Complexities

12

February 5, 2018, Prescott-

I like simplicity.

It eludes me, though.

This is a temporary state.

Day job is fairly straightforward.

DA is complex.

That is a temporary state, also.

Learning curves are that way.

Much complexity stems from

multiple parties and

organizations being involved.

A bank is involved,

and banks need time.

I suppose this is why

the Japanese take

two weeks,

to decide important matters,

or so I’m told.

Building a community

is complex.

Everyone’s input,

time and space,

need to be honoured.

Building friendships

is complex.

I want to make things simple.

So, I choose not to overthink.

I will be glad for Saturday,

and a day on a trail.

Demise or Abeyance?

17

January 25, 2018, Prescott-

A poetry reading gathering, here in town, has been canceled, for the rest of this year.

I had planned on rejoining it, after an absence of five months.

Goes to show, what Shoghi Effendi, who guided the Baha’i Faith, from 1922-1957, said

about opportunities:  “Some opportunities only come once.”

Carpe Diem, indeed!

I wonder if someone may pick up the slack.

I am considering approaching a different venue,

and doing so myself.

It would only need to happen once a month.

I am availing myself of some serious business education.

The advanced level would be a bit costly, out the gate,

but I would recover that amount, in six months’ time.

Due diligence says it’s a good risk.

It would not represent yet another fiscal demise,

but rather, a state of abeyance.

My hikes and adventures have been

in a state of abeyance, as well.

That will change on Saturday,

but I don’t know where, just yet.

 

One, Two, Three, Four

13

January 21, 2018, Prescott- 

My priorities tend to come in ones, twos, threes and fours.

One, of course, is self-care.

I may even hit the sack an hour early tonight.

It’s been a long, but happy, day.

Two, has to do with friends.

I am at peace with those

with whom I clashed a bit,

last weekend.

I am not half of a couple,

but that doesn’t leave

me lonely.

In fact, my time is rarely

my own, exclusively.

Three of us work,

very closely and

congenially.

My day is divided

into three parts:

Financial venture,

professional work

and Faith.

Oops, that’s where

four actually enters.

The fourth part

of my day is

recreation.

Reading,

writing,

Planet Fitness

and getting

together

with friends.

My schedule will

soon heat up again,

but you saw that coming.

Have a great week!

Ice Cream

15

January 11, 2018, Prescott-

I ended my work day by being reminded that today was the 11th, after a fatigue-based brain fart.  That gave rise to the inevitable concern from Lead Teacher, about the onset of dementia.  Umm, no.  I was tired, exhausted.  I know tomorrow is January 12th.

Now, on to the reference in this post’s title.  On the podcast, this morning, one of my mentors was accenting an aversion to success, using ice cream as an analogy.  If one were to go up to a counter, see a flavour of ice cream that appealed, and was asked what would be your preference, and then dithered, thinking about whether one deserved ice cream at all, even while knowing that thousands of other people enjoy ice cream, each day, what would that feel like?

I have long dithered about enjoying life.  I have long felt that I did not deserve success, even having a hard time accepting, initially, that Penny found me attractive.  I have come to the conclusion that it was my autism talking.

The fact is, she DID find me attractive.  I was not the dregs with which she had to make do.  So, we had our ups and downs, for 29 years, but they were years of love.  I have been amazed at finding myself in places like Neah Bay, downtown Portland, San Francisco’s Russian Hill and Fisherman’s Wharf, Paris, Versailles, Utah Beach, the Dom Sector of Frankfurt, Iolani Palace, Bruges and Sitka’s Mt. Verstovia.  I really DID walk the length of Prescott Circle Trail and Black Canyon National Recreation Trail, albeit in sections. I am amazed, also, by the beautiful lady who now calls me friend.

So, all those bowls of ice cream later, I am looking at a huge sundae, and preparing to nibble a spoonful at a time.  I have spoken of giant steps being on my horizon.  I still need to convince myself that I am not the family’s hood ornament, or an appendage to the two-woman team in the classroom where I work.  It’s these very giant steps that will do this, for me.  The mentor cautioned us to not falter.  I won’t, having come all this way.

Giant Steps Continue

11

January 10, 2018, Prescott-

I am finding time zone differences

are the muck that is

complicating

my giant steps.

Doing two jobs at once,

until the end of March,

albeit for a short fifteen minutes,

in the morning,

could be a bit messy.

Good thing my day job supervisor

is agreeable

to my giant steps continuing.

Reading List and A Full Plate

6

January 7, 2017, Prescott- 

My best friend and I had a wide-ranging conversation, yesterday, about  inner peace, among other things.  She suffered a loss, recently, and the subject arose about those who blame others for their pain and suffering.  Neither she nor I blame anyone but ourselves, if things go sideways in our lives.  I love her dearly, but if she bid me farewell tomorrow, I would go on, and figure it wasn’t meant to be, for longer than it was.  On the other hand, I am glad for every minute of our friendship, and will treat her like royalty, as long as it lasts.

Those of us who are blessed by the Universe tend to have a mighty full plate.  I was informed today about another responsibility that my fellow Baha’is would like me to assume.  My financial education continues, work resumes tomorrow and I still like to read as many of  the posts on my Reader, as humanly possible.    Exercise remains important. I will also make time for M, when she needs me. So, the schedule remains, 4:30 AM-10 PM, 6 days a week, and a “sleep-in” until 5:30, on Sunday.

My winter reading list is also present, to fill in the “gaps” in my day:  “Cash Flow Quadrant”, by Robert Kiyosaki; “Facing Grief With Eyes Wide Open”, by Medea Bavarella Chechik; “Tribe”, by Sebastian Junger; “Winter of the World”, by Ken Follett; “Footloose in America”, by Bud Kenny; “The Elegant Universe”, by Brian Greene.  That should last until March 21, or 31.

We were talking, at a meeting today, in Phoenix, about how people often assume the young and the old have lots of time on their hands.  I can’t speak for the kids, but there is joy for me, in choosing to maintain a full schedule.

2018 and the Four F’s

15

January 5, 2018, Prescott-

I have addressed the new year, in terms of where I might go, and such.  In terms of the Now, however, any new year is best approached by looking at the Four F’s of one’s life: Family, Friends, Faith and Finances.

So, let’s do this.

Family-  I have to be at the ready, always, for any changes that happen in my large and cherished family.  As with anyone, I need to be ready for births, deaths and any dire emergency in between.  Right now, the radar screen shows my niece’s wedding, in June. May peace reign, in the interim.  My family goal this year, though, remains more regular communication with all.  Social media takes up much of that slack, and I am already engaged in writing a traditional letter to my mother, every 1-2 weeks.  A similar letter, to my eldest brother, goes out once a month, and he follows my online postings.  The same is true of my son.

Friends- There is someone who I consider my best friend, and to whom I would devote as much time as she needs.  She is a busy soul, though, so up to now, that time has not amounted to a whole lot.  There are many others, from my fellows in Faith, my co-workers and people, from three blocks away, to Zimbabwe and Siberia, for whom I would give my life. I have two caveats:  Please do not call or message me, randomly, and get offended when I don’t have time for a social call- deferred attention is always an option. Secondly, not buying a product you have for sale or endorsing a mass message you are promoting on Facebook Messenger does not mean I don’t care about you.  Conversely, if you don’t take up my cause, I will still regard you as a friend.  Visiting goes by the same rules.  I will always call or message, in advance, when headed your way.  Right now, a visit to a friend in Orange County, CA is in the works and there may be several more, between here and Philadelphia, come school year’s end.

Faith- My day starts with meditation, prayer and recitation of a sacred verse.  Faith, though, has to be reflected in everything one does, especially with regard to other people.  So, my work, my driving, my business transactions, even my leisure activities, are approached with Baha’i principles in mind.  I am no saint, but the Golden Rule is ever present.  I will have many activities brought to my calendar, faith-wise, this year, and as with concerns with family, so do I need to be ready and flexible on my schedule, to prioritize Baha’i activities, when they directly impact the spiritual well-being of the community.  This afternoon, and this coming Sunday, are examples of short-notice gatherings, for which I am able to be ready.  I anticipate many more.

Finances-  Given my temperament, this area has long been my weak spot.  I am giving it a lot more attention, and being coached financially is one reason why I am choosing to wake earlier each day. I fully intend to grow my estate, given looming events, for which one is normally expected to have a fair amount of cash on hand.  The main thing is that I have put a scarcity mentality behind me, and will persevere in the coming months, in building more short-term security.  I tended to possible elder care needs, at Penny’s behest, while she was still alive.  I am also very well-insured.

The Four F’s being much on my mind, this should be a fabulous year.

Markers

6

January 1, 2018, Birmingham, AL-

On this day that symbolizes new beginnings

in the Western world,

I recall these.about the year just past:

A little girl and her family,

guided me to funnel cake

and fireworks,

interrupted, only mildly,

by a man-child and his drone.

As an uncle of mine,

winged his flight

to heaven,

his only granddaughter

redoubled her efforts,

and earned a college degree.

I made a friend,

three years ago,

whilst moving on,

from a ridiculous series

of actions on my part.

That friend is still very much,

in my life, in my heart,

and one of the strongest

young ladies,

I have ever met,

has done us all proud.

My friend, her mother,

is the impetus,

and the guarantor,

of that amazing trajectory,

which will not come crashing down.

Happy 18th, to one of the first children,

of the Third Millennium, of Anno Domini.

I left Spring Hill, earlier today,

having made an older lady feel valued,

a tortured dog feel safe in my presence,

a loyal relative feel honoured.

Two more days remain,

of my journey back to Home Base.

 

 

 

Reason and Rage

14

December 30, 2017, Spring Hill-

I was scolded, a while ago.

Someone is furious,

that I said people who

learn from their mistakes

are winners.

Let’s revisit that one.

Everyone learns.

I am sometimes a slow learner,

my lessons might be repeated,

a dozen times or so.

Yet, I do learn.

I do, eventually, win.

That ought to satisfy

my enraged reader.

 

Year-End Reflections, Part 6: Risk and Delivery

15

December 29, 2017, Spring Hill-

I have consolidated a couple of small holdings.  Being well-insured, it is a small risk, that will take care of obligations.  Historically, I have taken several risks, both great and small.  Some, like an early involvement in stem-cell therapy, for Penny, proved to be of no benefit, and considerable loss.  Others, such as my low-level involvement with do Terra Certified Pure Therapeutic Grade Essential Oils, have given me long-term health benefits.

I have been roundly excoriated, a few times, for failure to deliver on my various projects.  What I’ve learned from those failures, is that I went forward, without having understood all the ramifications and possible barriers to success. The lesson of 2017 is that, despite the mistakes I’ve  made over the years, which have long lowered the opinions some family members and past associates have of me, I am still a worthwhile human being.

I have gained many friends, this year, as mentioned earlier.  Friendships are never without risk, loss being first and foremost.  Some online friends have drifted away, or become distant and standoffish.  That will hardly keep me from being devoted to those who remain, or from making still more friends, in the days and months ahead.

As 2018 glimmers in the not-too-distant horizon, I sense there will be a cash flow, either from the source I described yesterday or from somewhere not yet evident.  I will be a bit more cautious, and not drawn in by glamour or exuberance of others, yet neither will I shy from risk.

Fear of  failure, or of scolding, is a thing of the past.