Category Archives: Inner Struggles

The Colour of Fear

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Education, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

January 18, 2023– There is no such thing as a “White Nation”. Caucasians, by my humble count, consist of no fewer than 67 ethnic groups-if one counts Arabs, Berbers and Jews, along with the ethnic groups of Europe and the Caucasus. Most, if not all, of those groups are represented in the populations of settled countries, like Canada, Australia, New Zealand and the United States. Immigrants from most, if not all, of the other nations of the world are also represented in the settler populations of these countries.

I had the privilege, this evening, of watching much of a film called “The Colour of Fear”. In it, eight men, representing the White, Black, Hispanic and Asian communities, spent a weekend sharing their thoughts about race and about their perceptions of their roles in American society. As one might expect, there were some very strong statements made, by each of the participants. The messages were instructive: The men of colour stating all the occasions when they felt invisible, unheard or infantilized; the white men stating their contention that people should “pull themselves up by their own bootstraps”. One of the Hispanic men retorted, “There are plenty of times that those ‘bootstraps’ break off. Then, what are we supposed to do?”

I have mentioned before that I am not given to fear of other people. Perhaps it is because those of colour have not physically harmed me and in moments of tension between us (long ago, actually), the communication has been direct-almost searingly so. As I sat in the room and watched the discourse, I almost wished Wayne Jefferson, Lavern Bartley, Larry Grinston, Lionel Emilien and my buddy Anthony Banks could have been there-and said, with one voice, “Remember the time…..”. I thought of Lynwood Nichols, and his cogent, very early assessment of “White Privilege”, and of Clinton Bird Hat, who taught me how to carefully and sensitively interact with Native Americans. That those life lessons occurred early on has come to be an eternal blessing.

I am proud of my heritage- the German, French, Penobscot, English, Irish and whatever other ethnicities who have contributed to my whole. I am equally proud, and honoured, by the presence of all those who have helped refine that whole person.

Thirteeners

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Education, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

January 13, 2023- The usually rough and tumble boys were a lot more subdued and looking towards the mostly female staff for guidance today. The roughest of the bunch was a lot more sensitive. The sassiest of the girls were very quiet all day. This all made more sense to me, when contemplating the feminine energy of Friday, combined with the number thirteen. Friday is named for the German goddess Freya. Thirteen is said to have a feminine flow, according to numerologists, because of the thirteen phases of the Moon.

The day itself has been transmogrified into some sort of a culturally freakish day of misfortune. I, personally, have never had a bad day on Friday the 13th. Those few that I’ve heard of who have wished they had spent the day in bed are no more likely to suffer on this combination of weekday and day of the month, than on any other day.

Nor are people in their first full year of teenage necessarily more difficult to get along with than those who are at other stages of adolescence, or at any other time of change. For me, twelve was probably the hard adolescent year, with twenty-five and fifty-nine the other rough personal years of change. Thirteen, though I was going through the heart of puberty, was a year of emergence from awkwardness.

The contrived bad luck associated with the thirteenth floor of a multistory building seems to be just that, contrived. I have not heard of any such particular association, in reality. Some people feel the whole bad luck association with the number-and the numerodiurnal combination, was a ploy to curb feminine power. I’m not sure it’s all that organized, but it makes as much sense as anything else.

In any case, any day when energy is nurturing and healing is a good day, in my book-and so it was.

Fascinatin’ Rhythm

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

January 12, 2023- There was this long journey, made by someone dealing with an injury, the journey was a solo one, with only an intermittent stop, for someone to check on the person’s condition. Then, the road continued. The destination was reached, around 4:30, this afternoon. I had the honour of helping the individual get settled again.

January is ever a surprising month, and this year is already a year of surprises. More rain and snow has fallen, in California, than in any winter in the past thirty years. Lake Cachuma. a key reservoir near Santa Barbara, that has been rather low, for several decades, is now full to overflowing- becoming so, just in the past month. I suspect the same is true for other southern California lakes-though not yet for Lake Mead.

The rhythm, the pattern, of winter in the western United States thus far this year suggests a 1924 song by George Gershwin. “Oh, what a mess you’re makin’.”, sang Tony Bennett, as Joe Bari, in 1949. Oh, what a mess is being made now. Will the solutions that come out of the current mess, whether it is made, or they are found, in California, in Kenya or in Brazil, be equally as fascinating and impressive in their execution.

Here’s Tony Bennett performing “Fascinatin’ Rhythm” with Diana Krall, in 2018.

Is Pressure Intended?

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

January 11, 2023- Among the features of this blog site is Seven-Day Highlights. The daily, sometimes hourly, algorithm serves as a scold-showing comparative ratings of Visitors, Views, Likes and Comments. A red arrow shows the least little decline in any of those areas, as if how people react is within my power to “correct”. This ignores the fact that I write for myself, but capitalizes on the notion that not everyone does. Those who have monetized their blog site are likely to take this more seriously, and “up their game”. These are the people who join writing courses and fret over lost readers.

I used to be like that, wanting to increase my readership. The fact is that few of us can set aside the time to read dozens of posts, each day. So, my posts have become more vehicles of self-expression and almost journalistic in content. That should be okay-and it is with my friends, even those who used to be close, but are now separated from me by schedules, temperament, divergent views of life and the vagaries of Nature. People are not commodities, as much as some would like that to be the case.

This brings up the larger question: What does anyone really gain, from putting pressure, intentional or not, on others? It basically, as someone recently pointed out to me, is a reflection of pressure one puts on self. We like to share what’s in our life, and so the bitter comes along with the sweet-ignoring the age-old adage: “Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, and you weep alone.” (This, also, is a rather distasteful view of life; but it does serve as a forewarning of how we might manage our well-being.)

I am better able to manage both internal and external pressure, through meditation and the act of bringing self to account, several times each day-not in an accusatory manner, anymore, but with a more neutral view of my own actions and motivations. I was asked by someone dear to me, a while back, to maintain a “neutral love” towards her. I know what she was implying, and the fact is that Agape was already in the driver’s seat, vis-a-vis our friendship. Pressure, coming from a misdirected and unrealistic view of interactions, is brought to heel by a mature view of their ebb and flow.

So, if you, or the systems you employ, are making life harder on self and everyone else-consider taking things down several degrees, decibels or ergs.

Holding in Reverence

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Striving

January 9, 2023-

I revere sass, to a great degree.

Sass shows strength, independence of thought and commitment towards speaking truth to power.

I admire grit, under all circumstances.

Grit shows perseverance, detachment from the opinions of others and a supreme self-confidence.

I prize fortitude, especially in dire straits.

Fortitude could be surviving on one meal or less, making one’s way with scant resources or few friends, enduring persecution, even false imprisonment-or the gallows.

Maybe this is why I am drawn to adolescents and young adults, special needs children, outliers, rough people with good hearts, even those with whom I start off on the wrong foot.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t like liars, grifters or wirepullers, con artists who say anything with a view towards transactional success. I despise those who do nothing for themselves, then blame everyone else for their plight.

Those I adore the most are those who stand up for themselves and their loved ones. They owe me nothing, except to give their all, to meet their goals.

Progression

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

January 7, 2022- The breakdown of the common areas of our local Farmers Market took about ninety minutes, as it was my first time with the crew. This year, I have committed to more consistent volunteer work, and early Saturday afternoon is the least interrupted by other activities. Red Cross events, happening primarily during the week, are more touch and go, with substitute teaching and what few dental and medical appointments I have, tending to conflict with them.

Regardless of what choices one makes, though, the key to their being meaningful is clear, consistent communication and not making assumptions about when is a good time to communicate. I had occasion to check in with someone this weekend and found that the matter would have been better discussed earlier. Assuming the individual was too busy, I let slide, which was a mistake.

Another friend, of eleven years, is entering a period of great change in her life, and will likely need my assistance in a few months. Suffice it to say that the change represents stability, in a way that I have hoped for her, for a very long time.

Progression of communication skills, and the relationships that stem from and depend on them, is often a forwards, then backwards, process. We are seeing it in world affairs, in government, in commerce and between individuals. I learned a long time, ago, though, that communication, even-or especially-when difficult, is never something that can go backwards and forwards. It is essential to stay in touch, except in cases where communicating with a person, or group, brings forth a clear and present danger. Thankfully, that is not the case for me, with anyone, right now.

Middle of the Road

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

January 6, 2023- The tall, disheveled man made his way down the middle of the through lane, as I was driving from Zeke’s Eatin’ Place to Office Max. He was moving slowly, as if he was figuring out his next steps as he went along. I was able to get around him, safely, and proceeded to take care of my shredding errand.

The little incident brought to mind a trope from 2020: “If you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for anything.” Obviously, the man mentioned above was standing for something-his perceived right to walk his own path. My mind wandered over to the spectacle of the election of a Speaker of the House of Representatives, which in times past has been a snoozefest. There was a time when the certification of electoral votes for President was also a cure for insomnia. Watching golf on TV was like storm chasing, by comparison. Now, where one stands on these issues can make or break friendships.

“Question Authority” was the watchphrase of the 1960s and ’70s, making a comeback in 2001, and even more so since 2016. Now, I am not exactly middle of the road, when it comes to the Rights of the Human. People deserve to be raised to make their own decisions, weighing consequences and accepting responsibilities, in an age-appropriate manner. They deserve to be able to speak their peace. Women deserve to walk beside men, not behind us.

There are certain beliefs that fit both Right and Left: Legislation should be specific, and relatively simple; the people’s money should be spent in a conscientious, prudent manner; respect for others should not depend on their position in society. There is tradition that is worthy of conservation; the same principle goes for nature, and the resources it provides. Colour, creed and national origin should not determine how a person is able to participate in society and its affairs.

The man mentioned above was able to complete his walkabout, going into the store of his choice and thus leaving the middle of the road. Each of us must do the same, in our own journeys of thought and action.

Not Damaged Goods

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Poetry, Social, Spiritual, Striving

January 4, 2023- I watched a program this afternoon, about a young woman whose parents had lied to her, regarding the nature of her sexual abuse. Confused and ashamed, she saw herself as damaged goods. In truth, there is no such thing.

I think of others, in real life.

You, my friend of twenty years, not one of romantic interest, but one of indomitable, unmatched spirit. You are not damaged goods.

You, who sleep out of doors, as society has thrown its curve balls your way, and police stop you, wanting to know your every move and why you make it. Your education and skills are invaluable . You are not damaged goods.

You, hounded by adults, who have already determined what they judge to be your future, when they know nothing about you, will survive and prosper. You are not damaged goods.

You, who shudder in whatever corner you can find, and cry yourself to sleep, when your captors allow you to rest, will be free one day, and will realize you are not damaged goods.

You , who hide from anyone outside your circle, because you never really learned to trust, and thus are protecting your own children from perceived danger, on your small plot of land. You are not damaged goods.

I know this, because for so long I had a hard time understanding and accepting, that I am not damaged goods.

Rise up, stand up, for you are valuable and you are loved.

Things I’ve Learned

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Family, Hiking and Nature, Historical, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal goals, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

December 31, 2022– As another Gregorian calendar year heads to the history books and memory n, what is most important, for an individual, are the lessons brought forward over the twelve months now past.

So, here are twelve things I’ve learned, some cogent, others banal-but all useful.

January- The border between the United States and Mexico is neither as chaotic as politicians away the border claim it is nor as smoothly functioning as it might be. I saw many content, focused people at the station in Douglas, AZ and no evidence of hordes of people sneaking through, at Coronado National Monument, a rural station, south of Sierra Vista.

February- Human beings, regardless of how they come to identify themselves, deserve the respect of those around them-and a keen listening ear. Losing someone who has not been completely understood by some of those around her was both unsettling and cautionary. Rest in Peace, Salem Hand.

March- Most of Man’s inhumanity to Man stems from insecurity. Andersonville showed the historical proof of that, both through its physical remnants and through the exhibits on Prisoners-of-War, both within this country and around the world. A more benign case occurred, in Miami Beach, stemming from a middle-aged man, having designs upon much younger women and threatening violence when I cautioned them about one aspect of his proposal.

April- There is no foolproof means of transport. Taking a train, when the route is secure, is a marvelous way to both see the countryside and to make good friends. The system is not without flaws, though, and a fire at a remote bridge resulted in my taking a Greyhound bus, between San Antonio and Tucson.

May- It is never too late in life for people to connect. An odd proposition was made to me, by someone much younger-and was quickly, if politely, deferred. On the other hand, two people who had been alone for several years, found each other and had a lovely garden wedding, making for several years of a solid bond.

June- There are still places where even brief inattention to surroundings can lead to discomfort, even momentarily. I found one briefly “wet” situation, checking out the depth of a bog. Fortunately, it was an “oops” moment, and caused no difficulty to me or anyone else.

July- You can go home again, but family is often going to be swamped with schedules, plans made at the last minute by spouses and friends, or just the crush of dealing with one of the greatest of American holidays.

August- No matter how well a car is maintained, the aftermath of a chain-reaction accident can lead to a total loss being declared, even 1.5 months after it occurs. So it was, for the vehicle that took me across seemingly ridiculous distances, with nary a squeak. Another person’s health issues led to Saturn Vue’s demise.

September- Not all Baha’i school events need include a heavy dose of scholarly presentations. Just being with children and youth, in crafting, dancing and fellowship, is as much a tonic for the soul as any engagement with intellectuals.

October- New friends, made in the wake of a bureaucratic flub, and clear across the continent, to boot, are as fine a result of a mistake as I can imagine. Three Bears Inn will be a place where I could definitely stay for several days, especially en route to the great mountain parks of the northern Rockies. It is all the sweeter when followed by a visit with dearly beloved friends, themselves so much like family.

November- Speaking of family, it is never necessary for my biological family to expend energy on my entertainment. They do so anyway, but just reveling in their presence and celebrating their achievements, is the finest way to spend any time-especially a holiday.

December- As an Old Guard increasingly passes from the scene, among my cohort of veterans, younger people are arising, in service to those who served our nation. I am also re-learning the rewards of patience, with those around me, as we all face increasing uncertainty. They need me, as much as I need them. I also need to be patient with myself.

Resilience

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving

December 30, 2022- In contrast to Christmas, when everyone was either sick or swamped, two invitations to celebrate New Year’s came my way, yesterday. I took the first one and graciously declined the second-as a New Year’s Eve celebration tends to last for several hours-and I am not one who hops between places, if I can help it. Then, too, after the lengthy dinners, there is, for those who are up to it-the Boot Drop on Whiskey Row. Prescott does two such drops-10 p.m., coinciding with the Times Square Ball Drop (12 a.m. EST) and at Midnight, MST-when we join the 3/4 of the world that is already in New Year mode.

A trusted confidant pointed out some things about last week, and about expectations in general. As I knew deep down, even while processing my aloneness, people of goodwill are often busier than heck, some just feel more comfortable being friends online and others may feel that they are always on the hook to host gatherings-and where is everyone else? I host things, now and then, and am much better at paying my share than I was say, in the 2000s.

This week is one of resilience. I found an article on the Firefox main page, that points out the interplay of happiness and pleasure with sorrow and hard times. There are plenty of occasions of each, in the life of anyone who lives fully. Frequently, the greatest joys come from having successfully faced sorrow or hardship. I won’t say that the trials of the 1970s (largely self-induced) resulted directly in the better times of the 1980s and ’90s, but they at least showed me what not to do and how not to interact with people. I can say that the frequent misery of the 2000s contributed somewhat to my strengths and joys of the past twelve years. Life has been far from perfect, since 2012, and 2013 did see me relapse into a strange pattern of behaviour, but I got over all that. The blue periods are shorter, and of less intensity. It helps to recognize, and pray for, those who have it far worse- and actually reach out and help them when I can.

It is almost time to look back on the year (tomorrow’s post) and project ahead (Sunday). Suffice it to say, I look in each direction with a sense of reality and gratitude. I could not have guessed, in 2003 or even ten years ago, that the bounty in my life would be what it is now. That is testimony to the value of resilience.