

0

May 18, 2024, Corner Brook- The giddy photographer stopped, rolled down his car window, and called out to the two moose who were nonchalantly grazing away, in a field adjacent to the road. He snapped a couple of photos, as I was passing by in the opposite direction, to tend to other business. When I got back, the shutterbug and moose had disappeared. Oh, well. They are probably not the last moose I will see this trip. There have been four, so far.

After opting for a light breakfast, this morning, I left Carriage Inn around 10:30. The road back to Corner Brook was generally lightly-trafficked and the weather was delightful. A lone cow moose, grazing off the road, was cause for people to flash bright lights at one another. The big elk could have cared less. She was way off the road and the grass must have been sweet.

Carriage Inn, Grand Falls-Windsor
Meeting with Baha’is of Corner Brook
Crow Gulch mural

I arrived at River’s End Motel, around 2, and was directed to use a code, in order to get into my room. This seems to be an anomaly, as yet, absentee owners and a brief, every-other-day housekeeping service. I am only here overnight, so it makes little difference to me. The room is clean and comfortable, so we’re good.

My visit to Baha’i friends here was more old school-a hearty and joyful conversation, of about two hours, followed by a simple and satisfying meal of pizza and chicken soup. Then, more conversation, focusing on ongoing issues with treatment of First Nations people in certain parts of Canada. I have seen some strides being made in that regard, in the west of the country, at least, and in some areas of Cape Breton, but as in the U.S., much remains to be accomplished.

Crow Gulch was an area, largely settled by Miqmaq families, just above a paper mill, on the outskirts of Corner Brook. It was the object of scorn from those who considered themselves “better off”, as the homes were seen as being haphazardly built, with few having electricity or running water. The community lasted from the 1920s until about 1980, when it was vacated and bulldozed. Crow Gulch is now honoured by a mural and by a book of poetry, written by a descendant of two of its residents. Those looking back on the place today recall it as having been a vibrant community, where the joy of close-knot families outweighed the hardships caused by outward poverty.

It is places like Crow Gulch that are as important to me, if not more important than, any swanky or upscale locales. The spirituality of a given place is its most important feature, and such strength of purpose is stronger, quite often, in rural communities than in areas where the pace of life is more brisk. This is recognized by many, in the video below.

Tomorrow marks my final day in Newfoundland, for this year, at least. It’s gratifying that I would be welcome back here, to stand with those making a decent life for themselves in this beautiful and sometimes harsh land of four seasons: Just another place to call home.