Category Archives: Inner Struggles

The Road to 65, Mile 344: Small Circles

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Posted by on in children, Education, Inner Struggles, Personal goals

November 7, 2015, Flagstaff- I rose early, for a Saturday, so as to get up  here to Northern Arizona University, and take two of the three exams I must take, in order to obtain certification as an elementary teacher (1-8), in Arizona.  I have several other certificates:  Secondary Teacher, Guidance Counselor and Principal.  The position I am now filling, as a substitute teacher, however, is not something I can continue to do, long term, without credentials.

I also think it is high time I moved through the self-doubt cloud, and showed my true abilities, both to myself and to the world at large.  My spirit guides keep saying, “This day of yours will not be followed by night.”  I know this means that the present opportunity will not be taken from me, by shallow politics or my own tendency to trip myself up.

This time, I will be okay, work-wise.  This time, I know how to navigate the small circle which runs the school.  In the past, I gave too much energy to my being an outsider.  That status might still be extant, but the children are who matter most.  I will be standing, at the end of the term, and at the end of the academic year.

The Road to 65, Mile 338: Saints and Mortals

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Posted by on in Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith

November 1, 2015, Prescott- 

Day of All Saints

Time to reflect

Transgressions sometimes taint

If one is not circumspect

Day by day,

hour by hour,

Make amends

No matter how much adulation

Showers.

An ephemeral presence am I

in this mortal frame.

Daily circumspection

shall this inner beast

Tame.

The Road to 65, Mile 334: Independence

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Posted by on in Assistance, children, Education, Inner Struggles, Personal Values

October 28, 2015, Chino Valley- We have reached the point where whatever might have passed for a “honeymoon”, between my present school and me, has dissipated.  This is not a bad thing.  It means only that my stated mission, to safeguard the well-being of twenty-one children, while challenging them, academically and socially, is more on my shoulders than it is prescribed by those above me.

Administration has its place, and it is a vital place, indeed.  Teamwork is also vital.  Yet, at the end of the day, it is what a teacher can accomplish, when everyone else around him or her is either indisposed or overwhelmed, that makes the difference in the life of a learner.  It is easy for a child to love and admire a teacher who is ever congenial and accommodating.  The rub comes when the docent holds the bar higher.

I have to raise my bar a bit higher, day by day.  I see things coming, that must be faced, and solved, by the now mostly adult Millennials, and by the emerging Generation Z, who include all the children I have taught for the last five years, and all whom I will teach, for the next five.  They have a lot of innate wisdom, but they also face many of the same conflicts and growth challenges that we all faced in childhood and adolescence.  In addition, all the failures of those of us before them will lie at their feet- just as those of our forebears  cast shadows on our tenure as the generation of leadership.

I seek to foster independence, but not swagger, bravado and insolence, about which more tomorrow.

The Road to 65, Mile 329: Headlong

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Posted by on in Assistance, Education, Inner Struggles, Personal Values

October 23, 2015- After two weeks with my third graders, eight and nine-year-old beings, I am drawing some very definite conclusions about how their world is treating them, and how they are reacting.  I have said, countless times, that adults, especially young adults, tend to look at children as being mini-adults themselves.  The American media persists in addressing children as young as three by their last names, especially in cases of children of colour, and oddly enough, when the child is a victim of tragedy.  There was a tendency, a few years back, to sexualize teens and pre-teens. Fortunately, the media have dialed back on that hideous format, significantly.

I am not so sure,though, about the public-at-large. Kids are still picking up on that message, and our task, as teachers-and as parents, is to guide them away from talk of “relationships” and “romance”, just as we will guide them through it, later on.  There is something, though, in the lives of all too many people, that prompts them to live through others.  There is an impediment, called vicariousity, that lets one off the hook, with regard to owning one’s life and facing up to the comfort zone.

When this impediment involves children, it gets problematic, to say the least.  There has always been “puppy love”, worship from afar, as it were.  When it involves adults cooing in the corner, exchange of phone numbers, social media and spammed “love letters”,however, it can be injurious- to both parties.

So, I discourage the ardent swains, and reassure both them and the targets of their affection that life is not meant to be lived in one fell swoop, that there will be a time in life- in fact, much of life, that friendship can and does entail romance.

The headlong rush, after all, too frequently ends in a crash.

The Road to 65, Mile 323: Extra

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Posted by on in Education, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Poetry

October 16, 2015, Prescott- 

It was a day off, of sorts, and I recouped some energy. This is directed at a person, in a school, who looks at people like me, and shows only disdain.

Early morning invitation,

to increase my aggravation.

A polite decline,

no extra time,

to spend on one

who talks a line

of superiority and

shuns,

those like me

whose love is free

and time-tested.

You, who walk with upturned nose

will soon realize aloneness,

I suppose.

As you sit in your seat,

sequestered.

Remember, those of us

who give, the extra.

The Road to 65, Mile 314: Synergy

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Posted by on in Assistance, collaborating, Inner Struggles, Personal Values

October 7, 2015, Prescott- 

Here’s a bit of verse, to bring life to a slow day.  This is inspired by two friends, each leery of being hurt, yet again.

Conversation lags,

When tethered to the phone.

I’d be far more animated,

Seeing your face,

Even across a room.

No one has to face the dark alone,

despite the myth to which we cling, in an air of gloom.

I am a friend who would take a bullet,

Not a passer-by, who regards your plight as my gauntlet.

What seems insurmountable,

with synergy, becomes infinitesimal.

The Road to 65, Mile 302: Pontification

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Posted by on in Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Matters of Faith

September 25, 2015, Prescott-  I spent the day with groups of students, in a couple of Band Rooms- one at Prescott High School, the other at Mile High Middle School.  Supervising band, for someone who can barely read notes, is an interesting stretch of my exchequer.  Two or three students lead the class, actually, and I am there mostly to maintain order.  There are always a few who challenge the authority of whoever is leading the class.  Today, however, I needed only remind the assemblage that it is the upcoming concert that matters, and not the whims of the moment.  The young people set back to work.

Challenges to authority have always been the lot of the common man.  They most always result from a disconnect between the aspirations of the worker and the “Big Picture” agenda of the overlord.  So it is with our current crop of candidates for President, with their immediate predecessor and with the Pope of Rome.  Seven billion souls are each going to see things differently from their neighbours, from their family members, and even from their former selves-or later selves, for that matter.  Baha’u’llah states, with regard to a married couple, “Between them is a barrier, that they overpass not.”  By this, He is referring to the DNA-rooted individuality of every soul who ever lived on this planet, and of every soul who will ever live.

I think of this, while pondering the current visit to the United States, by the philosopher king formerly known as Jorge Bergoglio.  Pope Francis I is astride two worlds, and receives advice and criticism from those in each world, and from those who regard themselves as living in neither.  On the one hand, he seeks to define humaneness as ‘seeing each and every person as a true human being, an individual worthy of respect.’  On the other hand, he, along with every other man who is in a position of sectarian authority- with the possible exception of the Archbishop of Canterbury, sets limits on 50 % of the populace.  Women are given only a certain place in the papal firmament- and there is, to his mind, to be no deviation.

Everyone of us has a duality about us.  We have higher aspirations, most of which have to do with doing right by other people, and by the environment in which we live.  Then, there is the “Me” factor.  Self-preservation is a constant weight on our upwardly-springing feet.  From time immemorial, this self-centeredness has been given a countenance:  The demon.  Putting a face on something, especially on a vile something, separates it from us.  We go to great lengths to lengthen this distance- with talk of Satan walking the Earth and infesting the minds of the wayward.

In the end, though, it falls to the individual to rescue him/herself.  The only one who can take me out of my lower nature is yours truly.  The only one who can overcome the deeply-ingrained senses of racism, sexism, class prejudice and nativism that infest so many, is the person who is weighed down by them.  Others can only stand aside and criticize, point fingers, or turn their faces away in disgust.  They may also offer constructive criticism, which is welcomed by any sincere soul.  The change, however, comes from within.

As Krishna is credited with saying:  “Point a finger at another, and, behold three fingers pointing back at you!”  Godspeed to Senor Bergoglio, and to all who seek a better world.  Let them continue to push away the weight that ties them down.

The Road to 65, Mile 301: I Hear the Rolling Thunder

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Posted by on in Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals

September 24, 2015, Phoenix- I drove a friend down here, this quiet and subdued evening, that she could pay homage to a woman for whom she cared, in the last throes of the lady’s battle with Alzheimer’s.  I did not, of course, know the woman, yet seeing the story of her life, on video, and listening to my friend’s account of her interactions, I was as moved to tears as I would have been, had I known her.

We all have our differences of opinion, and for some, that is the be all and end all of relationships.  Sitting in the chapel, though, and listening to the words of the immortal hymn, “How Great Thou Art”, as sung by Carrie Underwood, I can honestly say there was a total unity, that I have only rarely felt, when in a group of people previously unknown to me.

There are those who anticipate a cataclysmic occurrence, this very weekend, or not long afterward.  I am a skeptic, along those lines.  I believe that something such will happen, but on God’s timetable, not on Man’s.  The truth is, each of us experiences our own personal calamity, from time to time.  The Alzheimer’s and its aftermath were catastrophic to the departed woman and to her family and friends.  Penny’s illness , of nearly eight years, was heart-wrenching to me, to our son and to our families-and how much worse it must have been to her, a woman of high intelligence, drive and achievement.  Every day, people endure natural and man-devised crises and acts of destruction, such as few onlookers can appreciate.

Our strength, as a species, lies in our resilience.  I am entering a phase, in my own recovery, that I could not have anticipated, even three months ago.  This is how it has been, for the last four years and eight months:  One step after another, relying mostly on faith, doing things that are humdrum and ordinary for  many, but for which a person like me, come only with struggle.

I will surely thrive, even through the worst of whatever may lie ahead- so my spirit guide tells me, and I believe her.

The Road to 65, Mile 297: Where I Stand, Part 3

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Posted by on in Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values

September 20, 2015, Prescott-  I spent this day alone.  Tomorrow, and for almost every day for the next three months, I won’t need to be concerned with being alone.  In fact, my aloneness has often been a good part of the reason why I have brought so many difficulties on myself, over the years. Penny brought me out of it; then when she passed, and I drifted back into torpor, various people came into my life and helped our son keep me on the straight and even.

“Development Comes From Within.  The process of human and community development unfolds from within each person,relationship, family organization, community or nation.”- Four Winds International Institute

This second principle for building a sustainable and harmonious world correctly states that it is the individual who feels the impetus to build self, from inside out and from the bottom up.  Without a determination to focus outward and concern myself with the needs of others, I would remain stuck- trying to live above my means, casting about to blame a chimeric force, bigger than myself, for all my woes and looking to an imaginary solution for those problems.  Each of us is capable of a certain degree of good.  It is towards that capacity that one best focuses.

Once a relationship is established, it is essentially either 100/100. or 0/0.  For one person to do all the work in a relationship is the same as a sluggard, dragging thrice his weight in rocks, along the ground. I had to work at not trying to do it all.  Fortunately, I had an exemplary partner in that, and most other regards.  Only when a couple has this balance set, can a family successfully begin.  Mother and father set a united front, and child(ren) have a clear sense of wiggle room.  Family organization, even in the age of the nuclear family, or rather, ESPECIALLY in this age, is best set in stone, with room to expand outwardly, to grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins- clear up to as many generations as can meaningfully participate. Community is only as strong as its members can manage, through cooperation, due to recognition of several common goals, and despite differences of opinion.  I was raised by a conservative, business-minded father and a liberal, civic-minded mother.  The town was close-knit, first by neighbourhood, then community-wide.  We did knock on doors before entering, once people from Boston started moving into the newly developed suburban “projects”, which in those days meant new, single-family homes, and there were no longer just the “old families” around. Neighbours minded each other kids, and everyone respected the Irish cop on the beat. Dad had a few men over, each weekday evening before dinner, and they would sit on the porch and solve the problems of town and state. The Town Meeting was held, once a year, and further discussions addressed key issues, almost in Athenian style.  Things were accomplished.

The same is true at the national level.  Too many unwieldy interests, motivated by entitlement, are pitting themselves against one another.  My father told me to never regard the “other side” as an enemy, to be vanquished, but rather as a teaching unit, to which I do best to listen, and to expect them to listen to me.

The “what” and the “how” do not need to be at odds with one another, ad nauseam.  Perfect is Good’s younger sibling, and needs the example borne out first.

The Road to 65, Mile 295: Where I Stand, Part 1

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Posted by on in Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal goals

September 18, 2015, Prescott- One thing about transitions, there are small stretches of time when money is tight, communication gets garbled and difficulties ensue.  I was raised to work through them, and so it is, right now.  I have had a few confrontations with people, both online and in real time, over the past three days.  In each case, rather than start World War 10,000, I have chosen to rely on my intuition, as to what the other person(s) was/were getting at.  One is simply a snarky, and somewhat abrasive, individual who enjoys a good comeback.  A few of those have defused that mess.  Another wants to know whether I have just moved on.  That is really up to that person.  I am still here, and as said earlier, I will not impose myself on anyone who seems to want to be left alone.  Another individual doesn’t want anyone who doesn’t drink, and doesn’t seem to have much money, in his establishment. (It is a restaurant, not a bar, per se, so the clientele ought to be mixed).

I sense the mood in this town is changing.  Hipsters tend not to like anyone who isn’t strutting their cash, and I see more hipsters around, over the past few months.  I haven’t had much money, over the past six years or so, though that is about to change, albeit gradually, and modestly.  I will be EARNING a living wage, starting next month.  Life will be more on an even keel.

I’m not going anywhere, though.  My son is in San Diego, until the end of next year, at least, and I have a growing number of friends in Los Angeles. Prescott is six hours from San Diego, seven from LA, and proximity rules.  I still have a good many friends here, even those with whom I seem to be having misunderstandings.  I am also very much enamoured of a place where I can walk just about everywhere that matters, and drive to the rest of the places, in a half hour or less.

In the next several posts, I will be commenting on points made by Chief Phil Lane, Jr., who heads up a spiritual retreat in Surrey, BC, as to the development of a spiritual community.  His heartfelt and well-considered tenets could be applied in a good many settings.  I stand in a circle, where heart, patience and intuition matter.