Tag Archives: personal growth

The Road to Diamond, Day 129: Cleansing

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 6, 2025, Kingman- On a table, in the backyard work area of our Quad, there is a sturdy aluminum pot, left behind by a now incarcerated former neighbour. The pot is caked in some sort of goop, and once it is cleaned, later this week, it will be given over to the Disabled American Veterans, along with any other items that may still be on the front wall of the property just to our south.

I believe in making left-behind items available to families in need, instead of stocking the landfill at Sun Dog. So, a man’s bicycle, a large pasta strainer, two or three chairs, a few lamps and the aforementioned pot could be still there, waiting for me to take to the Thrift Store on Tuesday morning.

This morning, at breakfast with some fellow veterans, I found myself in a self-deprecating mood when one of the guys teased me about what he thought was my lack of a love life. Thinking back on my teenage years, it was not hard, this morning, to joke about being seen as less than desirable by some of the A-list girls. It felt like a sort of cleansing, as it’s been a long time since such a judgmental pecking order has mattered to me. It feels nice to be in a self-assured frame of mind-and I have my marriage of 29 years, and the Baha’i Teachings, to thank for that confidence.

There is another sort of cleansing afoot, as the Federal Government whittles away at part of many people’s savings, including my own. I will continue to live as I see fit-mostly in a frugal manner, but also doing things like hosting a couple of friends from the Philippines, this week, and visiting family and friends back East, in May. The wealthy officials who are telling us to tighten our belts, are themselves doing whatever they feel like. I will thus do what I feel is right, including some of what I want to do.

So, here I am in this crossroads city, and tomorrow, will head to Las Vegas, pick up my two friends and introduce them to Arizona, over the next six days. All of this feels very cleansing.

The Road to Diamond, Day 33: It Wasn’t a Rainbow That Ended

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

December 31, 2024- When I was around nine or ten, Fad would amuse us, on car trips, by going fast up a hill and over the crest, which would lead to an excited sensation on the way down. The roller coaster-like feeling was something that made my sister and I encourage him to keep doing it. He did, for a while, and then resumed being an adult, showing us that there is a time to be jovial and a time to be focused.

Life has been that way each year since. 2024 was a year of consummate gladness-My son finishing his baccalaureate studies and preparing to re-enter the work force; my being able to spend time with family in Massachusetts, Maine, Pennsylvania and Texas; visiting friends in California, Nevada, Texas, Illinois, Indiana, Pennsylvania, Nova Scotia, Newfoundland, British Columbia, Washington and Oregon; making new connections in St. Pierre & Miquelon and in each of the aforementioned places; and making deeper friendships in the Philippines.

There was a lot of loss this year, as well: My mother, our family’s rock for so many decades, rejoined her husband, parents, siblings and youngest son, marking an end to her physical chapter of 95 years, 9 months and 20 days. Three strong women of faith- Marcia Brehmer, Michele Smith and Lynne Elliott, also went back to their Lord, after doing their level best to teach their families and friends to love one another-and to love humanity, without exception. Four men- Joe Landrigan, Verne Rupright, Johnny Murphy and Lennie Maes, seminal figures from my youth, who served their country and went on to live lives of quiet distinction, answered their final call of duty. The nation, and the world, said goodbye to former U.S. President Jimmy Carter, to freedom fighter Alexei Navalny and to artists Donald Sutherland, Melanie Safka, Nikki Giovanni, James Earl Jones, Chita Rivera, Dame Maggie Smith, Kris Kristofferson, Toby Keith and Quincy Jones.

Our rainbows soared, and came back to their bases, this past year. I gained the ability to more firmly navigate these peaks and valleys, knowing that there is so much more to do, so many questions left to be answered and so many challenges that may yet arise. The year now ending has brought me strength.

Messages at Graveside

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Family, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

December 6, 2023- I sat by her grave, on this forty-third anniversary of our meeting for the first time, and asked Penny what she thought of my recent trip to the Philippines, and of friends I made there, one in particular. The messages that came back to me were a surprise, of sorts, and a comfort.

After getting a clean bill of dental health, I made my way to the cemetery, and having taken along the chair I am sitting in now, I sat and said a few prayers, then began my silent conversation.

“We sent you there and brought her to you;”, the message came, “there is no reason for your aloneness to go on and on.” I asked about my friends here and elsewhere. “Each of you have a role to play in one another’s lives, but you are not responsible for everyone’s happiness. If they are upset with you for growing your friendship with someone else, that’s on them. Just treat them with grace and patience, as you always did me.”

The spirit encouraged me to keep on with the path that she and others have helped me set for myself, since 2011. Indeed, she has said, more than once, that our life together on this physical plane was not meant to continue any longer than it did. I had growth to do, which required my being alone for a while. That growth, through the love of friends and family, and through the pain of physical and emotional attacks of others, has largely been achieved.

So on I go, and take each day as a blessing, just as I ever have.

A Dozen Years

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Striving, Travel

August 11, 2023- On this date, in 2011, I posted a short, tentative introductory post, inaugurating this site. It was at a difficult time in life. My wife of twenty-nine years had been gone five months. I was feeling isolated from many people, and was feeling pressured by others, to do what they thought was best for me, going forward. I ended up “going dark”, for the most part, until the following January.

A dozen years later, I’m still very much here, and no longer feeling besieged, either by my own demons or by others’ expectations. So, I want to take a look back, at some of the things that I did right, during each of these years.

2011- It was an honour to help my in-laws, providing food for them, over a two-week period, when they were laid up and unable to prepare their own meals. I also re-connected with my father’s older brother, in Colorado.

2012- Some of the places that Penny and I had wanted to visit together, I was able to reach-with her spirit very close at hand: San Francisco’s Baha’i Center; the Redwoods, both coastal and interior; the Oregon Coast; the Portland Rose Gardens; Neah Bay and Cape Flattery, WA; Seattle.

2013- I was able to attend a “Sail Blind” event, in which my second-eldest brother was participating.

2014- Attended the 70th Anniversary of D-Day observance, at Utah Beach, and visited the site of my father-in-law’s World War II imprisonment,in Berga, Germany- both in his memory.

2015- Made it to southeast Alaska, which we had also hoped to visit as a couple.

2016- Overcame a lot of self-doubt and took on a job that involved helping other autistic people. With considerable help, replaced the broken-down vehicle that I had bought on the cheap, two years ago.

2017- Kept at my final full time job; had a smooth drive, to and from New England.

2018- Faced down a very powerful negative force.

2019- Survived a physical attack; made the decision to move into semi-retirement. Went to Korea and attended Aram’s and Yunhee’s wedding.

2020- Worked the floor, twice, during the height of COVID-19, at Red Cross storm shelters, in Louisiana and Texas.

2021- Drove to and from Massachusetts, twice, to assist with Mom’s move and the clearing of our former family home.

2022- Traveled to Newfoundland and Cape Breton, fulfilling another of our couple dreams. Bought a vehicle on my own, this time in a proper manner.

2023- Made a concerted effort to reduce my weight-and succeeded. Visited a few friends,in the Pacific Northwest, who had felt isolated during the long night of COVID-19. There are two long journeys, at least, left in this year. I say “at least”, because there is no telling what will be asked of any of us, by the Red Cross-with regard to Maui.

In any event, my psyche is in so much better a place, after twelve years of self-responsibility.

Tides and Sands

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

October 9, 2021– Long ago, when I was young and feckless, I briefly dated a young woman, two years my junior. It ended due to complications, involving her on-again, off-again ties to another man. We both moved on, and I lost contact with her. D was a free spirit, though, and was fresh air in my rather moribund life, at the time. I learned, a few days ago, that she passed on September 10, leaving her second husband and her child from her first marriage, plus one grandchild.

D’s passing closes the door on a chapter in my life, my twenties, when there was a lot more man-child left in me than was prudent. I began that decade extricating myself from the tar pit that our relationship had become and ended the decade easing into the personal growth marathon that was my marriage.

I thought a lot about D, this morning, in the course of sizing up some of my friendships around Prescott that have assumed a staleness. Thus, as their tide ebbs and their dunes shift, I will give a few friends the distance they seem to want. Others, especially those in my faith community, have shown themselves to not be retreating to a coolness or to offering perfunctory greetings, in place of their former warmth.

I know there are often a thousand reasons why ties get broken and iciness replaces warmth. Other than making a better effort at curbing any of my own negativity towards some third parties, I don’t see that their change in attitude has anything directly to do with me. Besides, when some doors close, others open-and people like my hiking buddy still find my presence useful and welcome.

Tides and sands are made to shift and bring change.

Twelve Cypresses

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Posted by on in Arcosanti, Assistance, Personal goals, Poetry, Spiritual, Striving

October 13, 2019, Arcosanti-

The account of last week’s travels has been pre-empted by revelations that came, duirng a meditation session, this afternoon.

Twelve cypress trees grace the outside of the Vaults.

As I lay in meditation,

gazing upward,

towards their midst,

the middle tree was swaying.

Responding to the breeze,

to the intonation

of a meditation master’s

spoken word,

to the positive thoughts

of those in the circle below.

Soon, the trees on either side

of the intrepid conifer

were swaying,

in unison with their peer.

Soon, I was chanting

in unison with the rest of the circle.

We brought the feeling,

the awareness,

to each of our body’s parts.

The trees brought the sense

that a change was taking place.

in the air,

in the sensitivity,

of those gathered

at their feet.

Those who were friendly

last year,

are somewhat less so.

Others have taken their places.

The twelve cypresses

tell those who are listening,

and watching,

that there is power

in proximity,

even while there is strength

in a short distance.

There is power in unified action,

but uniformity

of behaviour

can detract,

from community.

Those who led me to

a positive sense of self

are moving away.

Those  who are with me now,

are the beings

who will be at my side

for a  stage of growth

which I am only beginning

to understand.

The twelve cypresses

make clear,

that the flexible

yet firm

will endure.

 

 

 

 

Destiny and Metamorphosis

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Education, Family, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Striving

May 13, 2019-

A dear friend posted, on another media site, that we are ever in a state of metamorphosis.  This has nothing to do with the shape-shifting that was all the rage, on television and in film, as recently as two years ago (“Game of Thrones”, “Power Rangers”, etc.)  Metamorphosis is best-seen in terms of growth.

I have also read quite a bit, elsewhere, on narcissism.  I once had a touch of that affliction.  My mother never let that horse out of the gate.  She told us that one who regards self as above reproach is dead in the water.

That’s true beyond doubt.  In the course of dividing up the contents of a bin, I re-read some old papers from my administrative and college-teaching days.  One, invaluable, summary of my students’ evaluation of a rather paltry teaching effort, in 2009, pointed out that I trended towards hidebound monotony, complete with soft, unchanging voice, in presenting what should have been a vibrant, challenging course.

When I returned to teaching, after Penny’s passing, the presentation became more vigorous and engaged.  The old dog had to master new tricks.

Likewise, in younger years, my disciplinary tactics included the bellow, and a harsher tone.  Being a full-time counselor “metamorphosed” my demeanor towards favouring my empathic side, and the hardness of my teacher training went out the window.  I have kept that empathy, yet have also learned to employ a modicum of taking people to task, when that appears necessary, though without being rough or demeaning.

Nowadays, my life-change continues. I am in the process of giving many of my professional materials to others.  Work, as I have known it for the past forty-three years, has a light at the end of its tunnel:  One and a half years remain, until my focus becomes largely travel-journalism and Work Away-based, with a healthy mix of family, perhaps even grandparenthood.  There may be some money, in the former, but I am not worried about that.

My destiny, it seems, has always been to go forward, to build bridges and to not be held to anyone else’s notions of success-no matter how well-meaning those may be.  This may require a few more positive life-changes.