Tag Archives: Baha’i Faith

The Hana Chronicles: Month 7, Day 16

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, Historical, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

August 6, 2026- Enormous cockroaches have shown up, around the neighbourhood, as the outside water dries up during August. We get “our share”-one here, another there, yet another in the dishwasher. If any of these pests comes anywhere near Hana, I will show it no mercy. These are “sewer” roaches, mind you, and our household’s standard of hygiene is second to none. Still, we adults can get exercised about any pests that threaten our girl’s health. Thankfully, the pest control technician is coming here tomorrow.

She “explored” a small area of the dining room. this afternoon, being able to climb up a small border between that room and the sunken family room, where her playpen and the recliner sit. I allow her limited crawling area, on carpet that has recently been cleaned. This way, she knows how to get around to different parts of the house, at eye level, should she ever need to do so, before learning to walk.

Yunhee was home during the morning, as she had a business call to be made from home. Hana kept a close eye on her, while she was in her office. I took her in the stroller, for part of that time, so as to give her mother more privacy.

HANA’S NOTE- I love being in the stroller. Today, I sang a little song that I made up, while we were out on our walk.

YEAR IN REMEMBRANCE-1989- This was big year for people in eastern Europr regaining their freedom. We were at a Baha’i Institute, in Busan, when the freedom wave came to Romania. Being partially of German descent, I felt relief when the Berlin Wall came down. Each time another segment of the Iron Curtain fell was another day of joy.

We brought Aram to Massachusetts and Maine, as well as New Jersey,during our summer visit to the U.S. He was warmly welcomed by all family and friends.When we spent a week at Green Acre Baha’i School, in Maine, his one curly hair, coming up from the middle of his head, earned him the sobriquet, “Sweepea”, after the orphan from Popeye. We celebrated his first birthday, with a party in my mother’s backyard. There, he got to meet most of his cousins. We joined a photography session, on the day of Penny’s cousin’s wedding, in Bedminster, then visited other friends in the area, while the wedding itself was in progress.

Penny had left her position at Jeju National University, to take care of Aram. She received a year’s salary as maternity leave, so that helped. I bonded more fully with the first group of students that had entered the program last year and continued making strong connections with those who entered each subsequent year.

The Eighties were bittersweet, but on balance, they set me in the right direction-something I had been seeking since 1969. The Nineties would see this straight path accelerate.

The Hana Chronicles: Month 7, Day 10

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, Hiking and Nature, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

July 31, 2026- We couldn’t go for our walk today, because two of us over the age of 30 forgot to take the stroller out of the trunk, when we got back from the doctor’s, on Wednesday. Hana occupied herself nicely, using me as a support in pulling herself up to a standing position, several times today. This is something she want to do on her own and she will get it accomplished. I would say that, at this rate, she will be standing, pretty easily, by the middle of August.

Her speech is also rapid fire and sounds fairly specific, though much of it is babbling, still. “Mama”, “Oma”, “Apa”, “Daddy”, “Dada”, “Mommy” and “Papa” are all spoken with regularity. “I want”, “I don’t want”, “Yeah” and “”I love” also are clearly pronounced.

HANA’S NOTE- I really, really, really want to walk. I like standing up. I can see so much more.

YEAR IN REMEMBRANCE-1983 My paternal grandmother was someone I thought would live forever. A month shy of her 84th birthday, Nana was choking on something,at a Senior Center lunch. A well-meaning gentleman intervened, and performed a Heimlich procedure on her. It didn’t have the desired effect and she had to be hospitalized. She died shortly thereafter. Nana lived to see 49 grandchildren and at least a dozen great-grandchildren. One of those grandchildren preceded her in death. The rest of us honoured her memory.

Penny and I settled into Tuba City, and into our work. We were regulars at a coffee house that was put on each week, at the Episcopal Church. We had people over for dinner, at least once a week and taught those who were interested, about the Baha’i Faith. One comment, from a video store operator, who was a member of Four Square Gospel, still sticks in my memory: “All religions follow the same God?” That is indeed our story, and we’re sticking to it.

We also traveled around the Southwest: Pipe Spring, Colorado City and Lake Havasu City (for Christmas), in Arizona; on our First Anniversary-Durango to Silverton, Colorado (on the Narrow Gauge Railroad); Chama,Rio Grande Gorge, Taos and Santa Fe, New Mexico and several Baha’i-sponsored events, from Phoenix and Casa Grande to Jemez Springs and Crystal, New Mexico. In the Fall, my brother, Glenn, married his sweetheart, Barbie. So we made the trip back to Massachusetts, at the height of foliage season. It was sweet.

We did very well, as a couple, during this first year of wedlock.

The Hana Chronicles: Month 7, Day 8

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Posted by on in children, Community, Education, Family, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

July 29, 2026- Hana, Aram and I visited one of her medical providers this afternoon. The visit brought good reports and five different medical center staff smilingly remarked at how much Hana has grown, since her last visit-three months ago. She has hit all the markers-babbling, sitting up on her own, crawling with her torso raised and high receptive vocabulary. They clearly see a happy, healthy little girl.

Once we were home, and it was play time again, Hana crawled all over her grandfather and at one point, after I helped her stand with both feet full on the floor, she took two steps, while I was supporting her. She looked at her father and said “Daddy”, not “dada”.

These are things for which I have given up most of what I did before she was born. These are the things for which I am keeping myself in good health, for which I want to live at least as long as my dear mother did. I see a great future ahead for this child of the Divine. That we are related is beside the point.

HANA’S NOTE- I usually don’t like going to the doctor’s office. Today felt nicer somehow.

YEAR IN REMEBRANCE-1981- By the time New Year’s had come around, my first housemate had left, and a second, an Iranian student, had been with me for three months. He, too, left, when the Iran-Iraq War broke out, as his home area was one of the battle zones. I had him call his family, that night, and he found they were all okay, with a relative in Teheran. Two months into the New Year, I had another pair of housemates, a couple-Chris and Carol. They .were still there when I left in August. I also got a phone call “from AT&T”, two months into the year-asking why I had called Iran. Although it was quite clear that the caller was from a Federal agency, and not the phone company, I was honest as to the reason for the call. I was then told that it was excused, this time, but I was never to do such a thing again. (Calling a nation with which the U.S. does not have diplomatic ties is a big no-no.)

This has broader significance. I had begun a romantic relationship with Penny, who I had met in Zuni, in December of last year. She was living and working in Keams Canyon, on the Hopi Reservation. I would go up there, one or two weekends a month, hitching-as I had no car. She would come down to Flagstaff, on other weekends. This was one huge change in my life.

The other was the Baha’i Faith. Penny had been a member of the Faith for about four years. She shared its tenets with me, and when I read the biography of ‘Abdu’l-Baha, I saw no reason why I , too, should not embrace the Teachings of Baha’ullah. I was put in contact with the Baha’is in Flagstaff, and declared my Faith, in February. The effects were both immediate (I gave up alcohol and gambling) and gradual ( Slowly, almost too slowly, I emerged from the fog of autism.)

I completed my Master’s program in August, by which time Penny had also completed her Master’s, in California, and had both found a job near San Diego and moved on from another relationship that had sprung up over the summer. My feelings for her didn’t go away, and by September, I was making monthly visits to see her in Julian, CA.

With an Arizona School counseling certificate, I was able to get a job at an Intermediate (Grades 4-6) School, in Tuba City, AZ, in the western part of the Navajo Nation, bordering the Hopi Nation. Thus, did a five-year residence, and a long-standing friendship, with these First Nations people come to be.

The Hana Chronicles: Month 7, Day 1

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, Historical, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

July 22, 2026-Hana started her new month with a new behaviour- wanting to more actively take part in Story Time. She wants to be able to look at a page for several minutes after I have read the words. She focuses on the pictures and the form of the words. She also likes to touch the page, especially if it has a smooth texture.

She laughs a lot more now, taking delight in all of my antics and silly songs. Once, this afternoon, she put her hand over my mouth.hen I was singing to her-then she started laughing. She also likes to tip a tower of rings over, as soon as I put the rings back on. It is just another of the games that get invented by infants, using their observational skills.

We went on our morning walk early, again this morning, thus avoiding the later 105 degree still air. Few people were along the path, but there was a group of Middle School Track Team members, getting ready for what was hopefully a brief pre-season workout. Hana, for her part, spent part of the walk asleep in her stroller.

HANA’S NOTE- I want to know what this reading thing is. The stories that Papa reads to me are sometimes exciting and other times just silly. I am looking at the pictures and making little stories in my mind. Sometimes, I dream of them.

YEAR IN REMEMBRANCE-1974 I spent my first year at UMass-Amherst living in a co-ed dorm. Having a large group of brothers and sisters was nothing new, so I was quite relaxed. Still, ever the rube, I used my antiquated record player-which became known as The Set”. Most everyone else had a boom box, state-of-the art stereo systems, etc. I was okay with what I had. I was also the “editor” of a residence quad newsletter called “The Sage-Revisited” and I delivered The New York Times around campus, six days a week. That lasted about five months, then I forgot yo change the code to “Sunday”, a bunch of Sunday Times were ripped off and i left that job. The editor position wasn’t much more successful. I did a lot better, academically than in extracurriculars.

I kept encountering Baha’is in Amherst, though I remained Catholic. I did not find the Newman Center (Catholic student union and parish) very supportive of us students, so in hindsight, I might have made more inquiries into the Baha’i Faith-my second Residential Assistant, and one other RA across the Quad, were Baha’is. I babysat our RA’s infant daughter on at least one occasion. (I would later meet both mother and daughter, at Baha’i gatherings in Arizona, in the 1990s.) The Dean of the College of Education was also a Baha’i.

Summer of 1974 was mostly spent at a resort hotel in western Maine. Quisiana was/is a music camp, so there was a wealth of musical talent. I wasn’t part of that talent. I worked as a busboy, did a credible job and explored a lot of Maine, those eight weeks. Young women floated in and out of my life, which was okay. I have never been much for brief affairs.

This was the summer of Goodbye, Nixon. The staff dining room attendant made the announcement of the President’s resignation, on August 2. It was a quiet day, otherwise. This potentially unsettling year was like my one encounter with a juvenile moose-could have been troublesome, but …Nah

The Hana Chronicles: Month 6, Day 29

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, Hiking and Nature, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

July 20, 2026- I used an unconventional means of opening a container, this evening. Hana looked astounded, and let me know that she didn’t think it was a good idea. I told her that, although it worked this time, I wouldn’t do that again. She gave a wan smile. If you have ever been scolded, in infant-speak, you know what I mean.

She is speaking her mind, a lot more these days, and I find it fairly easy to decipher what she is saying. There are times when she will speak, from the back of her throat, in intelligible English words- “I want that”; “I don’t want it.”; “I love you”. As the teeth pop out, she will produce more words, certainly.

She also has her own set of expectations for our daily routine. She will not go for a nap, until she has had her walk in the stroller and taken her medication. She also prefers to take any afternoon nap with me, in the recliner. Her lunch meal has the “bite” order of vegetable, starch, meat, sip from the milk bottle, and repeat. This works just fine and she is a plate cleaner.

HANA’S NOTE- I told Papa, “That is not a good thing to do”, when I saw him opening a salad box, without using scissors. I have to watch him every minute that Daddy isn’t home!

YEAR IN REMEMBRANCE- 1972 I was discharged from the Army on January 2, with the condition I attend college. I resumed my studies at North Shore Community College, in Beverly, MA. I lived at home the first semester. I worked at a warehouse called Central Sales, not far from the college, three evenings and Saturday mornings. As before, young women floated in and out of my life. I dated a sweet girl who was four years my junior, for a few months. She was more mature than I was, and it fell apart after about three months.

Summer brought a three-week jaunt across Canada, from Montreal to Edmonton and Calgary, then down through Montana, Idaho, Utah and across Colorado, the Midwest, West Virginia, Maryland and back up through Pennsylvania and back to Massachusetts. I met nice people along the way, and learned the limits of sleeping outside, in some of the national parks of Canada. Stops to visit people along the way ranged from turbulent (a pen pal in Colorado) to gratifying (my Viet Nam buddy , Bill, and his family, in Baltimore). I also first heard of the Baha’i Faith, outside Philadelphia. I was still comfortable as a Catholic, so didn’t investigate any further, but the name kept popping up, over the next several years.

Fall semester found me living with an eclectic group of people in Beverly. I stayed there with Al, Sandy and their housemates, into the following Spring. It was a pleasant arrangement and I learned the value of platonic friendships with women, other than my sister and cousins. Emotional maturity was coming along, slowly but surely.

Restoration

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Historical, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Spiritual

May 29, 2026- All that is meant to be, will withstand any efforts to obliterate it. In 1921, when ‘Abdu’l-Baha passed away, His grandson, Shoghi Effendi Rabbani, succeeded Him as Head of the Baha’i Faith, in the office of Guardian. Shoghi Effendi inherited his grandfather’s house, in Haifa, whilst his grand-uncle, who was not a follower of Baha’ullah, occupied the Mansion of Baha’ullah, in Bahji, north of Akka. That uncle, Mohammad Ali, also seized the keys to the Shrine (Burial Place) of Baha’ullah, holding them for a year, until the British administrators of Palestine took the keys back and gave them to Shoghi Effendi. This was in 1923. For six more years, his grand-uncle continued to live in the Mansion, and let it decay. By 1929, the Mansion had fallen into such a state of disrepair, that Mohammad Ali asked his grand-nephew to oversee repairs. This, Shoghi Effendi did, and he invited the British High Commissioner to inspect the renovated house and its surrounding gardens. The High Commissioner approved the repairs, and further, gave Shoghi Effendi title to the property, saying that it rightfully belonged to the Baha’i Faith, and not to apostate family members.

Today marks the 134th Anniversary of the Ascension of Baha’ullah. The Shrine of Baha’ullah, the Mansion and the magnificent gardens that surround it are cornerstones of any Baha’i Pilgrimage. They are also UNESCO World Heritage Sites and are open, gratis, to the public-as are the Shrines of al-Bab and of ‘Abdu’l-Baha, and their equally magnificent gardens, in Haifa.

All that is meant to be, will withstand any efforts to obliterate it.

Loyalty

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving

May 20,2026- My granddaughter kissed me on the shoulder, when I picked her up from the crib, after her first nap, this morning. She will roll over to get next to me, when I lower myself to her crawling area. She holds onto my shirt, when I am rocking her, at the end of a play period. A baby is motivated by survival instinct, and gravitates to the person(s) who show her/him the most consistent positive attention. That is the beginning of loyalty.

My own loyalties are very specifically ordered: Family, Faith, Friends, Humanity, Planet Earth. I am loyal to government when it treats the common people with love and respect. My loyalty to the Human Race requires standing up, when there is a widespread disregard for dignity and worth-no matter the source of that disdain. Furthermore, I see no conflict between standing up for my family and standing up for the planet. My family’s survival needs a healthy environment. I don’t want my granddaughter, or anyone else, ingesting a host of microplastics or breathing in Diesel fumes, generated by someone who is angry at Elon Musk, or at the environmental movement.

I am loyal to the Baha’i Faith. That also means that I show reverence and respect towards all creeds that are based on the Golden Mean. All knowledge comes from the Divine, else it is contrived, and is not true knowledge at all. We have never been left alone, nor will we ever be.

I am loyal to my friends, no matter how long it has been since we’ve seen one another or how often we may communicate. Many are overwhelmed by life and have both my daily blessings and constant thought. My loyalty should never be measured by how much money I spend on a person. I have a few in my circle, who are transactional. The only time I hear from them is when they are short on cash. I occasionally help one family with the basics, but generally speaking, I prefer my charity to be that which helps larger groups of people.

My loyalty to Humanity reflects a conviction that “all means all.” I don’t make a distinction between “rightwingers” and “leftwingers”, Christians and Muslims, citizens of one country as opposed to those of another. My only guidepost is to be discerning, as to the basic human rights of a given person. Even a tyrant has inherent dignity. If he/she chooses to squander that dignity, that is not a choice made by me. I will not harm anyone, but neither will I allow them to harm me or anyone close to me.

My loyalty to Earth lies in being as responsible a steward of what is in front of me and of the planet as a whole. Minimal trash, maximum recycling, regular maintenance and proper use of my motor vehicle, respect and kindness towards all life forms, to the greatest extent possible, conservation of resources-all these add up, when practiced regularly.

Loyalty begins with self-respect and is reflected outwards.

Worlds Within A World, Part II

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

May 15,2026- From the Saugus world, I got a work ethic, respect for family and tradition, a sense of place. From the Army world, I got self-discipline and awareness that people everywhere are more alike than different. From the College world, I got respect for my female peers and a sense of personal independence. From the Maine world, I got the joy of making it through a few harsh winters, and savouring delightful summers, yet I also came to the realization that not all who work with children have their best interests at heart.

After Maine came the Arizona Central Corridor world (1978-1981)-which brought me first to a private boarding school in Eloy, then to Northern Arizona University, Flagstaff. During this time, I made peace with Mathematics, for many years my bugbear, and for two years at the Villa School, my livelihood. I know that, out of my own struggles, there came an affinity with those in my classes who were having a hard time with the concepts. It made me a credible teacher. I came to see troubled teens as worthy of respect. It made me a better human being. I came to see, and know, the majesty of Arizona, and made the acquaintance of the Pacific coast, as far north as Portland and as far south as Guaymas. I went across country, by bus or by thumb, three times.

The Flagstaff years brought the first real sea change in my life-realizing that my globalist self had counterparts in the Baha’i Faith, which I adopted as my own, early in 1981.I met the woman I would marry, waited out her sorting of her life and tossed aside a major obstacle in mine-saying goodbye to alcoholic beverages. I lost a few friends, but made hundreds more-and found myself oriented towards our country’s First Nations.

The firt Navajo-Hopi world (1981-86) put my newly acquired Masters Degree, in Education (Counseling), to full use. Tuba City, on the western edge of Arizona’s Painted Desert, struck me as close to being a Third World place. There were, at the time, a couple of trading posts and several small cafes. While I was there, a grocery store and small mini mall opened up. The small cafes gave way to well-appointed restaurants. I married Penny, we went on Pilgrimage to Israel and the West Bank, getting a fine guided tour of Jerusalem, the Jordan Valley and the Galilee from a retired IDF officer. We spent nine days total in the Holy Land, six of these in Haifa and Akka, There may never be such a consecrated time as this again in my life, but it gave me a foundation to go forward. We would stop in London, for three days, afterward, and I would have the bounty of speaking before people of whom I was in awe. We also would attend a Council Fire of First Nations, in Alberta, teach the Baha’i Faith in Houston, in Guyana and on the Omaha and Pine Ridge Reservations, as well as keeping the home fires burning on the Navajo and Hopi Nations. We buried a good friend in Tuba City and we buried my father, a year after he and Mom had visited us and toured Arizona.

A phone call, in the early morning hours, in January, 1986, was the inception of Korea world (1986-92) That, and the second Navajo-Hopi world (1992-98) will make up Part III..

The Road to Diamond, Day 299: Navigating the Bugs

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Historical, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

September 22, 2025, Helsingor, Sjaelland, Denmark- When I got to the Long-Distance trains, in Stockholm, accompanied by my friend from Nynashamn, two tings were obvious: The Rail App that I got for my iPhone, specifically to make catching trains easier, was not doing so AND I had oversimplified the booking process in my head. This led to learning curve #2 on this journey: Every leg of the process is different and every leg has to be set in motion, before showing up at the gate. I learned that it is best to go to the ticket office at the station, well before the desired time of departure-not 1/2 hour prior. The well-oiled team is what has got me this far, and given me a road map for the rest of the journey (no pun intended).

It all worked out; I got to say farewell to the kids and their father at the station in Nynasgard; I was able to purchase a ticket at the Central Station Billeting Office and friend was able to tend to an important matter of her own, after I boarded the train with time to spare, after all.

I found myself seated next to a very interesting person, who is writing historical novels, accenting the achievements of the Swedish people, rather than dwelling on the hardships and deprivations the country has faced, over the centuries. She is also a rather skilled photographer, and showed me some of her portfolio. I shared with her my philosophy of education and the basic teachings of Baha’i. After a time, we reverted to our own spaces and enjoyed the quiet ride through the heart of central and southern Sweden. When she met her partner, at Malmo, she told him of her interest in what I had shared. He seemed to be favourable to her comments.

With help from a train conductor in Malmo, I reverted to my initial plan of taking the train to Helsingborg, then the ferry to Helsingor-as opposed to following the Stockholm ticket agent’s idea of going to Copenhagen and then up to my destination. That would have likely added a good hour to the journey. I had just enough time in Helsingborg to take photos of the interesting Centrum.

Helsingborg Centrum from the Ferry terminal
Helsingborg Centrum (above and below)
South Side of Helsingborg
Old Harbour House, Helsingborg

We left Helsingborg, and Sweden, on time. My seatmate on the train from Stockholm to Malmo remarked that today was the first time she had seen that train leave on schedule, in nearly two years of back and forth. I have a different impression of Swedish punctuality, but maybe that is my luck-everything has been on the button, during my time here.

So far, I can only say I have experienced 90 % kindness, in both Iceland and Sweden. Certainly, the expectation is that the visitor will put forth effort to observe how things are done, and follow suit, but there is also a goodly measure of grace and forthright correction, when needed. I am used to taking life lessons in stride and not making the same mistake twice. This fits nicely with how people expect visitors to go about their time in both countries.

I expect it will be much the same in Denmark. Helsingor, for starters is compact. Hotel Skania, where I am tonight, is right across the tracks from the Train Station and Ferry Terminal. A short two blocks to the west and south is a row of restaurants and shops, with no cars allowed. Rib House, where I dined this evening, is a fun place, where each patron gets to check off the items chosen for the meal. There is a one-trip, or unlimited salad bar, in the style of American steak houses. How well meat is to be cooked is a choice item as are the type of potatoes one wants, and the sauces, if any, that are desired. Of course, one checks off what drink is desired.

Rib House, Helsingor Centrum

I will share more of Helsingor tomorrow. Now, it’s time for rest.

The Road to Diamond, Day 38: Cycles

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Family, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

January 5, 2025- I have listened to two very different takes on this calendar year. The one, of which I wrote yesterday, was made with a hokey presentation but came across as very hopeful, though it involved other galaxies and beings of questionable status. The second, made by a cosmic advisor who is very much grounded in reality, pointed out that this is a year of simultaneous endings of old relationships and processes, and beginnings of new ones. 2024 was certainly a dress rehearsal for that, with the passing of my mother and several longtime friends. The speaker this morning said to remain grounded in a strong soulship, and not to be depressed or downhearted by any rapid changes in relationships, even if they are with those dearly loved. Other relationships and processes will replace those that end. Most importantly, she said it was never necessary to channel energy externally. All the strength one needs is within.

I reflected on my life up to now, not in a rigid decade-by-decade manner, but in terms of actual cycles. 1950-1964 was a time of firsts, and of thinking that I didn’t deserve a whole lot. So, when I did get nice things, I used them for a short time, then set them aside, except my books and records. Bicycles, weight sets, even a junior chemistry set, all were used just a bit, then set aside in the closet or downstairs, or in the case of the bikes-given to my siblings. I didn’t think I deserved friends, and so spent much time alone. It wasn’t until that became counterproductive, in eighth grade, that I started to rethink the matter.

1964-1968, the high school years, was a time of discovering the love I had for other people. Though I still regarded myself as unworthy (a sense that would be my shadow until fairly recently), grades were kept up, school events like dances drew me out and I worked at a job or two, with minimal success.

1969-1980 was a period of self-loathing. I functioned, but just barely, serving in a position of fair responsibility in the U.S. Army; earning Associate and Bachelor Degrees, being in the middle of my class in each; and working at both teaching and a smattering of part-time jobs, while still not exactly excelling at any of them.

1981-1997 was a high water mark. I earned a Master’s Degree, met and married my first true love, sired and raised a child, and actually made a difference in my professional work. Much of this came about because I embraced the Baha’i Faith, and in turn, embraced sobriety. The self-loathing was still there, but kept under wraps.

1998-2013 found me floundering again. My beloved was suffering and in declining health, and I was facing my own demons, though maintaining sobriety, helping our son navigate adolescence and fend off those who wanted to hurt him, and acting as my wife’s caretaker. Jobs came and went, but substitute teaching was my saving grace, and kept us with food on the table and a roof over our heads. For two years after Penny died, my struggles continued, until I finally began to regard myself as worthy of true self-respect.

2014-2024 has been another period of rising. I have rediscovered our country and the world, established genuine friendships and gained the respect of those who knew me when. Public service, mostly volunteer work, has helped me feel like a worthy part of a community. Most importantly, though, my self-loathing is gone. In maturity, I have faced down five people who tried to take away my self-esteem and embraced those who truly have my best interests at heart.

This year finds me at a crossroads. Someone dear to me may, or may not, be part of my future. She has her own path to follow. Either way, I am in a good place and am ready for whatever comes-continuity or seismic change. Never again will I blame myself, or anyone else, for what comes to pass. Everyone is on a journey all their own, and each deserves support from the others.

I briefly considered including Frank Sinatra’s song, “Cycles”, with this post. It doesn’t quite sum up my mood though. Instead, here’s Bruce Springsteen’s “The Rising”.