Category Archives: Inner Struggles

The Road to 65, Mile 297: Where I Stand, Part 3

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Posted by on in Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values

September 20, 2015, Prescott-  I spent this day alone.  Tomorrow, and for almost every day for the next three months, I won’t need to be concerned with being alone.  In fact, my aloneness has often been a good part of the reason why I have brought so many difficulties on myself, over the years. Penny brought me out of it; then when she passed, and I drifted back into torpor, various people came into my life and helped our son keep me on the straight and even.

“Development Comes From Within.  The process of human and community development unfolds from within each person,relationship, family organization, community or nation.”- Four Winds International Institute

This second principle for building a sustainable and harmonious world correctly states that it is the individual who feels the impetus to build self, from inside out and from the bottom up.  Without a determination to focus outward and concern myself with the needs of others, I would remain stuck- trying to live above my means, casting about to blame a chimeric force, bigger than myself, for all my woes and looking to an imaginary solution for those problems.  Each of us is capable of a certain degree of good.  It is towards that capacity that one best focuses.

Once a relationship is established, it is essentially either 100/100. or 0/0.  For one person to do all the work in a relationship is the same as a sluggard, dragging thrice his weight in rocks, along the ground. I had to work at not trying to do it all.  Fortunately, I had an exemplary partner in that, and most other regards.  Only when a couple has this balance set, can a family successfully begin.  Mother and father set a united front, and child(ren) have a clear sense of wiggle room.  Family organization, even in the age of the nuclear family, or rather, ESPECIALLY in this age, is best set in stone, with room to expand outwardly, to grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins- clear up to as many generations as can meaningfully participate. Community is only as strong as its members can manage, through cooperation, due to recognition of several common goals, and despite differences of opinion.  I was raised by a conservative, business-minded father and a liberal, civic-minded mother.  The town was close-knit, first by neighbourhood, then community-wide.  We did knock on doors before entering, once people from Boston started moving into the newly developed suburban “projects”, which in those days meant new, single-family homes, and there were no longer just the “old families” around. Neighbours minded each other kids, and everyone respected the Irish cop on the beat. Dad had a few men over, each weekday evening before dinner, and they would sit on the porch and solve the problems of town and state. The Town Meeting was held, once a year, and further discussions addressed key issues, almost in Athenian style.  Things were accomplished.

The same is true at the national level.  Too many unwieldy interests, motivated by entitlement, are pitting themselves against one another.  My father told me to never regard the “other side” as an enemy, to be vanquished, but rather as a teaching unit, to which I do best to listen, and to expect them to listen to me.

The “what” and the “how” do not need to be at odds with one another, ad nauseam.  Perfect is Good’s younger sibling, and needs the example borne out first.

The Road to 65, Mile 295: Where I Stand, Part 1

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Posted by on in Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals

September 18, 2015, Prescott- One thing about transitions, there are small stretches of time when money is tight, communication gets garbled and difficulties ensue.  I was raised to work through them, and so it is, right now.  I have had a few confrontations with people, both online and in real time, over the past three days.  In each case, rather than start World War 10,000, I have chosen to rely on my intuition, as to what the other person(s) was/were getting at.  One is simply a snarky, and somewhat abrasive, individual who enjoys a good comeback.  A few of those have defused that mess.  Another wants to know whether I have just moved on.  That is really up to that person.  I am still here, and as said earlier, I will not impose myself on anyone who seems to want to be left alone.  Another individual doesn’t want anyone who doesn’t drink, and doesn’t seem to have much money, in his establishment. (It is a restaurant, not a bar, per se, so the clientele ought to be mixed).

I sense the mood in this town is changing.  Hipsters tend not to like anyone who isn’t strutting their cash, and I see more hipsters around, over the past few months.  I haven’t had much money, over the past six years or so, though that is about to change, albeit gradually, and modestly.  I will be EARNING a living wage, starting next month.  Life will be more on an even keel.

I’m not going anywhere, though.  My son is in San Diego, until the end of next year, at least, and I have a growing number of friends in Los Angeles. Prescott is six hours from San Diego, seven from LA, and proximity rules.  I still have a good many friends here, even those with whom I seem to be having misunderstandings.  I am also very much enamoured of a place where I can walk just about everywhere that matters, and drive to the rest of the places, in a half hour or less.

In the next several posts, I will be commenting on points made by Chief Phil Lane, Jr., who heads up a spiritual retreat in Surrey, BC, as to the development of a spiritual community.  His heartfelt and well-considered tenets could be applied in a good many settings.  I stand in a circle, where heart, patience and intuition matter.

The Road to 65, Mile 294: Battles

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Posted by on in distraction issues, Inner Struggles

September 17, 2015,Prescott-

The wounded advance,

Towards the distracted,

equally bleeding foe.

The battle is chimeric,

Quixotic, of unknown origin.

These battles always are,

It seems.

How did we get here?,

Asks the target of his wrath.

What does that matter?,

Snarls the knight errant.

The battle is joined,

and I shall be the victor.

What are the spoils?,

Asks his erstwhile friend.

What does that matter?,

Fumes the attacker.

The battle is joined,

and I will be the victor.

Soon he stood,

Above the prone figure,

Savouring his pile of ashes.

The Road to 65, Mile 292: Triggers

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Posted by on in Inner Struggles, Personal goals

September 15, 2015, Prescott-  Most of you know I am mildly autistic, and have struggled with being in situations where I must mingle with strangers, especially if they themselves are reserved.  Talking with people on the phone is worse, and I usually try to be as specific and brief as possible, on that medium.

Today, I worked with a class of emotionally-handicapped children, with plenty of adult assistance.  A child in the room is severely autistic and has serious outbursts, on occasion.  Today, he had several, all handled very well by his one-on-one assistant.  Dealing with him, per se, did not trouble me.  The whole scenario, however, did trigger some feelings of reduced self-worth in me.

I was never outwardly aggressive or raging, as a child- preferring to withdraw from my surroundings, in times of conflict, and work things out in some sort of fantasy realm. When I left the school, at the end of the day, I found several of those old ghosts were revisiting me.  The difference now is, I have plenty of friends on social media sites, and several friends in my Faith group, here in the Prescott area.  I am less certain about people outside my Faith group, but I realize that part of that is my own tendency to shrink back, when feeling awkward.

Triggers, I have learned from reading “The Peaceful Warrior Collection”, are signals that more work is needed on those issues. The biggest one is my own perception that, to at least three people I have regarded as friends, around here, I am little more than a nuisance, and so I have stopped communicating with them altogether.  It’s one of the things on which I must work, internally.

The Road to 65, Mile 289: Breathe In Bliss

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Posted by on in collaborating, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal goals

September 12, 2015, Prescott- Several things happened today.  One of my brothers turned 60.  I made my usual morning visit to the Prescott Farmer’s Market, and had my usual cup of coffee with a sweet treat.  After buying a few vegetables, I encountered my good friends, Happy and Johnny.  Since they had a booth at the Market, with foraged goodies from a nearby forest, I spent close to an hour, talking with them, nibbling on things like manzanita berries, sweet acorns and prickly pear fruit.  I even peeled and sliced a prickly pear fruit- if you ever get the chance, first double check the rind for small spines.  I caught a  tiny nub of spine in my finger, but got it out, without any hassle.

This afternoon, lunch was a grilled hot dog, courtesy of a Recovery Group, so I gave them a small donation.  Soup from Shannon’s Deli also filled the bill.  I went to a memorial service, in mid-afternoon, for the parent of a friend.  So many elders have left this year- and many babies are coming, to take their places in this world.  I was pleased to see at least seven infants and toddlers, in various places.  They are all so busy.  I wonder, at what do we start to lose the focus we had as infants, mastering mobility and as toddlers, absorbing so much data about the world all around us.

Happy says, “Breathe in bliss”.  I notice that, no matter the constraints put on me, I can do that.  Breathing mindfully clears a lot of tension and confusion.  It can have an effect on those in one’s immediate surroundings, as well.  I am as at peace, right now, as I was when at Tuileries, in Paris, or walking a trail in El Dorado Springs, Colorado.

Sadly, it doesn’t affect everyone.  I lost a friend, this evening; but as I heard her voice fading, over the phone, and said my goodbye, a strange calm came over me, and I sat, in perfect stillness, for several minutes.  A message came to me: “You are a threat to no one, and if they perceive you as such, perhaps it is a reflection of their own view of the Universe.”

Breathe in bliss.  Doors are opening.

The Road to 65, Mile 287: Shakra Shuffle

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Posted by on in Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Spiritual

September 10, 2015, Prescott-  The day found me back at work with a disabled boy, and my mother turned 87, a fabulous age, in my book. She went line dancing, which does my heart good.

Mom has always taught us to show compassion, to put others first.  So it has gone, and it has been to my benefit also- because of the Shakras.  Indian medicine tells us there are seven shakras, or regions of energy concentration, in and around the human body.  The first, in the genitalia, deal with personal survival.  The second, in the lower viscera, focus on sexuality and creativity.  The abdominal region focuses on personal power and discipline.

Most of us fond ourselves going back and forth from these “lower” areas of focus, even while priding ourselves on “higher” pursuits.  A couple of years ago, I set out on a spiritually-focused journey, only to fall apart at the seams, midway through, and had to regroup and move forward, once again.

In 2014, whilst in Europe, I found myself more and more focused in the area of the fourth shakra- that of transpersonal love. You guessed it: The fourth shakra is in the region of the heart and lungs.  This is said to feel like the most satisfying, because it is here that service is the main focus.

There are three higher shakras, however, and I was reminded of them, whilst reading a couple of other chapters of “Sacred Journey of the Peaceful Warrior”, which recounts Dan Millman’s experiences in Hawaii and Japan.  A Native Hawaiian healer reviews the shakras with him, calling them floors in “The Tower of Life”, a term first used by Sallie Nichols, in the book “Jung and Tarot”.

The fifth shakra, centered in the neck, is focused on pure inspiration and spirituality.  I’ve been in that state a few times.  Perhaps you have, too.  The sixth, focused in the cerebrum, is called “Pure Light”, communion with the Spirit.  It is no surprise to me, that my messages from the Spirit Realm have come either in dreams, or in waking visions, when I am not concerned with the business at hand.

The seventh shakra is not even in the body. It is in one’s aura, directly above the head, and features Pure Spirit, with no ego left.  This, to me, is the meaning of the Zen teaching that nothingness is the highest state which one may attain.  Being one with the Universe is its manifestation.

As I said earlier, most of us go back and forth, between the first four or five shakras.  I’ve been blessed to have experienced #6, and I know many others who have, as well. To be in one of the higher states, most of the time, is fulfillment.  To handle the lower urges, and get back to spiritual progress, is the norm for me, more and more often.  That said, I think I can wait a while for Shakra #7.  There are too many people about whom I care deeply.

The Road to 65, Mile 286: Flexible

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Posted by on in Inner Struggles, Personal goals

September 9, 2015, Prescott- When I arrived at school, this morning, I had a feeling the day would be different.  Thirty minutes later, I learned that my immediate charge would be absent today.  After about fifteen minutes in the front office, it was decided I would assist the teachers’ clerk. So, my day was spent photocopying, collating and stapling.  Much was accomplished in those areas.  I don’t do well with sitting around idly.

Some people were amazed that I was doing this,but being flexible is one of the things that come with being the eldest of five children, growing up in a house that was originally meant for four people, and there were seven of us.  Being flexible is one of the things that come with being an educator in a state that is only slowly coming to realize that the welfare of children is more important than tax breaks for private prisons, or perks for office holders.  The first example is one I treasure.  The second is one I value, but for the sake of those children,  I wish it were not so.

Flexibility of mind is a definite challenge to ego.  Without it, though, I would never have left alcohol behind, never have pursued, and entered, into wedlock, and certainly would not have settled down. Flexibility of mind, and of heart, is the ground floor of my salvation.

I think these things as we continue into another silly season of electoral politics.  With Aviici, I am wont to say, “Wake me up when it’s all over”.  That wouldn’t be flexible of me though, would it?

The Road to 65, Mile 285: Kombucha and Quixote

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Posted by on in Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Literary criticism, Personal goals, Slow Food Prescott

September 8, 2015, Prescott- I have a couple of pieces of starter for kombucha.  It is a sort of fermented tea that, combined with organic, unrefined sugar, and mixed with the starter, will be a very strong digestive aid. Penny and I made it, around 2006-7, and used it for both of our abdominal well-being.  I will do this again.

This, and milk-based kefir, were the topics of a Slow-Food Prescott gathering, this evening.  Of course, there were a wealth of GMO-Free and organic dishes, as part of the festivities.  Given the pressure that our U.S. House of Representatives, and various conservative judges, around the globe, are putting on us to force the public to buy Genetically-Modified products, I think we need to have more events like this, to safeguard our health.  Someone asked, not long ago, if I would go to jail for my beliefs.  This is one area where I would do so.  No one tells me what to eat.

I heard on the radio that this year marks the 400th Anniversary of the publication of “Don Quixote de la Mancha”.  Miguel de Cervantes wrote of the consequences of a belatedly examined life, and of how a man’s not living his dream, until late in life, leads to so many bouts of foolishness.  Don Quixote’s idealization of the chivalrous life is not so different from the modern day fascination with Super Heroes. I was surprised, as an adolescent, when none of the Classics Illustrated comic books, which I relished, included a version of “Don Quixote”.  I didn’t read the novel until my third year in university, and I read it in Spanish.

I wonder at times, whether all we do to counteract the power structure in this world is actually a tad quixotic.  My heart, though, tells me “No, keep going.  Our children deserve a better, less materialistic system.”  So, onward I will tilt my lance.

The Road to 65, Mile 284: Treasured Hearts

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Posted by on in Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals

September 7, 2015, Prescott-

Mild goes the day,

With grilled meats and light rain.

Friends’ hearts beat loudly,

From both near and far.

Some happy, others forlorn,

I treasure all, for none have I scorn.

The wish I have,

To be there for all,

Sits like a chimera,

Fleetingly, atop the wall.

The Road to 65, Mile 282: Destiny

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Posted by on in Inner Struggles, Matters of Faith

September 5, 2015, Prescott- 

Pregnant with destruction, Madame Death lurks

Taking so many, in a single bound,

Young and old,

Rich and blameless,

Light and dark.

Pregnant with promise, Lady Life follows

Honest and tenacious,

Shaken, but certain,

Strong and persevering.

This is for my friends who mourn, and curse, and wait for a glimmer of hope.

I love you all, so much.