What, Exactly, Is Kindness?

Posted by Sagittarian Seeker on November 26, 2019 in Assistance, collaborating, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Striving

November 26, 2019-

Many years ago, I was present in a colleague’s classroom, when a distraught boy kicked and slammed a chair. This was in the days when corporal punishment was still the norm, so it happened that my co-worker grabbed the boy’s arm and shook him, very hard. She told those of us who witnessed this, that he would remember this moment and be unlikely to repeat such a destructive behaviour.

I had my doubts about that, then, and still am doubtful. The teacher has since passed on and the boy is now a 50-year-old man. I have not seen him since I left the community where this took place. He’s still up there, in that rural community, and I wonder if he remembers that incident. I wonder how it affected his world view, and more directly, how it affected his raising of his own children.

I chose to physically punish my own child, prior to his adolescence, on a relatively few occasions. None of those occasions saw me lose my self-control, yet I have often thought since, that there had to be better ways to correct his behaviour, than presenting myself as somehow more powerful, more dominant.

There was a song, in the late 1970’s, entitled “Cruel to Be Kind”. While the songwriter included the phrase, “in the right measure”, I found myself disagreeing with the sentiment. Nonetheless, there are occasions when, in order to save one’s own sanity and overall usefulness as a human being, it’s necessary to deny another person’s request. None of us are perfect, after all, and there are times when a soul is unreasonable, in her/his expectations of others. I dealt with such a person, four years ago; with another, last year and with yet a third, over the past weekend. In each case, I was taking on a situation which would have been best handled by a team of people. In the first instance, I was able to assemble such a group and the man lived his last years among us, in a fairly comfortable environment. The other two- I was, and am, unable to help very much, as an individual. Sometime, the issues are just too complex.

That said, there was also a time, six years ago, when I was the problematic one. The person on whom I was fixated, handled the whole thing masterfully. We reached a very quiet understanding, and I made a promise that I have kept and will uphold for all eternity. That person’s kindness has been a model for me, ever since.

Kindness, then, can assume many forms, though I daresay cruelty, in its true state, is never one of those forms.

A Few Rules for Self

Posted by Sagittarian Seeker on November 26, 2019 in distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal goals, Personal Values, Striving

November 25, 2019-

I made it an enjoyable day, by setting a few rules for myself, a few days in advance of turning sixty-nine. The more one takes care of self, the less likely it is that others can slip into the vacuum and divert attention from what matters.

I found myself trying to help another person, yesterday afternoon, and only ended up feeling like I was about to tear out what’s left of my hair. That’s not a direction in which I plan on heading again.

The first rule I have set for myself, therefore, is to limit my time on any one online discourse to twenty minutes, per day, maximum. I will make exceptions for my immediate family. Time is far better spent, at least in my view, by doing things like walking, tending to my home, cooking and reading.

The second rule is to read at least an hour each day. I got away from that practice, a few years back and found it most rewarding to return to the printed page today.

The third rule is to not procrastinate about doing a task, just because it is novel to me. Specifically, I have a new water system, involving a complicated piece of equipment. Fortunately, there is a DVD that is likely to guide me through the process, certainly more than the confusing paper diagram. I am one of those who doesn’t easily comprehend the tie between a piece of equipment and a wordless diagram. It’ll get done, though.

It’s been a fine day, though. I received my new driver’s license, good for another five years, and a document needed by a family member also arrived. Thanksgiving plans appear set, and the last few days of being 68 look to be spent in fine weather, albeit rather windy weather.

Smelling The Roses

Posted by Sagittarian Seeker on November 24, 2019 in collaborating, Community, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Inspiration, Personal Values, Service Activities, Social, Striving

November 24, 2019-

For the longest time, I went through life being purposeful, and regarding taking time with non-essentials as a waste of time. Even time in nature had to be for the purpose of reaching a goal.

Penny got me to slow down, just a bit, and to not look at life as just a thing to be accomplished. Since I wasn’t really all that ambitious, in the conventional sense, learning to relax and not be time-driven was actually refreshing.

Jordan Peterson’s twelfth rule for life is “If You See A Cat on The Road, Pet It.”. Although many of the cats I’ve encountered in life are hardly willing to be petted, the sentiment is a charming one.

Being semi-retired, I now take more time for the gentle pleasures of life. Most of the people in my life understand this, and many say it’s high time. I have encountered a few who take umbrage at my pastimes, and their words sometimes trigger memories of my past. This leads me to lash out, as I did in the earlier version of this post. Time away, reading “Abby Wize”, brought me back down to the level at which I am in a better frame of mind. Nobody likes being triggered, yet I need to keep above it.

That is the thing. I have worked hard, at a number of endeavours, both professionally and socially. I have earned a measure of taking time to smell the roses. Lest anyone think I was playing the victim card earlier- think again. Lest anyone think I am dodging social responsibility, think twice. I continue to be very much involved in community activities. That, to me, is part of taking time for what is beautiful in life. Towards that end, I enjoy walking in our lovely town, spending much time in leisurely walks through nature. I will continue to enjoy time with non-judgmental people. I will pet animals, especially dogs, which enjoy that kind of attention. As you may have guessed, I will also continue to travel widely, especially towards the late spring and summer months of next year. As Dr. Peterson says, taking time for what is meaningful is what keeps us in good health, and even helps the sick to recover.

This concludes my first set of commentaries on the Twelve Rules for Life.

Both Halves of the Whole Are Necessary

Posted by Sagittarian Seeker on November 23, 2019 in children, Community, distraction issues, Family, impediments, Inner Struggles, Personal Values, Social, Striving

November 23, 2019-

The practice of chivalry has long taken a bad rap. For this, I blame the degeneration of the once noble art into infantilization, then misogyny. What was a system for honouring all that women did for the good of the world, became a means to dominance.

As the old saw goes, “When the worm turns, we all turn.” It’s been masculinity’s time to take some hits, in the name of a level playing field. The point of overkill appears to have been reached, about ten years ago.

Both genders can claim a plethora of contributions to the well-being and advancement of society, and of civilization. There are men and women of distinction, in just about every field of endeavour that comes to mind. Due to a long-standing system of such things as the disparity in salary between men and women, for the same work and the false equivalence, “whataboutism”, that gets raised, every time lingering issues of misogyny are raised, the temptation to take even more away from men is understandable.

Gender, itself, owing to both the frequent imbalance of gender-determining hormones, in all too many people, has been under a degree of attack. This is not the fault of anyone who has a greater degree of testosterone compared to estrogen, or vice versa. There are likely a good many causes of the imbalance, from genetic modification of food and drink to pollutants in the air and water.

However, I digress. The fact that I was born male, am very happy to remain male and am physically attracted only to women does not need to be renegotiated. I can be, and am, friends with a fair number of gay men and transgender people. That, and the fact that I once cried easily, has never had anything to do with my gender identity.

Jordan Peterson’s eleventh rule for life is, essentially, “don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.” The legitimate achievements of men, those on which a man did NOT piggy-back on the work of a woman, need not be minimized. (There are certainly plenty of the piggy-backed cases.)

Indeed, there is often a tendency for people to not know where to stop, when correcting a past wrong. The misunderstood term, microaggression,, has been offered as a reason for excess revisionism in history and for an overage of caution in determining a proper course of action. Microaggression is essentially between individuals, and is best sorted out, at that level.

Dr. Peterson carries this to the achievements of Western European/North American society. Certainly, there is much about the “Western civilization” to admire, which is a large part of why it has been so universally emulated. There is also much that needs correction, and some of the answers to our issues may be found in examining other societies.

In essence, then, no community can long exist, successfully, without equal contributions by BOTH women and men. In addition, no society can thrive on one set of social practices alone.

Each One, Let The Other One Live

Posted by Sagittarian Seeker on November 22, 2019 in collaborating, impediments, Inspiration, Personal Values, Social, Striving

November 22, 2019-

I am reading the updated version of a young adult novel, “Abbie Wize: AWAKE”. It is the story of a misunderstood, isolated and battered young girl, who experiences a unique spiritual awakening. Her main nemesis is her own mother, who appears at this point in the novel as a brutal and controlling menace.

Jordan Peterson’s Rule 10 is ” Don’t Knock A Teenager Off A Skateboard”. Basically, our task as members of society is to not be so up in other people’s business, that we quash their legitimate joys, experiences and efforts. This is even true, to an extent, of parents, so long as a child is not harming self or others.

I tend to concur with that sentiment. My own parents were not brutes and I can count on one hand the number of times I was physically chastised, as a child and teen. I was not too different, as a father, in that respect.

As adults, many tend to think it is within their boundaries to prescribe to others, exactly how they should be handling their business. There is a story about an old man, a young boy and a donkey. As they went on their journey to a town that was ten kilometers away, the old man walked, while the boy rode the donkey. Some objected, saying the robust boy should let his elder ride. They switched places and kept going. Others appeared, berating the old man for making such a small child walk. The boy joined the old man, riding the donkey. Animal rights activists chided the pair, for putting the poor donkey under such a strain. The man and boy decided the activists were right, and began carrying the donkey! A group of rowdy men gathered, and began mocking the two, for being so stupid as to carry an animal. The old man and the boy decided to take turns riding the donkey, and so they went the rest of the way in peace.

Dr. Peterson’s point here is not that we should be apathetic towards our fellows, but that we should adopt a posture of seeing each other as they see themselves, and taking steps to encourage right behaviour-rather than aiming our arrows solely at what is being done wrong.

This, combined with his earlier point about listening to one’s critics, calls for a balance in our interactions with one another. I have learned to measure my criticism carefully, as well as to sift my own naysayers’ words, with a view towards continuous self-improvement.

A Humble Posture of Learning

Posted by Sagittarian Seeker on November 21, 2019 in collaborating, Inspiration, Personal Values, Striving

November 21, 2019-

One of the things our parents instilled in my siblings and me is that it’s possible to learn from anyone. I took that as a dictum to listen and to draw lessons from what someone does, as well as what is said.

Jordan Peterson’s tenth rule for life is just that: “Learn from those who know what you don’t know.” Watching and listening is always a good thing, when combined with the ability to discern right from wrong. I can listen to someone describe how they snookered gullible people, in their old neighbourhood, and LEARN: 1). How not to let that person, or someone like him/her, take advantage of me; 2. How not to treat a gullible person. On the other hand, I can watch and listen, carefully, to a seasoned automobile engine mechanic demonstrate how to remove and replace the rings and valves of the engine, and maybe, given the right circumstances, perform the activity myself.

A Roma man, in Paris, after failing to con me into taking a ring that I had seen him drop on the sidewalk, decided to tell me of other tricks that his rivals, on the Right Bank of the Seine, might try on me. These tips came in handy, especially as when it started pouring rain, I only wanted to get back to my hotel. Yes, the scams included “Monsieur, look! My uncle is coming, with his pedicab!!” (There was no pedicab, as my Roma friend had told me there wouldn’t be. He had said that, if I looked on cue, two deft fingers would search my back pockets. As it happened, I had only a soiled handkerchief in my back right pocket, and nothing in my left, as my valuables were secure, elsewhere.)

One can also learn from observing others, and from overhearing them. I try to keep that to a polite minimum, but it has often been beneficial, so long as I don’t try to inject myself into their business, without cause.

The greater point is: None of us knows everything, and those who pretend as much, fool few outside of their own circle-if even them. Baha’u’llah prescribes adopting a humble posture of learning. It is that which leads me to read, to observe what goes on around my Home Base, to stay abreast of current events and to travel, when time avails itself.

The Conscious Step Away From An Abyss

Posted by Sagittarian Seeker on November 20, 2019 in collaborating, distraction issues, impediments, Inner Struggles, Matters of Faith, Personal Values, Spiritual, Striving

November 20, 2019-

So, it now happens that, if I want to truly understand what Jordan Peterson is trying to say, in his Twelve Rules for Life, I will have to actually read his book. The reason is the depth of Rule 9. A simple synopsis is: Understand Your Dark Side. Know exactly that of which you are capable, and resolve not to do it.

Each of us has a dual nature, which is exactly why Christ endured 40 days of temptation and His Crucifixion. He wanted us to know that the path away from self-destruction lay totally in following the Teachings of the Divine, which derive, essentially, from the Golden Rule. Not only acts of goodness, but consciousness and dismissal of, the darkness within. Baha’u’llah endured the indignity of His tormentors, who included many within His own family, that we may see the two paths down which we might each go, and that we may choose the Path of Light.

I have had struggles, all throughout this life, and only after enduring Penny’s disease, vicariously- and as her caretaker; only after wrestling with left-over baggage, following her passing, and making a conscious decision to turn aside from the darkness, have I ended up in a place of Light. So, I get the gist of what Dr. Peterson speaks here. Seeing the dark, and teetering on the edge of it, is debilitating. Seeing the goodness, and nurturing it, sends the spirit soaring.

Workaday Hollywood, and The Slog

Posted by Sagittarian Seeker on November 19, 2019 in collaborating, Community, impediments, Personal Values, Social, Travel

November 12, 2019, Indio-

Among my circle of family and friends, a half dozen or so live in and work around Hollywood, with a view towards making it in the film industry. I have a sense that each of them will make their mark; some being steady and modest successes and others rising to considerable fame. This is a harsh environment, both in terms of the level of competition and in the amount of stress that striving to entertain others produces. Then, there is all that comes with living in Los Angeles- Knowing how to adapt to high volumes of vehicular traffic and living among a lot of people with intense schedules and lifestyles. The same could be said of New York, Chicago, San Francisco, Atlanta or Seattle; in fact, of any large city. Los Angeles, though, has The Allure; a generally mild climate and a goodly number of laid-back people, scattered among the intense crowd.

Penny and I visited Hollywood, in the Spring of 1986, heading straight for the Walk of Fame, after having spent a day in Disneyland and the following evening at Knotts Berry Farm. This was our only trip to LA. All other California visits focused on San Diego, Santa Cruz and, once, Santa Barbara. Since she’s been gone, I’ve been in the LA area a few times, but today was my first visit back to Hollywood. This time, the Walk of Fame was not on the agenda. My purpose was a visit with one of the above-mentioned aspirants in my circle, who is one of my son’s best friends, and the venue was a small eatery on Hollywood Boulevard: Division 3.

As you can see, Hollywood, as it exists for many people who live there, is rather densely built, with parking at a high premium. All manner of people are out and about. I initially parked about a half-mile away, near a Catholic school, well off the main drag. When I.P. arrived, we walked up to my parking spot and he told me of better, closer spaces. So, Elantra ended up about two blocks south of Hollywood and Bronson.

Back at Division 3, we enjoyed about 2 1/2 hours of conversation, catching up on all that transpired since Aram had last visited Phoenix, about four years ago. As it happened, that was the length of time that the harried restaurant chef needed to fill our order. Hollywood establishments frequently get slammed with large, spur-of-the-moment orders, especially at lunch time. The fare was worth it, as neither of us happened to be in much of a rush. One touching moment was a homeless man, seemingly a bit confused, asking me where Michael J. Fox was. I told him Mr. Fox was off working for Parkinson’s research, which made him feel better. IP and I got in our Hollywood, 2019 photos. (That’s my camera case, on my right hip, BTW.)

The meet-up ended all too soon, and I was off on the last part of this LA adventure: The Slog. Hollywood-to-Rossmore-to-Wilshire-to-Crenshaw-to- I-10 was pretty much a breeze. LA to Palm Desert was far less so. It was 3:15, when I merged onto my moving home, for the next four hours. What is comforting about The Slog is that, as in Chicago and New York, people have worked it out. Public Enemy # One would be anyone who causes an accident; things are hard enough as it is. We were family in anonymity, keeping watch for those who were moving slower or faster than the majority. No one, in my scrum, was injured or inconvenienced, and by 7:15, I was in Palm Desert, stopping to visit Bill Tracey’s crew at the third branch of Bill’s Pizza. It is a large, spacious and very welcoming edifice, off Highway 111.

The Slog is hardly something in which I will be partaking, frequently. It is an ungainly use of energy, time and space, necessary, for the foreseeable future-but crying out for alternatives. Surface roads help out some; yet mass transit and more regional urban villages need to be a greater part of the mix.

I am stopped for the night, at Western Sands Motel, in this easternmost edge of LA’s Metro Extension. Tomorrow, I head back to Home Base and preparations for what may turn into an early winter-snow is part of the forecast, next week and the week after.

The Wilshire Finger Points East

Posted by Sagittarian Seeker on November 18, 2019 in collaborating, Community, Historical, Inspiration, Social, Travel

November 12, 2019, Santa Monica-

There are any number of iconic streets across the country, and in the Los Angeles area, in particular. U.S. Route 66 ends (or begins) here, a scant few blocks from where I stood just moments ago. Several of the streets around this quadrant are enshrined in my childhood memory, albeit from TV ( Sunset Boulevard and Strip remain in the Long-Term Bank, thanks to Edd “Kookie” Byrnes, who was the king of smooth). Route 66 itself was the province of George Maharis (“Buzz Murdock”, Kookie’s heir apparent).

It is Wilshire Boulevard, though, which has the most cachet- It starts here, overlooking the beach and hosts some of LA’s great museums. Wilshire leads the visitor to UCLA’s turnoff, to Hollywood and, eventually, to Koreatown.

At its western terminus, St. Monica herself is the traffic icon, standing between Wilshire and the long drop down a steep cliff.

I chose to walk, from the far end of Third Avenue’s Promenade, to this overlook.

So, the true glory of Santa Monica, these days, lies in how the city is making itself pedestrian-friendly. Third Street Promenade, like other urban pioneering efforts, is a well-planned and relaxing venue for people, of all walks of life, to re-center themselves. My first order of business, after checking out of Rest Haven, was to find breakfast. That matter was resolved by Santa Monica’s branch of LA’s Le Pain Quotidien. Mini-pancakes and cafe au lait sufficed, as there will be a lunch meet-up with a family friend later on, in Hollywood. LPQ is my kind of spot, though, with a long communal table that goes against the “keep away from my turf” ethic that is so prevalent in many American establishments. Strangers here are truly “friends you haven’t met.”

These are just a few of what LPQ offers.

The long row does have its share of kitsch, in the form of dinosauria. At least, it’s imaginative kitsch.

Bella, another signature cafe, would have been my breakfast choice, had not LPQ stared me in the face, when I first left the parking garage.

Walking towards the beach overlook, I was captivated by a small boy, who was re-arranging these chess pieces, under his mother’s watchful eyes. I sat a few rows away and pondered his “strategy”. For a four-year-old, the little guy was doing quite well.

Such is life, in one of Los Angeles’ most eclectic satellite communities. Now, it is time for me to head to yet another of those: Hollywood.

Canalside Ruminations

Posted by Sagittarian Seeker on November 17, 2019 in Community, Hiking and Nature, Historical, Inspiration, Social, Striving, Travel

November 11, 2019, Venice, CA-

As I set out to walk alongside the canals of this down-to-earth beach community, I noted that its namesake, in Italy, is at serious risk of sinking into its swampland underpinnings. California’s Venice has its own concerns: Earthquakes and a large homeless population being two very different such points of focus. This is a part of Los Angeles where it is not unusual for people to set up impromptu “shops” along South Venice Boulevard, across from the north entrance to the Canal Walking Path. There are many who sleep where they can, around the village.

The canals themselves are lined by eclectic houses, which seem to have many students and artists, in residence. The quirkiness of the district is as much of a draw as the serenity that radiates from an early morning, canalside.

I chose to walk mainly along Grand Canal, which is the western boundary of the District. My route took in the bridges of Carroll, Linnie, Howland and Sherman Canals, at their juncture with Dell Street.

Here is a long view of Grand Canal.

I turned left at Carroll Canal, looking to cross the bridge in the foreground.

From the Dell Street Bridge, here is a view towards the Eastern Canal.

A couple of Little Egrets were on hand. Here is one, grooming herself, along the Grand Canal.

There is plenty of kitsch here, as well, including a Pink Flamingo paddle boat.

Linnie Canal is the next feeder to Grand Canal, going north to south.

As is seen in a previous paragraph, Halloween has a lingering presence, in the Canal District.

Howland Canal came next, on my southward jaunt.

These peace-infusing homes are at the junction of Grand Canal and Howland.

This Gingko Tree nearly overwhelms the towpath.

An upside-down dinghy strikes a pensive mood.

Various messages appear, along Grand Canal, between Howland and Sherman.

Canalside gardens also tend to be polychromatic.

Here is a view of Grand Canal, as it bends towards Sherman.

As I crossed Sherman Canal Bridge, and was walking northward again, I caught this Little Egret on its way to “safer” perches.

This mural, outside the Canal District, depicts some whimsical creatures out of Dr. Seuss’s lesser known tales.

With a peaceful counterpoint to the noise and energy of Venice Beach, I felt ready to take a look at Santa Monica’s vibrant Third Street Promenade.

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A Sagittarian Seeker

Sharing a life of inner and outer journeys

What, Exactly, Is Kindness?

A Humble Posture of Learning

The Conscious Step Away From An Abyss

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