May 11, 2016, Chino Valley-  I went up here, today, and will again tomorrow, to fulfill a promise I made, before getting the long-term assignment at Prescott High School.   It gives me a chance to continue the friendships I was fortunate to establish, before leaving the little school, just before Christmas.

I have thought a lot about what my place actually is, in this tempestuous time.  All my life, quite honestly, I have felt good about putting other people ahead of myself, and have not suffered as a result.  This continues; my own needs are actually minimal.

Occasional melancholy creeps in, and I think of those I love, intensely, even in my own family, who have no idea how to love me back.  I have to remind myself that there are others, whom I have not loved back.  Part of the grieving process, for me, at least, has been keeping something of a lock on my heart.  When I have unlocked it, and reached out, it’s most often been at the wrong time, toward the wrong person, and BAM goes the hammer.

It’s a circular logic, I know, that has to stop with me.  So, I make an earnest, solemn vow to renew the commitment to having no expectations of anyone, other than myself.  It’s a process, and can be a rewarding one.  That, alone, is what gets me up in the morning, and keeps me looking forward to the next chapters.