Category Archives: Personal goals

The Road to 65, Mile 242: Friends Are Us

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Posted by on in "sibling-ish", collaborating, distraction issues, impediments, Personal goals, Social

July 28, 2015, Prescott- Get used to this byline; most of my posts, especially during the week, will be “Prescott”.  I tend to get more free-wheeling with these, as my travel blog readers disappear.

More about the topic of friendships:  A friend in another state recently said same-gender friendships are very important (partly in response to my comment about having a large number of women friends).  The choice is not apples or oranges.  It’s a healthy mix of the two.  When I socialize with groups of people, there are men, with whom I discuss some aspects of life; women with whom I discuss other aspects of life; and “mixed” groups, where the conversation is general. None of these are confined to “safe” topics.

My best friend, for thirty years, was my late wife.  We had no secrets, kept no grudges and worked together on just about everything.  My next-best friend was a man, with whom I could also discuss just about anything, over the 31 years we knew one another.  He was also very honest, in a loving way and guided me through some very rough patches after Penny’s passing.  Mike could say “No, you don’t!”, when acquiescence would have easier, but less authentic.

I have many friends, around the continent, and a few in Europe, Australasia and southeast Asia, with whom I can discuss a variety of topics, get honest feedback and correct things as I need to.  I am also here for them, in that way.  This list is not a gender-heavy or age-heavy roster.

There is one woman friend, here, with whom I am collaborating on a venture.  Our friendship is more “sibling-ish” than anything else, with plenty of free-wheeling discussion and any illusions either of us had of romance were dispelled early-on.  Were she to meet a good man, tomorrow, and at long last have a life relationship, I’d be the first to congratulate.  There was a time in my life when I had to deal with distraction issues.  Over the past year or so, especially since having visited Europe, I see these issues for what they are:  Impediments to real friendship.

I guess it’s largely a matter of maturing, and clearing one’s inner eye.

The Road to 65, Mile 241: Unbound

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July 27, 2015, Prescott- As I sat in my living room recliner, this morning, my upstairs neighbour assumed his usual stance, midway up the stairs, and stared at me through the window, for a few minutes, then went on his way, when I nodded at him, with a slight smile.

A bit later, I checked e-mail and found a rather officious note from a friend in another community, instructing me as to how I was to do a certain task, with which he is loosely involved.  I also noticed some people getting on another friend’s case, for the way she was dealing with a recent loss.

One of the odd things about being in a relatively unstratified society is that many of us create our own stratification, with ourselves atop the fray.  I am uncomfortable, any more, with coming across as a Know-It-All, or as some sort of ad hoc authority figure sitting on an imaginary Ivory Throne.  There have been times when I was inclined to stick my nose in others’ business, and none of those has ever ended well.  Likewise, I am very much disinclined to accept adjudication from anyone other than the police, the administration of the Baha’i Faith, my landlord or a legitimate supervisor on a job in which I’m engaged.

Years ago, we left South Korea, rather than submit to the supervision of a self-styled “CIA agent”, who turned out to have no ties to the Central Intelligence Agency, which was not at all pleased with his ruse.  He had cultivated friends in high places in the Korean hierarchy, though, which made things rather uncomfortable for us. I have had run-ins, a few times since then, with self-appointed authority figures.

Our son has described Penny and me as “free spirits”, and to some extent, I still am, even with her being in the Spirit Realm.  I don’t have much, other than my own well-being, with which to tend, though a situation is looming in the background, later this year and into next, which could be a game-changer.  I will have more to say about that, as time goes on.  For the present, though, I feel unbound, free to accept any task or opportunity that comes my way, so long as it is not impoverishing or leads me to become a burden to others.

The Road to 65, Miles 239-40: Random Thoughts On A Lazy Weekend

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July 25-26, 2015, Prescott- There was, on purpose, little on my agenda this weekend.  I went to a devotional gathering on Friday night, and caught up with my Chino Valley friends.  The meal is always great.  Actually, I end up with two meals, as the Veterans’ Potluck, where informal attendance is taken, happens the same night as the devotional.  I have the heart, and a discretional-enough eating habit to attend both events.

Saturday gave me time to think, long and hard, about friends.  I know who the true ones are, here, online and in other parts of the country.  Those who have come and gone, at least meant well, initially-but fear, personality differences and age gaps can put a damper on any number of friendships. I was glad to have spent time with my faithful friends in California, Nevada, and Oregon and to have made a few new friends here and there in Alaska.

I have an outside chance to work for the Red Cross, though the word is that the folks in Washington already have someone picked out for the vacancy.  We will carry on, regardless.

This morning, (Sunday), I sat and bantered with the Old Major for a bit, then joined my Baha’i friends at Goldwater Lake.  It’s a fine, wooded, fishing reservoir, south of town, and we have gathered there, once a year, for a Cowboy Breakfast.  I don’t have leather boots or a Stetson, but I did bring the sausages for grilling.  One time, a couple of years back, I brought my solar oven along.  We tried toasting bread in it and ended up with sliced hard tack.  Heck, that’s part of a chuck wagon, right?

Book wise,this summer, I have finished Mr. Penumbra’s 24-Hour Bookstore, Crota, Death and White Diamonds, The Fortune Cookie Chronicles, and Looking for Alaska, and am a bit more than halfway through Seven Years in Tibet.  I‘ve mentioned most of these before, but making a total list looks a bit better.

I have developed a habit of deleting most e-mailed requests for money.  Along the same lines, I am getting rid of my land line phones, soon, since the only calls I get on them are from solicitors.  My true friends and family all have my cell # number.

It was a nice weekend- little noise and the Second Wild Woman of the West, who frequents the bar & grill next door, wasn’t throwing any temper tantrums.

The Road to 65, Mile 238: What Now?

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July 24, 2015, Prescott- I had little time, this morning, to ponder the title question, as there was an urgent service event taking place, from 9- 1.  About forty of us gathered in the assembly hall of United Methodist Church, to fill backpacks for students from grades K-12.  School supplies, as many are aware, are a major expense for households and we were fortunate to have over $ 1,000.00 worth, from backpacks to pencils, donated for distribution, both by individuals and companies.  In addition, several hundred books were donated, by various corporations.  Half the group were us Baha’is, which further gratified me.

It is a lovely season, here in central Arizona.  I will have some time, before school starts, to help where needed with the Red Cross and Yavapai County Angels.  These opportunities will, of course, be available during the year, as well, though I will be also about the business of replenishing my resources.

Some have gotten the notion that I am primarily just a guy who runs hither and thither, photographing people, places and things, visiting historical sites and hiking mountains, canyons and beaches.  That is part of who I am, but it can hardly stand alone, in anyone’s life.  Indeed, except for about a dozen close friends, most of the people I have met this summer will not give me much thought, and several, I may never see again.  That doesn’t make the experiences any less memorable.  I will treasure each day spent in Nevada, California, Oregon, Washington, Idaho, British Columbia and Alaska- just as I treasure each day here.

A friend spoke recently of “destination addiction.”  I remember, years ago, reading of a man from Italy, who had not been home in ten years, and had been so many places, with so little time to absorb each new experience, that he snapped, and was in the care of the Libyan National Police, spending his days staring into space, and mumbling.  Such a fate could not be more terrifying.

I will leave Yavapai County only once in August, to visit some long-lost friends in Hopi, an indigenous area about 100 miles northeast of Flagstaff.   Fall might afford some hiking opportunities, here and there- but not more than a day’s drive from base. The Christmas and New Year holidays will find me visiting family, but as an independent member of the brood.  I find I am altogether more settled, as many would expect, after four years of rather frenetic road trips and a European jaunt.

They have taught me, though, that I am a worthwhile person, that I can survive on my own, that I can make mistakes in my relationships with others, sometimes dreadful ones, and recover, with a major lesson learned.  I don’t need everyone’s approval, and there were a couple of people on the road, this summer, who made it clear that I was far from welcome to visit them. That was fine, because there were a vast number of others who were glad for my presence.  I take advantage of no one, and no one takes advantage of me.

The Road to 65, Mile 230: Birthdays Matter

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Posted by on in Personal goals, Social

July 16,2015, Prescott-  I treated a good friend, (one of my besties),  and her daughter to dinner this evening, since it was bestie’s birthday.  Back in New England, a birthday is ever the occasion for the honouree to be so treated, and to choose the venue, within reason.  So, I have continued this tradition, over the years, for Penny and for our son. Aram.

One’s entry point into this life establishes the chance to be of value, to an entity greater than oneself:  First the immediate family; then friends and neighbours, followed by ever-wider communities.  This, alone, is worthy of respect and nurturing.

In our culture of independence and relative anonymity, it’s easy for a person to feel like no one cares much.  Most of the time, this isn’t true.  We tend to have more friends, who care more about us than it seems outwardly.  There are all manner of distractions, and external pressures, both real and imagined.

My own answer to this has been to be more proactive about expressing my friendship.  Sometimes, because of the depth of my feelings, this has been misinterpreted and I’ve had to backpedal a bit, for the sake of the endurance of the friendship. It started to happen with the friend mentioned above, but with clear and gentle communication, things are where they need to be.

So, her birthday matters, as does her daughter’s, a few months down the road.  Their dreams and plans are more in focus, with the stock-taking that happens at the beginning of each year.  In my own case, this is one of the reasons I am doing this series of posts.  Some years seem to be clearer milestones than others, but each one is of value, and is crucial to one’s total life experience.

The Road to 65, Mile 229: “Looking for Alaska”

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Posted by on in Literary criticism, Personal goals, Social

July 15, 2015, Prescott- Summer is road time, and also, reading time.  Heck, all time is reading time, for me.  Maybe that’s why so many of my  friends tend to be women.  We share a love of reading, and thought, and caring.

Alaska Young was a fictional character, yet larger than life.  John Green presented her as a blend of every schoolboy’s dream, every teacher’s model student and a nightmare in her own mind.  What a mind, though!  In a literary-real world mashup, I’d have taken a very quick liking to Ms. Alaska.  The wit, the razor-sharp intellect and the take-no-prisoners swagger, blended so deeply with her self-doubt, her vulnerability- which no male classmate saw, made for one of the most searing characters I have ever encountered.

A real life friend remarked this evening that men and women are tasked with trying to understand one another, precisely because we are fundamentally different.  Yes, men and women; young and old; wealthy and impoverished; landed and homeless; across “racial” and ethnic lines; differences of sexual orientation; differences of temperament; differences of opinion- all such barriers must be crossed.  Spaceship Earth is a Mashup of universal proportions.

Yet, Alaska Young, seen first by her boy peers as a gorgeous creature, was a toweringly complex being.  So it is with each of us.  A thoughtless man, just a bit more than a year ago, called me a woman-hater, for having used the word “beautiful” too many times, with reference to women.  Beauty is far beyond physical, though.  Without a shining, searing spirit, bursting from the eyes, the most appealing of symmetric features lose their allure, in a flash.  Alaska Young’s deeper appeal was her Force of Nature aura.  This was a woman who did not miss a trick, and but for her angst, her guilt, she would have conquered the world.

Each of us is given the goods, and the burden.  Shall we not use the former, to cast off the latter?

The Road to 65, Mile 227: Integrity

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June 13, 2015, Prescott- I looked at a few, rather superficial, aspects of my life in the last post.  Now, it’s time to look again at how things are in the inner circle of my being.  Most of us would define integrity as one’s behaviour when no one but God is watching.

I’m doing better in that area.  I no longer fuss and fume, internally, when people I thought I could trust, turn on me, as happened yesterday on another social media site.  I know there are definitely people I CAN trust, to the direst of straits and back-starting with myself, and everyone to whom I alluded as family, in a recent post.  I no longer doubt myself, when it comes to the ability to do what I need to do to survive.  The issues with my Nissan took care of that.  I no longer make how people treat me as the determining factor in whether I should help them or not.  Lastly, I no longer feel that I need to explain myself to my critics, especially when it comes to dealing head-on with unpleasant subjects.  No problem has  ever been resolved by sticking one’s head in the sand.

There is much to be done, in getting this spirit of mine in condition for the Great Beyond.  I sense, though, that I have a lot of time left to get it accomplished.  Integrity is our mirror, to be polished each day.

The Road to 65, Mile 226: The Measure of A Man

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July 12, 2015, Prescott- I went to the high-end downtown shoe store, yesterday, to be properly fitted for a more stylish pair of black shoes, which will stand me in good stead in the workplace, this coming academic year.

I learned that my feet were different sizes, and that the size I had been buying for the past twenty  years, no longer fit.  I have experienced late-onset foot expansion (my term), with the left foot being larger than the right, to boot (no pun intended).  So, I settled on a size 10 1/2 pair, and will replace the smaller pairs, one at a time, until my shoes are in compliance with Foot Reality.  This, of course, means that my sneakers will be larger, by week’s end.

It got me to thinking:  How do I measure, in other ways.

Health-wise, my teeth, which could be replaced by a full set, are stable, and I won’t worry about the full set unless it becomes a deal-breaker, in an otherwise budding relationship.

That brings me to the notion of relationships.  We’ve discussed this here before, and almost ad nauseam.  I am in a good place, right now, and have several fine friendships with women, based on mutual respect and regard for each other’s well-being,  just as my friendships with men, or with children, happen to be.  None of us sees any reason for that to change, and several of the several are in good marriages, or other committed relationships.  Those who aren’t, are happy being where they are.

I am honest, by nature, and almost to a fault.  This sometimes causes problems with people who communicate with circumlocution, or roundabout speech, subtle hints, etc.  I never was very good at that, even when an offended party screams at me or slams the door, as has happened a few times.  I have to be true to my own soul, though I do make an effort to be gentle about it.

Work-wise, I finish what I start.  So, once this academic year gets on, I will be very conscious of doing all that’s needed to ensure the success of any students with whom I happen to work.  A commentator on another post suggested “take the money and don’t concern yourself too much with the outcome.”  That may be the person’s way of “avoiding burnout”, but to me, it is a recipe for crashing.

I will continue to measure myself, in various ways, knowing that the path should always be, as Jack Kornfield wrote, “with heart”.

The Road to 65, Mile 224: Light of the World

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July 10, 2015, Prescott- Today, we Baha’is observed the 165th anniversary of the Martyrdom of al-Bab.  On July 10, 1850, the Persian government, at the behest of powerful clerics, conducted the execution of Siyyid Ali-Muhammad, given the title al-Bab “The Gate”, in Arabic.

Briefly, He was Forerunner to Baha’u’llah, the Founder of our Faith.  Al-Bab challenged the orthodoxy of Islam, noting how far it had strayed from the Teachings of Muhammad.  He called for the purification of the human heart, as an essential prerequisite to the dawning of an Age, in which the human race would become unified, and would enjoy the Kingdom of God on Earth, as promised by Jesus the Christ.

This won Him the allegiance of thousands of Persians and Arabs, and the admiring notice of many Europeans.  It also won Him the enmity of those whose vested interests were threatened by such a call to change.

The execution did not proceed without a hitch.  Al-Bab warned his captors that He would not depart this life until He had completed certain matters, with his secretary.  They took Him out to the killing plaza, anyway, and He was joined by a young man, who insisted he be allowed to die, alongside al-Bab.  The firing squad commander, who was Christian, pleaded with al-Bab that he not be forced to complete the execution.

Al-Bab responded, “Follow your instructions, and if your intention be sincere, the Almighty is surely able to relieve you from your perplexity.”  Thus did it transpire, that the volleys were fired, and when the smoke had cleared, al-Bab and his devotee were found, not dead on the ground, but alive, and with al-Bab in a room with His secretary, completing His business!

Once this was finished, al-Bab and the young follower submitted to again being escorted to the execution zone.  This time, a Muslim commander ordered his regiment to carry out the volley.  The bodies of the al-Bab and His devotee were fused together, with only their heads untouched by the bullets.

With the complicity of the prison yard’s guards, some other followers of al-Bab spirited the remains out of the area.  These were carried, from place to place, in secrecy, for 59 years, until ‘Abdu’l-Baha, the eldest son of Baha’u’llah, placed them in a vault, in a crypt on the slopes of Mount Carmel, near Haifa, in what is now Israel, in 1909.  The remains so rest, today, in the magnificent structure, known as the Shrine of Al-Bab, or “The Bab”, as He is called, in English.

I view this series of events as further evidence of the re-appearance of Divine Light in the world, just as it appeared at the time of Christ, before that, in the times of Moses, Krishna and Buddha, and after that, in the days when Muhmmad walked the Earth.  That mankind chose half-measures, in embracing the Teachings of these Sacred Beings, does not take away from the efficacy of those Truths.  God is nothing if not patient, though.  He certainly has been so with me, and is no less so with the human race as whole.

The Road to 65, Mile 222: Obfuscation

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July 8, 2015, Prescott- 

A little verse, because I am tired, vexed, annoyed with certain people.  Thankfully, they are far from here.

You summon me

To follow my baser passions

And when I say,

“No, I’m good”,

you say “Hater!”

Muddy the waters.

Turn the tables.

Doesn’t make you right.

Truth, will come out,

like sunflowers in autumn.