Category Archives: children

Casting the Burden, and Grasping It

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Education, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 24, 2023- The intrepid boy sang his way through five pages of three-digit addition problems, doing two pages, then taking time for his Specials class (Music, of course) and returning to work the rest of the lesson. He hit upon a method, which I’ve seen people use in “Swing Mode”-the approach to working through a given task by using rhythm and movement-that engaged his whole body in accomplishing a task that might otherwise have been seen as drudgery. Indeed, his regular teacher was amazed at the progress, initially crediting me with inspiring the child to work in this manner. In truth, I had nothing to do with it. Whatever unseen influence prompted his motivation, it was a godsend. There are many ways to cast a burden and the way that works best for an individual should be decided by him or her.

Conversely, another child has held onto his issues and setbacks, as if they are a perverse security blanket. This child accomplished little, despite an intellect that is outwardly superior to those of many of his classmates. There are, I am told, concerns with the apathy of his parents, which would certainly raise a red flag. None of us enjoys being ignored, especially by those whom we should expect to trust the most. Getting attention by clutching onto negativity is behind far too many of the issues that bedevil our communities. Then, too, there are all the intrapersonal dynamics that inhibit or dissuade the seemingly oblivious adults, in the life of a troubled child, from taking up their inherent responsibilities.

This was the last day of my assignment, and once again, I was thanked by the team for not charging in and rearranging the system according to my own predilections and whims. I do prefer to let established teams continue with what works, whether the group be a Red Cross operation, a Farmers Market activity or a well-oiled team of educational paraprofessionals. Treating people, of any age, as dignified beings who have a fair idea as to what they are doing, tends to have a good effect on their operation. The mentally ill or abused/neglected tend to need more structured support, and for a longer time than others, but it is still advantageous to note what they are doing successfully and build upon it.

Only by increasing the circle of security, can a person reasonably be led to cast a burden and free the self. That requires attention and discernment.

Growing In The Retro

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 21, 2023- The kids were disappointed that the lady who graced the room with her presence, in every sense of the word, yesterday, was not able to join us today. There was a frenetic energy, as the crew tried an exercise that had only been used once before. We more or less made it work, with only one minor hiccup between a therapist and one of the students. I let the child know that disrespecting adults, as well as classmates, was not an option.

The rest of the day was several of us working over old ground-and welcome to the Mercury retrograde! It long ago stopped being an excuse for me to not work on myself. Shedding old barriers to growth was a seasonal exercise, for decades on end, but I kept trying. Nowadays, it seems to finally be taking hold. The physical manifestation of this has been my weight inching downwards, to 176 lbs, with a visceral fat index of 12-down from 25, eight weeks ago. A child whose eye level is at my abdomen still sees a baby bump, but that, too, will fade, with continued effort.

The sole remaining psycho-emotional task that needs work is my perception that people of intellectual bent, in a group in which I am taking part, are continuously discounting my input. There is a way out of that trap, and that is to remember that once I make a comment or suggestion, it is no longer mine. It belongs to the group. The same, actually, is true of the cerebral person’s rejoinder or glib dismissal. Sooner or later, the group as a whole will sift through, and be able to discern the truth of a matter, from among all the comments.

Still and all, it is most reassuring that so much personal growth is happening, along with the reassurance from others that used to be spotty at best. I am beginning to see that my own lack of self-confidence was like a kick-me sign, all these years. Now, in late middle age, that dearth is fading.

A Calming Effect

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Education, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Striving

April 20, 2023- The second day of my present four-day assignment found the disconsolate soul from yesterday’s session still a bit on edge, at day’s end, but at least willing to get on the bus for home. I credit the gentle lady who substituted for one of the paraprofessionals and had the kids’ hearts-and attention, by mid-morning. Her demeanour had very much a calming effect, and it’d be nice to have a room full of people like her. I could focus on directing the activities, and on providing a steady, fairly gentle flow of classroom management, with her calm voice as a backdrop.

Today saw the actual New Moon solar eclipse, felt but not visible from here. Whatever energy it unleashed, over the past two days, was diminishing during these 24 hours. It is also “celebrated” in some quarters for its association with 4:20 p.m., which is supposed to have a connection with marijuana smoking..I never really paid attention to the back story on that one, or to the part about today being the birthday of Adolf Hitler-a fact that I think ought to be relegated to Trivial Pursuit, especially coming as it does the day after Holocaust Remembrance Day-which deserves to be honoured.

I am now halfway through this assignment. Tomorrow and Monday will be focused and well-ordered. The calm and self-assured lady will be back tomorrow, and the seasoned paraprofessional for whom she is covering will return on Monday. Being responsible for keeping order is not difficult for me, anymore-especially with reliable crews that get on well together. Life, and Spring, are turning out rather nicely right

Tantrums

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Education, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 19, 2023- As the tall child lay on the floor, screaming, it was abundantly clear that going home was not on the agenda. It was all about playing with a classmate’s toy, and that was that. Eventually, one step at a time, two team members and a bus monitor got the child on the bus-and the toy that was out of reach was likely forgotten. It is the moment, and only the moment, that matters.

Tantrums are hard, for those of us who have become inured to life’s challenges, to understand-until we become tired, and a bit cranky. Then, we let loose with plaints of our own, though hopefully, not by lying on the floor, or the steps of a bus, and wailing in full voice. That we continue to fall into a flailing cycle at all, even verbally, is sad-but it’s part of being human.

Last week, while managing the Red Cross shelter, I felt discomfited by what, in retrospect, were mild criticisms coming from both above and below. Once those complaints were addressed, to the extent possible, it was clear that much of the outcry was based on opinion, not on actual threats to the well-being of residents and staff. Those above me issued a warm card, which I received in today’s mail and those alongside me were uniformly clear in their satisfaction with how the operation had gone during my tenure -and was continuing to flow, under my successor, It is the system, properly applied, and not the personality of the middle manager, or of any other staffer, that makes the operation flow smoothly.

No demand can ever bear fruit, unless all aspects of the situation that brought it into being, and all possible outcomes and consequences of its posting, are considered. This is a fact lost on a flailing child, but one that should never be ignored by a disconsolate person of maturity.

Pushing Back On The Mud, Day Fifteen

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 16, 2023- Michael had over a hundred people to place in hotel rooms, so it took a while for my team mates and me, who were out-processing, to get our room in San Jose, in advance of our departure tomorrow. Michael got it done.

I spent the morning at the shelter, tying up loose ends, turning the reins over to my right-hand person and the car key over to another shelter worker, who will be there for several more days. After hugs and handshakes, I left a bit after noon, catching a ride to Red Cross Event Headquarters with one of my team mates who had other business there.

The ride was smooth, as was the immediate out-processing. I was thanked, profusely, by the headquarters staff, as well, and was treated to dinner by my second-level supervisor, who also gave me a lift to Holiday Inn, near Norman Y. Mineta San Jose International Airport. (I am very much gratified to see honour given to a Japanese-American patriot in this way, given the past treatment of his kindred,)

So, the mud will continue to be pushed back, the homes rebuilt and families will rebound. The Camarillo family will continue to arrange and sell fresh-cut flowers, their neighbours will go back to the fields and provide us with strawberries, artichokes and watermelon. Homes will be sturdier, in preparation for what might lie ahead. Governments will, hopefully, be more responsive and grant a listening ear to even the simplest of those who they serve.

Tasha, our server on Saturday evening, will keep on with her own recovery from the series of atmospheric rivers that have pummeled the wide area from Santa Cruz and Aptos to the north side of Salinas. She and many others will, God-willing, learn to smile again. I will go back to my Home Base of Prescott, and be of service to small children, in the latter part of this week and take part in Earth Day activities, next Saturday.

Pushing Back On The Mud, Day Fourteen

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 15, 2023, Aptos, CA- I walked into Lillian’s Italian Kitchen, in downtown Santa Cruz, a bit after 8:30 p.m., looked around a bit, and found the party of eight that had gathered in my honour. Such gatherings have not been as rare as my psyche sometimes imagines, and in each case, they come as a pleasant surprise. Lillian’s takes a fair amount of inspiration from the San Francisco ristorante/cucina scene.

Sunday Gravy, a dish popular in New York and New Jersey, which spread to California in the 1940s, was a succulent mix of short rib, beef, pork and blended sausage, in rich tomato sauce. There was no hint of oregano, basil or garlic-just spicy tomato. Each person had a similarly delectable dish, from lasagna to antipasto.

This was a day which began with word that my overall evaluation is “a nice one”. Then came a colourful and heartfelt poster, made by a family who were greatly moved by the love and caring shown by our team. Another woman wanted to express similar sentiments, but was ashamed of the quality of her writing. She conveyed her appreciation, then went shyly back to her cot area.

This was also a day when my heretofore critic responded to the care I showed, at the word of his having experienced severe pain last night, by expressing full appreciation of the way the shelter was being handled. The work that my crew and I have done, without let-up, now seems universally approved. It is not differences of opinion that matter so much, but how each of us grows to relate to one another over time.

Far from here, in Dadeville, AL, a town which I visited a year ago, a young girl sits, head in hand, weeping at the horror which people, who hate her for some reason, inflicted on her, and on her family, by killing her older brother on her 16th birthday. In Guanajuato, Mexico, other men, who couldn’t leave well enough alone, just had to slaughter six adults and a seven-year-old child-because they could.

My, my-the contrast between a climate of understanding, and tolerance that becomes acceptance and oneness, and a climate of toxic abusiveness, ignorance and egoism that fosters hatred and violence.

Pushing Back On The Mud, Day Eleven

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 12, 2023, Aptos, CA- The little girl’s hands were caked with an eerie green chalk dust, as she pretended to be a threatening monster. I pretended to be equally scared, and ran away, ever so slowly. Anything one can do to relieve the ominous forces that have upended so many lives, young and old alike, is an imperative. Getting her to giggle with delight was huge.

We all deal with monsters. Some are internal, including my own tendency to see any exclusivity or clannish behaviour as a repudiation of my presence. Others are from without, the relative handful of people who seek to squash anything I do, out of hand. There are only a few such individuals here, among the Red Cross staff and volunteers, and thankfully, their power and influence is shrinking.

I did not ask for the position of manager, preferring to be on the same level as my coworkers, but here we are and I will complete the tasks assigned me. My most virulent critic and foe does not think much of our partner organization, either. At least he does his job in a competent manner, so I can abide his jabs and taunts-for the few days that remain. .

The monsters in our lives always reflect any inner self-doubt that remains, harboured like a latent virus, in the inner folds of the psyche. Maybe that’s why J’s nastiness and the criticism of some of the upper management are playing out like nails on a chalkboard. I haven’t run a large scale operation before, and it is taking every ounce of self-confidence to get through a given day. The wounds are salved, though, by my immediate supervisors, who keep the “wolves at bay” and encourage continuing through to the end of my watch.

Internal, or external, it is the monsters who are doomed.

Pushing Back on The Mud, Day Nine

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 10, 2023, Aptos, CA- Easter Monday is a day of rest and reflection for many, in devout Catholic communities. It is also the first day back to school, after a Spring Break that is centered on Holy Week and Easter. Thus, it was quieter, with mothers and very young children holding the fort. Their antics and playfulness are a joy.

I am now halfway through an unsought, but rewarding and growth-spurring leadership experience. I have received lots of praise-and a fair amount of grumbling. A shelter is no one’s idea of a vacation, even in a place as aesthetically lovely as Santa Cruz County. We’ve made it more than bearable for the residents and I have gone to great lengths to make things easier for the volunteer workers. A strong management team has helped, even though some try to shift or skirt around the rules, when they are asked to apply those rules to themselves.

That there are people in certain positions who are in over their heads is no surprise. The sheer number of volunteers seeking lodging assignments, and of shelter residents who suffer from the damage to their homes and thus need both Red Cross and FEMA assistance is daunting. Yet, I was always taught the truism-“When the going gets tough, the tough get going.”

Pushing Back On The Mud, Day Eight

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 9, 2023, Aptos, CA- “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end”. So goes the refrain from the 2000s song, “Closing Time”. Christ sent that same message, albeit in much more elevated fashion, some one thousand, nine hundred ninety years ago. He took the highest of roads, beseeching the Divine to forgive His tormentors, His executioners, the demons who surrounded and mocked Him. All these years later, I sense His Spirit remains in supplication to the Highest Power, even as He continues to offer strength and spiritual sustenance to so many.

It was the most gorgeous day of weather in the area of Monterey Bay, in some time. The skies were clear, the temperature warm and the mood reverent and mellow. Many people attended Mass, with shuttle buses providing the means. Many children took part in a pinata bash, with a nine-year-old finally getting the blow that cracked the Smiling Star. The free-for-all that followed nearly twenty renditions of Dale, Dale, Dale (DA-lay) was joyful and as carefully managed as humanly possible, by the many parents who joined my team mate in clapping and coaching the kids.

The new beginning, though, remains the primary focus of this day, which to Christians is the holiest day of the year. Twelve days from today, the holiest season of the year for Baha’is starts, just as the holiest season for Muslims comes to an end. Along with the conclusion of Passover and the approach of the Birth of Buddha, these three weeks in April and the first week in May, summon an enormous amount of spiritual energy. New beginnings abound, as ever, and offer us all a chance to both shore up our strengths and shed our weaknesses. The Messengers of the Divine have given us a variety of ways to bring those about. All of those ways are rooted in love.

May this be a fruitful season of love for all!

Pushing Back On The Mud, Day Seven

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

April 8, 2023, Aptos, CA– The overwrought, self-appointed security man charged towards the five of us, all clad in Red Cross uniforms, demanding to know what we thought we were doing, looking in “his” room-which was a museum chamber that was set up for a banquet. In fairness, I had misheard someone’s saying that the individual for whom we were looking was in that particular room. She was not, and so we headed down to her actual location-with perfunctory attention to the aggressive “guard”.

This was one of two cases where local residents have taken exception to our presence here. These same individuals may well object to the presence of the farm workers who make up the bulk of our clientele. Be that as it may-the world is changing, and not for the worse. The ordered, neat communities that ultraconservatism claims to be protecting are not going away, but they are changing form. A careful examination will show that communities always have been in flux. The rowdy, disordered cities of the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries became the urbane havens of the eighteenth century, followed by their industrial and commercial expansion in the nineteenth and twentieth. Nowadays, all communities are in flux, finding diversity is the norm-even in the rural areas of North America and Europe.

The day featured an Easter egg hunt, in three stages arranged by age. It also featured miscommunication that led to a person standing his ground, and rightfully so, after some workers treated him with disrespect. It featured a child going off to corner of a room, without telling her mother, which led to a mercifully brief group search for her whereabouts, her being found unharmed and emotional support given to her shaking, frightened mother. Trust me, there is no more horrible feeling than facing the off-chance that one’s heart center may have been harmed- or worse.

There were a couple of unsettled people, both of whom ended up in custody, but all in all, the day proceeded well.