Category Archives: Striving

She Did and They Will

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Posted by on in Inspiration, Personal Values, Striving

January 26, 2017, Prescott-

When I turned on the TV, of a Saturday night, when I was in my pre-teens and early teens, my adolescent eyes were glued to the screen, whenever Laura Petrie appeared.  As a few years went by, and Mary Tyler Moore assumed a more unfettered TV persona, I learned the value of seeing a woman or girl as far more than a pretty face, as any man with a pulse is bound to do-some, after a considerable fashion.  Mary Richards didn’t need a man to complete her, in any way.  Then, there was her real life struggle, mirrored in the character she played in “Ordinary People”, when my sympathies fell with the forlorn husband, played by Donald Sutherland, even while I wished she hadn’t been so vicious towards herself, as well as him and their tortured son, played by Timothy Hutton.

Mary Tyler Moore took up where Lucille Ball left off, becoming an entertainment production powerhouse.  She did so, in spite of family tragedies, failed marriages and debilitating disease.  When she did find a soulmate, and a measure of peace, she was to shine as both actress and television executive.  The example she set should not be lost, on any young woman starting out.

We are at something of a crossroads, with respect to the advancement of women.  Too many disempowered men feel as if giving strength to women means that they will be further at a loss.  In truth, when my wife prospered and felt validated, so did I.  We were never in competition.  I have never been emasculated.

I have, recently, been excoriated for  supporting the Womens’ March.  The alternate view is that all is well, that women are lucky to have it so good in this country and anyone voicing concerns, about the treatment of women and girls, is raising an issue out of whole cloth.

We have made progress, as a society.  Many jobs have been rated and graded, with regard to pay and benefits, particularly in the trades.  It could even be argued that this is a First World issue, that while upper management is still largely a male province, the punching of a time clock is done in an air of equity.  Biology still rears its head, though, in many offices and plants, and there is too high a rate of occurrence of sexual harassment.

We could, despite the argument that those who can’t afford day care should remain childless (a vicious sentiment that reflects some bitterness, of those who scrimped and saved), act more as a community, in ensuring the well-being of infants and toddlers, whose parents don’t have the luxury of market-driven child care.

Women will, most likely, over the coming decades, present more like Mary Richards, or Laura Petrie, than like June Cleaver (“Leave It to Beaver”).  Millennials and Post- Millennials, male and female alike, have very clear minds of their own and are not hesitant to voice informed opinions.  They will have the burden of cleaning up a fair number of messes and moving communities forward, much as the “GI Generation” had to, upon returning from the morass of World War II.

Mary Tyler Moore did move her needle, and the rising generations, of both women and men, will do the same.

 

Self-Teaching

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Posted by on in Inspiration, Spiritual, Striving

January 23, 2017, Prescott-

Today was another day of us plowing through tough weather, and getting much of our teaching done, working around heightened levels of excitement, as the snow began to fall, once again, in mid-day, after a morning of rain.  Once back at home base, I returned to matters of the spirit.

Baha’u’llah tells us that it is the duty of the individual to investigate truth, and not to overly depend on other humans to impart enlightenment.  He writes that the great Spiritual Masters, Whom we call Manifestations of God, guide us to all truth, through Their Writings, but also through Their lives.  An examination of each of these lives shows, in essence, and in consideration of the times in which each Master lived,  a remarkable consistency. Each lived according to the Golden Rule (Mean), in all its implications.

Now, more than ever, it falls to us to develop a full awareness, and appreciation, of the Golden Rule, and to educate ourselves in all its aspects.  This is my understanding of independent investigation of Truth.

Marching On

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Posted by on in Community, Inspiration, Social, Striving

January 21, 2017, Prescott- I was delighted by the snow that fell, this morning.  It was just enough to make everything lovely and to give me two hours of exercise.  Whilst shoveling, I noted that it was close to time for the Women’s March to take place, downtown.  I finished clearing the walk, for the sake of my neighbour, a disabled woman, who is wheelchair-bound and needs a clear path, at least three times a week.  I then took a rest, and thought very happy thoughts about the sky having cleared, for the marchers and for those with other business.  If someone chose to march today, God bless her.  If someone made other uses of their time, as long as (s)he hurt no one- God bless her, too.

Women and girls have lighted my world, from as far back as I can remember.  The most powerful woman I have ever known, has never marched or staged a public protest a day in her life.  She raised five of us, with two special needs children (my youngest brother and me) as bookends of her parenting.  She is a ferocious liberal, who loved her conservative husband with all her heart, and loves/ abides  three moderately conservative children (my beloved siblings), and me-the gadfly.  Her motherhood took the lion’s share of her life’s work, but does not define her.

The most beloved woman in my life, now departed, would have gladly taken part in today’s march, but would never have turned her back on basic values of respect and validation for those with opposing points of view.  She loved her ultraconservative father, even when his social comments broke her heart.  She and I would have heated conversations, but not once did they impact our commitment to one another.  She loved being a mother and wife, every bit as much as being a teacher, and a scholar.

I know, and love, thousands of women and girls, of all political/ideological viewpoints, and of no such viewpoints.  Their rights are the same as mine.  Their dreams and aspirations are every bit as valid as those of any man. Their strengths and abilities can only do the world good.  The woman who chooses to be a homemaker, teaches, nurses the sick or cares for others’ children is as valuable, to society, as she who practices law, runs a corporation, repairs motor vehicles or serves in the Armed Forces.  The conservative, who prefers a “traditional” lifestyle, and the progressive, who is in the vanguard of social change, are vital to one another, and would that they see this.  Each is certainly vital, in my world.

It is the nurturing presence, the capacity for bonding and the devotion to others, basic to a human female and expressed in so many ways, that makes standing up, for the well-being of women and girls, so essential.  In whatever way one marches- in serried ranks, two-by-two or singly and alone; publicly, or at home, in one’s own mind; by speaking out  before a crowd or by raising strong people, you, dear one, are making a difference.

March on.

And Now…..

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Posted by on in Community, Personal Values, Social, Striving

January 20, 2017, Prescott-

The snow came, in the afternoon.  Then, it turned to rain, for a while, this evening.  Now,snow is back, is falling lightly, here, and heavier, in higher parts of Prescott.  The snow discombobulates our students, but we were able to get everyone in an orderly line and to the bus, without incident.  I hope they get a lot of activity and enjoyment of the snow, this weekend, just as I did as a child.

The bluster was tame, in Washington, this morning. I caught the new President’s Inaugural Address, on my laptop, when I got off work, this evening.  It was neither among the best, nor was it the worst, speech I’ve heard, from a sitting President.  Mr. Trump gave us, basically, what he felt necessary to say.  I do want to see a better shake for the nation’s long left-behind towns and cities, of the Midwest and Northeast- the Eries, Dubuques, Zanesvilles, Wheelings and Tauntons of our collective back-burner memory.  I also do NOT want to see a back-slide, with regard to the rights and well-treatment of people of colour, of gender transversal or of either gender.  I don’t see any need for a dichotomy between the two; no cause for an either-or mentality.

So, there has been a changing of the guard.  It’s not how I would have wanted things, but as the now-former President said, on Wednesday, this is our system and we each need to do what we can, to make it work.  I will be very vigilant, watching closely so that no one in power misleads the blue-collar people, with whom I grew up, and that no one mistreats the people on the margins, whose safety and well-being have been close to my heart, for at least the past fifty years.  My prayer is that we all hold our leaders accountable and guard those we love.

Granger

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Posted by on in Inspiration, Personal Values, Striving

January 19, 2017, Prescott-

Miguel Ferrer died today.  He was well-known for roles in “The Stand”, “Crossing Jordan” and, most recently, “NCIS-Los Angeles”.  The last is where I best knew his work, as the irascible Owen Granger, right-hand man to Unit Director Henrietta Lange (Linda Hunt) and father figure to three of the team members.  I have had a suspicion that Granger was to be written out of the script, (no further spoiler alert), due to Mr. Ferrer’s cancer having taken a turn for the worse, of late.  Now, this is all moot.

In watching television shows, I tend to root for the people in the background, hoping they will come forward and show their strengths.  Granger was an on-screen booster of background players, like Eric Christian Olsen’s Marty Deeks and Renee- Felice Smith’s Nell Jones.  I get the sense that Miguel Ferrer chose this sort of persona, that his own life was spent encouraging young people to play to their hidden strengths, to never sell themselves short.  As this is how I have chosen to spend my own life, his performances have been a well-polished mirror.

RIP, Miguel, and may Owen Granger’s counsel live on.

Sixty Six for Sixty-Six, Part IV: Raise the Bar

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Posted by on in collaborating, Community, Family, impediments, Social, Striving

January 16, 2017, Prescott-  I spent most of today just being here for my son and a friend of his, so that they got a good breakfast into themselves and didn’t forget any of their gear, from last night’s camp-out.  The other act of service was a visit to my surrogate uncle, Henry “Hank” Alcott, whom I’ve mentioned here before.  He told me I needed to cook for myself more, and so I have a sheet with some of his favourite New England recipes.  He also reinforced my commitment to service, by telling me, again, about his daily regimen of getting up at dawn, making his own bed and going around the VA Hospital, and visiting those who are alone.  Henry is 93, and regards everyone he knows as his family.  I can’t think of a finer way to live fully.

This leads me to the next order of business:  We hit rock bottom, during the last election cycle, in a variety of ways.  Elections often produce winners who seem to be the opposite of what a country needs.  There are eras, as with the presidency of Ronald Reagan, when the elected grows, marvelously, into the position and stands firm, in meeting the needs of the times.

Society could well stand a make-over or, at least, a cleansing.  Here are some suggestions:

  1.  Learning should not be limited to a prescribed pedagogy.  I have a personal dedication to raising the bar for my students, to see knowledge as a tool for personal success- and for myself to not rely so much on cognitive material.  People are embracing the process of learning, and its mastery, a lot more.  Let’s place more stress on analysis, synthesis and application.
  2. Family, as Uncle Hank says, is unlimited.  The possibilities of what can be achieved are limitless, when one does not constrict his/her circle of contacts and sources of ideas.  I said, yesterday, on another medium, that people can be estimable, regardless of their personal politics.  I have not restricted my “family” to the realms of close genealogy, regional neighbourship or even shared pigmentation, national origin or nationality at birth. It would be more than grand, if we were to value the lives of others, as if there were no “Other”.
  3. God is not a four-letter word.  Most of the satisfaction I have had from life has come from a belief system.  I believe each of us has to find our own spiritual center, and that, in doing so, we don’t cast aspersions on the beliefs of others.  I speak of Baha’u’llah and study His Teachings.  That does not mean I hold it against Christians, Muslims or followers of other Faiths, who wish to share their beliefs. Fullness of spiritual knowledge can only make us stronger.
  4. These are three areas, in which I believe the “bar” can be raised.

Sixty for Sixty-Six, Part III: Kudos

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Posted by on in Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Spiritual, Striving

January 15, 2017, Prescott- 

Last night, 22 of us paid homage to a man who worked, diligently, outside his area of expertise, for thirty-five years, bringing knowledge of human nature and psychological well-being, into the fast food industry.

Farouk “Frank” Assadi came to this country, from Iran, as part of a diaspora spawned by religious oppression.  He lived and worked in Iowa and California, before settling in Prescott, around 2000.  His Blimpie Sandwich and Salad Shop, part of a larger chain, was a central focus of meals for many, of all walks of life, for the sixteen years it was in existence.  Before that, he had run Orange Julius franchises and a Blimpie, in another community.  On December 31, Frank took down his food service shingle and will cast his net in another direction, after a period of semi-retired rest.

He’s 70, and thus serves as an inspiration for my own planned change of focus, in 2020.  We, who work for wages, eventually earn the right to follow our hearts into avocation.  For Frank, that will likely mean work in public health.  For me, that will likely mean itinerant acts of service, combined with photography and writing, much as I’m doing during off-work hours now.

My son is visiting the Prescott area, this weekend, combining time with me and a modicum of winter camping, this evening, in a nearby US Forest Service campsite, at White Spar, which I visited last year, in the course of hiking the Prescott Circle Trail, in a series of segments.

He has grown up to build a strong character, somewhat different social and political views from my own, but with the sense of loyalty and work ethic, which I instilled in him, early on.  I know he will continue to be a credit to the United States Navy, and to any other organization he may serve. In a few short weeks, Aram will head for the land of his birth, South Korea, and a new set of challenges and growth opportunities.  I will watch this, proudly, from the sidelines.

In a few days, our nation enters a new phase: Governance by a man whose life has been spent in the private sector.  I trust, though, that the American people will remain vigilant, and will call events as they see them.  I don’t think all that many people, especially in my circle of family and friends, have given the departing president much credit, partly due to his own detached demeanour and  partly due to his having come into office, with an unfamiliar face and name.  I do think, however,that he did a lot more for the country than we can even see at present.  Yet, it is also true that several bars need to be raised.  I will have more to say on these, in the next post.

Meaning Business

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Posted by on in Education, Personal Values, Poetry, Social, Striving, Uncategorized

January 12, 2017, Prescott-

The child claimed what’s his.

A grown man can’t hold what’s his.

I make little go far.

The above verse is in reference to one of our boys speaking out, about respect, across all lines. He is the smallest of our students, but is being raised by loving parents, to not give an inch, to anyone bigger and stronger, when it comes to holding onto what belongs to him.

A very troubled man, claiming to speak for his Lord, is finding that hubris is an empty vessel, and doesn’t take the place of living in the path of God’s Messengers.  He is leaving shattered pieces, for others to pick up and carry forward.

Much had to be done, financially, these past two weeks.  I made it, thanks to a short-term advance from my bank, which will be re-paid, in full, at midnight.  This is a small example of what gets achieved, time and again, with relatively little.  I will not let my responsibilities, to loved ones, or to those who meet my needs, ever go unmet.

Responsibility for self is always basic.

Crowns

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Posted by on in Poetry, Service Activities, Spiritual, Striving

January 6, 2017, Phoenix-

Dental day,

and I am given

a mostly clean

bill of health.

A chipped tooth,

must be crowned soon,

so time gets set aside.

I honour my angel,

as other departed souls

are given their due.

The cemetery is busy

on this cool Epiphany Day.

Later, it is explained to me,

that angels were created

to serve Man.

My angel wears a crown, of pure gold,

having seen  to me meeting my needs.

In the evening,

I present a living angel,

with a gift from my heart,

as no child should ever

feel forgotten, or of no worth.

This girl will make her own

crown of glory.

 

Who Wants What?

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Posted by on in Community, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Striving

January 4, 2017, San Diego- In the course of conversation today, a subject that always seems to come to the fore, when talking with unmarried young men,and sometimes with those who ARE wed, occupied a fair amount of time:  What do women actually WANT?

My answer to that has emerged over about three decades- Basically, people all want the same three things:  Respect, a sense of autonomy and a measure of security.   No one really wants to feel set up, used or unappreciated.  This seems to sometimes be falling on deaf ears, to a person who feels alone. Actually, though, the lonely man and the woman who falls into the waiting arms of a man who will disrespect her, or worse, are more alike than they each seem to think.

Sometimes, both are impatient, regarding life as something that is passing them by.  The lonely man, especially if he is kind, generous, hard-working and family-oriented, sees a relationship/marriage as the one thing he needs to complete his life.  The settling woman, especially if she has been sheltered, places autonomy, and an emotional challenge, over the fawning attention of one who is love-struck.  Yet, she, too, sees a relationship, however flawed, as the one thing she needs to complete her life.

Both seek validation of their view of self, as well.  The man who sees himself as virtuous and protective, can’t understand why women tell him that he isn’t their “type”.  The woman who sees herself as either unworthy of respect, or, conversely, as too sheltered, can’t understand why men don’t present a coarser, or at least less solicitous, demeanor.  These attitudes start way back in middle-childhood, sometimes earlier. They have something to do with parenting, as well as with broader socialization. (There are also exceptions to every rule.)

I learned, after so many years as a fulminating, unsettled young adult, in my late teens and twenties, that “You’re not my type” is as much of an excuse,as “Women are such jerks about relationships”.  In looking for answers to my own predicament, I met, and listened to, several downcast people, of both genders.  It became obvious that, if I wanted to meet one who would be my mate, for life, I would have to truly absorb her reality- past experiences, present circumstances, future dreams.  This happened to me, as so often happens, when I felt genuinely ready for a relationship, while having no idea with whom.  I met Penny two weeks later, we discussed all the above issues, and more, over 29 years, and I developed a real sense of what mattered to both of us.

Egos are fragile.  Life is fluid.  Everyone deserves respect, the right to pursue their dreams and a measure of security.  I wish all my  friends, especially my young friends, a wellspring of all three.