Tag Archives: childcare

Agency

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Education, Family, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

May 21, 2026- Hana came up with a simple game today. In her play area, there is a multi-coloured arch. As I was in front of the arch, she pushed it gently towards my head. I nudged it back with my forehead. She pushed it towards me again, and I returned it. Back and forth, we did this, ten times. Then, she changed direction and began crawling towards her multi-tasking cube,with its alphabet blocks, animals making sounds and the numbers 1-10.

I let Aram have his own agency, in matters that did not present any safety risk. He learned, early on, that his opinions, and methods of doing simple tasks, were as valid as anyone else’s. I got some push back on that, from some family members, but I pointed out that no one of us can be around for him, all the time. He kept and grew his agency.

The three of us are equally at home with Hana having her ability to choose what she wants to do, within her play area. If she wants to leave the area and watch whoever is in the kitchen, from the safety of her bouncy chair nearby, she will look in that direction and focus on it, while babbling insistently. My granddaughter is curious over just about anything. She also notices when I have removed something that might be an attractive nuisance, and crawls towards the area to which I have moved it. The important thing, to me, is that she is processing what she sees and is making decisions about how to handle it. We will provide the safety and the guidance, but it will not come at the expense of her agency. When she can’t be allowed in a certain area or be near certain things, we will take that responsibility and explain to her, when she is old enough to understand.

There are two primary schools of thought about agency: Empowerment and acquiescence. The former seeks to build the decision-making capacity of the individual and teaches risk assessment, self-confidence and networking skills. The latter teaches trust in authority, deference and obedience.

Most of us use a mix of the two. This is especially true when one wants a child or underling to be able to make some decisions on their own, but does not see the value in either too much independence or in relegating oneself to an advisory role or mentorship. It depends a lot on one’s personal sense of security and self-confidence. I made the decisions that I did, regarding my son, with the conviction that he would honour his own agency. Life threw some curve balls at us, and in his teen years, the choices we made backfired somewhat, Fortunately, the military helped him, as it did me, and his agency is on track.

That brings me back to Hana. She is a bright little girl and seems to listen well, so I have confidence in giving her a limited measure of independence, based on her developmental level. This would include both limited choices and, once she can walk and talk, some small responsibilities.

Hands and Knees

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

May 9, 2026- Hana used her knees to move herself forward to day. She crawled forward without anyone serving as a backstop for her feet. This has been something she’s wanted to do for at least three weeks, and today, the connection clicked. She is not a quitter, and I told her I was proud of her.

Seeing the little girl keep at something, until it happened, brought me back to her father learning to ride a bicycle and, a few months later, how to swim. He was five. The earlier milestones he met all happened when I was at work: His first crawl, his first steps and his first unmimicked words. I will be around for Hana’s little victories.

Many times in life, both individually and as a community, setbacks are faced. I don’t know the cosmic reason for this. Maybe it is a matter of needing to revisit a situation and deepen one’s skill sets. Perhaps someone else involved in a process needs the same, and you are just along for the ride.Maybe those opposed to forward progress need to revisit the situation, in a position of power, and be shown, one more time, why their backward focus doesn’t work.

Regardless, getting through the situation, with the equivalent of the hands and knees working in synchronicity, is always essential. Whether the cooperation involves two people or a thousand, commitment, consultation and mutual understanding are the keys. Whether it entails the use of hand tools, power tools or electronics, making sure the devices are appropriate to the job, are in good working order, and that the instructions for their use and care are read, understood and followed, is imperative.

Every task comes back to the hands and knees.

Obsessions

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, Community, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 10, 2026- As I sit at the computer, reading some articles and writing my own, I watch one or two squirrels traversing the neighbour’s roof and nearby trees, living the full life of exercise, play and acorn gathering that make up the life of a tree squirrel. I also listen for my granddaughter, napping downstairs in her bassinet. She will call out or coo, when she wakes up, knowing that I will shortly come downstairs and tend to her needs.

In neither the rodent, nor the innocent child, is there an excessive focus on anything other than surviving and thriving. Once a person reaches the age of reason, however, unmet needs can turn into obsessions, almost exclusive foci on one or two persons or concepts, even to the extent of neglecting one’s daily duties or responsibilities.

A friend has written an article about “derangement syndrome”. I have yet to read the piece, but I can say, ahead of the game, that such terms indicate obsession, not only by the person who hates, but also by the one who is receiving the vitriol-if that person encourages the attention. It is well-understood, by child psychologists and parents, that a neglected child, one deprived of attention over an extended period, will construct his or her own universe, in which he or she is the center.

We all do this, to a modest extent, as no parent, however dedicated and loving, can shower attention on a child 24/7. For the well-adjusted person, however, there are limits to self-absorption: A spouse, a friend, a sibling, a child or an organization will have needs that the individual, of own volition, will choose to help meet.

For the deprived individual, however, everything in the constructed universe becomes transactional, with him or her as the end recipient. The longer and stronger the deprivation, the deeper the delusion, the louder the demands for attention, and the more creative the transactions. This has been borne out, throughout history, across nations and cultures.

Now, it’s time to tend to my granddaughter.

Messy

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

April 6, 2026- Babies can be messy. They need to be bathed, have their diapers changed, undersides cleaned, faces washed and mouths rinsed with pre-dental solution.

Children can be messy. They need to be taught to take their shoes or boots off, when entering a house, or wipe their feet, when entering a public place. They need to be trained to wipe themselves after using a toilet, and wash their hands afterward, then dry them with a cloth or paper towel. They need to be shown how to make their beds and clean their rooms, putting things back where they found them.

Teenagers can be messy. They need to be held to account and actively encouraged to slow down and be present in a situation. They know how to focus on others; they do so with their friends, all the time. Extend that focus to people older and younger than themselves.

Families can be messy. Patience and communication are the cleaning agents. So is reflection-remembering when one was in the same position as the one who made the mess, or looking ahead to when one will be in the same position. The child will become an adult, and very well may be a parent. The parent may very well become a grandparent. The grandparent must never forget what it was like to be a baby, a child, a teenager, a parent.

Communities, and organizations, can be messy. Patience, and communication, are even more essential here, even as they become more complex. Technology can help, and it can also hinder; the way in which it is used determines which will be the case. The viewpoints of leaders, and members, will decide how tools, including technology, are used.

Life is messy; it can only be cleaned by those living it.

Clear Vision

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Family, impediments, Personal goals, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving

February 4, 2026- Hana was upset, and the cause didn’t quite seem clear to her parents, so Papa went down and took her. She wanted me to let her sit on my knees and then calmed down. I spoke to her about what might be troubling- maybe a little stomach upset or she needed a blanket. Prelingual doesn’t mean not intuitive. She calmed down, and after a bit, she was glad to rest her head on my shoulder, and we repaired to the little rocking chair.

Having time with fewer demands from the outside world, I can see things with a bit more clarity. I don’t worry anymore about who might think what of me, or of what I might have done to offend someone. Words and actions just come more carefully, by default. I guess part of that is the catalog of experiences. Another part is deepening in spiritual teachings and integrating them into my daily life. My main goal now is to give this little person a solid emotional foundation.

A wise man, now gone on, once said there were two types of people he trusted unconditionally: Children under the age of ten and senior citizens, over 65, who have all their faculties. I can honestly say that my faculties are sharper now than they were at the age of 25, or 55.

The Hana Chronicles: Month 2, Day 10-Untangling

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Striving

January 31, 2026-

Today, partly at my suggestion, A and Y took several hours out of the house to just have “date time”. I was perfectly happy taking care of Hana and reflecting on what I might have done to be a better husband and father. Aram, thus far, is proving to be a cut above, in both areas.

I am finally close to untangling the dilemma of this account. My request to Account Recovery has gone through to them and is now in queue. In a week or so, things should be back to normal here.

I am also continuing to recover from Thursday’s mishap. Tomorrow morning, I will lose the chin strap head bandage and go with a gauze pad on the wound site.

Life is a constant stream of tangling and untangling. Some seem to enjoy the tangling part. I prefer a simpler state of affairs.

The Hana Chronicles: Month 2, Day 6-Thawing Out

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Personal Values, Social, Striving

January 27, 2026-

The space heater got turned off, I bought a floor scraper that doubles, nicely, as an ice scooper and the essential surfaces are now clear of ice and snow. The floor scraper, made by Marshalltown of Iowa, is the kind of solid steel mechanism that my Dad had around when I was a kid. It made clearing the driveway and walks a relative piece of cake.

Hana responded to the improving weather by being more mellow, not acting like she had a splitting headache. I swear that babies and toddlers take it on the chin when the barometer drops.

She is assertive, and we always know if she is happy or upset. Isolating her cries helps in solving the problem and she is happy again, giving the person holding her a world class smile.

The thaw will come soon to many areas that Fern visited after leaving the southern Plains. My prayers and positive thoughts, though,to all facing the coming Nor’easter.

Then, there is the slight ICE melt in the Twin Cities. It took the death of a Federal employee, at the hands of other Federal employees, to bring about, but there seems to be some degree of sanity in the air today.

Remember, in small matters and great, we are all in this together.

The Hana Chronicles: Month 2, Day 2-Storm Preps

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Family, impediments, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

January 23,2026-

Cardboard has many uses. We are putting former packing boxes to use, this evening, as insulation on several windows. I also spread Icy Melt on the driveway, steps and sidewalk.

It is nearly midnight, and while it is snowing and windy, we have not lost power and it is warm inside. I am watching Hana overnight, and we are snuggled in a blanket , until she falls asleep again.

My thoughts are with all those in the path of this mega-storm, from Northern Arizona to New England. If you are in the crosshairs, let a loved one know your whereabouts. We are all in this together.

The Hana Chronicles: Month 1, Day 28-First Thing

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Posted by on in children, Community, Family, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

January 18, 2026-

I was glad to be invited to a Baha’i Feast this evening. I didn’t attend because my kids took Yunhee’s Mom out to dinner and found themselves waiting in line for an hour.

Hana and I held down the fort at home. We just looked at a big plush toy with valentine heart eyes and felt its softness. I told her about the need to sometimes be patient and how so many things that her soul wants will take time to happen.

She will understand this and much else, in less time than we might imagine. She sees things that adults can’t and seems comforted by them. She also knows, on a very basic level, that her safety and well-being are the most important things to us.

So, if I am asked to be somewhere and my grandchild needs me, I will take a rain check on the invitation.

The Hana Chronicles: Month 1, Day 25-Loop de Loop

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Personal Values, service, Social, Striving, Technical stuff

January 15, 2026-

I spent most of today going around and around with the AI of G-Mail and Word Press. This site’s schtick was: “We need you to provide proof of original site purchase, before restoring your account. To do that, though, you have to change your password, which of course you can’t do on the phone app.”

G-mail is not a whole lot different. So, here I am writing my blog on the phone and cannot share on Facebook, because that requires entering my Word Press password.

I am able to pull my friends, family and Substack subscriptions onto my new G-mail address, so there’s that. Eventually, the address with the lost password will fade into irrelevance.

Around the house, though, I pulled a mess of weeds out of the backyard and got a few smiles from Hana, when she awoke and mine was the first face she saw. She is taking in more of the first floor and looking outside the window more.