Category Archives: Personal goals

The Road to 65, Mile 48: Trust

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January 15, 2015, Prescott- A little bird told me today, that my trust had been broken, and quite egregiously.  Details would only dignify the insult, so I am going to be brief and succinct about the overall picture.  The foundation of all relationships is trust.  When I have, in the midst of my own suffering and confusion a few years ago, hurt a very dear person emotionally, it took a long time to make amends, and I would not blame my friend if I had been completely cut off.  On that occasion, though, I was like a bull in a china shop.

There is a difference when one abuses my trust, and stealthily acts as a Trojan horse, to curry favour with a third party.  That sort of misbehaviour only magnifies the matter and amplifies my annoyance.  Keener intuition than mine figured it out and let me know.  We are advised, in the Baha’i Writings, not to bare our necks to a wolf.  So it will be, and I have cut off contact with the individual.  Diseased thinking requires quarantine.

The Road to 65, Mile 47: First Come, First Served

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January 14, 2015, Prescott- Those who know me in Prescott, know I have been paying back the kindness of strangers from 2011, by taking a man who is down on his luck from one place to another, over the past four weeks, as my own obligations allow.  It’s worked for him, thankfully, though he’s run into one road block after another, in trying to secure a residence.  My lease doesn’t allow me to put up anyone who doesn’t have a domicile of their own, but he’s been in out of the cold, one place or another, elsewhere.

The man has tried to obtain government assistance, only to be told that others worse off are getting priority.  Yesterday, we came within five minutes of getting him a rental, only to be pushed aside by another person flashing a wad of cash.  This was not exactly a case of the Golden Rule of Greed:  “He who has the gold, rules”.  It did get me to thinking, though.  Competition, real or perceived, has been the source of so many divisions in the world, from time immemorial.

This, to me, comes from a scarcity mentality coupled with a personal sense of urgency.  I have fallen for both unfortunate fancies, which of course ended with blaming the other, raging against “the system” and hiding in a corner.  I am reading a book called “The Slight Edge”, by Jeff Olson.  In the chapter I read most recently, it’s pointed out that one may take either of two approaches to a failure or setback:  Move forward and try again and again, as an infant does when learning to walk, or move backward, and settle for obscurity.

In reality, there is enough to go around.  Some may have to wait for a re-supply of certain things, be it money, a certain kind of food, a particular model of car or a job.  The necessities of life, however, do, from my experience and observation, appear to those who are persistent and proactive.  That may sound like balderdash to those who are suffering.  Look around, though, and examine three things:  1.  How much are you doing to further your own well-being and how flexible are you in doing so?  2.  If there is a roadblock, is it something artificial or bureaucratic?  If so, have you explored all ways around, under, over or through the barrier?  Have you met the bureaucrats involved, starting with the low person on the totem pole, and working upwards as needed?  3.  Are there, in fact, other people who are more in need than you, and are you prepared to wait your turn, within reason?

I have had to recognize this fact:  God and the Universe meet everyone’s needs.  That we can’t all have what we  want, simultaneously, but do have our needs met in a timely fashion (unless we interfere in the affairs of the Celestial), is a logical result of living in the physical frame.  The queue is a democratic, and fair, system.  It is worth honouring.

The Road to 65, Mile 44: “Pay Attention”

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January 11, 2015, Prescott Valley-  Autism is rarely depicted on the big screen.  We may see it on television, via at least one of the characters on the series, “Scorpion”.  Film, though, implies a consistent flow of action.  We who are autistic are prone to periods of calm and inaction, often accompanied by silence- hardly the stuff of a major box office success.

I joined a group at a Screen Actors Guild viewing of “The Imitation Game”, last night.  As this was a private viewing, there was none of the First Look, previews of coming attractions, or sitting afterwards to check out who played what part, as the credits roll.  There was a solid cast of British thespians:  Benedict Cumberbatch, in the lead, supported well by Keira Knightley, Matthew Goode, Charles Dance and Mark Strong.

The voice-over at the beginning admonishes the viewer to “Pay Attention”, all the more vital, given the slow pace of the film, during the first two-thirds of the story and the constant flip-flops, from one time period to the next.  I devoted myself to do just that; the task was made easier by the presence of another man, who had exemplary command of detail.

I was primarily interested in how an autistic like Alan Turing would be portrayed. Mr. Cumberbatch mastered both the autistic behaviour and the non-flamboyant homosexuality of Dr. Turing.  As his long-suffering assistants, Ms. Knightley and Mr. Goode reminded me of the best of my friends from youth and early adulthood.  My wife largely carried me out of the fog of the Spectrum, much as Ms. Knightley’s character, both as his sham fiancee and as a genuine friend, managed to do, with Dr. Turing.

Attentiveness is a huge deal for someone like me.  Having worked so hard to be in the moment and stay out of the fog that’s in my head, I tune out the extraneous, and quite readily now.  If I am engaged in an activity, the phone goes to vibrate- or increasingly, totally off.  If I am working, the rest of life gets checked at the door.  If I am on the trail, everything on all sides, above and below, gets brought into my awareness, as part of the natural experience.  If I am driving, I get irritated by any demand from a passenger to “notice ME and what I want”.  The road, and my fellow drivers, have my full attention.  Texting or talking on the phone, while behind the wheel, are foreign to me, especially since I am no longer a caretaker.

Pay attention- a good way to stay out of trouble, I’d say.

The Road to 65, Mile 43: Wild

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Posted by on in Hiking and Nature, Personal goals

January 10, 2015, Prescott-  It has been, and remains, a dream of mine to hike at least one of the great north-south trails that grace our country.  Before the need to replenish my coffers arose, I had a plan to traverse the Appalachian Trail and Pacific Crest Trail in back-to-back years, 2018-19.  For various reasons, this particular pair of endeavours will wait until I am in my seventies- and it’ll happen, along with some other treks, during that decade, unless the Universe decrees otherwise.  Since this change of plans occurred to me in a dream-like state though, several weeks ago, I think it’ll hold.

Last night, I watched “Wild”, with Reese Witherspoon as the wild child who was tamed by the PCT.  As many of my travels have been inspired by visions of my late wife, so was Cheryl Strayed’s time on the Pacific Crest Trail spurred by thoughts of her mother, who had died of cancer, a few years before.  I could identify with her disquiet, on a number of levels.  Though I never had a serious hard-drug problem, and my alcohol abuse was history well before our marriage, the serious lapses in judgement and difficulty with forming attachments that Cheryl displayed had parallels in my own life, and as recently as 2013.  The PCT tamed her inner beast (shadowed as it was by the fox in the film).  Extensive journeys around North America in 2011-13 and the northwest of Europe, as well as across the eastern Pacific, last year, brought my poisonous remnants to the surface and have established more clarity of vision.

Cheryl Strayed found stability afterward, in marriage and motherhood.  My own renewed stability is forming, not necessarily with another intimate relationship, but with the distinct possibility of finally taking charge of, and seeing through, a service-oriented project that will provide a modest and adequate income. Add to that the extra security offered by wellness advocacy, and the six years left of this decade will lend more credence to “Age is nothing but a number”.

The Road to 65, Mile 41: Solar Flares

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January 8, 2015-   My energy lagged today, and so, it seems, did that of many others.  I always have to use slightly extra essential oil on these days.  Several people reported similar energy lags, sicknesses and other mood letdowns, over the past few days.  I read on Yahoo, earlier today, that there has been solar activity of late, and that this may be a determining factor in much of the energy lags.

Of course, just it being ridiculously cold can explain most of the ennui.  Here, though, the days are quite mild, in the low to mid-fifties during the day, and bracingly brisk in the mornings.  So, I will go, somewhat, with the solar explanation.

The connectedness of the Universe brings with it various flows.  There is a lot I don’t know about quantum mechanics, so I will leave it at this:  I have had deep dreams, and waking ones, in which I am in another realm.  The beings there imparted to me a sense of distance from everyone here with whom I am close.  Yet, it was not an unpleasant distance, just a means for me to see them as creatures of intense individuality, and that they are okay, even when I’m not here.  Likewise, I will be fine in a different dimension.

That said, I don’t have any health issues, nor do I feel a sense of impending doom.  If anything, the challenges of my life, such as they are, are being met and my network of support and friendship is growing every day.  Hope the solar flares subside, though, so that well-being is more widespread than it’s been, so far this week.

The Road to 65, Mile 38: Warp Speed

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January 5, 2015, Prescott- I arose at 5:30 this morning.  A voice that seemed like my late youngest brother’s called my name, inside my head, and I decided it was time.  Annoyance at perceived pressure from a needy person, who had CHOSEN to live on the streets, “because nothing else is working”, but has been frequently calling me for assistance- usually when I was out of town, was the immediate impetus.  I was well rested, though, and so showered, groomed, dressed, had breakfast and called my AM prayer partner, to confirm our session.

Today was not a work day, per se, being the first day back to school from winter break.  There won’t likely be a need for any subs until at least later on in the week.  There was plenty to do, though.  After prayers, the aforementioned needy person was met across town, and taken to a medical facility. He was more pleasant this morning, though, so I was not as annoyed.

The afternoon brought a planning meeting, a bit of blogging, beginning the application process for a position in which I’m interested.  An errand of mercy led into the evening.  Now, here I am, thinking about the messages I have been getting about this year.  Things are ramping up to warp speed.  Life will happen at a pace to which I am not particularly accustomed.  There may or may not be full-time work; may or may not be travel from one end of North America to the other; may be a solid Disaster Preparedness Program built by me, or by someone else; may be five days a week of substitute teaching in a larger number of public and charter schools.

It will all mean greater flexibility and more focus, on my part.  It will mean things happening more rapidly, and with less advance notice, than in years past.  It’ll all work out, thanks to essential oils, Planet Fitness and a rapidly growing number of both real-time and online friends, who are dedicated to addressing the deeper implications of what’s happening in the wider world, events which are gearing up- to warp speed.

The Road to 65, Mile 34: Within the Realm of Possibility

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Posted by on in Personal goals, Social, Travel

January 1, 2015, Prescott-  Bet you thought I’d never catch up.  Well, the Moveable Feast that was 2014 is a springboard to endless possibilities, this year.  I said farewell to  several friends, family and admired public figures:  Norman Fellman, Richard Keffer, Bill Warden, Steve Archambault,Brooke Bohner, Dane Mc Donald, Ginny Stobie, Helen Fellman, Howard and June Moxham,Bob Wittmann, Mardy Taylor, Norman Hansen, Mary Chrisos, Jack Harper and a few of whom you may have heard:  Pete Seeger, Eli Wallach, Robin Williams, Lauren Bacall, Edward Herrmann,  Joe Cocker, Luise Rainer, Bob Hoskins, Christine Cavanaugh, Phil Everly, Dave Madden, Jack Bruce, Ann B. Davis, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Shirley Temple, Johnny Winter, Mickey Rooney, Sid Caesar, Paul Revere, Maya Angelou, Ruby Dee, Ralph Waite, Mike Nichols, Joan Rivers.

They have each moved on, and are in the Gallery, cheering us on,  as we navigate the challenges before us.  My path forward, this year, will soon come to a fork in the road.  One turn would take me to a full-time position with a non-profit.  Then, my free-lance travel will be limited, but I will be constantly on the road, making sure Disaster-Preparedness programs are in place, throughout northwestern Arizona, and that volunteers are receiving training, and are feeling appreciated.

The other turn would lead me to work as a substitute teacher in more schools than I am, at present.  It would also continue my going to such places as I sense the Universe wants me to go.  The one constant, on both paths, will be my using, and educating people on, essential oils.  These have made a significant difference in my life and in my health.

So, stay tuned.  2015 will be another tumultuous ride.  It started slowly today, with a few errands and a young friend’s birthday.  Tomorrow, I visit and hike with my son, in the Phoenix area, and head up to Las Vegas, for a visit with friends and to Valley of Fire, on Saturday & Sunday.  Then, it’ll be time to get serious again.

The Road to 65, Mile 32: Time Is On Our Side

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December 30, 2014, Prescott-  This is the sort of day, in between a lot of hoopla, when it’s just good to take a deep breath, do some errands, and make some soup-in anticipation of tomorrow’s storm.  I spent some quality time with friends, this evening, and we were given little to do for this bi-weekly spiritual gathering, other than recap the high points and themes of last weekend’s Grand Canyon Baha’i Conference.

On calm, relatively uneventful days, it’s tempting to leap into the future, in mind and heart.  Here’s the deal, though:  The future, being full of a range of possibilities and challenges, might cause the skittish to run for cover, the way the idiots on Wall Street are doing today.  The future does not belong to such as these.  It can only be owned by those who move ahead with confidence, and wave to the cowards hiding behind their little rocks.  It can only belong to those who are grounded.

We were told, repeatedly, last weekend that this is the Age of Responsibility.  Those who raise children to think for themselves, and develop their innate talents to the fullest extent possible, will be rewarded with the marvels those young people accomplish.  Those who own up to their actions and statements, both good and bad, will have the best chance of capitalizing on their achievements and of learning from their mistakes.  So, time,like other resources, can be either a source of infinite bounty, or it can be a leaden albatross, dragging its bearer into a dark pit.

I believe time is on the side of the former.

The Road to 65, Mile 28: Transformation Begins Here

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December 26, 2014, Phoenix-  Every spiritual quest has a beginning, middle and end.  The mid point of my present journey was in Truth or Consequences- quite a surprise, as I had figured on being in the mountains by then.  The Universe has much figured-out, that it only reveals to us in layers.  A snarky commentator on another Word Press site, angrily disputed the notion that we need focus on the Present.  My take is that without that focus, the Future he so adamantly says SHOULD be our focus, presents itself as a chaotic jumble of unclear choices.

I am now in Phoenix, attending the 30th Annual Grand Canyon Baha’i Conference, so named because this is the Grand Canyon State.  It is apropos in another way, as well.  Here, we can collectively delve into a wealth of spiritual and social issues.  Perhaps fortuitously, a major focus this year is our relationship to finance- both personal and communal.

I recognize that, before my own financial house gets seriously in order, which my heart tells me is about to happen, I need to complete some unresolved aspects of personal spiritual transformation.  The humility part is down, and the discipline part is getting there.  Tightening up on occasional use of coarse language, always done in trusting private, is definitely necessary now.  Dropping “F-bombs”, even in a state of righteous indignation, is like popping a bag full of coal dust.  It impresses few, and doesn’t do much to better a situation.  So, you might say this is my early “New Year’s Resolution”.  In that regard, what few such resolutions I make, I tend to keep.  Making vows to self, and not keeping them longer than a few days or weeks, is the wicked sibling to greeting a newly-opened gift with “Just what I always wanted”, or dismissing a compliment with a sneering “Oh, THAAANK you”.

Transformation is like the journey itself. it never really ends.  Even after our spirit and body bid each other farewell, the spirit moves on and on, and the body greets its friend, the soil, repaying Mother Earth, or in the case of cremation, the life-giving atmosphere, for having sustained it for so many years.  The spirit never stops growing- even after plateauing a while, the move forward resumes.

I was reminded of this tonight, as the great Van Gilmer, a Gospel and Spiritual artist of the first magnitude, led his equally-accomplished adult children, and an impromptu choir of Phoenix-area singers, in a rousing set of songs from those hand-clapping, foot-stomping, and supremely energizing genres.  “I made my vow to the Lord, that I never will turn back.  No, I will go, I shall go, to see what the end is going to be.”  This is what Christ called the “The end that shall have no end.”  So, it continues- the end of 2014 is fast approaching.  The beginning of 2015 comes swiftly thereafter.   I must be ready, and I will go, I shall go.

The Road to 65, Mile 27: The Finest of Yules

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December 25, 2014, Vail, AZ-

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When I finally got my phone plugged in, this evening, and was able to have a decent conversation with my mother, we each agreed that the other had done a good job of parenting.  We also gave credit to our now departed spouses.  The finest gift one could ever get, regardless of the occasion, is consistent love from a parent.

Some say it’s the parent with whom one shares gender, who is the most crucial influence in life.  I found the influence of both to be critical to my survival and happiness, over time.  I know Penny valued both of her parents, and her father loved his three girls, with all the paternal ardor he could muster.  Penny poured her heart and soul into raising our son, as did I.  What sparked this in my mind, was seeing a photo of a young man playing a video game on his phone, with his two daughters very close to him, and looking very glad that their Daddy was with them.

People can do all sorts of things that are positive, with their children.  Most of the messages I have received from people today about their family time, yesterday and today, have been positive and full of gratitude.  There are a few tales of conflict and strife, mainly from the victims of selfish and unhappy parents.  Those tales pain me, especially when I think of how much my parents did to make our lives joyful, and I know it wasn’t easy for them, a good many years.

I spent a marvelous Christmas Eve and Day with a couple of wonderful friends, just east of Tucson.  This is the first day in a while, that I don’t have a boatload of photos to unleash on you, my faithful readers.  Just know that enjoying a meal prepared by a woman who can barely eat anything, is worth all the buffets in all the casinos of the world.  Eating fresh-baked biscuits, as is, was one of the best breakfasts ever. My friend and I went out for lunch, he hoping to find a Chinese buffet.  We found a small place which prepared off the menu, and did even better, meal-wise, than we might have at a buffet.  The relaxation that I enjoyed the past two days was a huge Christmas gift.

So, too, was speaking with my Mom, after all these years, one of the best friends I could ever want.  She doesn’t feel old, and that does my heart fabulous.  Hope a fine Yule was had by you,but if not, look to the New Year.  Sometimes, Happy can’t be summoned within a given time frame.