Category Archives: Inner Struggles

Nevertheless

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Striving, Travel

April 2, 2023- These thoughts come to me, as two weeks of night duty approach.

I don’t see much of my restaurant-worker friends, as the weight-reduction plan continues and my schedule takes this one afield. Nevertheless, I think fondly of all of them, and wish a steady flow of diners and income.

I haven’t gotten out to see local friends, as much as I might have. Nevertheless, I keep each of them in my heart.

It’ll be three weeks until I get back to my weekend routine in Prescott. Nevertheless, I summon the forces of assistance to the Farmers Market, to my beloved vendor and worker friends, and to the regular breakfast crowd at Post 6. May all be safe and well.

I have no idea what lies in store for the suffering masses, both across the United States and around our planet. Nevertheless, I sense that all will heal and goodness will flow, even from the darkest of times.

I have no clear picture of what lies in store for us in the Central Valley, even with improving weather. Nevertheless, our team will do everything possible to safeguard the victims of nature’s ravages, until it is time for them to safely move on.

The weeks and months ahead will be filled with both challenge and opportunities for growth. There will be a lot of work required and putting the needs of all manner of people on my radar screen. Nevertheless, I will maintain self care and keep my focus.

Mellowness

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Striving

April 1, 2023- The Director regarded me with a side eye. “What do you need?” This is a person around whom I have become guarded, so it was no surprise to get such a greeting, when my only intent was to say “Hi”. I told her of my coming absence, due to the impending deployment to California, and her tone softened to “We’ll miss you”. Sometimes, a mellow response to hardness will bring about a softening.

This evening, I enjoyed more mellowness, first as R & D project played tunes from the Sixties through the Teens, at Rafter Eleven. After coming back to Home Base, I went through one set of tummy tighteners (up to 50 per set, on truncated sit-ups) and joined some new neighbours around their fire pit, for light conversation and a song-guessing game. I recognized about five of the tunes, out of fourteen, so paying attention to Aram’s playlist, when he was a teen and young adult, still has its rewards. After a while, I came back in and did a second round of exercises.

Spring, for me, begins with April, and this year is no different. It is a season that stokes a mellower mood, a sensation of encouragement. Meditating on what still triggers residue of my autism, I realize that any perceived hostility towards my actions, or my mere presence (as at the Market, this afternoon) causes me to momentarily want to shrink back or disappear. Thankfully, I no longer act on that impulse. I have a place in the world, and in this community, regardless of anyone else’s opinion-or what I initially think is their opinion.

Today was no joke-and ended rather nicely. It is nice to feel mellowness.

Some Gave All

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Posted by on in American Legion, Assistance, collaborating, Community, Historical, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

March 29, 2023- The roll of honor featured those killed in action in the Afghanistan and Iraq conflicts, and those who died in the three attacks on September 11, 2001. These extensions of the Vietnam War Memorial Wall, whose traveling exhibit is in Camp Verde, AZ for five days, are part of its mission to bring closure to those left behind by these more recent tragic series of events.

The day was observed, nationwide, with many state governors issuing proclamations honouring Vietnam Veterans on this day. The President apparently did not, but he had honoured an individual soldier with a belated Medal of Honor on March 3. The importance of today, to those of us who served in that conflict, will hopefully not be lost on him, in the future.

“All gave some. Some gave all.” I lost three friends from my home town, and nearly lost a fourth, in the conflict. The death of the first one, in combat, spurred me to go to the war zone and see for myself what was going on. Fortunately, I was assigned to Army Postal Units-first in Long Binh, the largest base in the Vietnam Theater and later to Cholon, a smaller compound in the midst of Saigon. Those of us in the rear echelon “gave some”, but whatever threats there were to our safety, in 1971, came more from fellow Americans. The War Zone was no safe haven from drug and human traffickers, or from the internal divisions of our own society. While I came home with less Post-Traumatic Stress than combat arms veterans, there was some.

I felt the residue of much of that stress today, as speakers in Camp Verde and in Prescott paid homage to us and some spoke of their own experiences. It was surreal, as I have long since put the war behind me, and I didn’t really feel that people showed any particular disrespect towards me, when I came back, in 1972. There were no left-wing radicals trying to spit at me or accusing me of being a baby killer, though I know of a few who had those experiences. What did surface today was my wanting to not draw any attention to myself, or to commiserate much with other Vets. I mainly wanted to observe the day in semi-private, being in the group, but not prominently.

So the day passed, and the Pledge of Allegiance was recited on three occasions. I received a swag bag from the Red Cross, indulged in a donut hole, then exercised on a stationary bike for 20 minutes and got in a 2-mile walk to/from downtown. At day’s end, the residual feelings of unworthiness have passed and I am back to a more even emotional state.

Some, though, gave all-and we are forever in their debt.

Correctness

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Education, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

March 28, 2023- The young man was quick on his feet, pointing out that I had used a complimentary adjective, in reference to a woman of colour- only minutes after another member of the group had cautioned against combining references to mental prowess with a subject’s ethnicity or gender. Point taken-and I simultaneously wonder if pinpoint concern over the fine points of speech may not have the unintended consequence of turning people away from the mental process of refining one’s thought.

Thought refinement has to precede the elevation of speech. I can readily see how “She was a feisty, articulate young Black woman” must sound to a person who shares those qualities-or to anyone who is sensitive to such cloying language. I remember wincing, years ago, when a colleague reported that someone had “complimented” her for being an “educated Indian”. The person who used those words may, or may not, have entertained a condescending view of First Nations people, but the effect was obvious.

Truth be known, I was, and still am, in awe of the woman to whom I referred. I hope she has only become more articulate, and retained her fire, over the years-and that these have helped her realize her goals. The world needs, if anything, more people who are resolute and who won’t “mind their place”, when it comes to seeking justice. In that regard, I hope the young man at tonight’s meeting likewise keeps prodding the rest of us to stop and elevate our thoughts, so that the resultant speech is of the highest order.

Correct must come to truly mean right.

The Beleaguered Southland

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Historical, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Technical stuff, Travel

March 27, 2023- I got a text, and an e-mail, from the Red Cross, early this afternoon, wanting to know if I would be available to assist in the recovery efforts following the latest wave of tornadoes in the mid-South, especially in Mississippi. I will be available starting Sunday, so we will see what RC’s response is.

The South appeared to have endured a triple whammy, these past few days. Tornadoes have come to be expected, yet those which hit rural areas at night have tended to not get as much forewarning as their diurnal counter parts and are thus deadlier.

School shootings, sadly, have come to be expected-and are dismissed as “an unfortunate trade-off for the protection of rights under the Second Amendment”. That codicil says no such thing, but has been interpreted as protecting the “rights” of the craven and the mentally ill, to the extent that it is, itself, no protection at all for those who either don’t own firearms (the vast majority of underage students, for example), or do not bring their weapons to the workplace or leisure spots , OR are outmaneuvered/ outgunned by the aggressor. Oh, for the days of a well-trained militia and firearms safety classes, as the prime missions of the National Rifle Association.

Thirdly, the Thirtieth Anniversary of the Waco Massacre should have been a day of national reflection and shame. Instead, it was turned into a political circus. Fortunately, a good many of those who went there to reflect, grieve and process their emotions did their processing and quietly left, well before the politicizing and venting had come to a close. To me, the carnage that day was every bit as reprehensible as what followed in Jonesboro, San Ysidro, Lakewood, Sandy Hook, Sutherland, North Charleston, Fort Hood, Pittsburgh, Roseburg, Arlington, Peoria, San Bernardino, Uvalde, Parkland, La Plata, Oxford and Nashville-as well as the places which escape my recall at the moment. The deaths of people, in misguided loyalty to one man are a supreme cautionary tale-and I pray the Divine that this never is repeated, for the sake of any one leader, father figure or surrogate neurotic means to power.

I’ve spent many enjoyable days in the South, as in other parts of the country and the continent, over the years. My heart hurts for those affected by each of the tragedies above-and while certainly praying, I am also willing to go and help in the recovery process, should my presence actually be welcome-as it was in Louisiana and Dallas, three years ago.

The Fallacy of Coercion

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

March 25, 2023- Once, after Penny’s funeral, when I found a modest, but pliable, insurance deposit in my checking account, I got a call from someone who used the fact, that I had only myself to support, as a springboard to ask that I help fund a surgery that was needed. In those days of some confusion and recovery that accompanied the grieving process, I did not project ahead to the expenses of the ensuing four months before the final life insurance settlement would find its way to me. It felt like it was my bounden duty to help this individual, who had little. The choice was made to proffer a substantial amount in that direction. Fast forward three months, and I received a proposal from my handyman to renovate the house. Without giving it the proper amount of thought, I initially agreed to his offer, only to do the math afterward-and to end up cancelling the project, thus burdening him with returning the materials-and burdening myself with the loss of a friend.

I have come to the realization, these many years later, that there really was no coercion from anyone. I made both decisions, conflicting as they were, out of a desire to make someone else happy. To what extent the first person achieved happiness is a matter of opinion. I have not been willing or able to continue to dole out money in that direction. It goes without saying, that the second person is just as glad if he never sees me again.

In life, there are relatively few matters that are imperative. A parent must do the best to raise any child, who is birthed or adopted, to adulthood. A pet owner must see to the animal’s well-being. A citizen must contribute to the support of community, state and nation-both financially and civically. A worker must do the best to fulfill the basic requirements of a job. Communities must provide for the education of their young and for the basic care of disabled and elderly residents.

All else, however, is a matter of choice. In the 1970s, the comedian Flip Wilson had a routine, on his television program, in which he played a character whose retort to being chastised was “The devil made me do it.” We Baha’is know the “devil” to be the ego of a person, when it entices one to overindulge base instincts or desires, acting against the better nature. It was anthropomorphized long ago, in the days of Babylon-and has had a physical image ever since. This has the effect of allowing a person to deflect any blame for actions-which was exactly Wilson’s point. That such self-indulgence can generate negative energy, which can and does harm self and others, does not change the essence of its nature.

There is much that I take on, both paid and volunteer work. In each case, I have come to the understanding with myself that my choices are made strictly in consulting with my conscience, and not because of any pressure from outside. Guilting, whining or yelling and screaming have only made me turn away from the supplicant. There is no such real thing as coercion, when you give the matter some thought.

Snow, and Then No

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

March 24, 2023- When I rounded the corner, coming back into Home Base after a night minding an empty shelter, I found the vehicles parked outside were covered with snow. An hour later, it was gone. This is a harbinger of what seems likely to be the rule, rather than the exception, of the days to come.

In recent weeks, I have seen the wishes of a departed friend be countermanded by his heirs, all for the sake of vengeance against others, who for the life of me have done them no harm. I am not directly involved in this, but a dear friend is-and so is the single mother of a small child. All one can wonder is, what benefit does a man in late middle age get from savaging the less fortunate?

There are numerous occasions when people have used ruses, machinations and straight-up aggression, to overturn policies and negate previous actions that have come to benefit the marginalized. Mostly, this seems to stem from a sense of entitlement, based on tradition and a long-standing state of affairs. It can result in reversal of fortune for the downtrodden-but to them, this is also more of the same, and yet, we wonder why they get angry, or despondent, or just plain defeated. Where is written that one class of people has an inherent right to dominate the rest, or even a segment of that rest? There is “The Divine Right of Kings”, but that has ever come with an equally valid “Divine Responsibility” for those same monarchs and overlords. No justice, no peace.

The water cycle mandates that what comes down, whether liquid or solid, must flow, be absorbed or evaporate. It must go where it can be of benefit to life, whether immediately or over time. Water can never just “disappear”.

The cycle of justice mandates that what is reasonably given, in good faith, by one person to another cannot be simply taken away, under any pretext, by a third party-even if that third party has convinced self, against all evidence, that he, or someone who has ingratiated self to him, is the victim. “Thou shalt not steal”; “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour”. This applies as much to the ongoing claim of “election fraud”, vis-a-vis 2020 and 2022, or the miser who finds self expected to share with others, as it does someone taking liberties with the last will and testament of another. Justice may be deferred, or denied for a time, but it can never just disappear.

Snow can seem to disappear, but the well-being of a person, or group of people, must not be made to seem so.

Walking Our Own Paths

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, Family, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

March 18, 2023, Scottsdale- I almost didn’t recognize a young friend, with her hair pulled up and wearing glasses. Once that was corrected, I asked about her immediate plans and learned she was taking on a challenging course of study in the Public Health area. I mentioned another friend who had completed a similar course of study, and had also recently married. She noted that her life had proceeded in the opposite order of the other lady. As I see it, both women are doing great things for the human race and for our planet.

Each of us does what we need to do, according to our particular life plan. Some complete their education first, then find a life partner and have children. Others marry first, get their schooling and either start a family or live as a couple without children. Some do only one of the above. Others do none of it. Penny and I took the first course of action. Plenty of my friends and family have pursued a different course.

Regardless, we all have a role to play in the scheme of things, and surely, if we didn’t each pursue our own wondrous course, what a sad world we’d have. I consider myself greatly enriched by each of the diverse members of this large and beautiful family circle both biological and collegial, that surrounds me. I am proud of all of them.

There are those who wish I had taken a different path, in the years since Penny left this Earth. All I know is that I essentially have no regrets, as to the path I’ve followed and few regrets as to specific things I’ve done, these past twelve years. I hold that others are due the same consideration.

The House By Black Mesa

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Family, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving, Travel

March 14, 2023, Farmington, NM- Back in the 1980s and ’90s, an earnest young family of four lived in a compound, at the foot of a mesa we knew as Dinnebito (People’s Water). Some called it Mosquito Springs, but that was nothing extraordinary, either. There are people, and mosquitoes, around most potable water-and the latter are even less discriminating than the former, so they hang around the nasty stuff also.e

Many of the people who left Dinnebito did so because of the freeze on construction and home improvements established by Congress, due to the dispute over land, between Dineh and Hopi. By the time that was resolved, and the freeze lifted, around 2010, most people had already left, or passed on, as did the former Chairman and first President of the Navajo Nation, Dr. Peterson Zah, who was from nearby Low Mountain, where he was recently laid to rest, after a stellar life of service to the Nation and to the field of higher education.

The young family grew to five members, then was at four, when they moved to the house by Black Mesa, in the early 2000s. I had not seen them for nearly thirty years, so it was high time. First came a call on the mother, at her workplace, then an hour or so was spent visiting the father and, fleetingly, one of the daughters (who I remember as an 8-year-old) and her two children. The kids keep Grandpa busy in retirement and his overall demeanour is one of a man in full.

He made a quiet request to be a part of the next visit I make to the Baha’is in Utah, an easy enough request to fill, as Tonalea is on the way. Suitable advance plans would have to be made, so next time, I will head up there. This journey, I decided to give the southern end of Four Corners some love, so I am here in Farmington for the night, and will head over to Aztec Ruins tomorrow.

Grandpa (Chee) Chester and his current project.

Conundrums, and No Brainers

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Striving

March 9, 2023- While I was ordering a small lunch, whilst waiting on my tax returns to be finished, a former colleague came to the counter, to order her own meal. In conversation about the various schools, we both agreed that the placement of a somewhat older and much bigger child with 10-12 year-olds was a travesty. It occurs to me that it is a conundrum, in that it is unfair to not want to deal with a difficult person, out of disagreement with the politically-motivated placement. On the one hand, the machinations of adults should not be the cause of failing to educate a child-even an adolescent, placed among preteens. On the other, the child has the right to an education-even if it means that both teachers and other students are at some risk of injury. The conundrum remains in place, for the next 2 1/2 months. How often I, personally, will abide the situation remains to be seen, as so far, no one has pushed me on the matter.

To me, it is a no-brainer that the child in question be placed among age mates-as that appears to be the least restrictive environment, so conveniently ignored by those who want a more comfortable working situation for themselves. There are two private institutions, designed for children such as the one mentioned above. Both have refused to take him in. It is by this means, that the present situation was contrived, as an expedient way to rid themselves of someone they did not wish to have around. The problem has not gone away, and the child, far from being stupid, has realized that there is a growing number of people who don’t understand his difficulties-and has therefore amplified his rage.

I’ve seen this before; seven years ago, in fact. A much more untenable situation, involving several children, was derived from their inappropriate placements-again, due to a desire for expediency. Two colelagues and I were told to deal with it, the best we could-and the year ground to a halt, with little to show for all our efforts.

No one promises anyone a rose garden, in this life, but if Public Schools are given few resources, and are told by Private facilities, that are designed to deal effectively with specialized situations, that they do not wish to admit difficult children, it is no surprise that the Public Schools are seen as institutions of last resort and are judged as failing.

To me, it is a no-brainer that Public Law 94-142, which requires appropriate placement of a Special Needs student, in the least restrictive environment, be vigourously enforced-as it was when Penny was teaching and when I was a counselor, with input into such placements. It is not up to special needs institutions to cherry-pick who they will and will not accept, based on personality.