Tag Archives: responsibility

The Road to Diamond, Day 267: Needful Things

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Education, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

August 22, 2025- The girls were forthright in asking for help on their writing assignment, asking me to help, instead of one of the regular staff. They were crestfallen, when I told them I had to take care of other business on Monday-but that they would not be left alone. I trust that a caring soul will be on hand, and tend to their needs. I was able to meet those needs today, so it was a good day.

A friend shared memories of childhood; of witnessing lynchings-the sort described by Billie Holliday, in her song, “Strange Fruit”. This is something that no child should ever have to witness. Another friend shared the news that a young man had taken his own life, shattering her immediate community. This is something that no youth should ever need to contemplate. In my own work, keeping children safe from both external and internal trauma was a major focus of time and energy. It had to be done with regularity, and without judgment as to what the urgency level may have been.

I was not able to prevent all suicide. No one can know for certain what the turmoil is. inside another soul. The first friend has never spoken of what was seen, until now. The young man did not share his pain, even with his closest friends.

I am fortunate, in life here in Prescott and in the various places I have been honoured to visit, over the past fifteen years. Rarely has there been a closed door, and then only because of my own shortcomings or faux pas. With that good fortune has come a fair amount of responsibility. So, I don’t think of time spent anywhere as “vacation”, even though to those whose life commitment is to stay put and focus on one community or one neighbourhood, any time spent not working-or not spent “blooming where planted” is a lark.

So be it. I will wake each day, no matter where I find myself and make the same commitment to the well-being of those around me, as I did in schools and communities, across Arizona and in South Korea, for 46 years. Some of that will be in schools; other will be on the road or in communities where I might be expected to relax. It will be what appears to be needed.

The Road to Diamond, Day 137: Infamy at Passover

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Posted by on in Assistance, Community, impediments, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 14, 2025- On Saturday evening, as the Governor of Pennsylvania, his family and close friends were concluding their celebration of the onset of Passover with a festive seder (feast), a disgruntled individual made his way into the Governor’s Mansion, a house of the people of Pennsylvania and set the building afire.

The suspect had reportedly written several messages on social media, expressing anger at various politicians. Two days ago, he appears to have escalated his behaviour. Some feel that stochastic (indirect) terrorism is at work, with the suspect merely acting at the instigation of other actors. The official investigation, alone, will have to establish that. Speculation by lay people may only serve to add fuel to the figurative fire, and possibly spark even more mayhem. In the final analysis, the person or person who committed this crime are the ones responsible for their actions. Blame cannot be passed along to those of either greater or lesser stature.

We are in very unsettled times. Those entrusted with power are variously embarking on untried courses of action or are passing the baton of their own statutory power to the more intrepid ones, “to keep the peace”. The attempt on the life of a sitting elected official, regardless of party affiliation or of ideology, is reprehensible. It is a slap in the faces of the people who voted for that official, as well as an attack on the concept of the State. I felt this way at both of the attacks on then-candidate Donald Trump, and at this most recent incident.

I hold out hope that the full weight of the Federal justice system will be brought to bear on anyone who seeks to wreak havoc on any part of our Democratic process. This, in addition to the resources of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania-or any state, District or territory that may experience subsequent acts of terror.

Mom

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Family, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 11, 2024- It is the flower gardens, that you and Dad tended so carefully, that I recall with the most delight. The yard invited us to get out and exercise-sometimes in play; other times, at work, helping Dad move those seemingly endless rocks. The lawn was my pride and joy, and was mowed every Saturday, once all the shoes were polished.

You have always said that the time to honour someone is during the living years, and you have practiced that, with every breath. I awoke this morning to the news that you are getting ever more tired, taking more and more rest. Darling, you have earned it, like no other. So it is time to honour you, while you still can read it.

I don’t remember what you described as a cramped apartment, on Gooch Street, Melrose. My first real memory was sharing a crib, with my baby sister, if only for a week or two. You instilled in us, that we were to share. Some days, I didn’t want to, but the rule stayed in place, and I am better for it; we all are.

You taught us that work was sacred. What we produced was the most important aspect of our lives, so long as it was put forth with love. You raised four strong people to adulthood, and even though one of us, me, has stumbled on occasion, the roadmap you and Dad gave us was there, when I was ready to find my way back. You took care of your youngest child, our brother, with a passion that set the tone for every one of us, in our own dealings with adversity. That example gave me clear vision, when my own time came to face the fire, as my beloved wife became disabled, and a bright shining light went into decline.

There was no daylight between the straight and narrow, and what awaited us, if we went off the path that was set. With that, you gave us discipline, and it has served each of us well. You stressed that no part of life was to be neglected, and that no failure was permanent-or even to be normalized. Each time that I’ve stumbled and fallen, you told me to get back up, and I did. Each time that I came to you with an injury, I was given the path to recovery, and took it. Each time that I wondered what you thought of my life path, your only concern was that I was happy on it.

So now, whether this is a momentary eclipse, a slow movement towards sunset or merely an overcast sky, know that you have long been the brightest sun in my life, Mother Dear. Every other bright star in my sky shines in your shadow. Your sun is ever in my heart.

Not Ugly

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Education, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Striving

November 17, 2023- Someone wrote a note to Daniela. In English, it said “You’re ugly!” Then it said, “Nobody’s as ugly as you.” Daniela sneered and sat on the note. After her class left, a group of younger students came in. One of them found the note, and gave it to me. That’s how I knew what it said, and why Daniela sneered.

She is not an ugly girl-nor is any other child in this community ugly. The spirit of one who makes that judgment is rather feo. Spirits, though, can change-have to change. I took a class that had several groups visiting. They each had the same assignment. I found that there were no difficult groups-just more people to whom I felt and showed love.

That’s the beauty of being here-of being with those whose lives are all ahead of them; to whom I can point out that certain behaviours are more deadly, or at least hurtful to them as individuals, than they are to those around them. So the younger ones were not allowed to lift the heavy covers of oaken desks. The older ones had more responsibility to clean up and make sure that like objects went with like objects.

Most importantly, they were made accountable for the well-being of their classmates. A sad child was paired with one or two classmates of the same gender, who were encouraged to say kind things and lift the aggrieved one’s spirits. No one was coddled, but no one was left out-or shut out. Everyone’s work was praised, because that is how people advance-one skill set at a time.

I gave the note to Daniela’s teacher, who had a fair idea as to who wrote it. There will be a healthy discourse on the subject of judging people by perceived appearance.

I see no ugly faces.

The Sum of Ignorance

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

November 7, 2023- As the short video played out, some of those who may well find themselves in harm’s way, eight years from now, should the penchant for war as a solution to global ills continue, were busy in denial- choosing to play around and insult each other, rather than show respect for those who have served.

I know it is the fear of death that spurs adolescent boys to act out, when conflict and war are mentioned, however respectfully. Yet, I’ve seen too much and lost too many friends, men and women alike, to abide their antics without comment. Disinterest, or even the appearance of same, is what leads to the rise of tyranny. Autocrats can smell apathy, the way bears can smell food, clearly and from a distance. I left that particular coterie to answer to their regular teacher.

This evening, with only a few exceptions, people turned away from ignorance. The right to life is universal, and it also cannot be a pretext for eliminating the growth of conscience among one’s neighbours. The solution to feeling the need to end another’s life is not statute, but careful use of the sex drive- which, to me, lies within marital union, however two people see that union. As long as that concept seems antiquated or somehow patriarchal, there will remain “unwanted” pregnancies. (Parents should NOT be arranging marriages, in this day of spreading universal education; they should certainly approve or disapprove their child’s choice of mate, but not make the choice for the child.) There remains, as we are seeing, a rising reverence for a human being’s right and duty to choose mindfully, as to what happens with his/her own body.

People also turned away from ignorance, in general. They did not turn away from traditional values, but from the notion that only a small group of elders can decide what’s best for the people. In the run-up to today’s vote, ignorant and ill -advised statements, by those who claim to represent conservatism, even about intimate details of their personal lives, did not do the movement of preservation any favours.

” For the wages of sin is death…..”- St.Paul’s Letter to the Romans, 6:23. The sum of ignorance, whether on the Right or on the Left, is zero.

Paternal Love

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Posted by on in Assistance, Family, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

June 18, 2023- Dad taught each of his four children who were of sound mind the basics of automobile maintenance, the basics of responsibility and the basics of getting along with others. A work ethic was instilled in each of us, and each of us holds on to that, to this day. He held us to fairly high standard-and any lapse in conduct, once he taught us, was on the individual child. He played no favourites- and I, as the oldest although the most troubled, was not cut any slack. It was no fault of his, when I made bad choices-and it was only fortunate that no one was hurt by those choices, except me.

Dad’s demeanor was steady, and while his manners were those of the blue collar French-Canadian family in which he grew up, he was a gentle man, devout and not given to cursing. He rarely, if ever, punished us physically. He loved only his wife, our mother, even through the stressful teen and young adult years of their youngest child, who was in constant pain and was unable to communicate in other than the simplest language-and frustrated acting out. He loved the five of us, but in the end, I fear he did not love himself enough.

His passing took place thirty-seven years ago, this coming Wednesday. My siblings gathered at the family home, post-haste. I traveled from Arizona, after gathering food for Penny, who had to remain behind. After a long stretch of driving and flying, I was there, too, for our mother. The subsequent wake and funeral saw nearly 500 people pay their respects, and none of us would have expected any less. Penny’s parents drove from New Jersey-a clear symbol of the friendship that had developed between our two fathers. Family was there from all over New England and several from further afield. “Freddie” Boivin was treasured.

I Have Agency

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Posted by on in American Legion, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Striving

December 19, 2021- This morning, whilst at breakfast with a large number of fellow veterans at the American Legion Post here, I heard a comment made, that derided a large, and somewhat unwieldy bill before Congress. The commenter essentially said it would be a good thing if the bill doesn’t pass, because we jut don’t need government largesse.

Here’s the thing, though: While each of us is entitled to our own opinions on what programs should offer which benefits to how many people, those are our opinions-and nothing more. What concerns me most is that too many individuals, and families, in the U.S. are being asked to give up their agency, so that others may continue to amass more wealth-and have government support in protecting that wealth-even if none of it is used to help those in the direst of needs. We heard, just prior to that same breakfast, that a wealthy politician is opposed to what he sees as government largesse going to the poor. His comments fooled no one-he is guarding his own nest egg-and the public can go fish for minnows.

I am a person of modest, but stable, means. By the logic expressed yesterday on a major news channel, I should object to ANY reduction in the value of my portfolio, day to day, and should press for a cut-off point in selling of stocks and bonds. I should be out there, with my fellow investors, screaming: “I!, Me!, Mine!”-as in George Harrison’s masterful 1970 song.

My agency, though, does not allow for this. My agency tells me that as I have freedom to choose and the responsibility to accept the consequences of that choice, so, too, does every other person. For a wealthy person of considerable influence to choose obstruction of the public good, for whatever reason, does not absolve that individual of the consequences of his choice.

Others have said it better, but essentially, one person’s right to choose ends three feet from another person’s face.

Thirty-Nine, and Counting

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Posted by on in children, Community, Family, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

September 10, 2021- When I called Mom this afternoon, as it is her birthday, she asked me if I knew how old she was. Having seen a photo of the cake, on which the number 39 was placed, I answered appropriately. Her voice brightened further, and she said “Good boy! I can’t lie, though, I’m 93.”

She said her health is good, and I assured her mine is the same. She has made friends at her new residence, which I am sure accounts for her renewed good spirits, and good health. Having raised us to share, she will do the same with the yogurt-covered strawberries I sent with her flowers.

The best of parents convey life lessons, and she did plenty of that, over the years. Sharing was one of the first-and even my severely autistic youngest brother offered of his food and playthings to us siblings. Meanness was swiftly discouraged, and loving kindness instilled, in each of us. Loyalty and protection of one another has extended, over the years, to the next generations and to those around us. Responsibility has also been a binding expectation, and if one of us got self into difficulty, any money sent was to be paid back-either directly or to the next person who was in a bind.

Mom looks forward to the years ahead, and I applaud her for maintaining the same outlook on life that has gotten us where we need to be. I wish her many more.

How I Overcame Self-Absorption

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

August 27, 2021-

There was a time when I bumped into a clearly visible barrier pole, whilst backing my car out of a space, at Breakheart Reservation, in my hometown of Saugus. My head was so far into a matter of such earthshaking importance, that I can’t even vaguely recall what it was. I remember the fender bender, though, and the mildly amused twelve-year-old kid who chuckled at my ignorance.

Mom and Dad didn’t raise us to ignore our surroundings, and I caught more than a few rounds of indignation, when I turned too far inward. Gradually, in the wider world, the core of my being, which loved my family and those around us, took focus. Penny came into my life, and we helped each other break out of our respective shells. Students, clients, by the hundreds, became my focus and between wife and children, I realized that my life actually mattered far more than I had thought. Aram became our responsibility and made sure, in turn, that I didn’t lapse into my former bubble.

There was a long eleven years, in which my wife was my primary responsibility. In the end, son and his crew, Penny’s family and my brothers were our primary support group. The cackling crows who castigated me for using the adjective “my”, when I referred to Penny, offered absolutely nothing in the way of help-save their mealy-mouthed ideological puffery. There were also the masses, who went about their business, but at least didn’t get in my way.

On my own, I had choices to make, and slowly shed the residue of self-absorption, once again. A few women came to me, hoping that perhaps they would be the next Penny. It didn’t happen, and life took a far wider turn. I almost deluded myself into thinking that one or two others might be the next Penny. That didn’t happen, either, and life took a wider turn, still. There were three things that propelled me out of my bubble, altogether.

The first was dealing with five people who were/are so intensely self-absorbed, in their own right, that I was constantly wondering what, if any, place there was in the world for me, or any other good soul who was just trying to live a good life. Four of these five are gone from my world now, banned for constantly magnifying every single mistake I made, ignoring any good thing I did and yet clawing at me for attention. The fifth at least thanks me for what has already been done. I thank them, though, for making me aware of all the times I was the same towards others.

Secondly, I found myself largely responsible, for the well-being of over 80 people in a storm shelter, in Alexandria, Louisiana, late last summer, during the daylight hours of a Red Cross operation. That is when my work never stopped, until wiser heads pointed out that the opposite of self-absorption is not complete other-immersion. Then came a more balanced view, that both my personal needs and those of others had equal importance. I also realized that being too deeply in the business of other people robs them of dignity.

Third, the full acceptance of others as complete human beings, beyond their physical trappings and even their personalities, has come about from our collective dealing with COVID and all the climate change-based events that we have faced, and will continue to face, long after I myself have left this earthly life. It takes me three to five seconds to recognize that a woman has pleasing features, that a child is precious, that anyone has an engaging nature.

There are things that are about to happen in this life, that make such an emergence from self-absorption more essential than ever. I look forward to them all.

Baby Steps to Justice

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, impediments, Personal Values, Striving

February 22, 2021-

I spent most of today waiting for my tax return to be done. I ended up having to make a certain adjustment in my personal financial structure, so as to be in compliance with government regulations. It will end up costing the government more, in the long run, but who’s counting?

After that, I checked on my jury interview for tomorrow, and it’s still on. If I get chosen, it will likely be my first and last time, given that the pool is large and I have only five years until the cut-off age of 75. So, I will go and get at least a taste of the selection process.

Justice, at least in the human realm, is an odd thing-as everyone’s concept of it is different. Even among those who adhere to the Golden Rule, there are varying notions of what justice is, and how it ought to be applied. I have, by and large, been fortunate in the course of life events. When misfortune has happened, though, it has taken some time and effort to overcome the urge to deflect blame and to focus, instead, on how I might learn from the unpleasantry.

The lessons I have acquired and internalized, however, made today’s challenges much easier to face and the tasks brought on by them quicker to complete.