Burned, but Not Broken

22

August 4, 2018, Prescott-

As I stood, gazing at the sunset, this evening, admiring just how beautiful this city is, I think of different people here, and also realized:

You the disaffected one, silently snarl,

and greet me sullenly,

no longer by name,

just a perfunctory “Hello“.

You’d like me gone,

because I’m not who you want me to be,

WHAT you want me to be.

I’m still here,

as it’s the Universe,

not human beings,

deciding what I am going to do,

and where.

You, the gym managers, greet me by name,

because you see my heart,

and your only agenda

is to love and serve.

You, the busy entrepreneur, make time for me,

when it fits your schedule.

That’s okay, as

I was brought up

to honour people’s privacy.

You, the children and youth, smile

when I walk in your space,

or into the classroom,

because we share

a tenderness of heart.

You, my co-workers,

know of my undivided loyalty,

and support,

because we share a love

for the youth we serve,

and all else is secondary.

I have no real enemies,

just people who read me  wrong.

I suffer no lasting injury,

just the temporary wounds

which those in dire pain

want so badly to share.

As I looked at the sunset,

I realized the wounds are healing.

Dystope

2

February 9, 2017, Santee-  Last night, whilst my son was engaged in a “guild event’, related to a video gaming network to which he belongs, I took a short walk downstreet from the hotel.

Spotting a fenced-off area, which resembled a random back-to-nature scene, I crossed the street and walked around to a place where a few people had parked, and noticed them walking their dogs, on the lot.

It turns out to be an abandoned property, with boulders strewn about and a few remnants of buildings.  The locals are using it as something of a dog park and exercise yard.  If I were in Santee, for any appreciable length of time, I would certainly make regular use of it, as well.

The immediate impression I got, though, is that here is an example of what may become commonplace, if we lessen civic pride, even more than we already have.  The city of Santee is, in general, a well-kept place, so this is no judgment on it. My larger point is that Nature is quick to move in on what Man leaves behind.

To wit:

The sunsets are certainly worth an evening spent here.SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

I have always been drawn to boulders and large rock formationsSAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

This is a natural barbecue pit.

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES

Thus, I hope there is a grassroots effort to make the property a true park.  It’s time to say goodbye to a dystopian mindset.

Triggers

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I got a form letter from the Bereavement Coordinator of Penny’s hospice, a few days ago.  I wrote back and touched base with him.  It set me to thinking about what triggers thoughts of her, and of us, and how those triggers affect me.

Some of those triggers are:

Sunsets- I went through a period where I would shut the blinds, right before sunset.  Now, I want to leave them open and let it be visible.  We always enjoyed the sunset, no matter where we were.

Couples together- That’s a no-brainer, and the recent series of posts by some of my friends moving in together, planning weddings, even becoming a couple for the first time, actually makes me smile- a lot.  You are going to enjoy one of life’s strongest experiences.

Dachshunds- Our little one kept us amused and feeling loved, for fifteen years.  The dachshunds I have seen lately all act frenetic and happy, just like our “Lady”.

A phone call from our son- This is, naturally, something that raises my spirits.  It’ll be less frequent now.  He is at sea, somewhere in the Persian/Arabian Gulf.

Vegetarian cooking- Penny always had a goal of being a vegetarian and we worked at it, in fits and starts.  I had an almost veggie meal tonight.  Only the cocktail hot dogs interrupted it.

Her photos- I won’t put them away, ever.

I guess the triggers are actually helping me define my spot in the world.