The Road to 65, Mile 295: Where I Stand, Part 1

Posted by Sagittarian Seeker on September 19, 2015 in Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals

September 18, 2015, Prescott- One thing about transitions, there are small stretches of time when money is tight, communication gets garbled and difficulties ensue. I was raised to work through them, and so it is, right now. I have had a few confrontations with people, both online and in real time, over the past three days. In each case, rather than start World War 10,000, I have chosen to rely on my intuition, as to what the other person(s) was/were getting at. One is simply a snarky, and somewhat abrasive, individual who enjoys a good comeback. A few of those have defused that mess. Another wants to know whether I have just moved on. That is really up to that person. I am still here, and as said earlier, I will not impose myself on anyone who seems to want to be left alone. Another individual doesn’t want anyone who doesn’t drink, and doesn’t seem to have much money, in his establishment. (It is a restaurant, not a bar, per se, so the clientele ought to be mixed).

I sense the mood in this town is changing. Hipsters tend not to like anyone who isn’t strutting their cash, and I see more hipsters around, over the past few months. I haven’t had much money, over the past six years or so, though that is about to change, albeit gradually, and modestly. I will be EARNING a living wage, starting next month. Life will be more on an even keel.

I’m not going anywhere, though. My son is in San Diego, until the end of next year, at least, and I have a growing number of friends in Los Angeles. Prescott is six hours from San Diego, seven from LA, and proximity rules. I still have a good many friends here, even those with whom I seem to be having misunderstandings. I am also very much enamoured of a place where I can walk just about everywhere that matters, and drive to the rest of the places, in a half hour or less.

In the next several posts, I will be commenting on points made by Chief Phil Lane, Jr., who heads up a spiritual retreat in Surrey, BC, as to the development of a spiritual community. His heartfelt and well-considered tenets could be applied in a good many settings. I stand in a circle, where heart, patience and intuition matter.

The Road to 65, Mile 293: Transition

Posted by Sagittarian Seeker on September 17, 2015 in Education, impediments, Personal goals

September 16, 2015, Prescott- Someone remarked to me, online,this evening, that my generation is finished and that I should get in my “slot”, with regard to working with youth. I know enough about this person to understand that he was just trying to get a rise out of me. It didn’t work, in that way, but it did strike me as ironic,as did his plaint that I was “bouncing around too much”.

The irony is that I have entered a five-year period of relative settlement, following four years of “bouncing around”. At a time in life when many people, especially those in the Western countries, almost demand that we retire from work, and berate those who don’t, I am returning to a regular work schedule. The reasons are two: First, I am not ready to leave the world of education behind. Second, another Western value is that we remain independent and do not burden others, financially.

I recently read of a woman, age 100, who is still working as an educator. I applaud her! In my case, I plan to work until age 70, take a two-year sabbatical of focused travel, then return to work for three more years or so. I think 75 will be a good age for me to stop gainful employment, but I don’t know as I will ever occupy a “slot”, determined by others. Conversely, I don’t ever presume to think I will know what is best for others.

So, as my transition back to having a room full of children as my daily, and long-term, responsibility begins, and I get acquainted with my students, starting next week, I ask the gadfly, and all others who look askance at those of us who do not go gently into that good night, to stay tuned. I have lots left.

The Road to 65, Mile 292: Triggers

Posted by Sagittarian Seeker on September 16, 2015 in Inner Struggles, Personal goals

September 15, 2015, Prescott- Most of you know I am mildly autistic, and have struggled with being in situations where I must mingle with strangers, especially if they themselves are reserved. Talking with people on the phone is worse, and I usually try to be as specific and brief as possible, on that medium.

Today, I worked with a class of emotionally-handicapped children, with plenty of adult assistance. A child in the room is severely autistic and has serious outbursts, on occasion. Today, he had several, all handled very well by his one-on-one assistant. Dealing with him, per se, did not trouble me. The whole scenario, however, did trigger some feelings of reduced self-worth in me.

I was never outwardly aggressive or raging, as a child- preferring to withdraw from my surroundings, in times of conflict, and work things out in some sort of fantasy realm. When I left the school, at the end of the day, I found several of those old ghosts were revisiting me. The difference now is, I have plenty of friends on social media sites, and several friends in my Faith group, here in the Prescott area. I am less certain about people outside my Faith group, but I realize that part of that is my own tendency to shrink back, when feeling awkward.

Triggers, I have learned from reading “The Peaceful Warrior Collection”, are signals that more work is needed on those issues. The biggest one is my own perception that, to at least three people I have regarded as friends, around here, I am little more than a nuisance, and so I have stopped communicating with them altogether. It’s one of the things on which I must work, internally.

The Road to 65, Mile 291: Pending

Posted by Sagittarian Seeker on September 15, 2015 in distraction issues, Personal goals, Service Activities

September 14, 2015, Prescott- First, my apologies to friendly readers- Heath Muchena, JoEllen Coney, Starman Jones, Richie Salgado and Michel Fauquet. I found your lovely comments in my Pending file, which has been ignored even longer than my Flickr site. I have cleaned it up and approved all of your comments.

I am sad to hear that another Xanga friend, Sister Mae, has died. She was a rock-solid friend, when I was on the old network. I hadn’t heard from her, on Xanga 2.0. Now, I know why.

My new position is three weeks away. I worked today on a one-day post and will do the same tomorrow. There ought to be several other posts, this week and next, in the run-up to Fall Break, which will see me enjoying a bit of the high country. I haven’t decided exactly where,yet, but I know it’ll be in-state.

Choices, we make and choices we own. In accepting the charter school position, I had to decline a Red Cross post. I think that position will go to someone who has actually worked in Social Services. Several other changes, vis-a-vis my weekday schedule, will come about, after October 12. I own those, also.

My erstwhile tendency to walk off and leave things hanging came to me in a dream, last light, with Penny warning me that this is a feature of mine that I should relegate to the past. Yes, I have made a world of progress, in that respect. Focus is improving, day by day.

Someone commented this afternoon, that I have “bedroom eyes”. Yikes! I thought we had left that term in the scrapheap of shallowness. Since this person is not within my age-range, I will take it as a misguided compliment, and leave it at that.

It is nice to be appreciated, and it is nice to have a few things- pending.

The Road to 65, Mile 289: Breathe In Bliss

Posted by Sagittarian Seeker on September 13, 2015 in collaborating, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal goals

September 12, 2015, Prescott- Several things happened today. One of my brothers turned 60. I made my usual morning visit to the Prescott Farmer’s Market, and had my usual cup of coffee with a sweet treat. After buying a few vegetables, I encountered my good friends, Happy and Johnny. Since they had a booth at the Market, with foraged goodies from a nearby forest, I spent close to an hour, talking with them, nibbling on things like manzanita berries, sweet acorns and prickly pear fruit. I even peeled and sliced a prickly pear fruit- if you ever get the chance, first double check the rind for small spines. I caught a tiny nub of spine in my finger, but got it out, without any hassle.

This afternoon, lunch was a grilled hot dog, courtesy of a Recovery Group, so I gave them a small donation. Soup from Shannon’s Deli also filled the bill. I went to a memorial service, in mid-afternoon, for the parent of a friend. So many elders have left this year- and many babies are coming, to take their places in this world. I was pleased to see at least seven infants and toddlers, in various places. They are all so busy. I wonder, at what do we start to lose the focus we had as infants, mastering mobility and as toddlers, absorbing so much data about the world all around us.

Happy says, “Breathe in bliss”. I notice that, no matter the constraints put on me, I can do that. Breathing mindfully clears a lot of tension and confusion. It can have an effect on those in one’s immediate surroundings, as well. I am as at peace, right now, as I was when at Tuileries, in Paris, or walking a trail in El Dorado Springs, Colorado.

Sadly, it doesn’t affect everyone. I lost a friend, this evening; but as I heard her voice fading, over the phone, and said my goodbye, a strange calm came over me, and I sat, in perfect stillness, for several minutes. A message came to me: “You are a threat to no one, and if they perceive you as such, perhaps it is a reflection of their own view of the Universe.”

Breathe in bliss. Doors are opening.

The Road to 65, Mile 286: Flexible

Posted by Sagittarian Seeker on September 10, 2015 in Inner Struggles, Personal goals

September 9, 2015, Prescott- When I arrived at school, this morning, I had a feeling the day would be different. Thirty minutes later, I learned that my immediate charge would be absent today. After about fifteen minutes in the front office, it was decided I would assist the teachers’ clerk. So, my day was spent photocopying, collating and stapling. Much was accomplished in those areas. I don’t do well with sitting around idly.

Some people were amazed that I was doing this,but being flexible is one of the things that come with being the eldest of five children, growing up in a house that was originally meant for four people, and there were seven of us. Being flexible is one of the things that come with being an educator in a state that is only slowly coming to realize that the welfare of children is more important than tax breaks for private prisons, or perks for office holders. The first example is one I treasure. The second is one I value, but for the sake of those children, I wish it were not so.

Flexibility of mind is a definite challenge to ego. Without it, though, I would never have left alcohol behind, never have pursued, and entered, into wedlock, and certainly would not have settled down. Flexibility of mind, and of heart, is the ground floor of my salvation.

I think these things as we continue into another silly season of electoral politics. With Aviici, I am wont to say, “Wake me up when it’s all over”. That wouldn’t be flexible of me though, would it?

The Road to 65, Mile 285: Kombucha and Quixote

Posted by Sagittarian Seeker on September 9, 2015 in Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Literary criticism, Personal goals, Slow Food Prescott

September 8, 2015, Prescott- I have a couple of pieces of starter for kombucha. It is a sort of fermented tea that, combined with organic, unrefined sugar, and mixed with the starter, will be a very strong digestive aid. Penny and I made it, around 2006-7, and used it for both of our abdominal well-being. I will do this again.

This, and milk-based kefir, were the topics of a Slow-Food Prescott gathering, this evening. Of course, there were a wealth of GMO-Free and organic dishes, as part of the festivities. Given the pressure that our U.S. House of Representatives, and various conservative judges, around the globe, are putting on us to force the public to buy Genetically-Modified products, I think we need to have more events like this, to safeguard our health. Someone asked, not long ago, if I would go to jail for my beliefs. This is one area where I would do so. No one tells me what to eat.

I heard on the radio that this year marks the 400th Anniversary of the publication of “Don Quixote de la Mancha”. Miguel de Cervantes wrote of the consequences of a belatedly examined life, and of how a man’s not living his dream, until late in life, leads to so many bouts of foolishness. Don Quixote’s idealization of the chivalrous life is not so different from the modern day fascination with Super Heroes. I was surprised, as an adolescent, when none of the Classics Illustrated comic books, which I relished, included a version of “Don Quixote”. I didn’t read the novel until my third year in university, and I read it in Spanish.

I wonder at times, whether all we do to counteract the power structure in this world is actually a tad quixotic. My heart, though, tells me “No, keep going. Our children deserve a better, less materialistic system.” So, onward I will tilt my lance.

The Road to 65, Mile 284: Treasured Hearts

Posted by Sagittarian Seeker on September 8, 2015 in Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals

September 7, 2015, Prescott-

Mild goes the day,

With grilled meats and light rain.

Friends’ hearts beat loudly,

From both near and far.

Some happy, others forlorn,

I treasure all, for none have I scorn.

The wish I have,

To be there for all,

Sits like a chimera,

Fleetingly, atop the wall.

The Road to 65, Mile 281: Misogyny

Posted by Sagittarian Seeker on September 5, 2015 in Personal goals

September 4, 2015- I grew up in a very hedonistic decade. It became second nature for me to first notice the physical attributes of the opposite gender, from the time I was eight. This was pretty much how it continued for me, until I was married, and noticing other women struck me as extremely rude.

Even so, I also grew up with a sense of profound respect for those girls and women whose intellectual and spiritual attributes equaled or exceeded anything physical. My mother, aunts and sister have always been well-spoken and mannerly, which added to the threshold of the type of woman to whom I was drawn, and Penny fit every category. She assessed me in much the same way, and our marriage was one of equals.

I thought of these things, whilst reading more pages of “The Way of The Peaceful Warrior”. Dan Millman puts forth a farcical tone, with regard to his attraction to women and, almost like the lead male characters in other ’60’s period pieces, he wanders from one pretty woman to another. He thus faces one comeuppance after another, despite his spiritual progress.

Awhile back, a reader came on one of my posts and chortled, in a rather hostile manner, about what a misogynist I was, for over-using the term “beautiful”, with regard to women. Objectifying, among people of both genders, is a rather deep-rooted aspect of many people’s lives, but it hardly is akin to hatred.

Nonetheless, I have gone deep into my psyche, to look at this matter and to actively work at building more depth to my friendships, beyond what I was already practicing and to see each friend, regardless of gender, as a person who is far more than what she or he first presents. This is, after all, what sustained my marriage, and what now must sustain all my relationships.

Misogyny and misandry are harsh words, as is racism. The three terms, I’m afraid, are bandied about, almost too indiscriminately, both by hurt people and by those, such as my erstwhile critic, who would manipulate them and whip up a reactionary frenzy. We all have work to do, in both gender relations and race relations. I am making progress, and am delighted by the friendships I have both made, and strengthened, over the past few years. More than likely, my angel approves.

The Road to 65, Mile 279: The Sky Is No Longer A Limit

Posted by Sagittarian Seeker on September 3, 2015 in Inspiration, Personal goals

September 2, 2015, Prescott- Wayne W. Dyer passed to the Spirit Realm on Saturday. In my early, and some fitful, attempts to make sense of my then-tortuous life, I read two books recommended me by a paternal uncle: Thomas Harris’s “I’m Okay, You’re Okay”, and Wayne Dyer’s “Your Erroneous Zones”. I might have done well to re-read the latter, during the decade 2000-2009. It would have saved a lot of erroneous behaviour.

Dr. Dyer never gave up on humanity, or on himself, purging his body of leukemia, via natural toxin-flushing diet and exercise, and a regular meditation and self-accounting, leading to needed changes in his daily routine. It didn’t hurt that he lived for many years on Maui, but no place is perfect, and everyone needs to take responsibility for him/herself. Wayne Dyer did so, with a most intense elan.

I choose to remember him with a particular quote: 2. “If you believe it will work out, you’ll see opportunities. If you believe it won’t you will see obstacles.” This has been the driving force of my life, over the past four years, starting with the moment that I was seemingly left with next to nothing, in September, 2011. He was right; it worked out, and will continue so.

Wayne W. Dyer approached his impending death, early last month, by saying he was looking forward to the journey. May he shower us all with waves of opportunity-recognizing energy.