Yesterday was my mother’s actual 85th birthday. We had no group events planned for today, just those of us who love her most either called or went to see her. I did the latter.
In the course of our two-hour conversation, I realized that this is the first time I have EVER talked with the woman who gave me life as one adult to another. She asked me how I was doing with my grief over losing Penny. I told her I was in the state of acceptance. She asked me about my friendships with other women. I told her I felt close to one person, as a friend, that this woman is very nice and had had faced and overcome several challenges. After bantering to me about how she thinks I should be looking for a SugarMama, who will shower me with money and good things, my mother got serious again. She agreed with me that any future relationship would be built step-by-step, and would be the outcome of a friendship built slowly and carefully, over time.
Mom said that, when the man who was her best friend came into her life, two years after Dad passed on, the man seemed breathless, desperate for her love and attention. Gradually, he calmed down, and took her as a friend, on her terms. Mom asked me whether I ever felt desperate.
I had to be honest- there have been two occasions, both thankfully of brief duration, when an impulse of desperation came in to my consciousness. In the first instance, no one said anything to me, despite the abject silliness of my behaviour. Instead those who are aware of the situation have chosen to whisper among themselves, and keep me at arm’s length, showing a cold cordiality when I join their meetings.
The second instance was handled by the person involved, in a far different manner. She confronted me privately, gently, but with a definite and earnest fire- owning her own hurt and disappointment in my behaviour. This was a wake-up call like no other, and I have been alert, ever since. She showed me just how un-desperate I actually am, and should remain.
That, my friends and readers, is how an ADULT handles obstreperous behaviour; how a true friend turns an overgrown child into a mature, and fully-functioning being, operating on all cylinders and giving the most to a friendship.
I will always love this person, and intensely so, for the very reason I just described above. Those who expect, and exact, the very best from us are our only real friends in this life, and in this universe. My angel, in the great beyond, looks out for me, and sends people into my life who will keep me as honest as she did, in her life on Earth. I am grateful for her having been in my life for so many years, and for her watching over me still. I am grateful, too, for my best friend, C, setting me straight, and staying in my life-when it would have been so easy for her to cut loose. I am grateful for all those friends whom I have met and with whom I have spent time on this trip- Wes Hardin, Sandra Liz, Beth and David Glick, Tom and Jody Stevens, Tom Belmonte- and for those friends who I may very well see on the return trip. I am grateful for my mother, my late father, my siblings and all my relations, because of the life you have enhanced.
My friends, embrace life- and you need not struggle. There is enough to go around, for all of us.