Category Archives: Social

The Road to 65, Mile 105: Bullies

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March 13, 2015, Chino Valley- When I was growing up, there were two kinds of bullies in my life, neither of them overly prominent. The first type were those of low self-esteem, who sought to spread their misery among scrawny, unathletic kids like me. The second were Type A’s, kids, and a few adults, whose intentions were honest- to “help me reach my potential”. They were overbearing, though, when more patient encouragement would have worked better.

I thought of them this evening, as eight adults and a child were having a dinner time conversation on the general topic of bullying. The little girl said she didn’t get bullied much, but she stood her ground when she was and defended others, when they were being harassed. Several of us pointed out that criticism is a life-time thing, as each of us has different perspectives on any given topic and each of us has areas of insecurity.

I would occasionally find myself wandering into bullying territory, but each time it felt awful and I pulled back. The whole tender-heart thing won, in the end. Once, I even had a dream, when I was about 19 or so, of having the opportunity to kill a brutish tyrant. I couldn’t bring myself to do it and offered him mercy, instead. The surprised brute limped away and didn’t seem to be in any mood to bother anyone after that.

I know many will read the above and think, “Yeah, sure. A leopard does not change its spots.” We’ve seen how that works- Saddam, after the First Gulf War; various dictators, after assassination attempts gone awry. I have also seen bullies’ hearts change, usually after their own insecurities get mended. In fact, I can’t think of one of my tormentors who, having grown up and taken on a wider view of things, still harbours anger and a twisted desire to inflict pain. In real world terms, I guess I am more exception than rule, but people do outgrow their misanthropy.

Bottom line, for now: Human hearts can change. It most often takes patience, and the example of understanding, mixed with firmness of resolve, to turn a tormentor into a friend.

The Road to 65, Mile 104: Stubbornness

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March 12, 2015, Prescott- I got a good rest today, it being still Spring Break until Monday. Having a base to which I may return is always a comfort. I will likely be free from a short-term obligation, after tomorrow, and will be able to take on more work, until summer comes around. That will make me a familiar face in the local charter schools, as well as the public institutions.

I am, by nature, a flexible soul. There are certain things about which I won’t budge, but all in all, I believe, as I said earlier, in going with the flow. I am finding a few people, one of whom would like to depend on me, to a large extent, to be quite stubborn,when it comes to avoiding responsibility for their own lives and making necessary changes.

I suppose that’s human nature. We get comfortable and expect things to stay the same, in perpetuity. To me, though, not monitoring a situation and adjusting, as needed, is the lowest form of selfishness. No one can live, fully, as if others don’t have a right to their own lives and dreams. This selfishness comes out, of course, in everything from theft to road rage.

No one is entitled, pure and simple, to anything that belongs to someone else, be it possessions, dreams, or, in the case of someone outside the family, time.

The Road to 65, Mile 101: Insensitivity

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Posted by on in Social, Travel

March 9, 2015, San Diego- All in all, today was a lovely day in this, one of my favourite cities. I had a nice visit with my brother, who had come from the Atlanta area, for a fortnight’s worth of business. Our talk ranged from his intermediate term plans to my own long-range goals. Basically, our conclusions were that each of us should be happy and responsible- and that the two were complementary to one another.

After he left, to go back to his work for the day, I pondered the whole matter of why some folks just can’t put themselves in another’s shoes, as we siblings do for each other, all the time. It could be upbringing, or it could be a character defect-as with several people I have met over the years, as well as recently.

I drove from Mission Bay, where I had met with my brother, to Seaport Village, a pleasant collection of shops and restaurants near Embarcadero Park. After getting a couple of pastries and a coffee, to be enjoyed later, I stopped and listened to an a capella choir of nine young men, who were singing a potpourri of popular songs from the ’50’s and ’60’s. They did each song justice, ranging from The Platters’ “Only You” to The Four Seasons’ “Sherry Baby”. After an hour or so along Embarcadero, I met up with Aram, went back to the pad for a rest and then we went over to L & L’s Hawaiian Barbecue, for simple and fabulous island fare.

My after dinner browsing brought forth two disturbing cultural insensitivity incidents. One, at Santa Barbara Community College, was a promotion for a group of engineering students having devised a rather tacky looking tipi-like structure, with windows, out of which a couple of the kiddies were leaning out, and grinning for the camera. This has brought reactions, ranging from eye-rolling to loud calls for dismantling the structure.  I believe it is “playing Indian”, and some gentle, but firm, cultural lessons are in order. We are no longer in the 1950’s.

Across the Atlantic Ocean, and in Rome, two Americans were definitely not doing as the Romans do. They carved their initials in a section of the Colosseum, and were promptly detained by the Caribinieri. I like that. We are in a global society and do need to treat each nation’s treasures, as they are indeed our own.

ISIS is cultural and historical insensitivity, writ large. Extremists, the world over, long to demolish mankind’s historical legacy- and a good deal of our present-day humanity along with it. It goes without saying that decent and noble people have to stand up to these maniacs. It is foolhardy to excuse them, as some have done, by saying “Well, they are just doing what’s in their hearts”. BALDERDASH! They have become disconnected from their hearts. There is no way the Assyrian historical record should be gone from us, as so much of it has, in recent days. Where they will stop is really up to the international community, at this point.

Insensitivity only bolsters walls which need to be brought down, and the remnants made into bridges and roads.

The Road to 65, Mile 99: Bloody Sunday

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Posted by on in Personal goals, Social, Travel

March 7, 2015, Banning- In July, 2011, I happened by Selma, AL, and spent a day walking around the city, crossing the Edmund L. Pettis Bridge, looking over and seeing the Alabama River, which, miraculously, did not claim any lives on March 7, 1965, though humans took the lives of other humans, over a period of three weeks. I spoke with a ranger at the Selma Civil Rights National Historical Site, who noted that race relations were a tad better now than they were during the immediate aftermath of the turmoil. Paying my respects at the Viola Liuzzo Memorial, near Hayneville, I pondered that people change their behaviour at the behest of outside influences, such as the government, but not until their hearts change, are the objects of their disdain even remotely safe.

We have made some progress, in getting along, over the years. There are more people of colour in my hometown of Saugus, MA, than when I was growing up. I was raised not to think disparagingly of others, based on race, much less to speak so. Quite frankly, I felt as shocked and disappointed when Malcolm X (who my father thought was making good changes in his life) and Martin Luther King, Jr. were executed. Yes, both, in my mind, were acts of officially-sanctioned murder- as the assassinations of John and Robert Kennedy probably were, also.

People in Prescott, my current home, are outwardly accepting of others, regardless of race. Yet, I have it on good authority (from a racist-in-recovery, no less), that many in the town are still emotionally stuck in the 1950’s and ’60’s, if not in the Jim Crow Era.

To say that we are all racist, to some degree is an overstatement- and a dodge. Everyone does need to work on raising their consciousness level, but that applies across the board, not just with respect to how we deal with those of other ethnicities and pigmentation.

I am spending tonight in Banning, a city in western Riverside County, CA. Banning had serious trouble during both Los Angeles riots, though it seems to have quieted quite alot, in the few times I have been here since 1992. Quiet,though, does not necessarily mean peace.

I would be overjoyed to see people interact positively with each other, regardless of background, on a regular basis. I do see more of that with Millennials and Post- Millennials, and hope and pray that this will remain a lifelong habit for those generations- and that the rest of us remember the idealism of our own youth, and ponder just what it is that has deflected that idealism. We’re not done growing, yet.

The Road to 65, Mile 98: Past Square One

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March 6, 2015, Prescott- Two events that occurred today, made me think of the need for perseverance. The individual whom I’ve been helping, these past four months, made a heartfelt solicitation of work this morning, while we were heading back to his campsite, to retrieve my car and other items he had left in the area. We had circled around the park, so as to determine a closer route to his campsite, in forming his game plan for this evening. This made going around the long way to my car, necessary. He took interest in a home that was in serious disrepair, and seemed to connect with the owner, and to have obtained work. After I left them to discuss their business arrangement, one disagreement after another ended up derailing the whole thing.

The second was an e-mail from a prospective employer of mine, which had been stalling on calling me for an interview. The message essentially said that those in whom the employer was interested, had already been called, and interviews were being set up. Since none of those was yours truly, I will move on and contact the area charter schools, after Spring Break, so as to add to my job options, besides Prescott and Chino Valley Public Schools.

I spent the better part of today listening to my de facto client, working through some of his long-standing issues. Some of these got in his way, in today’s effort to find work; others have just made him miserable for a lot longer. While I remain a solitary figure, by choice, a balance is being struck with the legitimate needs of those around me. The person with whom I am working right now does have serious boundary and transference issues, and it has taken the patience of Job, at times, to maintain my life of choice. I think he is coming to understand me, and respect my choices.

The silver lining is that he has gotten me to take care of a few practical organizational matters, which I might otherwise have continued to blow off. There is value in all things.

The Road to 65, Mile 96: Security

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March 4, 2015, Chino Valley- I got to use a smart board today, for the first time since leaving Dysart Unified, in 2011. The Title I students were pretty much self-motivated, so it was not a hard day. One incident took place early on, though. A couple of boys decided to tease one of the girls by hiding her cell phone. After a bit of banter, the girl started to shake, and cry. The phone came back to her, when I intervened.

Of course, use of cellular phones in school is for educational purposes only- no texting, no selfies. The teens are actually pretty good about following this rule. I thought about what would make a 15-year-old melt down, over the momentary loss of a phone. The answer is- lack of connectedness. We saw  here, last week, how many adults lost it, when the Internet was down, along with land line phones. Combine such a momentary disconnect with being on Green Card status, and being new to the community, with minimal English skills, and yes- Shattered.

This is another aspect of forgetting who we are, and who everyone with whom we come in contact is. No matter whether native-born, legally immigrating, or of sketchy legal status, there is no point in isolating anyone from their loved ones, save solitary confinement of the adjudicated deadly menace. Even then, there is a proviso for occasionally showing the light of day.

I was glad to see her later on, feeling happy and secure.

The Road to 65, Mile 95: A Place for Everybody

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March 3, 2015, Chino Valley- About 1:30 PM, as my students of the day were working on a lesson about contractions (the grammar kind), a little boy walked in, quietly took a seat and pulled his coat over his head. I patiently coaxed him to take the coat off, and asked if he would like to work on the same lesson as the other students, having determined he was a Special Needs student and only in the room for a short time.

The Inclusion Specialist was with us for that hour, so after a few minutes of saying it was not his regular lesson, he walked over and joined her small group. He did just fine, writing the contractions along with the three other children, and proudly brought the paper to me for review. After a few extra minutes in the group, he was off again- back to his self-contained class. This time, he walked with confidence.

Education, these days, is developing a penchant for several pathways: Besides the neighbourhood/wide area school, and its long-time alter ego, the private school, there are charter schools, computer-based academies and home schooling. The idea of one size fitting all is going by the wayside. There are many upsides to the idea of education being a bazaar, of sorts.

The point that matters most, though, is the mindset of the educator. Having been brought up to include everyone who happens by, in whatever I am doing at the time, whenever possible, the idea of marginalizing or of outcasts, leaves me rather cold. Especially with children, the circle must embrace and raise up those who might easily be forgotten or displaced. It doesn’t take all that much effort, and for the Post-Millennial generation, it is the most natural thing in the world to encourage those viewed in former times as misfits and outcasts.

I was reminded of this again, this afternoon, while reading a post from another blogger about the haughtiness of some in a tony suburb, in another state, and how easy it is for them to draw tight lines around their social circle. Perhaps adulthood, such as it is, can have this effect on people- but who is the more mature, in such a situation?

The Road to 65, Mile 93: Fun and Games

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March 1, 2015, Prescott- The most tempestuous month of the year dawned, much like a lion, with rain all day and a hint that snow might be in the offing later on. Of course, what we get here in Arizona pales compared with what has befallen the eastern two-thirds of the country, over the past three months. Our washes are rushing at capacity, and some roads are closed as a result. Still, I am on the Red Cross Watch Team, and have not received a call to action, as yet this weekend.

March is also a time when I get the bad news on the tax front, but at least I have five weeks to pony up. There are always consequences to fun and games, such as my long journeys abroad last year. This year will have to be toned down, a lot, and more time spent around the home area, hardly a bad thing when home is within the parameters of the Southwest.

What one does for fun does not have to be cleared with anyone else, so long as nobody else is getting hurt and the cost of the enjoyment doesn’t fall on anyone else’s shoulders- sort of a corollary to the whole thing about choices. I love the outdoors, so being on a trail somewhere is my ideal relaxation. I also enjoy gatherings of friends or family. Others, as I hinted, are well-entitled to do whatever they wish, for as long as they wish.

I say this because we seem to have entered a time when people feel they must justify everything they do, in the face of criticism, real or perceived. There will always be those of different mindsets. They will often express their opinions, and usually at a time when one feels vulnerable. I can only say, keep on with what you are doing, and pay your naysayers no mind. That is, unless those naysayers are your dependents, or your significant other, and they have needs that may interrupt the joy of the moment.

Life is short, regardless of its actual span, so I hope all will keep plenty of time for your relaxation of choice.

The Road to 65, Mile 92: Balance

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February 28, 2015, Prescott- Over the past several days, we Baha’is have been participating in Ayyam-i-Ha, the gift-giving days signaling the approach of our liturgical year’s end. We then will fast for the final month of the year, at least those of us who are between the ages of 15-70, and whose physical circumstances do not pose a risk to health.

During this time, people have indulged in a bit of fol-de-rol, online, regarding a certain multi-coloured dress. I’ve weighed in on the matter, tongue in cheek, and see no harm in such activities. All the same, the heinousness of many, around the world, also continues. Angry, misanthropic men indulged themselves in the wanton destruction of ancient treasures, in a museum of Mosul, Iraq, much as they savage Christian and Muslim alike, in the territories unfortunate enough to have fallen under their control. The same process repeats itself in northern Nigeria, western Myanmar and pockets of the resurgent nation of Somalia. No one in those places is safe.

Here at home, a human monster is using a motor vehicle as a weapon, aiming it at other drivers, striking their parked vehicles and generally trying to instill fear in a peaceful neighbourhood, towards God knows what end.

Every community has to deal with the unbalanced. For me, it is well that I have personal faith and its various avenues towards achieving balance in my life. I am grateful for my friends and family, for the essential oils and organic foods that have kept me out of harm’s way, physically, over the past year or two. It’s a tough row to hoe, being mildly autistic yet capable of holding positions of responsibility and, most importantly, being able to see other people’s point of view.

The Hopi world view was presented, nearly thirty years ago, in a film entitled “Qoyaniqatsi”, or “World Out of Balance”. Man’s departure from the world of nature was a central theme of this film. Nature, by itself, struggles to maintain balance, and by itself is generally successful in that regard. Humankind can maintain balance, in itself and with nature, only by following physical and natural laws, of which “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” is the most basic. To achieve and maintain balance, one must feel connected with all things.

It is the disconnect that many have felt, for some time, that underlies the savagery we see, continuously, in so much of the world. There are no easy answers to resolving the rage of Islamic State, Boko Haram, the Burmese Buddhist extremists, al-Shabab or any of the bullies who who cause distress, to a lesser extent, in communities around the Earth. There is, however, a slow process of regeneration taking place, simultaneous to the destruction. Balance will be restored, and in one state of being (physical or spiritual), each of us will see it.

The Road to 65, Mile 91: Fervour

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February 27, 2015, Prescott- A university education is pretty much seen as a right, in this day and age- albeit a right that has elements of privilege, including payment of one’s own tuition. In the Islamic Republic of Iran, however, this right is denied members of my Faith: Baha’i. There are various ruses and pretexts for this government policy, but the bottom line is: Baha’i has no clergy, which the mullahs, hojatoleslamim and ayatollahs take to mean- “You’re fired!”. Given their track record, would that were the case.

In reality, however, we Baha’is respect the right of other Faiths to maintain clergy, as long as the members of those Faiths regard them as necessary. We just have a system of elected assemblies, to handle our administrative affairs, with individuals being responsible for their own spiritual growth, through daily prayer, meditation and study of Scripture.

This has never gone over well with those for whom a career in the Cloth entails making relatively large sums of money, as well as amassing considerable personal power. Such a blur between the sacred and the profane exists in Faiths other than Islam- It was a wealthy Hindu priest who arranged the assassination of Mahatma Gandhi, after all, and it remains that the Vatican is a repository of vast wealth. Yet, no opponents of Baha’i in countries outside Iran’s sphere of influence have gone to the extent of denying us basic human rights.

This evening, sixteen of us gathered in a large room at Yavapai College, on the east end of town, and viewed a film entitled “To Light A Candle”. The persecution of Baha’is began with the emergence of Baha’u’llah, our Faith’s Founder, in 1853. It was pre-dated by the persecution of the followers of Baha’u’llah’s immediate Predecessor, Al Bab (Arabic for “The Gate”), from His Declaration, in May, 1844, through the 1840’s and ’50’s. This persecution, rife with torture, imprisonment and death, continues to this day.

It’s largely about money and power, as all religious pogroms are, in essence. Common believers in Islam are duped into participating in the carnage, by appealing to their religious fervour and tailoring sermons to include lies and half-truths. This is nothing new- commentary on Scripture is frequently filled with gibberish and fabulism. We have only to recall the medieval Inquisitions and “How many angels dance on the head of a pin?” Christianity, however, has not, for the most part, gone in for savagery, since the Age of Enlightenment.

It’s time for a new Enlightenment, with people of goodwill and sincere devotion to truth leading the charge. Baha’i represents individual investigation of truth, and devotion to the concept of Progressive Revelation. As do all other human institutions, religion progresses gradually. Attempts to bring humanity backwards invariably lead to heartache and suffering, all of it unnecessary. Look for example, at the plight of the Assyrians and Chaldeans, in Iraq. They are kindred to us Baha’is, and deserve the support of every righteous soul.

“To Light A Candle” is being shown in various locations across the planet, over the next several weeks. It is worth seeing and pondering, regardless of one’s Faith.