Category Archives: Personal goals

An Eastward Homage, Day 1: A More Timely Departure

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Posted by on in Personal goals, Travel

This morning began as most days do:  Prayers, errands and reading the paper, over coffee.  The usual stuff took on more urgent tones, around 9:30, and there were bills paid for June and July, brief visits to a couple of friends and last-minute mailings of various items.

I made the walk to Hassayampa Inn, and a rendezvous with the airport shuttle, in plenty of time this afternoon.  This gave me an excuse to photograph the Hassaymapa’s lovely east courtyard garden.

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The shuttle ride was smooth and swift, and provided a chance to hear the insights of a local pastor/psychologist.  Like me, he is urgently concerned with the mental health and well-being of  the surviving Prescott Hotshot, and of the families of the men who were killed, nearly a year ago.

Sky Harbor Airport was crowded and bustling, at 6 PM.  I passed through security without fanfare, though a book I had just finished, “Touch the Top of the World”, by Erik Weihenmayer, got lost in an unguarded moment.  Whoever has it now is in for a treat.  Erik, a blind man, has successfully climbed peaks as disparate as Everest, Mt. McKinley, Aconcagua, El Capitan and Kilimanjaro, with various teams.   His story should prove inspiring to anyone, regardless of one’s personal challenges.

My new read is “Bunker Hill”, by Nathaniel Philbrick.  This will keep me enthralled, during several flights in the days ahead.  Sky Harbor at night is a different place.  As happens elsewhere after hours. those waiting for night flights gather as a sociable family, of sorts.  The insular crowds of the daylight hours have gone on, and the Redeye Crowd are pumped for their flights into the morning sunlight, or California midnight, as the case may be.

I whiled the waiting period away at Olive and Ivy Marketplace, a nice little deli and pizzeria.

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Well, kids, it’s time to put this computer away, and mosey on down to the gate.  The Queen City, Charlotte, NC, is next on the itinerary, then on to Newark, and a day or two in the familiar climes of the Garden State.

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This Memorial Weekend

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Posted by on in Personal goals

Memorial Day this year has a special poignancy for me, with the departure of my father-in-law on May 7.  We have traded Father’s Day, my in-laws’ wedding anniversary and his birthday for this special day of remembrance.  I am grateful for every year he was within earshot, a phone call away or a shoulder to lean on- though never to cry on.  Now, he gets to see us from a different realm, a more distinct vantage point.

Memorial Day has somewhat gone the way of other “Holidays” in America.  We are bombarded with offers we “can’t refuse”, many are expected to work through the weekend and others just seek a chance to unwind, in their usual manner.  There is nothing wrong with relaxation.  We all need it.

It has been gratifying, though, that in communities both large and small, people seem to be returning to things that matter most during this weekend of reflection.  Yesterday, I went to the Phoenix area a day earlier than I had planned.  The young grandson of a long-time friend had died, in a tragic accident, the weekend before, and yesterday was his memorial service.  Such a vibrant, vital child was now with the Holy People and several hundred people came from all over Metro Phoenix, and beyond, to show their love.

The Christian pastor said it well- We know not why such an early death happens to a young child, but as a gardener chooses a variety of flowers for his bouquet, so does the Heavenly Father choose those of different ages as His angels.  We prayed, hugged one another, cried and laughed at remembrance of this beautiful child’s antics.  In the end, after a satisfying meal, nearly a hundred balloons were released into the air, in his honour.    The loss of a child is always jarring, horrifying, yet the send-off for a soul can be magnificent, and this was so.

I drove off, after the service, and paid private respects at Penny’s gravesite, and at nearby tombs of two other Baha’is:  Kenneth Jeffers, and the little boy’s great-grandfather, Bill Karnes.  Three undaunted teachers of our Faith, laid to rest in a triangle within several hundred yards of one another, and now they are circling around us all, in the spiritual realm.  The Messengers of God promise us this and it seems so, every day as I arise and every night as I get ready for sleep.

Today, I focused more on service close to home, pulling a dead tree branch back from its overhang over our north wall, where it jutted into our neighbour’s parking lot.  So, one less eyesore and safety hazard is in the way of honest people trying to earn a living. I made some progress on clearing brush and weeds along the wall and in front of the wooden sheds.  More needs to be done tomorrow afternoon, once Memorial Day itself has been observed at our Citizens’ Cemetery and in front of the VA Hospital, and I have visited some hospitalized patients there.

Time is now getting short, before I head off to what amounts to a memorial month- World War anniversaries in France and Belgium, a visit to my paternal ancestral city of Rouen, France and walkabouts in cities large and small in Germany and Luxembourg, as well as the aforementioned countries.  Part of my mind and heart will be watching what goes on here in Arizona, as the fire season continues to play out, in Flagstaff, Sedona and other towns.  My heart goes out to those who lost loved ones in Isla Vista, near Santa Barbara and to those dealing with extended flood emergencies in the Danube Basin.  I will have more to say about the UC shootings tomorrow.  Be safe, my friends and readers.

Time, Times and Half A Time

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Posted by on in Personal goals, Social

Rev 12:14″ And to the woman were given two wings of a great eagle, that she might fly into the wilderness, into her place, where she is nourished for a time, and times, and half a time, from the face of the serpent.”

It has been just shy of a year, since one of the most horrific events to befall my adopted town took place on a remote ridge:  The Yarnell Hill Fire, which claimed the lives of 19 Wildland Firefighters.  Every family left behind has suffered unimaginable grief.  A widow, just shy of 30 years of age, has the task of raising four children, albeit with a strong, emotionally-supportive extended family and an upstanding Faith Community.  For the past seven months, she, and they, have dealt with a bureaucracy and its supporters, whose mantra has been “Life happens.  Make do with what you have.”

Fine words for those who may have suffered through the Depression, by taking in laundry, picking weeds or digging ditches, but the world has changed a tad.  Much water has gone under many bridges.  The issue in this case, though, is that while all the crew members worked equally as hard as the next, only some, by the interpreted letter of the law, were well-tended by the system.  The rest were to find other means of support.

After 1 1/2 days of hearings, the regulatory authority in this case determined, by majority vote, that the young widow and her children were indeed entitled to full benefits, under the appropriate system.  Our system may be slow, may often need careful, patient action to correct its mistakes, but today is proof that it works.  Today is proof that, even in our times of instant gratification-or-nothing, not giving up is essential.

On a far different note, I came home and read a  lengthy rejoinder to a comment I had made, relative to the Islamic Faith.  The author cites chapter and verse to show that Islam is inherently evil, and that anything said to the contrary is naive and “PC”.  I will obviously have to do a lot of research before responding to the innuendo, just as the legal team which prevailed in this week’s hearing had to do an enormous amount of work, in righting  a serious wrong.

Saint John the Divine, in the passage above, alludes to a desperate soul getting assistance from unlikely sources, and in a most unexpected way.  Those with a stake in an established system will naturally do all they can to guard that system- be it a governmental structure, or a code of beliefs. We must also bear in mind that many a misguided set of beliefs or codes of regulations themselves are rooted in correcting both real and perceived injustice. The needs of the  weak, the suffering, and the pure in heart, however, have a far more powerful set of allies to meet them.  It just takes longer to address them fully.

I also note that another young family, on the other side of the country, received word that THEIR anxiety and difficulties will now also be relieved- on a long-term basis.  Time, and time again, we seek relief.  Never give up!

Moving Seamlessly

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Posted by on in Personal goals, Social

The young firefighter described his, and his unit’s, work, over the course of a year, as moving seamlessly from one set of tasks to another.  This is what I admire most about so many of those who have taken on difficult, dangerous and often thankless, unappreciated tasks as their life’s work.  The unit in question works under an administration which seems to neither understand nor care much for those under its charge.  That administration is getting a rather long overdue education today and tomorrow.

I have said in the past that, even as I have good friends in every living generation, I am finding I relate best to Millennials.  The sense of commitment to a better world is just below the surface among all ages, yet nowhere is the energy and drive to truly create a functioning and equitable global society stronger than it is among teens and twenty-somethings.  Gen Z (those fourteen and under) seems just as promising, so this could be a confirmation that the world, towards which so many have striven,  is on its way, even as so much that is rotten needs to be cleared out.

We may not move forward with absolute seamlessness, and there are plenty of non-angelic types among the younger generation, but as I move about the city of Prescott, around Arizona or across the country and to other parts of the world, I sense there is a purposeful mien among the youth.  It goes beyond idealism, which, if left to stand alone, becomes cynicism and gives way to creature comforts, drug abuse and paranoia. Maybe, with the current younger generations, the lack of time-honoured opportunities which many of us enjoyed as youth, has forced self-reliance, group action and innovation to the fore early on in their lives.  Certainly, technology has helped greatly, in that regard.

I have come under a lot of fire from many of my fellow Boomers and from several Gen-X’ers recently, for my past few posts.  I can’t share their cynicism, though, and while contemplating the rest of my life, I can only see good things for the human race, in the aggregate.  Those of my contemporaries who agree with my assessment have been equally vocal, so maybe I, too, am moving seamlessly from one day, and one set of tasks, to the next.

Choices

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Posted by on in Personal goals, Social

I listened to Tape 10 of the series, “The Eleven Forgotten Laws”, last night.  It was entitled “The Law of Sacrifice”.  The premise is simple:  To get one thing, one must give up another.  I find the  basis for this applies in just about all aspects of life.  Let’s look at three examples.

There is a restaurant menu- Seven items appeal, but of course today, for this meal, only one may be chosen.  Of course, the only thing that is directly “sacrificed” is the ability to eat the other six items at this sitting, unless the restaurant is buffet-style.  Some may moan that their money is being sacrificed, but compensation is not the same thing as giving up something.  The restaurant, generally speaking, deserves to be paid for its fare and service.

When one gets married, it is only fair to the spouse that romances with others are no longer a part of your life.  Of course, there are those in Swinging or Open Marriage relationships, but they’re like the buffets- not the usual situation.  One’s spouse, and you, are deserving of respect and fidelity.

The last reflects my life, at present.  When one is drawn to travel, it could be for any number of reasons.  The same is true of those who elect to stay at home.  There are many events going on, in the place(s) you choose to visit.  There may well be many events going on, simultaneously, in the place you call home.

My point is, be comfortable with the choices that get made.  They are yours- and as such, will draw both praise and criticism.  No one knows what’s best for you better than you do.  While life goes one, fully, as it should, in your absence, it works best when the response to “We’ll miss you!” is “Thank you, and I look forward to your stories and photos of all that will have happened here, while I was gone.”

Bob Proctor and Mary Morrissey encourage us to be glad that we have free choices, which are indicative of an abundant Universe.

Dystopia

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Posted by on in Personal goals, Social

I have a propensity for watching TV shows and films which have a dystopian theme:  Revolution, The Black List, Person of Interest, Game of Thrones, Hunger Games, Divergent, Ender’s Game.  I mainly like to see how the protagonists solve their dilemmas, though in too many cases, the choice is “Blam, Blam”.  Revolution got old, and formulaic, so it’ll be consigned to Hulu after one last episode.

Dystopia, the collapse of all we know and either love or hate, the primal turn to either a Lord of the Flies mentality, a Glengarry, Glenross or 1984 mindset, or both, seems to be much on everyone’s mind.  Despite my fascination with these shows, however, I don’t see an actual, full-blown dystopia as the long-term wave of the future.  Yes, we may very well endure a stretch of trials and tribulations, which won’t lend themselves to a quick return to “Business as Usual”, but I believe there will emerge something far better.

People are bound to notice that there are those who are building a better, more organized and less officious civilization from whatever ashes to which the old systems lead.  Some won’t want anything to do with it, but most will, over a period of decades.  I have had several iterations of my own life, in which, as Baha’u’llah, Founder of the Baha’i Faith wrote “Poverty is followed by riches, and riches are followed by poverty…” His meaning is that material possessions come and go, but He is emphatic in saying that we will always have what we need.

With Paul Simon, in “Peace Like a River”,  I see a glorious Day.

Connectedness

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Posted by on in Personal goals, Social

In the various stretches of downtime which I was given these past several days, I read the book, “Proof of Heaven”, by Eben Alexander, a psychiatrist who experienced a particularly acute Near Death Experience, a few years ago.  It is notable that he saw the intense interconnectedness of subatomic particles during his time in coma.  This very phenomenon has been documented, in the past few years, by Quantum Physicists.  It underscores the absolute relatedness of all things, both moving and inert.

I had lots of time to think about this aspect of our life.  Indeed, it is the most basic feature of all life in the Universe, at all levels.  This brings me to a confirmation:  All life seeks connection to all other life.  Let’s stick to how this might apply to human beings, for the present.

I drew a few conclusions about our relations with one another.  First, when people seek connection with others, we are persistent in various ways.  It is the longing for connection that spurs criticism, clinginess, flirting, awkward approach, the furtive glance, officiousness and lack of boundaries.  These behaviours represent our sense that we are connected, while remaining uncertain as to just how this is so.  Thus, we engage in trial and error.

Second, although each of us may indulge in one or another of these behaviours, we are put off by those who exhibit them towards us.  This is perhaps because, as one child once said, “We GET it!”  Each of us has the basic spiritual sense that we are one with all else.  We don’t need, or want, someone to overwhelm us with more than the natural flow of contact.  We don’t like to have insecurity, either our own, or another’s, interrupt the flow.

Third, perhaps the overriding purpose of this life, which is to know and love God (or the Creative Force, Om, or whatever you wish to call the One Who generated all things), is indeed a series of trials and errors- from which each of us needs to draw lessons which will serve us well, throughout the course of our own eternities.

Finally, as to why some people seek separation- perhaps this is a natural, if counterproductive, reaction to being repeatedly hurt by those with whom we have interacted, and who, for reasons of their own, have failed to understand what we need.

I came away from this read and meditation far more at peace with those around me, and far less inclined to feel put off by, or exhibit, behaviours such as those I mentioned in the first paragraph.  Life remains a glorious set of challenges and growth spurts.

Boys and Men

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“Grama died”, the little girl said to her older brother.  Even though the bacon and scrambled eggs their father had whipped up was scrumptiously inviting, the ten-year-old boy knew what he had to do.  He went back upstairs, into his parents’ bedroom and wrapped his arms around his sobbing mother.  The human spirit is ever-prescient.

Some twenty years earlier, in another town, far to the south, a 16-year-old boy had just received his driver’s license.  His father’s brand-new car had the detached bumper that was in fashion back then.  He proudly headed “around the block”, to run an errand for his Dad, while showing his friends his good fortune.  One of his buddies talked him into going for a short spin, so he took the kid along to the store.  When the friend was dropped off, the new driver got too close to the curb, and managed to snag the bumper, ripping it from the frame.  Six months and dozens of chores later, his father gave him back the license.  The human spirit can be very easily clouded.

I’ve always been glad to be male.  My boyhood was somewhat coloured by having been alternately blessed and cursed with an independent worldview, a forgiving soul and an autistic brain- which was tempered by my thirst for learning and by being part of a large, loving family.  My affliction is mild enough that I have never needed a special program or altered scheduling.  It has brought perceptual problems, every so often, but life, overall has been just fine.

My mother once said no male is a real man until he hits 40.  Boys tend to lay their difficulties on someone else’s doorstep.  Men, like my late father and father-in-law, are not thrilled by life’s difficulties, but take the burden of their resolution onto their considerably broad shoulders.  By that standard, I have flipped back and forth between manhood and boyhood at least twenty-dozen times, since I turned 18.  To my great relief, though, boyhood has been a thing of the past, for at least five years.  In my case, my Mom was about  18 years off.  Life has a way of burning the rough edges off anyone, or anything.

The great men in my life, though, have always shown a puckish spirit.  Norm Fellman, my father-in-law, who left us on Wednesday, had a sense of fun that was second to none.  It probably kept his father from clobbering him when the car got mangled, and certainly kept him alive when the Nazis captured him, in the fog of the Battle of the Bulge, in 1944.  By all accounts, he ended up largely getting the better of them, in the end- despite the harrowing, horrific circumstances of his 100 days of Hell, in Berga, Germany.

I learned a lot from Norm, from my Dad, and from so many in the GI Generation.  The boy who comforted his mother, on the death of his beloved Grama, is now in the grandparent range himself. So, no matter what pleasures present themselves, and what difficulties appear, to be resolved, it’s on this man to take the bull by the horns.

God bless you, Norm, and we’ll keep the faith for ya.

The Others

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Posted by on in Personal goals, Social
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Later this evening, I will post about the Prescott Historic House Tour, part of our city’s Sesquicentennial Celebration, and Chalk It Up, an annual chalk-art festival.  Both took place this past weekend, as did a Cinco de Mayo Block Party, in Courthouse Square.

First, though, a bit of seriousness.  Let me go further with what I wrote yesterday about the journeys on which each of us is embarked.

Human beings, alone among species, sort those they see as strangers into categories of “race”, skin tone, ethnicity, Faith, gender and sexual orientation( of course, we are the only species which experiences the latter as a life condition).  To be sure, other animals, from ants to prairie dogs to wolves and dolphins, sort by family group and/or territory.  This is all part of territoriality and population control.

Our extra selection processes, really, don’t make much sense.  There is no qualitative difference between me and any of my friends who happen to be Black, but in the 1960’s, there was no way any of them would have been able to live in a family home in the town where I came of age, outside of a small designated area on the south side of town.  That’s changed now, of course, and it was with great personal satisfaction that I learned, in 1996, that my maternal grandmother’s house was purchased by an accomplished attorney of African-American descent.

I thought of all this, while taking in the various events of Cinco de Mayo weekend, in downtown Prescott.   People of all backgrounds are welcome here.  Although Prescott has a tendency towards political conservatism, there seems little bigotry.  Those of us who indulge in politics at all, tend to be of Libertarian bent.

I’ve always had a hard time understanding prejudice, and while working to rid myself of my own pre-conceived notions, which I found confusing, the whole concept of “Other” had to be allowed to surface, and float away.  Young Black men, when I was in my twenties, did me the honour of challenging me to show that I was recognizing, and casting aside, the subtleties which I had picked up in childhood.  I was hurt and angered by my white peers’ callous reaction to the killing of  Martin Luther King, Jr., in 1968.  He hurt no one, and helped as many of us as would listen to what he had to say.

Still and all, I have had to recognize my own sense of  “Other”.  This separation is a worldwide thing, though.   Many East Asians have trouble with Whites and Blacks being in their midst.  Africans separate by tribe; West Asians, by Faith; Russians, by language.  Some of this “otherness” is rooted in hurt; some of it stems from fear.

The fact remains, however, that we are all connected.  I see this sense of connectedness increasing, incrementally, among Millennials and the current generation of children.  It’s definitely a process, not an event.  Racist teens and twenty-somethings, though, are regarded by the majority of their peers as having mental problems.  This cuts across all racial and ethnic groups, and political affiliations.

The kids are onto something.  “Otherness” is a learned paradigm.  Then again, so is helplessness.

Inward, Outward and Onward

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We are each on a journey of some sort.

I’ve had a lot of thoughts and a few conversations, over the past month or so, as to what sort of person always seems to be on the move, and what exactly is it that such a person is seeking.  I can only speak for myself.  I have been peripatetic from Day 1, it seems, and not just in the sense of exploring new physical locations or different scenes.  My nose has been in a book, far more often than my feet have been moving forward.  Ironically, though I love to be walking here and there, when the occasion requires, I can sit still for hours on end, patiently reading, watching the most inane TV shows or just letting my mind wander.  This last characteristic served me well during my Penny’s final year- much of which I spent at her bedside- because there was no place I wanted to be more.

Whether one is engaged in a building project, sitting at dockside with a fishing pole in hand, coaching a soccer team, designing jewelry, doing one’s taxes or climbing Sagarmatha, a journey is a journey.  There may be miscalculations and setbacks along the way, and re-dos are the task of the lucky.  The rest end up in one abyss or another.

This brings me to relationships.  I was more fortunate than I can ever express outwardly, that I had the companionship of a blithe spirit and keen intellect for thirty years.  I will have a spiritual bond with Penny for all eternity, and there will never be a time when I don’t feel her presence.  I am fortunate to be surrounded by family, in an ever-distant outward ring, which is nevertheless always pulsating.  I am fortunate, too, to have friends both near and far- those who understand me, and still refrain from judging.

Some ask, why do you not want another companion?  The quick answer is, I am a self-contained unit, and always have been.  Penny drew me out and aided me to build on what my parents instilled in each of us- to be urgently aware of our surroundings, and BE HELPFUL.   I’m far from dead, emotionally, and see women I consider attractive, in one way or another, every day.  The most important thing, though, is that I have finally learned that it is the friendship, not the attraction, that sets us free.  I would rather have a hundred good friends, or a thousand, than be in any relationship where one of us is feeling like “Damn it, I can do better.”

So, I am happy to have the friends in my life, female and male, young and old, on whom I can count and who can count on me, with no ulterior motives.  We are each on a journey, every minute of every day, and it is a fine thing to see a traveler smile along the way.