May 29, 2026- All that is meant to be, will withstand any efforts to obliterate it. In 1921, when ‘Abdu’l-Baha passed away, His grandson, Shoghi Effendi Rabbani, succeeded Him as Head of the Baha’i Faith, in the office of Guardian. Shoghi Effendi inherited his grandfather’s house, in Haifa, whilst his grand-uncle, who was not a follower of Baha’ullah, occupied the Mansion of Baha’ullah, in Bahji, north of Akka. That uncle, Mohammad Ali, also seized the keys to the Shrine (Burial Place) of Baha’ullah, holding them for a year, until the British administrators of Palestine took the keys back and gave them to Shoghi Effendi. This was in 1923. For six more years, his grand-uncle continued to live in the Mansion, and let it decay. By 1929, the Mansion had fallen into such a state of disrepair, that Mohammad Ali asked his grand-nephew to oversee repairs. This, Shoghi Effendi did, and he invited the British High Commissioner to inspect the renovated house and its surrounding gardens. The High Commissioner approved the repairs, and further, gave Shoghi Effendi title to the property, saying that it rightfully belonged to the Baha’i Faith, and not to apostate family members.
Today marks the 134th Anniversary of the Ascension of Baha’ullah. The Shrine of Baha’ullah, the Mansion and the magnificent gardens that surround it are cornerstones of any Baha’i Pilgrimage. They are also UNESCO World Heritage Sites and are open, gratis, to the public-as are the Shrines of al-Bab and of ‘Abdu’l-Baha, and their equally magnificent gardens, in Haifa.
All that is meant to be, will withstand any efforts to obliterate it.
May 20,2026- My granddaughter kissed me on the shoulder, when I picked her up from the crib, after her first nap, this morning. She will roll over to get next to me, when I lower myself to her crawling area. She holds onto my shirt, when I am rocking her, at the end of a play period. A baby is motivated by survival instinct, and gravitates to the person(s) who show her/him the most consistent positive attention. That is the beginning of loyalty.
My own loyalties are very specifically ordered: Family, Faith, Friends, Humanity, Planet Earth. I am loyal to government when it treats the common people with love and respect. My loyalty to the Human Race requires standing up, when there is a widespread disregard for dignity and worth-no matter the source of that disdain. Furthermore, I see no conflict between standing up for my family and standing up for the planet. My family’s survival needs a healthy environment. I don’t want my granddaughter, or anyone else, ingesting a host of microplastics or breathing in Diesel fumes, generated by someone who is angry at Elon Musk, or at the environmental movement.
I am loyal to the Baha’i Faith. That also means that I show reverence and respect towards all creeds that are based on the Golden Mean. All knowledge comes from the Divine, else it is contrived, and is not true knowledge at all. We have never been left alone, nor will we ever be.
I am loyal to my friends, no matter how long it has been since we’ve seen one another or how often we may communicate. Many are overwhelmed by life and have both my daily blessings and constant thought. My loyalty should never be measured by how much money I spend on a person. I have a few in my circle, who are transactional. The only time I hear from them is when they are short on cash. I occasionally help one family with the basics, but generally speaking, I prefer my charity to be that which helps larger groups of people.
My loyalty to Humanity reflects a conviction that “all means all.” I don’t make a distinction between “rightwingers” and “leftwingers”, Christians and Muslims, citizens of one country as opposed to those of another. My only guidepost is to be discerning, as to the basic human rights of a given person. Even a tyrant has inherent dignity. If he/she chooses to squander that dignity, that is not a choice made by me. I will not harm anyone, but neither will I allow them to harm me or anyone close to me.
My loyalty to Earth lies in being as responsible a steward of what is in front of me and of the planet as a whole. Minimal trash, maximum recycling, regular maintenance and proper use of my motor vehicle, respect and kindness towards all life forms, to the greatest extent possible, conservation of resources-all these add up, when practiced regularly.
Loyalty begins with self-respect and is reflected outwards.
May 15,2026- From the Saugus world, I got a work ethic, respect for family and tradition, a sense of place. From the Army world, I got self-discipline and awareness that people everywhere are more alike than different. From the College world, I got respect for my female peers and a sense of personal independence. From the Maine world, I got the joy of making it through a few harsh winters, and savouring delightful summers, yet I also came to the realization that not all who work with children have their best interests at heart.
After Maine came the Arizona Central Corridor world (1978-1981)-which brought me first to a private boarding school in Eloy, then to Northern Arizona University, Flagstaff. During this time, I made peace with Mathematics, for many years my bugbear, and for two years at the Villa School, my livelihood. I know that, out of my own struggles, there came an affinity with those in my classes who were having a hard time with the concepts. It made me a credible teacher. I came to see troubled teens as worthy of respect. It made me a better human being. I came to see, and know, the majesty of Arizona, and made the acquaintance of the Pacific coast, as far north as Portland and as far south as Guaymas. I went across country, by bus or by thumb, three times.
The Flagstaff years brought the first real sea change in my life-realizing that my globalist self had counterparts in the Baha’i Faith, which I adopted as my own, early in 1981.I met the woman I would marry, waited out her sorting of her life and tossed aside a major obstacle in mine-saying goodbye to alcoholic beverages. I lost a few friends, but made hundreds more-and found myself oriented towards our country’s First Nations.
The firt Navajo-Hopi world (1981-86) put my newly acquired Masters Degree, in Education (Counseling), to full use. Tuba City, on the western edge of Arizona’s Painted Desert, struck me as close to being a Third World place. There were, at the time, a couple of trading posts and several small cafes. While I was there, a grocery store and small mini mall opened up. The small cafes gave way to well-appointed restaurants. I married Penny, we went on Pilgrimage to Israel and the West Bank, getting a fine guided tour of Jerusalem, the Jordan Valley and the Galilee from a retired IDF officer. We spent nine days total in the Holy Land, six of these in Haifa and Akka, There may never be such a consecrated time as this again in my life, but it gave me a foundation to go forward. We would stop in London, for three days, afterward, and I would have the bounty of speaking before people of whom I was in awe. We also would attend a Council Fire of First Nations, in Alberta, teach the Baha’i Faith in Houston, in Guyana and on the Omaha and Pine Ridge Reservations, as well as keeping the home fires burning on the Navajo and Hopi Nations. We buried a good friend in Tuba City and we buried my father, a year after he and Mom had visited us and toured Arizona.
A phone call, in the early morning hours, in January, 1986, was the inception of Korea world (1986-92) That, and the second Navajo-Hopi world (1992-98) will make up Part III..
September 22, 2025, Helsingor, Sjaelland, Denmark- When I got to the Long-Distance trains, in Stockholm, accompanied by my friend from Nynashamn, two tings were obvious: The Rail App that I got for my iPhone, specifically to make catching trains easier, was not doing so AND I had oversimplified the booking process in my head. This led to learning curve #2 on this journey: Every leg of the process is different and every leg has to be set in motion, before showing up at the gate. I learned that it is best to go to the ticket office at the station, well before the desired time of departure-not 1/2 hour prior. The well-oiled team is what has got me this far, and given me a road map for the rest of the journey (no pun intended).
It all worked out; I got to say farewell to the kids and their father at the station in Nynasgard; I was able to purchase a ticket at the Central Station Billeting Office and friend was able to tend to an important matter of her own, after I boarded the train with time to spare, after all.
I found myself seated next to a very interesting person, who is writing historical novels, accenting the achievements of the Swedish people, rather than dwelling on the hardships and deprivations the country has faced, over the centuries. She is also a rather skilled photographer, and showed me some of her portfolio. I shared with her my philosophy of education and the basic teachings of Baha’i. After a time, we reverted to our own spaces and enjoyed the quiet ride through the heart of central and southern Sweden. When she met her partner, at Malmo, she told him of her interest in what I had shared. He seemed to be favourable to her comments.
With help from a train conductor in Malmo, I reverted to my initial plan of taking the train to Helsingborg, then the ferry to Helsingor-as opposed to following the Stockholm ticket agent’s idea of going to Copenhagen and then up to my destination. That would have likely added a good hour to the journey. I had just enough time in Helsingborg to take photos of the interesting Centrum.
Helsingborg Centrum from the Ferry terminalHelsingborg Centrum (above and below)South Side of HelsingborgOld Harbour House, Helsingborg
We left Helsingborg, and Sweden, on time. My seatmate on the train from Stockholm to Malmo remarked that today was the first time she had seen that train leave on schedule, in nearly two years of back and forth. I have a different impression of Swedish punctuality, but maybe that is my luck-everything has been on the button, during my time here.
So far, I can only say I have experienced 90 % kindness, in both Iceland and Sweden. Certainly, the expectation is that the visitor will put forth effort to observe how things are done, and follow suit, but there is also a goodly measure of grace and forthright correction, when needed. I am used to taking life lessons in stride and not making the same mistake twice. This fits nicely with how people expect visitors to go about their time in both countries.
I expect it will be much the same in Denmark. Helsingor, for starters is compact. Hotel Skania, where I am tonight, is right across the tracks from the Train Station and Ferry Terminal. A short two blocks to the west and south is a row of restaurants and shops, with no cars allowed. Rib House, where I dined this evening, is a fun place, where each patron gets to check off the items chosen for the meal. There is a one-trip, or unlimited salad bar, in the style of American steak houses. How well meat is to be cooked is a choice item as are the type of potatoes one wants, and the sauces, if any, that are desired. Of course, one checks off what drink is desired.
Rib House, Helsingor Centrum
I will share more of Helsingor tomorrow. Now, it’s time for rest.
January 5, 2025- I have listened to two very different takes on this calendar year. The one, of which I wrote yesterday, was made with a hokey presentation but came across as very hopeful, though it involved other galaxies and beings of questionable status. The second, made by a cosmic advisor who is very much grounded in reality, pointed out that this is a year of simultaneous endings of old relationships and processes, and beginnings of new ones. 2024 was certainly a dress rehearsal for that, with the passing of my mother and several longtime friends. The speaker this morning said to remain grounded in a strong soulship, and not to be depressed or downhearted by any rapid changes in relationships, even if they are with those dearly loved. Other relationships and processes will replace those that end. Most importantly, she said it was never necessary to channel energy externally. All the strength one needs is within.
I reflected on my life up to now, not in a rigid decade-by-decade manner, but in terms of actual cycles. 1950-1964 was a time of firsts, and of thinking that I didn’t deserve a whole lot. So, when I did get nice things, I used them for a short time, then set them aside, except my books and records. Bicycles, weight sets, even a junior chemistry set, all were used just a bit, then set aside in the closet or downstairs, or in the case of the bikes-given to my siblings. I didn’t think I deserved friends, and so spent much time alone. It wasn’t until that became counterproductive, in eighth grade, that I started to rethink the matter.
1964-1968, the high school years, was a time of discovering the love I had for other people. Though I still regarded myself as unworthy (a sense that would be my shadow until fairly recently), grades were kept up, school events like dances drew me out and I worked at a job or two, with minimal success.
1969-1980 was a period of self-loathing. I functioned, but just barely, serving in a position of fair responsibility in the U.S. Army; earning Associate and Bachelor Degrees, being in the middle of my class in each; and working at both teaching and a smattering of part-time jobs, while still not exactly excelling at any of them.
1981-1997 was a high water mark. I earned a Master’s Degree, met and married my first true love, sired and raised a child, and actually made a difference in my professional work. Much of this came about because I embraced the Baha’i Faith, and in turn, embraced sobriety. The self-loathing was still there, but kept under wraps.
1998-2013 found me floundering again. My beloved was suffering and in declining health, and I was facing my own demons, though maintaining sobriety, helping our son navigate adolescence and fend off those who wanted to hurt him, and acting as my wife’s caretaker. Jobs came and went, but substitute teaching was my saving grace, and kept us with food on the table and a roof over our heads. For two years after Penny died, my struggles continued, until I finally began to regard myself as worthy of true self-respect.
2014-2024 has been another period of rising. I have rediscovered our country and the world, established genuine friendships and gained the respect of those who knew me when. Public service, mostly volunteer work, has helped me feel like a worthy part of a community. Most importantly, though, my self-loathing is gone. In maturity, I have faced down five people who tried to take away my self-esteem and embraced those who truly have my best interests at heart.
This year finds me at a crossroads. Someone dear to me may, or may not, be part of my future. She has her own path to follow. Either way, I am in a good place and am ready for whatever comes-continuity or seismic change. Never again will I blame myself, or anyone else, for what comes to pass. Everyone is on a journey all their own, and each deserves support from the others.
I briefly considered including Frank Sinatra’s song, “Cycles”, with this post. It doesn’t quite sum up my mood though. Instead, here’s Bruce Springsteen’s “The Rising”.
October 11, 2024, Manila- “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours.If not, it was never meant to be.” I’ve paid lip service to this, especially since Penny left for a better level. I have never felt she has been far away-and I have even felt that, when I fell for someone last year, this new love had Penny’s blessing.
I have no way of knowing in what direction my current friendship is going to head. Someone dear to me said, before I left for the Philippines this time, “You could love her to the moon and back, but if the feeling is not reciprocal, it can’t be faked.” I would be willing to make the life change and move here, but if it’s not a welcome move, it’s hardly a wise one. I have safe haven at Home Base I, and no one there who sees me through apprehensive eyes.
So, I will do what is prudent, in the time I have left here. I will visit Baha’i friends in another part of the country and pay further homage to those who died in World War II Another friend said, “No one needs to get married a second time”, and she is right. I know that I love my friend here, as deeply as I loved my wife. That is a rarity, and will not change. Still, there are twists and turns that she needs to navigate-and my presence would, for the time being, only be in the way. I have left the ball strictly in her court; she knows where she stands with me.
I am well, emotionally, with the caveat: “I am learning this, too: ‘We must not only be patient with others, infinitely patient!, but also with our own poor selves, remembering that even the Prophets of God sometimes got tired and cried out in despair!’ (Shoghi Effendi) And while I am deeply sure that ‘the Prophets of God’ had far more to despair about than I do or will, this quote gives me hope that I am not wallowing in my grief, but learning the lessons it will teach me.” (Borrowed, in gratitude, from a recently departed member of my spiritual family).
NOTE: Shoghi Effendi, the eldest surviving grandson of ‘Abdu’l-Baha, served as Guardian of the Baha’i Faith from ‘Abdu’l-Baha’s death, (1921), until his own passing (1957). He provided a wealth of translation, explanation and elucidation of the Writings of al-Bab, Baha’u’llah and ‘Abdu’l-Baha, as well as offering timeless insights into the growth and development of the Faith.
September 30, 2024, Puerto Princesa- An ecstatic woman, in Long Island City, NY, screamed with delight, at the news she had just been given. Her first granddaughter, after two sons and a grandson, was born. For the Fellmans, of Long Island City and Jamesburg, NJ, the birth of little Penny righted a top-heavy ship.
She would go on, transcending a congenital defect, for over 45 years, building an Intelligence Quotient of 161, graduating summa cum laude from the University of Virginia and earning three Master’s Degrees-all in the field of education. As a member of the Baha’i Faith, from 1977, she would serve with distinction, as an educator, on the Navajo Reservation, in Jeju, South Korea, and in El Mirage, AZ. In the latter town, she would be led out to retirement, gently and with gratitude from the Superintendent’s Office, even as she was attacked by those within the school who had no understanding of her struggles.
I met Penny in December,1980, as the snow swirled around Zuni, New Mexico, as a house blessing ceremony, called Shalako, took place in a cozy, but crowded home. We took turns sitting in a single chair and became enamoured of one another. We would date, off and on, for eighteen months, and married in June, 1982. We met some auspicious milestones-Valentine’s Day engagement, marriage on the sixth day of the sixth month-and welcoming our son on the seventh day of the seventh month. Marriage was often stormy, but never rocky, and through her final eleven years, she had her men beside her-to her last breath.
Penny missed joining the Seventies Club by thirteen years and seven months. I could tell that she would have loved this day, though she was adamant about not making a big deal of her birthday-or mine, for that matter. There was always that twinkle in her eye, when she was honoured. I feel her light, shining through the veil-telling me to continue on my path. So, on I go.
June 16, 2024-It was a fine pancake, sausage and scrambled eggs breakfast, this morning. Thank you, American legion Post 6. My gratitude list, though, is both more basic and more complex than a simple meal.
My most essential and enduring gratitude is for my parents-the father I honoured today, and have tried, with varying degrees of success, to live up to; the mother who clings to life, knowing at some level that she is still very much needed. My three siblings, each a testament to their legacy, embody the best of what Mom and Dad have tried to instill in us. Son is a reflection of the best of his late mother, and of myself.
Penny’s spirit, along with my Dad’s-and of her parents, still are my blessed guides, steering me towards the Light, even when fatigue and self-doubt have taken over. I am ever grateful that she led me to the Baha’i Faith, the Teachings of which will continue to sustain me-for all eternity.
I am grateful for all the people I have met, both in the Prescott area, across the continent of North America and across the globe. The lessons learned in the course of both work and travel have helped, at long last, to make me feel the inner strength that was probably inside me all along, and to become a person of value to community and humanity as a whole. All this has brought me to a place of sublime love, which I also suspect has been welling inside me all along. It has made me realize how important friends are; how much I need to show grace, even to those who I might think have turned away; it has made me value a new special person in my life and not want to shy away from , or bury, my feelings towards her.
So, I am grateful for Prescott, for the wider Arizona, the Southwest, the United States as a whole, for North America. I am grateful for Europe and east Asia-particularly for Brittany and Normandy, for Alsace, and Luxembourg, for the Belgian Flanders, for a swath of central Germany, for South Korea and for the Philippines. I am grateful for all I have not seen of this world, and for the friends there, who faithfully read my posts and show their love in different ways. I am grateful for opportunities to serve- and for those who serve me.
May this sense of gratitude continue to grow, in this special year of getting away from comfort zones, and in the years yet to come.
June 14, 2024- The little girl ruled the room, as soon as she entered, a smile from ear to ear, dancing with her mother and an aunt, as her surrogate grandfather was rambunctiously playing the keyboards and singing “God Bless The Whole World”, to the tune of “God Bless America”. This was the reason I pulled self together and walked down to the Raven Cafe, this evening, after an exhausting final day of camp. It is seldom, if ever, that I miss a Jonathan Best concert, when I am at Home Base. The man is energizing and affirms every loving soul-like his soul daughter’s child, his former neighbour and me.
Earlier, the campers got themselves together and were out of Bellemont, by 12:30. The kitchen clean-up, including the refrigerator’s sort-out, took another 2 hours. It was done, though, and I was out of the camp by 3. A few hours later, the mail had been picked up and Sportage washed. A Zoom devotional boosted me into the evening and I was okay to go to Raven and focus my attention mostly on a friend who has been suffering, of late.
By 10:30, the energy supply was fading and I bid my younger friend adieu, having drawn out from her a hopeful game plan that involves her connecting with a kindred spirit, in another part of the world, next year. I walked back to Home Base, in peace. Thoughts of my own kindred spirit, in another part of the world, also get me to the end of a day.
Tomorrow will be busy, with some fence-mending, but without the burden of manning a Red Cross shelter, as the problem fire has been put out. I will be glad to man a booth, put away equipment at Farmers Market and reconnect with people from whom I have been estranged, these past two years.
June 9, 2024, Bellemont- Today was Race Amity Day, across the United States, in advance of Juneteenth, a national celebration of the end of slavery in its last American bastions. Many Baha’i-sponsored Race Amity Day events took place in cities large and small. Here at the youth camp, we are living it. Several of the campers are from Democratic Republic of Congo. Others are from Brazil and there are people of Filipino, Dineh, Mexican and Iranian descent, as well as those whose ancestors came from Europe some time ago. There is amity in spades and any conflicts that might arise are more from misunderstandings than from any animus that is based on ethnic or cultural differences.
Day 3 is at an end and I am exhausted, after a bit more physical labour today. Other team members worked just as hard and will be hopefully appreciated by the campers, when Friday rolls around. I am just glad to be of use.
The one aspect of human relations that stands out on Race Amity Day is the matter of avoiding assumptions. Only a good measure of patience can keep that from happening, as well as considering a person’s behaviour or apparent attitude, from a number of angles. So I am making myself do, not so much in regard to the teenagers, as with respect to adults. So far, that forbearance has kept a few working relationships from hitting the rocks. Things are better between me and a few of the chaperones, than they were last year. May that continue throughout the camp.
A Sagittarian Seeker 