Category Archives: Inner Struggles

How Hard Is It?

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Family, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual

February 24,2026- Ten random questions come to mind, on this quiet day.

How hard is it, to see a girl or woman as a full human being, with valid dreams and aspirations that are worthy of support?

How hard is it, to not project one’s own insecurities or perceived inadequacies on another person-as a means of avoiding personal responsibility?

How hard is it to recognize that a person of another shade of brown is not an inherent threat to life and limb?

How hard is it to see that a person’s being from another country is not a “Go Straight to Jail” card?

How hard is it to not put an infant, or small child, in harm’s way, in the name of policy?

How hard is it to read the United States Constitution and abide by it?

How hard is it to listen to another person’s point of view, and not take it as a personal attack?

How hard is it to remember the person you once were and go back to the best of those basics?

How hard is it to place monetary gain well behind following the Ten Commandments/ Golden Rule?

How hard is it to have spiritual gifts and not use them as a means to an emotional or remunerative end?

A Better Fit

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Posted by on in children, collaborating, Community, Education, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving

February 23, 2026– While I was going through my twelve exercises, on the machines at Planet Fitness, this evening, a young woman nearby was benching 225 pounds. I passed by, on my way to the massage lounge, while she was resting, and offered a glance of encouragement. She certainly was performing a feat that I am unlikely to even remotely approach. She is doing something right for herself, and those in her circle who are encouraging such achievements deserve kudos as well.

This is the sort of elevative wraparound I want to build for Hana. The “Mighty Girl”ethos, not taking away from a similar network for boys, but making personal empowerment a universal child rearing model. This is not a zero-sum game, and those who insist it is are themselves only coming from a position of weakness-regardless of their personal trappings of wealth and power.

I have read a fair amount, recently, about the debilitative effects of patriarchy. It is not only the rich and powerful who operate under this system, as any young woman in a tradition-laden society, who has to marry the man who her father has arranged for her, finds, often to her sorrow. There are more subtle ways the patriarchy knocks the props out from under a woman or girl-linguistically, vocationally, or in terms of expectations. Perhaps the most insidious is the use of women who are either defeated or are somehow in league with those men who are maintaining the patriarchal system. There are several prominent examples of this phenomenon in our present society.

Hana will face many more choices, as she gets older. My main focus will be on helping her sift out the limiting agents of the patriarchy (including those who come on as glamourous or empowering, but are really old vinegar in new bottles). Her parents and I will be her sounding boards, and biggest cheer squad-and God help the person or persons who try to derail her.

Ambition

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Social, Striving

February 5, 2026- Hana makes no bones about it: She wants to stand up, and so with my help, she does, in sets of twenty. She wants to climb up on our shoulders, while being held, and so whoever has the honour will support her doing that. She likes to try and scoot or crawl, twice a day, on a soft nylon pad, and will work very hard at it, before getting frustrated. 7.75 weeks isn’t quite enough time, but she isn’t checking the calendar. Our girl is already setting an agenda for herself.

Hana comes by this honestly. Her paternal grandmother earned three Master’s Degrees, despite being physically disabled. One of her paternal great-great grandfathers was a master of podiatry and invented the Fellman boot, which was distributed to all ship-bound sailors of the U.S. Navy, during World War II. Her maternal grandfather gets up at 4 a.m. and works his farm until nearly dusk. Her parents have agendas for each day, and are not happy unless they accomplish at least 80% of those game plans.

So, we played the stand up game and I counted forty stand ups, while I was holding her and about twenty more, later in the day, while her Daddy was up for it. Mommy got her to start pushing forward with her feet a couple of times, and she realizes that holding her head up is key to successful ambulation. I look forward to helping my granddaughter set her own pace. She is not going to lay around and do nothing.

Untangling

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal goals, Personal Values, Social, Striving

January 31, 2026-

Today, partly at my suggestion, A and Y took several hours out of the house to just have “date time”. I was perfectly happy taking care of Hana and reflecting on what I might have done to be a better husband and father. Aram, thus far, is proving to be a cut above, in both areas.

I am finally close to untangling the dilemma of this account. My request to Account Recovery has gone through to them and is now in queue. In a week or so, things should be back to normal here.

I am also continuing to recover from Thursday’s mishap. Tomorrow morning, I will lose the chin strap head bandage and go with a gauze pad on the wound site.

Life is a constant stream of tangling and untangling. Some seem to enjoy the tangling part. I prefer a simpler state of affairs.

Powering Through

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Posted by on in children, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

January 22,2026-

My son worked at clearing all our yards of leaves-until close to 11:30 p.m. A suctioning, mulching and bagging tool, carried on his back, made a four hour job shrink to two .

This came about after he put in eight hours of work and spent a few hours with his daughter.

My daughter-in-law, after seeing her mother off at the airport, came back determined to handle her own mothering duties as independently as possible. She did just fine, which shows that one’s most heartfelt efforts to give advice, while appreciated, need to be tempered with letting the recipient of the advice integrate it into own skillsets.

Hana, for her part, is working on turning over and is practicing crawling up from the belly of the person holding her, up to the shoulder. She also has a couple of one-syllable utterances: “Hi”, when seeing me first thing in the morning and “Oww”, when something hurts. The latter is incorporated in the accompanying cry.

My little family is a remarkable trio, powering through life.

The Penske Chronicles, Day 4

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, Family, Inner Struggles, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, service, Slow Food Prescott, Social, Spiritual, Striving

December 29, 2025- The normally effusive server seemed terribly unnerved by something, knocking over water glasses and delivering a cup of coffee with a slightly shaking hand. I have been in a similar state, long ago, in a diner back East, so my empathy was present. Her more composed co-workers helped her keep steady, at least, and my meal was perfectly delicious. Still, I was concerned for her equilibrium and left a larger tip than usual.

This set me to thinking. Today’s post recognizes ten of the local people who made the most significant impressions on me, these past fourteen years. Not in order of importance, they are:

10. My hiking buddy, Akuura Kulak. Besides being equally enamoured as I am, of the beauty of the Southwest, and of Arizona in particular. We also have a similar appreciation for the cuisines of East and South Asia. She is a spot-on reader of people’s astrological charts and purveyor of scents, as well as essential oil blends.

9. My co-worker at Soup Kitchen, John Davidson. John is like the snarky dorm buddy that I missed more than I had thought. He is also a hard worker, running a local food pantry, as well as being a constant for Solid Rock Christian Fellowship’s community outreach activities.

8. My landlord, Robert Mosquera. Robert has never skimped on getting fixes for anything that has been out of order or broken, these past twelve years. Our complex is a simple operation, and his family occupies half of the units, but I still got more bang for my buck here than almost all of my friends in other rental situations in this area. Robert also was an enormous help today, getting a large sofa/hide-a-bed to Goodwill. It was one of those hard-to-sell items, but we got it done.

7. A consistent friend and supporter, Judy Russell. Judy has gone the extra mile in just about anything she’s done since moving here, 25 years ago. Service to our shared Baha’i Faith, to her apartment complex and to her employer, Yavapai College, has been exemplary. She was a great help, in housing my daughter-in-law, when Yunhee came here, in 2021, ahead of Aram, who was still in transit from Korea.

6. The Yetman Family: Carol and Dick, their daughter, Kathleen and her husband, Cole. This wonderful family has been instrumental in the success of Prescott Farmers Market, in the Solid Rock Soup Kitchen and in back-to-school supply events at Prescott United Methodist Church.

5. JayLene and David Long. The driving forces of Prescott’s premier fall event, Hope Fest, the Longs have transcended personal suffering and gone the distance to provide this community with a stellar faith-based day of service to the homeless and less-fortunate. The music is superb and the activities, from legal aid to haircuts, have given help to hundreds, if not thousands, over the years.

4. Molly and Gary Beverly. These farmers of Chino Valley have been driving forces in so many areas, but the greatest of these are Slow Food Prescott and Friends of the Verde River. Without SFP, school gardening initiatives might have languished and proper knowledge and respect for Heirloom agricultural products of Arizona might not have been as widespread. Without FVR, there may not have been a successful Save the Dells, which in turn has protected the Prescott area’s most unique natural wonder: Granite Dells. The Beverlys also have one of the finest farms in the area, and once had a natural swimming hole.

3. The Schaelling-Pena Family. Dharma Farm, the family of seven (and sometimes, ten), and Landen’s indomitable efforts at sustainable living and Permaculture, coupled with Holly’s gentle guidance of five beautiful children, made my occasional visits events that I could have enjoyed on a weekly basis. It was a tonic, being there and seeing young toddlers with a sense of responsibility for one another.

2. Carl Brehmer. One of the most erudite and skilled musicians I’ve ever known, a small farmer and craftsman, and certainly one of the most caring souls that the Prescott area, and our Baha’i community, can count on in a heartbeat. He was an earnest, loving caregiver to his late wife, Marcia, who also ranks as a powerful presence, with her work in fostering awareness of ADHD, both in children and in adults.

1. Meg Bohrman. Another of Prescott’s astonishingly-talented and caring musicians. Meg is everywhere, when there is a faith-based event or things like the Women’s March, the Tree-Lighting ceremony or anything sponsored by the Coalition for Compassion and Justice-or a chance for a concert by Galactogogues, or a solo stint. I first encountered Meg at a dedication event at the Unity Church, when she stood on the sidelines and cheerfully played her accordion. It’s been fabulous music ever since. Her husband, Thatcher, has been the quiet, supportive presence at just about every gathering she either headlines or performs in a supporting role.

A special mention begs here: Melissa Monahan, and her beautiful family, without whom a lot more time would have been needed for me to recover from the loss of my wife and from the missteps of the years that first followed that loss. Melissa has brought the healing element of do Terra, a commitment to true natural healing and the welcoming presence of a stable and loving family. She is also a local pioneer in the cultivation of microgreens and has been a sterling example, to me, of what it means to be a grandparent. She has arguably been my best friend in Prescott.

As with any short list, there is that roster that could go on forever. My life here would also not have been as rich and healing without my Prescott Cluster Baha’i family: John Lambert, his sister, Tammy and late wife, Margaret, Linda and Randy Smith,Gladys Stewart, Mary and John Passamani, Deb and George Konizer, Pamm Sosa, Dave and Annie Lovell, Steve and Tauby Calrow, Steve and Sharon Stone, Frank and Ellen Assadi, Claudia and Donny, Ellen Buccholz, Susan Bensch, Jerry Gardner; without Joe and Sandy Gorraiz and all the regulars at Ernest A. Love Post 6 of the American Legion; the Monday Coffee Klatsch ladies; Ashley Fine and her daughter, Sedona; Dawn Wasowicz, her daughters Arin and Brooke, and late husband, Jeff, who have made Rafter 11 such a staple of my weekends here; Allan, Bea, David, Glenda, Lloyd and Nichele-the Taco Tuesday regulars at El Gordo; The Cheektones, Jonathan Best, the Howard Brothers, Scandalous Hands, Candace Devine and Lake Francis Case, the grand family of Prescott musicians, who make the Raven, and the Courthouse lawn, so vibrant and experience; Annie Baker, Kaolin Young, Emily, Lena, JB Campos, Paul, Keaton, Marie and all those who make the Prescott Farmers Market such an integral part of anyone’s Prescott experience; Karen Pimentel, Tom Altavilla and my Red Cross family, who taught me the skills necessary to engender public safety; and finally, the workers and clientele at Monday’s Soup Kitchen: There is wisdom to be found in every soul’s story.

Tomorrow afternoon, I leave an empty and clean apartment, but I will never leave this beautiful place and all the people mentioned above, and more, in my mind and heart.

Not Overlooked

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, collaborating, Community, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Spiritual, Striving

December 16, 2025- The tall, soft-spoken man had become used to being overlooked. This morning, though, he was tired of it. When asked to wait for our Blood Donation center to finish being set up, he obligingly sat down. Then, things happened in rapid succession: The Center opened, ten people came through the door and lined up to be admitted, while he stayed seated. Once the line had been processed, the man was called over. He was livid.

He got an apology and was processed, then, still grousing about unfair treatment, he went to the donor interview seating area. One of those who had preceded him in line struck up a conversation, heard him out and offered to let him go ahead. That took the wind out of his angry sails and he calmed down. After a satisfying donation, he told the registration volunteers that they were not at fault, and wished everyone a Merry Christmas.

Many people in our society, and in large communities across the globe, feel overlooked, anonymous. Many indeed are. The human brain can only process just so much, and can only pay attention to just so many, before encountering someone who just doesn’t register, whose needs don’t compute. The brain is part of a physical system. It is finite, although it is also far more capable of achievement than most of us allow.

A lot of anonymity in society is due to spiritual dissonance. We are all primarily spiritual beings, living for a time in a physical frame. Those who don’t recognize their spirituality are far more likely to both feel overlooked and to compartmentalize their relationships with others. Isolation is a dangerous thing, both for the person experiencing it, and for those at whom the isolate, eventually, lashes out. Those who feel overlooked will eventually, invariably, find each other, and form groups with skewed visions of reality. Terrorism then ensues, either by someone acting alone or by the group.

The ISIS attack on American Army Reservists in Syria, over the weekend; the mass murder in Sydney; the murders of a conservative activist and an Uzbeki student, in Providence; and even the killings of Rob and Michele Reiner, all follow the pattern: One or more isolated people, to some extent or another exacerbated by mental illness, and in many cases separated from their true spirit (even if they claim to be acting on behalf of a Faith), and feeling misunderstood, lash out in a horrifying manner. They misunderstand their own nature, and taking the seeming indifference of others-who are themselves a bit cut off from their spirituality-as proof that they are owed retribution, lash out in a horrifying manner.

Each individual needs to know that s(he) is responsible for own spiritual education. Parents and adults close to a child can help him or her in that regard. Adults can help one another, but in the end, we each need to take agency for our spiritual existence.

Several of us heard the gentleman’s cry for recognition, this morning, and turned around what could have been an ugly situation. This can be done anywhere, if we recognize the Source of our lives and strive accordingly.

Group Assistance

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, Community, Education, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal goals, Personal Values, service, Slow Food, Social, Spiritual, Striving

December 7, 2025- Another holiday party/annual meeting/farewell gathering featured inventive, delicious organic and vegetarian fare-including my mixed greens and sunflower sprouts, with a dressing of lemon curd, Sicilian lemon balsamic and Persian lime olive oil, with a hint of paprika. The dressing was a particular hit with the group- and the host, a Master Chef, asked to keep what was left. Success!!

Part of the business meeting involved discussion of whether to donate funds to a Garden School in Africa, that serves HIV-ridden orphaned children. The group has helped the Director, herself uninfected, for the past three years, so it was not difficult to vote for continuance. We voted to double the amount suggested by our executive committee, with no objection from them. One of our members has been to that school twice, and will visit again, sometime next year.

It is hard for many people here to comprehend, but the conduit member said that HIV is still rampant in that particular part of Africa, as many men are unwilling to use hygienic protection in their intimate activities, leaving their women open to infection, which naturally gets passed on to any progeny. This situation was the basis for HIV-fighting funds from USAID. Now that the prevailing view in our government is that these funds just “reward bad behaviour”, the funds have been reduced, or eliminated, and it will take time for the miscreants to realize that no one is going to rescue them. The children are the ones who end up suffering. So, private groups like ours are taking up the slack-helping women and children directly.

Collective action is far more effective than assorted individuals trying to take up the mantle. Besides, I have to be on deck to focus my energies and resources on family first. I am grateful that projects like this are getting an organizational response.

Reading the Room

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, service, Social, Spiritual, Striving

December 4, 2025- While mostly enjoying a gathering this afternoon, I got the sense that two of the higher-ranking people, in the group with which I have been involved, were not exactly thrilled with my decision to leave the area. A mutual friend said that was off the mark and that the management is actually supportive of my decision and is happy for me. One of the administrators hugged me before leaving, so my reading of the room was not quite on point.

One of the things that has indeed held me back, over the years, is a difficulty in reading people. I came to the conclusion, a while back, that oftentimes when I sense hostility or dislike from someone else, it is more a matter of how I am feeling about myself at the time. Many, if not most, people are neutral-to-supportive. Very few, actually, are hostile-and even if they are, the question begs, “Do I reflect something they don’t like about themselves?

I went to another gathering, this evening, putting these ideas to the test. A person who I previously had considered hostile was actually quite agreeable, jovial. Most of the people at the gathering were engaging and took an interest in one another. I felt at home, and recognized that any tension inside myself right now is likely processing the matter of leaving a place that has been home for fourteen years, and a state that has been home for all but six of the past forty-seven years.

It’s best to let the feelings flow, and know that all will be well, in the weeks to come and in the years that follow. I am getting better, at reading the room.

Dependence

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, distraction issues, Family, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Spiritual, Striving, Travel

December 2, 2025, Winslow, AZ- A friend who thinks deeply about the course of human behaviour made a cogent point today- People who often get assessed as being “broken” or “lost” are more often creatures of dependence. They seek approval or guidance from those they view as more powerful or worthy of control over their affairs, and leave their own power on the sidelines.

Through my life, I have often been right, when I trusted my gut and my heart. The bloopers, which have also been many, have come when I tried to “honour” requests or demands made by those who I, erroneously, deemed “heavy hitters”, “hard chargers”, or more adept at life than yours truly. They came when I absorbed their insults and diatribes into my own psyche. Mathematically, this translates into (Dependence) X (Sycophancy)= Self-defeat.

Here is what I would like to see increased: Each person takes stock of how the gut feels, how the heart feels and how those feelings are in sync with common sense, before deciding upon a course of action and certainly before carrying it out. Committing myself to these has definitely decreased the number, and severity, of bloopers that cause so much pain and annoyance to me and to those around me.

This morning, I had a brief urge to go from Tucumcari to Pecos National Historic Site-which would have been a two-hour, thirty-five minute diversion. Gut told heart that there is simply much to be done back in Prescott, once I return there tomorrow. When the turn northward, towards Pecos, presented itself, I kept on driving west, and other than a brief stop at Continental Divide, continued on until I decided that a Winslow break was in order. Top notch birria tacos, at Shorty’s and a night’s stay in The Beatles Room, at Delta Motel, the music-themed inn that is one of my favourites have helped set the tone for the rest of my return to Prescott and getting started on the month of transition ahead.

As for the exploration of New Mexico and other areas, I am looking forward to helping, slowly and gradually, introduce the world and its beauty to my grandchild.