June 24, 2019, Crossville, TN-
I have had a good long while, both in the company of my friends here and when alone, to ponder my relationships, my reactions to things that have come my way and my sense of how the course of civilization is moving.
I am in a steady state right mow, a bit tired, but still lucid. I look at this pond, and see a solid ring of vegetation around it. I see a goodly number of several species of birds. That means the insects, seeds and nuts are prolific. There was a Great Blue Heron that flew by the window, about an hour ago (It’s 8 a.m., CDT). There don’t seem to be any deer around, this year, and only a few coyotes have been spotted.
These things tell me that the land is calling for quiet. My friends can be quite vociferous, inside the house, but are calm and at one with the environment, when outside-other than running a lawnmower, once a week or so. There are runoff issues that need to be addressed-by the wider community. Readers know my position on this: I used no chemical sprays at my Phoenix and Prescott house and refrained from using them when I was maintaining the grounds at the apartment, as well.
I don’t throw noxious substances at my friendships, either. I feel it is best to go with the flow, almost as if I were water. It is also a good idea to put oneself slightly behind others, in terms of meeting needs. This has meant devoting more energy to friendships, which makes some people uncomfortable-“Why are you so concerned about ME?” On the other hand, there are those whose interests in friendship are strictly financial assistance or 24/7 involvement. I feel for such people, but I haven’t that sort of energy, nor do I have unlimited resources.
I have said, recently, that I am single by choice, these past eight years. That’s just where I am, emotionally, psychologically and aesthetically. I won’t apologize for it. Just know that I am more able to do what my spirit guides tell me, in meditation and reflection, without taking on the day-to-day needs of one specific person, or another.
That said, this place could very easily, with the consent of the friends here, be my place of refuge. I would do my share, and then some-but that’s all down the road a piece. There is someone, not that far from here, who could easily be a person of interest to me, so to speak. That would also be a few years hence. My little family’s needs are also, as I keep saying, a major factor.
I have had some vivid and somewhat unsettling dreams of late, which I will describe in a few posts form now, as they have specific contexts. Until then, the road will once again unfold, in a few hours.
NEXT: Where Chattanooga’s Choo Choo Won’t Go