December 16, 2023- From where I was sitting, the painted scene could have been either looking downwards, towards the ocean, with a maelstrom in the middle or looking upwards, towards the cloudy sky, with a swirling snow cloud in its midst. When I got closer, it was the latter that was being portrayed.
This was my first visit back to Raven Cafe at night, since the kerfuffle with a pair of disquiet people, in mid-November. Tonight, there was a sparse crowd, though Jillian Bessett and Chris Callahan, from Tucson, gave spirited and engaging renditions of both their original songs and covers of tunes by Johnny Cash, Kris Kristofferson and Big Joe Williams. It was peaceful. Before that, I had been in Rafter Eleven, enjoying Mike Lopez, of local favourites The Bourbon Knights, doing a solo set of covers. This was also delivered to a small audience. It’s always peaceful at Rafter.
I pondered, in the relative calm, how my own perspectives on life have changed, in the past decade. The clouds in the painting brought to mind how I was in fog, ten years ago-especially in the summer. A pair of voices of reason brought me gently down to terra firma. One of those voices was that of my spirit guide, who had departed this life two years prior. The other was that of the object of my misguided attention. After bouncing around a few more times, over the ensuing twelve months, I came back to Earth, by way of western Europe and Hawai’i, then strode a path alone-but with dozens, nay hundreds, of new friends.
My view has changed again, and with the encouragement of both human and spirit friends, the path to connecting with a precious and beautiful soul has begun. This time, there is no fog and my perspective is clear. This time, I go one step at a time.
December 15, 2023- ”I told the truth, I didn’t come to fool ya“- Leonard Cohen, Hallelujah
The young boy, who I hadn’t seen in over a year, came up to me at the end of the school day, and with quiet confidence that I don’t recall him having, a year ago, asked if I remembered him. I did, and by name as well as countenance, though he said his name, for good measure. This has happened repeatedly, especially the past few years, as teenagers who studied under me as children, come up, remind me of who they are and recount their memories of elementary school, or middle school. Their stories are fresh in my mind, as well.
Going back further, I have met some of the people I knew as children, in Hopi and Dineh, now in their thirties and forties, over the past five or ten years. One, who recently passed on, after a long illness, was man of great integrity, in addition to being a talented artist, producing colourful and detailed prints, even whilst bedridden. Each of them, even after enduring unbelievable heartbreak and personal setbacks, one after another, have kept the flames of hope and of love for family alive, in their inextinguishable hearts. These are the true heroes in my life.
This notion may be extended now, across the Pacific Ocean, to the friends I met in October. Each of them has also experienced more heartache and loss in a month, at some point in their lives, than I have endured in a decade. Yet, they still go forward, and largely in acts of service to others. Their spirits, too, are inextinguishable.
I am ever grateful to the Divine, and to my spirit guides, for all those who have come my way, and for those yet to appear.
December 12, 2023- My horoscope for today says I will reveal my true colours. Truth be known, I’ve been doing that for some time. Historically, I am the world’s worst liar. So, even though I have said a lot of this before, “Double-Twelfth” is a good day for reiteration, to begin wrapping up the cosmic year that started with “Double-First”, a year of introspection and casting out remaining demons, for many. Ahead is a year of action, of putting thoughts into observable energy.
I have been active this year, certainly, and having mentioned those events and processes elsewhere, let me say that next year-the next two years, at least, will see even more of this. After some thought and comparison of costs and routes, yesterday, I am revising my route to an area that is on the itinerary for next Fall ( I will talk about the location on this platform, when it is prudent), to be prefaced by a two-week stop in the Philippines. Unless I hear from friends in Phil that this is not advisable or necessary, that is the plan.
My true colours just reflect love. What I feel for my angel in the spirit realm will never fade. Last week, I got a message from her, that my feelings for a woman now are perfectly acceptable before the Divine-and that I should treat that lady like a queen. It is true that love is the basis for all life-so the colour of love is my most basic hue.
I’ve been tripped up by grief and rebounding, especially for a few years after Penny’s passing. I’ve been hobbled by deep-seated attitudes and fears about myself, that have been brought to the surface and let flow out. Baha’u’llah wrote that love should not blindly lead to error. My thought is that such “love” is not the true kind. Now, in maturity, I see myself as a worthwhile human being-and get a lot of affirmation from those around me, in real time and online. Now, in maturity, I am no longer anxious or overbearing about expressing myself.
That brings up the matter of anxiety in general, and of the need for giving others room to work out their issues-and live their lives. My friends, especially my most beloved, deserve time and space to take care of their personal work. My son, and those I love as if they were my own children-and grandchildren, deserve the confidence and trust that I place in them, to show just how they will move forward. What I offer one and all is that confidence and trust. If you fall down, brush yourself off and go forward-keeping the lesson learned in mind. If you need a hug, it’s here. I will not, though, stand idly by and let you wallow. We are all better than that.
Ahead is a year of building-of a stronger Faith community, of reassurance for members of an extended family (and thus two stops in Carson City, next July) and of another extended family member further north (and thus a stop in Victoria, the same month), of fulfillment of promises both recent and of longer-standing, and of increasing my level of self-confidence-though not to the level of callousness or arrogance.
It’s time to go and tie up a couple of small loose ends-every day has a few such matters. All happiness on “Double Twelfth”, my friends.
December 7, 2023- The gentleman regarded me warily, and had several questions, as to my reason for being at a gathering of social justice activists, this evening. I later saw him talking with one of my friends, and pointing in my direction. This friend no doubt vouched for my sincerity and involvement in those organizations that seek to bring about harmony. I later came across a bumper sticker, that said “Love your enemies and you won’t have any.” It seems to me that those who claim to represent social justice ought to work at ridding themselves of judgementality. It helps to have an open heart.
Earlier today, I was with a group of students, who were grateful for my presence, and help in getting calmed down. The lead teacher, not all that welcoming, was at least tolerant of any assistance I could offer. There were few incidents of misbehaviour, and those that did occur were quickly resolved, and in a peaceful manner. The suspicious lead was at least thankful, at the end of the day.
It was mentioned a few times, this evening, that 2023 has been a stressful year. I can sense that, in any number of people, but I have to say that life, in general, can be stressful-in any given year. For social justice workers, this coming year will no doubt be full of stressful moments. The key to not walking about, looking over one’s shoulder, and seeing a bogey man in every closet, is self-confidence. I have had to work on that, mightily, in years past.
It helped, certainly, that I found a message from a dear friend on my laptop, this morning, but even on days when that doesn’t happen, I know to go forward and trust that the right thing is going to be, at least by day’s end.
December 1, 2023- So said a line on the bottom of a rear license plate, offered by the driver of a truck in front of me, as I drove back from Planet Fitness, this afternoon. The situation at the club was a bit chaotic, with two older mother-daughter pairs, and a nervous lady of about the same age, all converging on the massage bed/lounges at about the same time-but without telling the front desk person what they wanted. He ended up having to go back and manually reset the devices. I had signed up for a massage lounge, and was waiting for the gentleman who was on it, to finish his time. The ladies looked like they had been waiting, so they got on first, then the whole manual reset thing was needed.
I chose to use a massage chair, if for no other reason than to save the poor kid’s sanity. We are the results of our choices. I have written on this subject before, and have at least gotten pretty good at living with my choices, by first making them more carefully, then by actually running them by those who might just be affected by them, rather than running over them. The last step is not gloating over them, lest someone else’s heart be hurt. It is best to include an acknowledgment that not everyone has a good experience with certain situations, or areas of life. That’s not patronizing, it’s honouring the one who has faced a different set of outcomes.
It’s a good place to note some choices I’ve made for December. This evening, I chose to attend a dinner that honoured those of us who volunteer for the Homeless Assistance Program, at a local church, rather than attend the annual Christmas Dinner at Post 6. Tomorrow, instead of hanging out downtown, during the Christmas Parade, I am choosing to help break down the Farmers Market, then go up to Chino Valley, for a Slow Food planning session. Tomorrow evening, I will choose to visit a friend I’ve not seen in a while, over watching the Christmas Lighting, for the eighth time. On ten different weekdays, between now and Christmas Break, I am choosing to fill substitute positions. You get the drift. There are days of service and days of self-care; days of honouring friends and days of making now traditional visits to places like Santa Fe and Tucson.
Choices fill our lives, from when one gets up in the morning, to how one fills a day, to how often a friend is contacted, and by what means. Hopefully, as I mentioned above, choices will be made that hurt no one, or are at least made in a way that if a person is hurt, it’s because of how the choice made is taken by that person. We can’t control other people’s experiences, but we can control ourselves.
Most choices are almost automatic, after a while, but they should always have an element of presence, in being made.
November 30,2023- Ernest A. Love, a decorated Army pilot, who died in the line of duty, during the final months of World War I, is honoured in his hometown of Prescott with his name being given to our regional airport and to the local American Legion Post. He was further honoured tonight, on the occasion of his birthday-128, and counting. A squad of ROTC cadets from Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University posted the colours, and the youngest of these, an 18-year-old woman, stood proudly, next to our oldest veteran Post member, who is nearly 88, and the youngest veteran Post member, a wet-behind-the-ears 48.
Each of these people has a compelling story, and each is a complex human being-just like everyone else. The difference is, each of them has done something with her/his life and has either a lifetime of giving back to the community, or is embarking on such a life. Not everyone else is so inclined, which is a shame, in a way. We all have gifts that can help bring light to the world, rather than the darkness that some see fit to cast into it.
I am truthful, in saying that I love so many in the world, even at different levels and displayed through different means. When that was not so apparent, it was largely because my self-love was lacking, and thus, I didn’t know how to communicate how I really felt. I have learned from several of those closest to me, how to grow my self-love, and therefore, how to more clearly honour the fullness and complexity of each person I meet. In turn, I can’t be all things to all people, and that may ruffle a few feathers.
May they learn to smooth those feathers and find a way to obtain what I can’t give them, whether it is a romantic relationship or taking a call at midnight. There are, conversely, things they cannot give to others. I am drawn to someone, far from here, and if she is drawn to me, then so much the better. If not, then I will honour her complexity, and full humanity, and carry on.
That, my friends, is how peace can happen, human to human-even when it’s hard to do.
November 29, 2023- I watched as a man and his little daughter ran, hand-in-hand, towards their car-no winner, no loser, only a team, only a connected pair. Just beforehand, I was greeted by warm smiles from virtually everyone at Planet Fitness. I felt aglow, so the ambiance was a mirror.
Today was a satisfying day-with two acts of service either completed, or finished to the extent that was doable. Over 100 people sent birthday greetings, from Monday night until today. Every one of them was affirming. One, from a new and treasured friend, was the most affirming of all. The royal treatment I enjoyed in Grapevine was the icing on a very rich cake.
I think of all who bemoan the lack of love in their lives. Quite often, it is intertwined with lust-which can negate love, if it takes precedence. It invariably is intertwined with self-centeredness, something with which each of us struggles, at least intermittently. I have yet to meet a happy person who views others as means to an end. That goes as much for a “high-powered” social misfit as it does for one who sees self as “involuntarily celibate”-and there are women, as well as men, who cast themselves in that gruesome bit of darkness.
There was a time when I was in that sad realm-in the late 1970s. Penny came along and dispelled that state of affairs. Even with her passing, my mien has been one of gratitude and deep love, at any of several levels, for so many people. I cannot view anyone as a stepping stone. I learned that saying I love a woman means seeing her as a complete human being, whose central mission is not satisfying my urges and meeting my needs. We met each other’s needs, together. That is the standard going forward, for any relationship that might develop.
So, as I sit here at Home Base, and give thanks for everyone of my family and friends, I also give thanks for the opportunities that come my way to help others uplift themselves.
November 28, 2023, Grapevine- So it has come to another re-set, another “trip around the Sun” completed. All that happened during the past year has only made me stronger, and no less committed to what a friend in Manila told me, during my visit there, and my most trusted family members reiterated today: My mission is to love those around me and help them live better lives.
There was another friend, I met in Manila, who would fit very nicely at my side, but I am not quite sure how well I would figure in her life. So, my path goes on, and as the cliche states-“If you love something (someone), let it (her) go. If it (she) returns, so much the better. If not, it (she) was never meant to be yours in the first place.” That’s happened a few other times, over the past twelve, and the ladies are still my friends.
Between now and November, 2024, there are six journeys, three short and three long. Next month, and again in January, take me to northern New Mexico. The first is customary-a Santa Fe and Taos-centered post-Christmas tradition, with a possible errand of mercy. The second will find me at Ghost Ranch, for a week of service.
February will take me to San Diego and, briefly, to Orange County-another emerging tradition. Ocean Beach, especially Samesun Hostel, is practically Home Base #3. I have to remind myself that I am NOT staff, and can be only just so much at home, particularly around some of the more officious staff people. Still, it’s a marvelous place to spend a day or two.
May, and the first week of June, will be my Back East time-with a return to Cape Breton Island and Newfoundland. It will also be post-Covid catch-up time, with a few friends in Indiana, as well as family visits to Maine, Massachusetts and Pennsylvania.
Mid-July to the first week of August will see two visits to Carson City, as bookends to another Vancouver Island trip, and long-delayed visits to BC’s Sunshine Coast-and Four Worlds International Institute.
That brings me to Journey # 6, which will find me in a part of the world I’ve not been in before. Details will come, as the time for the visit gets closer. It will take in the latter part of September, until November 1. Suffice it to say that I have promised friends in that area, that I will visit them, for several years-and intend to make good on this, God willing.
Here in Arizona, there will surely be many opportunities for continued service-and visits to southern Arizona, in late January and to both the South Rim and Jacob Lake (weather-permitting) in mid-March. Early July, after the Fourth, will be time on Hopi, just before I head up to Carson City.
Of course, next Thanksgiving, which coincides with my birthday, will be right here in Home Base #2. It will be another milestone, well worth celebrating.
November 26, 2023, Grapevine- “1845 was the year that the Union joined Texas”, the young waiter intoned, tongue firmly in cheek. With that, my advance birthday dinner began, with what turned out to be endless lemonade (from Rio Grande Valley lemons), followed by Fort Worth filet mignon and oven baked Brussels sprouts, poblano meatballs and, for Son, a Game Combo of venison and quail drums (breasts and a leg). We can safely say that the plates, while not Texas-sized, were more than ample. The desserts were Texas-sized, and we’ll leave it at “Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire! I did have a sparkling candle in my pumpkin crispy, as word got out that my birthday is forthcoming. 1845: Taste Texas is top of the line, in fare and in style-no corners cut. It was a meal for the ages.
Before that, though, we took in the wild side of Dallas, and I don’t mean riding a mechanical bull. Cedar Ridge Preserve sits on the south side of Big D, and is intended to offer safe space for butterflies, birds large and small, and the small carnivores that keep other species in check. As the name implies, cedars are the dominant trees. There are a few ponds, here and there, but what sets this stretch of prairie apart from elsewhere in DFW Metro is the ups and downs offered by the 10-mile trail system. This park could be at home in Prescott. Needless to say, it was a good workout.
My little family on the move, Cedar Ridge PreserveOne of four stream crossings along the trailAram and Yunhee headed upstairs.
It was a fine cap to the Thanksgiving weekend, and a prelude to the end of my 73rd trip around the Sun-which comes on Tuesday. I also fly back to AZ on Tuesday evening, so this dinner fell nicely into place.
Now it’s time to look back at June, July and August. As with other months, people left. Some had checkered public records-Pat Robertson and James Watt left us, a day apart. Ted Kaszynski had a scary public record, finally taking his own life, in early June. Leslie Van Houten didn’t take her own life, but certainly took those of others, so many years ago. Cormac McCarthy wrote, tellingly, of other people’s checkered lives. Daniel Ellsberg warned us of same. Sinead O’Connor hollered about injustice, and sounded melodious. Dame Glenda Jackson astonished us, on stage and Paul Reubens made us chuckle, with his puckish wit. Robbie Robertson made us think, while honouring his First Nations family. Lahaina, Hawaii practically perished as a community, in a freakish wildfire.
Closer to my circle, the queenly countenance of Wilma Ellis left us Baha’is behind, for the spirit realm. Childhood friends Rodney Lavoie and Robert Ritchie passed their batons to their beloved children. A cousin, David Wonoski, passed suddenly and my last living uncle-by-marriage, Dave Dufour, saw the end of a long, varied and colourful life. JR Cline, with whom I visited twice on cross-country journeys, saw his long and valiant fight come to an end.
My path went to three camps, all carefully managed to the best of my ability. WiFi did not fade out this time, thanks to my iPhone. Other local homages were to a good friend who turned 60; to the Granite Mountain Hotshots, who perished ten years ago, at Yarnell Hill; and to the summer solstice, on, where better, Solstice Mesa, in north Prescott. I sat with a dog, later with cats, and tended to people’s needs at Hope Fest, which came early this year.
Travels were both long and short: A hike in honour of the departed Hotshots, at the State Park established in their names, preceded the 10th Commemoration, in downtown Prescott. A return to Bell Rock, near Sedona, brought variations in light into focus. A Grand Canyon visit, to the west side of South Rim, had to be cut short, when a deluge closed the main road heading south. I made a detour, through the Navajo Nation and Flagstaff, as I had an appointment in Prescott, the next day. July 17-29 took me through the Mojave Desert, Central Valley, Oregon and Washington, to British Columbia. There were visits with Baha’i friends in Ashland, OR, Victoria, BC-and, sweetest of all, a performance in “The Wizard of Oz”, by a girl I look upon as a grandniece, in Carson City. In each case, my visit seemed to have an outsized effect on the host’s sense of well-being. That’s actually the hope, wherever I go. New friends were also made in Ludlow, CA; Medford and Salem, OR; Centralia and Chehalis, WA.Richmond and Nanaimo, BC. That’s also the idea. Zipping down to a dental appointment, on two hours’ notice and zipping back up to get my trusty vehicle serviced, after a long trip-that’s also the idea.
As August ended, I headed out to a Baha’i school, the House of Worship in Wilmette, and mother’s milestone celebration. Many are those who fill my heart; she is first among them. The people I specifically visited, these three months, are also in that category.
A Sagittarian Seeker 