January 9, 2025- The teacher was effusive, in thanking me for having served as a postal worker, while in the United States Army from 1969-72. He himself had been a medical technician, and while remaining stateside, he did have his share of trauma, by working with those who came back from the First Gulf War with horrific third degree burns. Even stateside, he needed contact with family and friends at home-and mail was a key part of that. He was also, however, thanking me on behalf of all those who barely made it back-and some who never recovered.
A rather high percentage of those who serve in the Armed Forces-Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps, Coast Guard, National Guard and the inchoate Space Force, do so in a noncombatant capacity. They (we) certainly have been trained in the essentials of the combat arms. Every postal clerk, medic, chaplain, cook, motor pool mechanic, musician, computer technician, orderly room clerk and financial specialist knows how to assemble, fire, disassemble and clean a firearm. Their (our) essential duties, though, are in support of the infantry and artillery units, the fighter pilots and crews of destroyers and attack submarines.
I was, personally, glad to have spent time in the mail room at Fort Myer, the accountable mail cages in Long Binh and Cholon, and to pitch in when it came time to unload the Sealand trailer, with its bulk mail. I pulled perimeter guard duty, about five times at Long Binh- and while I never saw any suspicious movement in the field of surveillance, just being there in case of that one possible incident was important to me. I had, and have, my reservations about the regime that our military was supporting, but that did not get in the way of how I went about any assigned task. None of my tasks involved killing anyone, so that made it easier. I’m not sure how I would be today, had it been necessary to kill or maim, in the line of duty. As it was, though, I (we) also served.
January 5, 2025- I have listened to two very different takes on this calendar year. The one, of which I wrote yesterday, was made with a hokey presentation but came across as very hopeful, though it involved other galaxies and beings of questionable status. The second, made by a cosmic advisor who is very much grounded in reality, pointed out that this is a year of simultaneous endings of old relationships and processes, and beginnings of new ones. 2024 was certainly a dress rehearsal for that, with the passing of my mother and several longtime friends. The speaker this morning said to remain grounded in a strong soulship, and not to be depressed or downhearted by any rapid changes in relationships, even if they are with those dearly loved. Other relationships and processes will replace those that end. Most importantly, she said it was never necessary to channel energy externally. All the strength one needs is within.
I reflected on my life up to now, not in a rigid decade-by-decade manner, but in terms of actual cycles. 1950-1964 was a time of firsts, and of thinking that I didn’t deserve a whole lot. So, when I did get nice things, I used them for a short time, then set them aside, except my books and records. Bicycles, weight sets, even a junior chemistry set, all were used just a bit, then set aside in the closet or downstairs, or in the case of the bikes-given to my siblings. I didn’t think I deserved friends, and so spent much time alone. It wasn’t until that became counterproductive, in eighth grade, that I started to rethink the matter.
1964-1968, the high school years, was a time of discovering the love I had for other people. Though I still regarded myself as unworthy (a sense that would be my shadow until fairly recently), grades were kept up, school events like dances drew me out and I worked at a job or two, with minimal success.
1969-1980 was a period of self-loathing. I functioned, but just barely, serving in a position of fair responsibility in the U.S. Army; earning Associate and Bachelor Degrees, being in the middle of my class in each; and working at both teaching and a smattering of part-time jobs, while still not exactly excelling at any of them.
1981-1997 was a high water mark. I earned a Master’s Degree, met and married my first true love, sired and raised a child, and actually made a difference in my professional work. Much of this came about because I embraced the Baha’i Faith, and in turn, embraced sobriety. The self-loathing was still there, but kept under wraps.
1998-2013 found me floundering again. My beloved was suffering and in declining health, and I was facing my own demons, though maintaining sobriety, helping our son navigate adolescence and fend off those who wanted to hurt him, and acting as my wife’s caretaker. Jobs came and went, but substitute teaching was my saving grace, and kept us with food on the table and a roof over our heads. For two years after Penny died, my struggles continued, until I finally began to regard myself as worthy of true self-respect.
2014-2024 has been another period of rising. I have rediscovered our country and the world, established genuine friendships and gained the respect of those who knew me when. Public service, mostly volunteer work, has helped me feel like a worthy part of a community. Most importantly, though, my self-loathing is gone. In maturity, I have faced down five people who tried to take away my self-esteem and embraced those who truly have my best interests at heart.
This year finds me at a crossroads. Someone dear to me may, or may not, be part of my future. She has her own path to follow. Either way, I am in a good place and am ready for whatever comes-continuity or seismic change. Never again will I blame myself, or anyone else, for what comes to pass. Everyone is on a journey all their own, and each deserves support from the others.
I briefly considered including Frank Sinatra’s song, “Cycles”, with this post. It doesn’t quite sum up my mood though. Instead, here’s Bruce Springsteen’s “The Rising”.
August 15, 2024- Recent memes and diatribes have been directed at both of the major candidates for Vice President of the United States. They have stemmed from insinuations, mostly by people who have themselves never donned a military uniform and dogpiled by a few disgruntled former colleagues of each man, that the former soldier in question was amplifying his service record. Each candidate has taken the bait, and denigrated the other, to a certain extent. The term “stolen valor” has been used to describe the record of one, who has at least called for respecting everyone’s military service, including that of his opponent.
I will include attachments that accurately explain the service records of Timothy Walz and of James David Vance, but let me first go over my own military service record. Like the two candidates, I carried a weapon of war- in my case, an M-16. I used it twice: When qualifying in Army Basic Training (Fort Jackson, SC), and in a training exercise at a military firing range in Long Binh, Vietnam. I did not have to use it in combat.
My service was as a handler of U.S. mail, running a mail room in the TriService Barracks at Fort Myer, VA, from October, 1969-January, 1971 and running accountable mail (registered, insured and certified) in secure rooms at Long Binh and at Cholon, Vietnam, from March, 1971-January, 1972. I did my fair share of guard duty, while at Long Binh, but no provocateurs appeared during the nights I was at the perimeter post. Long story short-No combat.
I returned to civilian life on January 2, 1972 and went back to college, holding my own in an environment in which I had previously made a mess of things, when fresh out of high school. The discipline and sense of purpose that I acquired in the Army has come in handy, across a variety of situations, over the ensuing sixty-two years.
So, it is with the utmost respect for the United States Armed Forces, and all comrades-in-arms who have served, whether in a combat role or like me, in a supportive capacity, that I ask those who have not served, to do your diligence, before throwing up memes or quoting “sour grapes” reports that do not stand up to scrutiny. I ask those who have served-especially in combat, to respect those of us who had your backs. That includes the Reserve Units, who have actually been in combat theaters in the most recent conflicts.
Here are links to verifiable, diligent accounts of the service rendered by Tim Walz and by J.D. Vance. Both men deserve our gratitude, with regard to that service.
I might have loved St. Andrews, a treasure by the sea, but I had to shoot my mouth off, and felt compelled to flee.
I might have made a bundle, and climbed the ladder high, but I fell hard for the bottle, and let good fortune slide.
I might have stayed in college, and fallen for a sweet colleen, but it became more enticing to wear the Army green.
The Universe, as it happened, had greater plans for me, from the day I was sent back homeward the Light was there for me to see.
So, my life has unfolded nicely, with faith, love and good fortune, a loving wife and son. Time and tide actually did wait for this errant soul to return, and follow the One.
I have come to love St. Andrews, and much, much else besides. The key it seems, is to take nightmare with dreams, and from nothing, seek to hide.
December 14, 2021- The male hairstylist looked puzzled, as I told him I had an appointment with one of his colleagues. He had cut my hair once before, and done a fine job. The shop, however, lets whoever takes the phone call claim a customer for themselves. So, I found myself in K’s chair, and she did a wonderful job, as well, taking extra care. In the end, I again thanked Navy retiree, H, for his service, which at least made his day a bit better.
Many times, it is worth both time and energy to offer gratuities. Usually, they involve small amounts of money, but words and acts of kindness are often just as valued by the receiver. Common courtesies, which ought to be part of everyone’s repertoire, are a prime example. God knows, the few times that I have been self-absorbed and not looked behind me, when going through a door, and just let it close, have had me eating crow.
Where gratuitousness becomes a problem is when it is at variance with one’s own deepest ethical convictions. The late Senator J. William Fulbright, of Arkansas, voted against the Civil Rights Act of 1964, despite his belief that it was necessary to the good of the nation. His vote was in a dubious solidarity with his archconservative colleague, John McClellan. Fulbright almost immediately thereafter told the press: “I’m glad we lost”. It is academic, as to what Fulbright’s true beliefs on racial equality were, and his gratuitousness towards both his White Supremacist colleagues and the Black community of Arkansas only muddied the waters, in the latter years of his tenure.
I have seen all sorts of similar behaviour, from both public figures and people in relationships. It is said that this is needed to “maintain peace in the house”. There is a growing ability, especially among younger people, to see right through such statements and actions. Youth has always been a time for wanting things to be seen as they are-and to make changes based on that reality.
Maybe that is why the presence of authentic people is still so important to me.
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A Sagittarian Seeker 